Sasha and Ariel Experience ... The Creator!

Sasha: Okay, whoo! That was a rough one!
Ariel: I was sure hoping it would be more of a Rogue One, when I found out it was made by the same guy! But you're right, it turned out to be way more rough than rogue.
Sasha: Like, we should call it Rough One: A Sand-in-your-Drawers Story.
Ariel: That would be a not good place to have sand.
Sasha: So do we want to warn people to put on their spoiler blankets?
Ariel: Honestly? I don't want people to have to watch this movie at all. We should just spoil away and then they'll know they shouldn't put themselves through what we just went through. Plus ... how can you spoil something that's as pre-spoiled as this movie? It's like, "Don't leave that moldy lettuce out on the counter or it might get even more rotten!"
Sasha: Wow, you really didn't like it. I mean, I didn't either, but you usually go a little easier on things.
Ariel: Not when they put sand in my drawers like this one did.
Sasha: Where do you want to start, then?
Ariel: Let's start with the commercials, which all made me go, "Ooh, maybe I want to watch this movie!"
Sasha: They were pretty darn good commercials.
Ariel: Whoever made those commercials should have been put in charge of making the movie. It was like, "Look! They're trying to stop a terrible secret weapon! And now look! The secret weapon's really a cute little robot kid! And now look! Lots of cool action of robots getting attacked in a robot town! And here's this freaky-looking robot lady looking at the robot kid and the robot lady looks super interesting! She must totally be an important character in the movie or why else would they be showing her looking so interesting in this commercial?"
Sasha: She was sort of interesting in the movie too ... for all five minutes before they killed her.
Ariel: Those were some of the best five minuteses in the whole movie. I was like, "Yay! It's the interesting-looking robot lady from the commercial. Ooh, and she's nice too, and they're going to get ice cream!" And then I was like, "Hmm, now I want ice cream," and I almost got up to get some but before I could, it turns out there's a bomb in the ice cream! Who puts a bomb in ice cream they know is for a kid?
Sasha: Especially considering they super-duper wanted to capture that kid and not destroy her.
Ariel: Basically the bomb was there to kill the interesting robot lady because ... I dunno, if she didn't die there wouldn't be enough sad stuff in the movie or something, and for some reason having all kinds of sad stuff in the movie was apparently the most important thing. Way more important than maybe letting her live for even five more minutes so I'd have time to get my own ice cream.
Sasha: Hang on. Is the whole reason you didn't like this movie because it made you want ice cream and then made you too sad to want ice cream after all?
Ariel: Well ... it's not the whole reason. But don't you think it's a pretty good reason all by itself?
Sasha: Probably not all by itself, no.
Ariel: I think it would be. But we'll never know, because on top of bombing a little kid's ice cream and ruining ice cream for me for the whole night, there was lots more lame-tastic stuff in the movie too.
Sasha: No argument from me about that, for sure.
Ariel: Like, somewhere around halfway through it it was like they just stopped even trying to make sense. The first half of the movie was like, "Hey, look how super-evil the Americans are but at least they have to sneak around and try to kill the AIs without actually invading all of Asia. Seems like the only advantage they've got going for them is this hovering NOMAD thing that flies around scanning for AIs and missiling them to death when it finds them." Then the second half of the movie was like, "Welp, never mind, turns out the Americans have a giant jumbo shopping-cart full of super-weapons and plenty of soldiers and they can just send them in to whomp on everyone and the people in Asia won't do anything about it and also they know where all the AI bases are and now they're going to missile them all to death, which, couldn't they have just done that from the very start?" 
Sasha: I also thought it was weird how somewhere around then they started having flashbacks of the main character and his wife and she's got all this blood on her and obviously something really bad happened ... but we never find out what that was or when that was or whose blood it was on her.
Ariel: I think somebody said, "Hey, guys, didn't any of you notice we hired this really good-looking actress to play this character and there's no sign of her in most of the last half of the movie? Can we maybe film some sad scenes of sadness where she can act really sad?"
Sasha: I was confused by those scenes, for sure. But I was even more confused by how the main character was undercover trying to get to the creator of the AIs, and to do that he hooked up with the creator-dude's daughter, and then he fell in love with her, but he kept on going with his mission anyway and then was all surprised that things don't work out between them. What a dope!
Ariel: I mean, I've never been the daughter of a super-genius who invented a whole race of AI robots and then got married to a guy who it turned out was just using me to get to my dad or anything. But I think maybe if I was, once I found out about that it would be kind of a deal-breaker? Why doesn't he ever think about that?
Sasha: I don't think he's a big thinker. We're talking about a guy who falls mad in love with this chick who's obviously crazy passionate about the struggles of the poor AIs that the Americans want to hunt down and destroy, when his viewpoint is the AIs are just robots with programming and don't really think or feel. It's like he figures this isn't something they're way incompatible on?
Ariel: Or maybe he thinks its just a phase she's going through?
Sasha: I guess the real answer is that he just didn't think about it any more than the dude who wrote the movie did.
Ariel: Yeah. Here's another question I had, though.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: The Americans start trying to destroy all the AI bases at the end, right?
Sasha: Right, civilian casualties and all.
Ariel: But the whole time the main character and the little robot girl are tooling around Asia looking for his wife, there's robots and AI simulants walking around everywhere out in the open. And the movie just out and says that the people in Asia totally accept the AIs as being cool and are fine with them.
Sasha: Pretty much.
Ariel: So why do they have hidden bases? And what good does it do the Americans to destroy the hidden bases if there's still all these AIs walking around the big cities with the rest of the population?
Sasha: It does kinda seem like they'd have to lay waste to all of Asia if they really wanted to get rid of the AIs.
Ariel: It makes my head hurt.
Sasha: Yeah, mine too.
Ariel: Well, dang.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You know how the AI simulant people all have that hole running all the way through their heads from one side to the other?
Sasha: Sure, that was a really cool effect. What about it?
Ariel: I was totally figuring I'd get around to making a joke about something going "in one ear and out the other" on one of those guys, but I just don't think I have the energy for it.
Sasha: I hear you.
Ariel: Haha!
Sasha: Anyway. Is there anything else to say about this one?
Ariel: We could talk about the evil general who pops up out of nowhere in the last part of the movie just to keep being generally evil.
Sasha: I guess.
Ariel: Or we could talk about how the orbital military base has a big garden in it, basically it seems like so there can be a beautiful field of plants for the main guy and the robot version of his wife to run across toward each other when the base is blowing up at the end.
Sasha: True.
Ariel: Or we could talk about how the little robot girl can turn off all electronics by doing this thing with her hands, and she shuts down the base just at the right moment before the conveyor belt of missiles is going to shoot a missile down at the surface, which happens to be the missile the main guy was hanging onto to plant a bomb to blow up the station, and then when he plants the bomb and they're trying to escape, the robot girl has to let the power turn back on, but for some reason even though the base starts firing and guiding all its missiles again, that one missile that he put the bomb on doesn't get fired but just sits there where the bomb can go off and blow up the base.
Sasha: We could if we really wanted to, I guess.
Ariel: But basically what it all comes down to is, the whole last half of the movie whatever happened just happened because that's what the writers wanted to have happen, not because any of it made any logical sense.
Sasha: Exactly.
Ariel: Which means if they wanted there to be a happy ending, there could have been. They just didn't want there to be, which I think makes them kind of jerks.
Sasha: Amen to that.
Ariel: Okay. I think I'm done.
Sasha: Let's put a fork in this one, then.
Ariel: Uh-huh. "The Creator" is officially completely forked.
Sasha and Ariel: Goodnight, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Ted Lasso!

Ariel: Okay, this one's going to be real short, I think.
Sasha: What?! But we both totally loved this show!
Ariel: Well ... sure, but they completely ruined one of the most fun things we like to do in this blog.
Sasha: What are you talking about?

Ariel: I mean coming up with funny names for all the characters. They already did it for us!
Sasha: You're going to have to explain, because I'm pretty sure everybody had an actual name.

Ariel: Are you? Then let me ask you, what would you call that one coach who had the beard?
Sasha: You mean Coach Beard?

Ariel: Right! What would our nickname for him be?
Sasha: Oh ... okay, I can sort of see what you mean in his case. But --

Ariel: And what would we call that reporter character?
Sasha: Um, I'm thinking ...

Ariel: No you're not! You already know.
Sasha: "The Independent."

Ariel: And what about that one soccer player who starts off being so full of himself but later on kind of gets better? (Oops, spoilers, sorry everybody!)
Sasha: Sigh. "Baby Shark."

Ariel: What about Nate?
Sasha: "Wonder Kid."

Ariel: See?
Sasha: Okay, okay, but it's not like they spoon-fed us nicknames for all the characters. We would have had to make up something for the girl who did all their public relations, Keely Jones.

Ariel: "KJPR."
Sasha: Well, what about the owner of the soccer club?

Ariel: She has two! "Boss" and "Stinky!"
Sasha: Okay, I know, the gruff grumbly player who's always cursing and has that cute little niece.

Ariel: "Uncle Roy."
Sasha: I ... guess you're kind of right.

Ariel: And we didn't even get to Higgins! Ted Lasso gives him a different nickname practically every time he sees him! "Higgy Pop" and "Higgs Boson" and --
Sasha: I'm going to stop you because we really never did tell people to put on their spoiler blankets and some of those nicknames for Higgins were pretty funny.

Ariel: Ooh, good point.
Sasha: And I guess for Ted Lasso himself we've got our pick between "Coach" and "Wanker." Wow. They really did do all our work for us.

Ariel: So, we ready to call this one done, then?
Sasha: Whistle!

Ariel: Haha!
Sasha and Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Ahsoka!

Sasha: Okay, uh, so ...
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You said "Ahso" so I said "ka."
Sasha: No, I said "uh, so."
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: Oh, great, am I going to have to avoid saying the word "so" --
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: -- through this whole post?
Ariel: Do you want the answer to be yes or no?
Sasha: Um, no.
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: Please don't do this.
Ariel: Well, you just had this kind of grumpy look on your face and I didn't feel like that was a good way to start off talking about a cool Star Wars show.
Sasha: It's better for me to have this annoyed look on my face?
Ariel: I think it's more "exasperated." Pretty good word, right? I've been hanging around Hettie, because maybe if I do that enough it will improve my vocabulary, because she's so good at words and stuff.
Sasha: Just hanging around her? You're not even asking her to deliberately teach you? What, do you think because she's a walking dictionary, she'll just rub off on you?
Ariel: That's what she said!
Sasha: Oh god, I walked right into that. You deliberate planned it, didn't you?
Ariel: No, seriously, Hettie actually said, "A good vocabulary doesn't just rub off on you, Ariel." Really, she did.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: But WOW, that would have been a great plan, now that you mention it!
Sasha: How about if we just talk about the show?
Ariel: The show ... ka.
Sasha: I'm just going to go first instead of asking what you thought. Everybody get your spoiler blankets on because I'm jumping in with both feet.
Ariel: That's what --
Sasha: SO, my opinion is that this was kind of a weird show.
Ariel: Weird showka.
Sasha: I mean, let's start with the name.
Ariel: Great idea! What, why are you looking at me like that?
Sasha: I was waiting for you to say, "Ahsoka."
Ariel: Why?
Sasha: Because you've been making a giant gag out of it ever since we started!
Ariel: That's what she said!
Sasha: Uhhgh!
Ariel: Soka. But really, you shouldn't be calling it a gag.
Sasha: Why shouldn't I? That's exactly what you're doing! What else would I call it?
Ariel: A joke a!
Sasha: Right, then. I'm just straight-up going to ignore you when you do that from now on.
Ariel: Fine, I'll stop. What were you going to say about the name of the show?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: ... ka.
Sasha: Just that, well, it really really made me think this was going to be a show about Ahsoka.
Ariel: Wow. I totally thought that too.
Sasha: Of course you did! Why else would they name a show "Ahsoka" if it really wasn't especially going to be about Ahsoka?
Ariel: I have no idea.
Sasha: Me either. But it just totally wasn't an Ahsoka show.
Ariel: That's true. It's really not that bad a thing though, is it? Because we got to see all those other characters we like too.
Sasha: Sure, but ... weirdly.
Ariel: What do you mean?
Sasha: I mean, I was happy to see Sabine and Hera and Chopper and Ezra. But Sabine seemed kinda up-tight compared to how she was in Rebels. And Hera ... wow, she just didn't seem like Hera to me at all.
Ariel: I kinda get that, I guess.
Sasha: And what's even weirder is, I went and looked the actress up on Google ... and she looks more like Hera without the makeup and head-tail thingies than she does with them. Look, I asked our boyfriend to Photoshop them together.

Ariel: Wow, that's pretty freaky!
Sasha: I know, right? And she also didn't sound at all like Hera. Totally different oral delivery.
Ariel: Okay, you made that one too easy. I'm not falling for it.
Sasha: What? Oh.
Ariel: Soka.
Sasha: Grr!
Ariel: Ezra was really good though, didn't you think?
Sasha: Yeah, he was spot on. In fact, he was more like the Ezra from the cartoon than Ahsoka was like the Ahsoka from the cartoons.
Ariel: You really are a grump today! Now you're making it sound like him being such a good Ezra was a bad thing.
Sasha: I mean, it would be a great thing if the series had been called "Let's Get Ezra!" But when the show is called "Ahsoka," I kinda want Ahsoka to be the best thing in it.
Ariel: Okay, so, problem solved. We just need to watch the show again but imagine it's called, "Let's Get Ezra!"
Sasha: ...
Ariel: What are you thinking about now?
Sasha: Um ... honestly, the fact that maybe that would work.
Ariel: Sure. Like, it sounds like your problem with it was mostly that instead of "Ahsoka" it was more like "Nah-soka." So if you just think about it as a whole differently named show, it should be all good, right?
Sasha: Well, they were kind of "Nah" about the budget too. I'm betting the budget meetings were like, the creater of the show saying, "This needs a budget at least as big as And/Or." But the corporate guys were like, "Nah."
Ariel: It was definitely more Book of Boba Fett budgety than And/Or budgety.
Sasha: Or maybe they spent most of their budget making Teen Hotty look all young and hot again for those episodes where he showed up.
Ariel: He looked so good in those episodes!
Sasha: Right? And his acting was fantastic! Definitely a hundred percent the same character as from the first three Star Wars movies.
Ariel: "Anakin," not "Nah-nakin," for sure.
Sasha: So anyway, overall, it was just an okay show for me, when I really wanted it to be special. Because Ahsoka is a maxi special character to me. I really love her.
Ariel: Me too! But even if we didn't get a great show that was all about her, I'd rather have a just okay show with her and a bunch of other people in it than no show about her at all.
Sasha: That's a good way to look at it, I guess. You know, you always manage to find the best angles.
Ariel: nnnnn...
Sasha: I was softballing that one to you, obviously.
Ariel: Okay, whew! That was nice of you. Sorry I didn't just run with it.
Sasha: Ready to say bye to our readers then?
Ariel: Sure.
Sasha and Ariel: Thanks for reading, everybody! Time for us to go!
Ariel: (ka!)

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Weird/Dumb Clone Wars Episodes!

Ariel: Okay, we definitely love Star Wars, and we also mostly love the Clone Wars cartoon, but we watched a couple of them today that we hadn't seen before and ... what?!?
Sasha: There are good episodes of the Clone Wars, and there are okay episodes of the Clone Wars. And then there are these episodes.
Ariel: Everybody better put their spoiler blankets on if they haven't watched the Clone Wars yet and don't want to know about these freak-o episodes we just watched.
Sasha: Yeah, because maybe people don't want it ruined ahead of time that they're about to see something weird and confusing and also ... really pretty dumb.
Ariel: But if you do want it spoiled so you can skip them, definitely don't put your spoiler blankets over your heads!
Sasha: Right, you won't want to miss this one if you would rather miss bad episodes of this show.
Ariel: Which is not most episodes ... overall it's really good.
Sasha: Except sometimes ...
Ariel: It's like this.
Sasha: So should we tell people why we watched these episodes?
Ariel: Sure! It's because we've been watching Ahsoka --
Sasha: Which is so good.
Ariel: SO good!!!
Sasha: Especially the one last night.
Ariel: OMG.
Sasha: No spoilers about that one, but it's the reason we watched these other ones.
Ariel: Yeah, at the end of last week's episode, something happened that I thought, Oh, that's like those episodes from Star Wars Rebels. But then our boyfriend heard --
Sasha: And we shouldn't have listened to him!
Ariel: But we did, and what he heard was, people were thinking maybe instead of being something like those Rebels episodes, what was going on was something like these the Clone Wars episodes.
Sasha: Big reveal! Everybody who's been waiting on the edge of their seat to find out which episodes we're talking about, it's the "Mortis" episodes.
Ariel: Don't be fooled by how "Mortis" sounds! The only "more" about these episodes is that they're way more weirder and kookoo-dumb than most of the show.
Sasha: Well, there are also more of them than there should have been.
Ariel: That's true! They should have been called "Lessthis" because less of them would have been better.
Sasha: Although to be fair, we only watched 2 of the 3 episodes.
Ariel: Did we do that to be fair?
Sasha: No, I was being fair by admitting we didn't watch them all.
Ariel: Oh, good, because I was sure it was because we ran out of time before episode 5 of Ahsoka.
Sasha: Right. Anyway, I'm ready to be a little less fair and a little more gripey about these episodes.
Ariel: Great! My first gripe is, nothing makes any sense! Like, I literally can't remember anything that happens or that anyone does that makes sense.
Sasha: I know! They go to answer a distress signal and when they get there, the ship full of clone troopers they were supposed to meet up with isn't there. But they can talk to them on the radio, and they say, "No, we're here, you're not here." Which is very mysterious and everything, except ... why were they going to meet up with the ship full of clones in the first place? There's a distress call using a code thousands of years old ... what do you need a bunch of clones for? Why can't the three Jedi just investigate for a while themselves and call for help if they need it?
Ariel: I know, right? At first I thought, well, maybe they're worried it's a trap so they'll need backup. But if they're worried it's a trap, why not meet up first and go together? It pretty much felt like the whole reason they needed to meet up was so it could be mysterious that they weren't able to meet up even though they were both at the meet-up spot.
Sasha: Exactly. And then this weird diamond-shaped thing shows up and sucks their shuttle in and they end up meeting a super-tall glowing chick who says she'd better take them to her father. So they follow her but pretty much ask almost no questions about what's going on at all.
Ariel: And she's not interested in talking to them either! Pretty soon we find out she and her father and her brother have been inside this diamondmajig for thousands of years, and she's not like, "Wow! People! How's it going outside? Do they still do pod racing and stuff?"
Sasha: Nope. She really seems like she's there just to lead them toward the father, while they take in the sights and say things like, "Do you notice how as the day goes by, the seasons are changing with the time of day?"
Ariel: Which I was like, "No, I did not notice that!" And I didn't even notice it after they said it. I guess maybe it was supposed to be spring in the morning and then it was summer in the afternoon? Only spring and summer don't look all that different, especially when you're walking through a whole bunch of different landscapes with different plants.
Sasha: I know, and they're just walking along talking to each other and she's mostly ignoring them up until the point when a cliff collapses and cuts her and Teen Hotty off from Sexy Jesus and Snips Ahoyka.
Ariel: Hmf. It's kinda interrupting, but you know, I don't think Teen Hotty is still a teen anymore, and Sexy Jesus cut his hair so he doesn't look all that Jesus-y any more. So it's more like the Hotty Formerly Known as Teen and Sexy Ex-Jesus.
Sasha: Both kind of a mouthful. Maybe we can think of something shorter to call them?
Ariel: Or we could just drop a bunch of the letters, like, Hot-For-Kno-Tee and Sex-Ex-Jess.
Sasha: I kind of like the sound of Hotfer Notee, but I'm not sold on Sex-Ex-Jess. It doesn't really roll off my tongue that well.
Ariel: Haha, that's what she said! But seriously, how about just ... Exy Jesus instead of Sexy Jesus.
Sasha: Sure. Anyway, as soon as it's just Hotfer Notee and the tall glowy chick on one side of the landslide and Exy Jesus and Snips Ahoyka on the other, Glow Chick says she has to go get her father instead of taking Hotfer Notee to her father, and that Hotfer Notee needs to stay right in that spot.
Ariel: I'm like, "What?" Instead of the two of them doing a one-way trip, she's going to make a two-way trip instead and bring her father back?
Sasha: It made even less sense when we found out later on she's got incredibly powerful Force powers and can turn into a giant griffin that can totally pick a person up like a doll.
Ariel: I know! Why didn't she just fly around the rockslide, pick up Exy Jesus and Snips Ahoyka, and then they could all hurry to the father together?
Sasha: Nope, she's all, "You guys stay right here even though something obviously super-dangerous just happened out of nowhere. I'll keep walking toward my father even though I can totally fly ten times faster."
Ariel: "Definitely don't use your Jedi powers to jump over the rockslide or climb around!"
Sasha: And so then instead of listening to her, Hotfer Notee chases after her while the other two head back to their ship.
Ariel: Which of course isn't there when they get to the spot they left it. Because ...
Sasha: Because that lets Glow Chick's brother show up and be all menacing and tell them they'd better find shelter. Apparently the weather gets really bad around here at night.
Ariel: Luckily, there's a cave right there.
Sasha: First sign we've seen of caves, and there just happens to be one exactly where they need it to get out of the terrible rain and get stuck somewhere with nothing to do but have Force visions.
Ariel: Like Exy Jesus seeing the main character from Star Wars Episode I – Attack of Nothing, Just an Hour and a Half of Space Politics Plus a Cute Kid and Hilarious Fart Joke Rabbit-Frog Dude Followed by One Holy Moly Kick-Ass Fight Scene and the Main Character Dies.
Sasha: Why Gone.
Ariel: That's him! And he shows up and is all like, "Hey, Exy Jesus, did you train that slave kid like I asked?" And Exy Jesus pulls out his lightsaber and is like, "Dude, what are you doing here?" And Why Gone says, "You know, just because." And Exy Jesus says, "I don't understand," and puts away his lightsaber again.
Sasha: Exy Jesus keeps not understanding sh*t in these episodes.
Ariel: It doesn't help that every time someone who might explain something shows up, they just say a bunch of gobbledegook.
Sasha: Right, like Hotfer Notee gets to this monastery and finds Glow Chick's dad and asks him a bunch of questions and the clearest answer he gets is, "Oh, man, it's getting late. You should check out our guest room and get some shuteye."
Ariel: And Hotfer Notee just shrugs and is like, "Okay. Probably I'm gonna have some messed up dreams or something, but I guess I'll take that over trying to keep asking you questions and getting a whole lot of nothing."
Sasha: And then sure enough, he has a dream where his mom shows up and says she's got a secret to tell him, but then doesn't tell him squat.
Ariel: Also, Snips Ahoyka has a dream of her future self saying a bunch of stuff, only she basically tells Future Her she doesn't believe any of it and get stuffed.
Sasha: What's weirdest is that Future Her keeps asking her questions and telling her to do things like she doesn't already know what happened to Past Her while she was on this diamondy planet thing.
Ariel: Lucky for us, Exy Jesus wakes her up before we have to listen to too much of that.
Sasha: It's like the writer thought, "Damn, if this dream goes on any longer, I'll have to write something into it that makes sense and actually tells the characters something."
Ariel: Or he was like, "Dang, running out of time in this episode and I still have to write a big showdown scene where nothing is actually accomplished because there's still two more episodes to go in this story."
Sasha: Oh, man. That showdown.
Ariel: Uh-huh. So after Glow Chick told them not to go anywhere and Glow Chick's brother --
Sasha: Glow-Bro. I mean, he doesn't glow, but I think that's a pretty good name.
Ariel: It makes as much sense as anything in these episodes. Anywhow, after she told them not to go anywhere and he told them they'd better find cover, now in the morning the two of them show up and grab Exy Jesus and Snips Ahoyka and fly them right to the Father's monastery where there's a big arena with a fancy symbol-y pattern on the ground and each of these Force Kids lands in a matching part of the symbol on opposite sides of the arena, still holding the Jedi prisoner, while Hotfer Notee and the Father are standing in the middle so the Father can say, "Now you've got to pass a test to show you're the Chosen One. I've told my kids to kill your friends, and you can only save one. Which one are you going to save?"
Sasha: And weirdly, nobody is like, "Hey, why do you guys have this big arena here when there are only three of you on the whole planet?"
Ariel: It's literally like nobody making the show thought for even half a second, "So what do these super-powerful Force people DO on this planet when they're not randomly messing with passing Jedi?"
Sasha: It should have been a big hint early on when they couldn't even be bothered to give the characters names.
Ariel: Anyway, Hotfer Notee gets all pissed and raises his hands and uses the Force to make the sky and stars spin around and then to lift Glow Chick and Glow Bro up in the air and smash them to the ground, which somehow defeats them even though they're super-incredibly powerful and getting smashed to the ground doesn't even knock them unconscious.
Sasha: And then we get to the dumbest, weirdest, craziest thing in the whole episode!
Ariel: I know! The Father is all, "You have passed my test and proven that you're the Chosen One! This is so great, because now you can take my place and stay on this planet forever and keep my kids imprisoned and in balance so one of them doesn't beat the other, especially Glow Bro, who is getting pretty effed up with the Dark Side."
Sasha: Who would say yes to that offer? I mean, there's like, zero incentive for Hotfer Notee to do that.
Ariel: I mean, if he trusts the Father, he ought to be pretty worried that Glow Bro will get loose and do a bunch of bad Dark Side stuff to the universe. But why would he trust the Father when the guy has been a total jerk-bag to him the whole time?
Sasha: And even if he thinks the Father is being honest, why would he trust that he actually knows what he's talking about? Basically every decision the Father has made is kookoo and hasn't worked, so why would Hotfer Notee think following the dude's plan would be a good idea?
Ariel: By the end of the episode, my brain hurt so much.
Sasha: Mine too.
Ariel: I feel a little better now after talking about it, though.
Sasha: Better enough to get right into talking about the second episode?
Ariel: Oh no! Don't remind me that there was a second episode!
Sasha: Sorry. I'd like to forget about it too.
Ariel: Let's wrap this one up now, then.
Sasha: Deal.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny!

Ariel: I have been waiting for this movie so long.
Sasha: Really? Because it's only been a few months since we watched those other Indiana Jones movies.
Ariel: Well, sure, but remember how good the first movie was when we watched it?

Sasha: Do you mean the first first movie or the first movie we watched? Since we watched them backwards.
Ariel: The first first one, duh, the one that was the best movie ever in all history.
Sasha: Okay, so obviously I remember that. I just wanted to make sure you weren't talking about Location of the Crystal Skull, because even though I liked that one, I thought it was maybe possible you might think I didn't remember how good I thought it was because of all the crazy quality shenanigans of the other three movies. So that would explain you asking if I remembered how good the movie was.
Ariel: Whoops, sorry. I didn't mean to be so confusing.
Sasha: Well, you're doing an extra good job at it, because I'm still confused about why you say you've been waiting for this movie so long.
Ariel: But that's easy! The first first Indiana Jones movie was SO GOOD that I was obviously waiting my whole life to see it, even though I didn't know it existed. And this movie is the first sequel to that movie that I've had to wait for, since all the other sequels we watched beforehand. And since I was waiting my whole life to see the first first one, obviously I would be dying to see a sequel to it, so really I've been waiting my whole life to see this movie too.
Sasha: Okay ... I think I almost understood that. I'm kind of scared to ask, though ... does that mean you were disappointed in this one? Because I didn't think it was as good as the first first one, which seems like it wouldn't really be enough of a payoff for a movie you've been waiting your whole life for.
Ariel: How could I be disappointed? It was never going to be as good as the first first one, but it was so much better than Thimble of Doom or Hunt for the Jesus Mug. I think it's maybe about the same level of awesome as Location of the Crystal Skull, even though it didn't have any mind-blowing scenes of how unrealistic real history was. But the ENDING of this movie was just the BEST EVER. Maybe even better than the ending of the first first one ... although those words maybe sound almost sacredlicious coming out of my mouth.
Sasha: Sacredli-- um, do you mean sacrilegious?
Ariel: I don't know. Do I? What's sacri...whatchious?
Sasha: Sacrilegious means something is like, a big insult or a super offensive thing to say or do because it's so against some religion.
Ariel: Oh, then yeah, that's what I meant. Actually, it's kind of a relief I had that word wrong because I was really wondering how you could put the word "sacred" together with the word "delicious" and have it be something awful.
Sasha: Maybe if you were wondering that, you could have looked it up in a dictionary ... or asked, I mean, just about anybody here. Like, if I know the right word, it's a total lock that Hettie or MSG or Claire knows it too, along with Elle, probably. Maybe not Akane, since she doesn't even speak English as her first language.
Ariel: No, but she knows a lot of great words for somebody who's still learning English.
Sasha: True. Of course considering you just found out what "sacrilegious" is, you're kinda still learning English too.
Ariel: Whoosh. She's doing a lot quicker job of it than I am, then.
Sasha: Speaking of doing a lot quicker job ...
Ariel: What? Oh! Right, we need to get to talking about the movie. Everybody put your spoiler blankets over your heads!
Sasha: Unless you want parts of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny spoiled for you.
Ariel: Which you totally don't!
Sasha: Darn right, they don't. Now, I totally want to know why you say the ending of this movie might be even better than the ending of the best movie ever made in all of history.
Ariel: Well, I don't know if I'm totally saying that, but the reason I'm thinking about maybe saying it is ... you know how the first first movie ends with Marion and Indy on the steps of that building and Indy is all P.O.ed about the government taking away the Big Box Of Nazi-Melting?
Sasha: Yes. And then it shows they crated it up and stored it in a warehouse somewhere.
Ariel: Only that bit was kind of anti-climactic for me, because we already knew it was going to end up in a warehouse because we saw it in the warehouse at the start of Location of the Crystal Skull.
Sasha: Oh, right, we did!
Ariel: So basically, the first first movie ends with a more or less happy romancy ending for Indy and Marion, because even though he's grumpy about his Nazi-melting box getting taken, she says she's going to buy him a drink or something, and we know she's fun when she dirnks. Only we also know they're not actually going to stick together for very long, so it's not all that happy of an ending. And then, you know, again, the very end ending is just showing us something else we already knew, which is where the Most Dangerous Box Ever got squirreled away.
Sasha: I may be starting to see where you're going with this.
Ariel: Also, the big finale of the action part of the movie was pretty much just our good guys tied to a post keeping their eyes closed while all the Nazis got melt-ified. All of that was really awesome ... but also, you know, it's kind of a bummer that the most heroic thing they could do was squeeze their eyes shut really tight and ignore all the screams and melty-Nazi sounds going on around them.
Sasha: Yeah, it was super dramatic but also pretty creepy. Maybe the least fun part of the movie even though it was also maybe the most meaningful part.
Ariel: Which is why the ending of this movie was so terrific! It wasn't as creepy-shocking-scary-bonkers, but the whole last action part was totally fun in an AMAZING way but also really dramatic because it seemed like Indy might not come back, and then he does, because of a super-funny thing the dynamite chick does, and once he's back ... that scene with Marion!
Sasha: Such a good scene!
Ariel: Like, earlier in the movie when he's telling Dynamite Girl why he and Marion did the splits, and it was soooo heartbreaking, but then here's Marion showing back up and letting us know there was even more to the story than Indy let on, and then the way it all wraps up is even more romantic than them getting married at the end of Location of the Crystal Skull!
Sasha: I agree with all of that except ...
Ariel: Huh? Except what?
Sasha: Except you calling Indy's god-daughter "Dynamite Girl."
Ariel: But we always make up silly names for people. You don't think that's a good name for her?
Sasha: Of course I think it's a good name for her ... but her actual name that Indy calls her is literally WOMBAT. I think if a movie is going to call one of its characters "Wombat," we probably ought to admit that's a sillier and more fun name than whatever we come up with is going to be.
Ariel: Gosh, I forgot about her name being Wombat. You're right. Wombat. Wombat. Yeah, that's really a lot funner.
Sasha: Anything else we want to say about this movie?
Ariel: Hmm. Oh! I remember, there was that one part where they tried to make us wonder if this Archimedes guy's dial was actually the Dial of Destiny from the title, or if it was a totally different kind of dial.
Sasha: What? I don't remember any part like that.
Ariel: Sure, it was when they were in the university building and there was a big fight in the archive room and Wombat escaped onto the roof and Indy escaped out into the building where the bad guys had shot those poor office folks earlier, and he sees that they've been shot, so he goes to call the police, and the phone he uses totally has a dial on it.
Sasha: Uh ...
Ariel: Like, the camera even shows it really big at one point. Maybe half the screen is that phone and the dial that's on it.
Sasha: But ... I think all phones had dials on them back then. And I think the camera was zooming in on it to show the phone had blood all over it because Indy got blood on his hand when he was checking that lady for a pulse and then after that he used the phone. So then it had his bloody fingerprints on it, which is probably why he gets accused of murder later on.
Ariel: So ... you didn't think at all that the blood on the phone seemed kind of ominous and destiny-like? Especially with that big old dial on the front of it?
Sasha: Sorry, no. I kind of just thought it seemed like a phone.
Ariel: Oh. Now I'm a little embarrassed, then, I guess, because I was really thinking, "Indy, maybe you better take that phone with you considering it has a dial on it. That might be the dial you need!"
Sasha: Hm.
Ariel: Like, just as a backup dial.
Sasha: Well, I guess it might have been a very different movie if he'd done that.
Ariel: Sure, because he could have called the police back at any point then and explained things.
Sasha: But ... no, because he would have had to pull the cord loose from the phone or from the wall to take it, and then the phone wouldn't work.
Ariel: There was a cord? What for? Were they worried somebody would steal the phone?
Sasha: I think there's another history of technology lesson here that maybe we can skip and talk about after we're done blogging.
Ariel: Ooh, is it as whackadoo as the whole Atom Bomb technology history we learned about from Location of the Crystal Skull?
Sasha: No, probably much more boring than that.
Ariel: Oh. Well, darn, though, I still want to know what it is!
Sasha: Should we wrap this up then?
Ariel: I mean, only if you think our readers don't want to understand why somebody would put a cord on a phone that you couldn't take loose without breaking the phone once it was done charging.
Sasha: I'm going to say not a whole bunch of them need to hear the explanation. And if they do, they can just Google it.
Ariel: Okay, then.
Sasha and Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Book of Boba Fett!

Ariel: Hi, everybody!

Sasha: Sorry we haven't been as experiency lately. We're here now to try to make up for it!

Ariel: That's right!

Sasha: Today we'll be talking about The Book of Boba Fett!

Ariel: Yes! And we're not messing around talking about a bunch of other stuff first like sometimes we do.

Sasha: "We"?

Ariel: (I'm ignoring you so this doesn't turn into another one of those talking about other things conversations and make me end up being a liar about not messing around.) So anybody who doesn't want The Book of Boba Fett spoiled better put your spoiler blankets over your heads right now. Let's go!!!

Sasha: You're really not kidding around today, are you?

Ariel: (Ignored!) The first thing I want to say about this is, if you haven't watched it and you don't mind spoilers, don't get your hopes up about it being a real book.

Sasha: I don't think anyone would do that.

Ariel: They might! Because it's sort of false advertising to call it The Book of Boba Fett and then it's just a TV show.

Sasha: What else would people expect when they turn on their Disney Plus channel and see a thing for The Book of Boba Fett? Obviously it's going to be a TV show.

Ariel: Yes, but it could be a TV show where someone is reading a book about Boba Fett. Sort of like an audiobook except you'd see them reading it.

Sasha: That would be a terrible idea for a show.

Ariel: Well, it's better than if it was just a big fat book sitting on a table that the camera just keeps showing you for 40 minutes and then there are credits.

Sasha: Okay, yes, that would be even worse, but it still doesn't mean somebody would turn on the TV and expect a show that's just a book ... and even if they did, you don't think they'd really be disappointed that it turned out to be an actual show do you?

Ariel: I was just being polite to the people out there who maybe might have thought that.

Sasha: Okay, great. That's very you and you're a nice person for thinking of them even though they don't exist. Can we get on with talking about the show now?

Ariel: I was totally talking about the show! And then you went and got us talking about if somebody would or wouldn't think the show was really a book.

Sasha: ... You know, you're right. I shouldn't have done that. So now can we get on with talking about the show?

Ariel: Well first I want to warn people that they shouldn't get their hopes up that it's a TV show where the characters are trying to find a book about Boba Fett, or write a book about Boba Fett, or anything like that. 

Sasha: So ... now ... ?

Ariel: No, I also feel like people should be warned that even though it says The Book of Boba Fett and they think it is a show about Boba Fett, it's not just about Boba Fett. There are other people in it too.

Sasha: Maybe you also ought to warn people it's not a show about a guy who's writing a recipe book that's just about making boba tea and fettuccine.

Ariel: Wow. I did not think of that one! Listen, people, if you're hoping this is a show about a guy who's writing --

Sasha: Stop. Can we just stop this part and start talking about the show?

Ariel: Wait, what? That one was even your suggestion!

Sasha: For someone whose fiancée is like, the most sarcastic person in the world, sometimes you really don't get sarcasm, do you?

Ariel: Not when I'm focused on being considerate to our audience and on thinking about things to say about the show, I don't.

Sasha: Well, did you think of anything to say about the show yet?

Ariel: Just that a lot of people actually did complain about episodes 5 and 6 not being enough about Boba Fett. So I think that was a good warning to give people even if some of the other ones weren't.

Sasha: Hm. Okay, for once I can't argue with you. A lot of people did complain about that. Did you agree with them?

Ariel: To be honest, I was still waiting for the book to show up and I didn't even notice until later that Boba Fett was mostly missing from those episodes. Which we shouldn't be calling "episodes," by the way! They're "Chapters." It says so at the start of every one. Which it also says at the beginning of every episode of The Mandalorian, but I was letting them slide on that because they didn't call it "The Book of the Mandalorian."

Sasha: Great. But looking back on it, do you agree with the complainers that there should have been more Boba Fett in Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 of a show called "The Book of Boba Fett?"

Ariel: I almost did agree with them, but I was talking to Hettie about it and she said, "You know, Shakespeare wrote a play called 'The Tragedy of Julius Caesar,' and Caesar dies in scene one of act three." 

Sasha: Is it also not really a tragedy like this one is not really a book?

Ariel: Oh, gosh, I didn't even think to ask Het. But anyway, after she said that, I thought, "Well, if Shakespeare could get away with it, I don't know why Star Wars can't." I mean, at least Boba Fett comes back pretty big in Chapter 7.

Sasha: Those are also good points. But I don't think I'm going to use the "What? It's just like Shakespeare" argument if someone starts complaining that way around me.

Ariel: Hopefully they won't. Because I'm usually around you, and I don't want to hear people complaining about this show since I mostly thought it was good. And Chapter 5 was great even though there was no Boba Fett in it at all!

Sasha: I'm kind of with you on that. Although I wasn't a huge fan of some of the stuff in Chapter 7.

Ariel: Like what?

Sasha: Like the way it kept being time for the good guys to have a whole-ass conversation in the middle of a gunfight, and the bad guys for some reason paused all the shooting while the good guys were talking.

Ariel: I noticed that too! But I figured maybe they were just being careful to talk when the bad guys were reloading.

Sasha: Huh. That's actually a pretty good excuse. Still not at all realistic, but nice thinking.

Ariel: Thanks!

Sasha: I also just in general thought the story seemed like when they wrote it they were expecting a bigger budget with tons of extras, and then when a whole town's worth of reinforcements shows up it turns out to be maybe eight guys in a van.

Ariel: In my brain there were a lot of those vans showing up all around town in all the different places where fighting was going on. But it would have been better if it was on the screen. Or at least if they mentioned it, like Boba Fett saying, "Wait, I thought there's supposed to be a whole town of you guys!" And the dude driving the van says, "Well, yeah, but one bunch of us went to fight in the murder-lizard part of the city, and another bunch went to the butt-tooth monkey part, and some other bunches went some other places. This town is a mess!"

Sasha: That would have been a good dodge if they just didn't have the budget for their original plan.

Ariel: I still liked a lot of stuff about it, though, and even more stuff about the other Chapters.

Sasha: Like what?

Ariel: Well, obviously the part where they killed the big sand-pit monster with one of those bombs that goes BRROWWRRRRR!

Sasha: Haha, BRROWWRRRRR!

Ariel: And also the scene where he just murderizes that whole biker gang from the air with his veep!veep!veep!veep!veep! guns on his spaceship.

Sasha: Yeah, that was a cool-ass scene. Those guys had it coming.

Ariel: They had it coming so much, he didn't even bother doing a showdown with them so he could tell them why he's killing them.

Sasha: Nope, straight to the killing. I really liked that chapter.

Ariel: Actually most all of the first four chapters were really good, except for a goofy thing here and a goofy thing there. Then Chapter 5 was totally awesome with that hula-hoop planet and his new spaceship getting built.

Sasha: Both of those were super-cool. Was it in that same chapter where he went to the planet to find Farmboy Luke and Baby Yoda, and the Rolling Bleepster met him when he landed?

Ariel: I don't remember, but I loved how the Bleepster went all bleepity-bleep when he saw that ship. I'm betting he was saying, "Hey! That's an N-1 starfighter! I flew a cute little slave boy around in one of those once, and then later I flew his senator girlfriend in one too."

Sasha: You may be right. I wondered why he bleeped so much. That idea makes that scene even better.

Ariel: I also loved how the builder-bots built the Mandalorian a bench to wait on while he was talking to Rolling Bleepster.

Sasha: Haha, yeah, he was like, "How long am I going to have to wait?" and then he looks down and sees it and he's like, "Hang on ... is this bench for me? Dammit."

Ariel: That was a great part. If it was in Chapter 6 it was maybe the best part of the chapter.

Sasha: You didn't like that chapter?

Ariel: It was a good chapter, but a little weird. Like, all the Baby Yoda space-magic lessons were cool, but REALLY didn't feel like the whole rest of the series. It wasn't just that there was no Boba Fett in those scenes ... they like, didn't even feel like they were taking place in the same galaxy as the Boba Fett stuff.

Sasha: Yeah, Chapter 5 at least seemed pretty Boba Fetty because the Mandalorian looks a lot like Boba Fett and does the kinds of things Boba Fett does, and was buddies with Boba Fett near the end of The Mandalorian season 2. But Farmboy Luke showing Baby Yoda how to do space magic was a whole other kettle of one-eyed frogs.

Ariel: I agree except that I think maybe instead of saying it was Boba Fetty, it would sound better to say Boba Fettish.

Sasha: Ooh, Boba Fetish! I like that!

Ariel: Anyway, I hope they do another season of The Book of Boba Fett, but I guess it doesn't sound too much like they will since a lot of people didn't like it as much as The Mandalorian.

Sasha: We'll just have to wait and see.

Ariel: Well, should we go on and start watching Mandalorian season 3 now?

Sasha: I vote yes!

Ariel: Cool!

Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Dungeons and Dragons!

Sasha: Okay, it was weird typing that post title.
Ariel: How come?
Sasha: Because I only just realized this really was the first time we experienced Dungeons and Dragons! We've played Dungeon Crawl Classics, which is kinda D&D-ish, and we've played Old School Essentials, which is pretty much straight up D&D --
Ariel: So straight-up you made us call you the Dungeon Master and not just the game master or the judge or the referee or whatever.
Sasha: Wait, one of those games calls it the referee?
Ariel: I guess because he's the one who gets to make all the rule decisions. Except in this case it's she's the one, because it was you.
Sasha: Dang, maybe I didn't read those rules as carefully as I should have before we played.
Ariel: That's okay, you did great!
Sasha: Thanks! Anyway, this weekend, we did not play Dungeons and Dragons.
Ariel: Nope, sure didn't. But we did something maybe almost even better, which is go see the Dungeons and Dragons movie! I won't say the subtitle because it's kind of naughty sounding.
Sasha: What? What are you talking about.
Ariel: You know ... psst, psst, psssst, psst, psst.
Sasha: No, Aers, it's "Honor Among Thieves."
Ariel: I just said that, only quieter so it wasn't embarrassing.
Sasha: Honor with an "H," Aers. Not "On Her Among Thieves." You didn't really think that was the title, did you?
Ariel: No, I just wanted you to feel better about not reading those rules carefully, so I pretended I didn't read the title carefully enough. 
Sasha: Really, I didn't feel all that bad about it.
Ariel: Great! My job here is finished!
Sasha: No it's not -- we've got to talk about the movie.
Ariel: That's what I meant. I swear.
Sasha: Sure, okay. So are you ready to tell people to put their spoiler blankets over their heads?
Ariel: People, put your spoiler blankets on over your heads! Unless you don't mind the movie getting spoiled, I mean. Everybody ready? Do you have them on?
Sasha: If they have them on, they can't read what you just typed.
Ariel: I was trying to catch the cheaters.
Sasha: Okay, moving on ... I loved this movie!
Ariel: Yes! Ten stars out of ten! We a hundred percent need to play this game, because it turns out actual D&D is way more funnier than all the kinda-D&Ds we've been playing.
Sasha: Um ...
Ariel: What? I mean, I know some pretty funny things have happened in our games, but not that many things and not nearly as super-funny a bunch of things.
Sasha: Sure, but I don't think being funny comes with the rule set. I think it depends a lot more on the people who are playing.
Ariel: Well that's crazy. If being funny isn't a rule in D&D, why did this movie pretty much do it practically every single minute?
Sasha: I'm thinking they just decided they wanted to make a funny movie.
Ariel: Okay, well wait right here and I'm going to go get one of MSG's rulebooks off the shelves and open it up and I bet one of the very first rules is going to be, "You better be really funny when you're playing this game!"
Sasha: I'll wait.
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Ugh. I'm back.
Sasha: So it wasn't in the rules?
Ariel: Worse! There are SO MANY of those books on the shelves! Why does MSG have so many of those books and we've never actually played actual D&D? I couldn't even figure out which one to start with.
Sasha: Probably the Dungeon Master's Guide, right? Because the Dungeon Master is the one who has to be in charge of all the rules.
Ariel: But there wasn't even just one Dungeon Master's Guide! There were two of them, and one of them was super-old and beat all to heck.
Sasha: So you couldn't pick between two books? Or just look in one and then look in the other? I mean, if you're so sure being funny will be one of the first rules ...
Ariel: There was also a box, though, not just the two Dungeon Master's Guides and skadoodles of other books.
Sasha: What did the box say?
Ariel: "Starter Set."
Sasha: And you didn't think that would be the right place to start?
Ariel: What if I started there and it said, "Look, you're going to have to work your way up to being as funny as you need to be to play this game." What would I do then?
Sasha: Oh, I don't know ... maybe come back here and admit you were wrong about the rules being the part that makes the game funny?
Ariel: I think not deciding was better.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Because now I still don't have to admit I was wrong. Which I'm not saying I was! Just that if I was, I don't have to admit it because we don't know.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Plus, people are probably really tired of waiting for us to talk about the movie.
Sasha: When has that ever stopped you before?
Ariel: Um ... let me scroll back through the old posts so I can --
Sasha: No! Just say something about the movie already, would you?
Ariel: It was super-funny.
Sasha: I would be annoyed at the fact that you're just saying something you already said, except ... it really was that funny!
Ariel: Wow, was that a funny movie.
Sasha: I don't remember the last time I laughed that much at a movie.
Ariel: What did you think was the funniest part?
Sasha: Definitely the graveyard part.
Ariel: OMG.
Sasha: What did you think was the funniest part?
Ariel: Obviously the graveyard part, duh.
Sasha: Okay, well how about the second funniest?
Ariel: Umm ... I'm trying to remember and every time I do I just keep thinking of the graveyard part. Wait, I think ... no. Just more graveyard part.
Sasha: People are going to think it's the only funny part if we can't come up with anything else.
Ariel: Well ... the trial part at the beginning was very funny too. It was probably funny enough to be the funniest part in a pretty funny movie that just didn't have anything as funny as the graveyard part.
Sasha: Yeah, I'd say so.
Ariel: I think maybe a lot of the other funny parts just sort of wove their way through more serious parts and more actiony parts and just made almost everything funny instead of being whole scenes by themselves that were funny start-to-finish.
Sasha: That's true. It was so funny I don't immediately think about the dramatic parts and the super-whiz-bang action parts.
Ariel: The druid girl escaping that city!
Sasha: Yes!
Ariel: When they smuggled that painting onto that wagon ...
Sasha: That was funny and action-packed at the same time!
Ariel: And of course, a lot of what was funny was the way the characters were, not just the situations or the lines. Like the main two, you know ...
Sasha: The bard and the barbarian?
Ariel: Yes! Team Bardbarian. I loved how she would always say things that weren't helpful, and then he'd get all frustrated ...
Sasha: Oh, you loved that stuff, huh?
Ariel: It was great! Why are you looking at me like that?
Sasha: No reason.
Ariel: The druid and the wizard dude were not as funny, although she was very cool and he was pretty funny, just not as funny as Bardbarian.
Sasha: That paladin guy ruled though. He was super-cool and very funny.
Ariel: Maybe paladins are like that in Dungeons and Dragons.
Sasha: I guess we'll have to play it sometime and see.
Ariel: Uh-huh. OH! I thought of another funny part.
Sasha: Which one?
Ariel: That dragon!
Sasha: Oh yeah, haha! He was funny and kinda scary at the same time.
Ariel: He for sure had me worried at a couple points.
Sasha: So overall, two big thumbs up for this movie, right?
Ariel: Four thumbs up! Because we both need to use both our thumbs for how up it was.
Sasha: I'm down for that.
Ariel: Now I want to go make up D&D characters.
Sasha: Hmm. Pretty good idea, actually. But do you think you can figure out where to start?
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Really? Where?
Ariel: Wherever MSG is, so we can make him help us.
Sasha: I like it.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Star Trek: TBG Season Three! No, Really, This Time For Sure!

Ariel: I promise I'm going to be good this time.
Sasha: Let's not even talk about it. Just tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets on and then we can jump right in.
Ariel: Great! Put your spoiler blankets on, everybody, if you don't want all kinds of stuff given away about Star Trek: That Bald Guy Season Three! Or at least about the first three episodes. If you're reading this and there's already more than three episodes out, don't worry about your blanket because we haven't seen any past number three. Sash, since I kinda sorta hogged all the talking last time, I think you should go first now.
Sasha: Cool. Thanks!
Ariel: You're welcome!
Sasha: First, the good things. Okay, your turn!
Ariel: Well, but you didn't say any good things.
Sasha: Exactly.
Ariel: Oh my gosh, come on. It wasn't that bad!
Sasha: Yeah, I know, I was mostly just trying to be funny.
Ariel: Haha, I get it now. But, so, was there something you thought was good?
Sasha: I liked that Captain Pshaw was a big jerk-bag but was basically right about everything he said and did. Except the part where he didn't immediately have Commander Face-Accessory confined to quarters and the part later on where he didn't immediately have Admiral Bald Guy and Captain Smugbeard put in the brig after he rescued them.
Ariel: Well he wasn't right about always calling Commander Face-Accessory by her wrong name instead of her number name.
Sasha: That's true. Especially since if he wanted to be a jerk-bag about what he called her, he could have called her Commander Of Nine.
Ariel: Or even just "Number One" since that would be totally accurate for her position but also kind of jerk-baggy because her real number is seven.
Sasha: Ooh, that would have been good.
Ariel: But seriously, you liked him?
Sasha: I liked that he was treating Admiral Bald Guy and Smugbeard like dumb-asses, because they were being so dumb-assy.
Ariel: There is a lot of dumb-assery in this show for sure.
Sasha: "Hi, Captain Pshaw! We're coming on board to do a surprise inspection of your maiden voyage. Don't mind us, we're not trying to undermine you during your big moment or get in the way or anything. You'll hardly notice we're here. Oh, and could you turn the ship in the exact opposite direction of where you're going on your maiden voyage so we can visit this completely other place for no particular reason?"
Ariel: Like, why were they surprised when he said no about that?
Sasha: Apparently because even though they both hate being made to do things they don't want to do, they figured Pshaw would be fine with it, regardless of Smugbeard warning Bald Guy up front that Pshaw was a jerk-bag.
Ariel: Right? He was all, "Admiral, I know you said Doctor Crushher said, 'No Starfleet,' but since I'm a Starfleet guy and the first thing you did after she told you that was come to me, listen to this plan I've got that involves us getting on a Starfleet ship and making a super-high-profile entrance where every Starfleet person on board will be looking over their shoulders for us because we're supposedly doing a surprise Starfleet inspection. By the way, the Starfleet Captain of this Starfleet ship is a total sack of yark and could be trouble, but probably he won't say no to us and especially won't contact Starfleet and ask, 'Hey, are Bald Guy and Smugbeard really supposed to be inspecting this ship that was just refitted and therefore must have already had a bunch of major inspecting done on it?'"
Sasha: Exactly. And Bald Guy just shrugs and says, "Well, I've got absolutely no other ideas even though I know the galaxy like the back of my hand and have five or six decades worth of contacts who might be able to help us built up from my extremely long career. So sure, let's go with that, Smugbeard."
Ariel: And then the looks on their faces when Pshaw said no!
Sasha: Especially Smugbeard. His eyes got as big as a Starfleet starship saucer section and you could tell he was thinking, "Oh shit, I did not see that coming. Now we're totally fucked!"
Ariel: I have to admit, even though he was a jerk-bag about it, I did think Captain Pshaw was being totally reasonable in saying, "No, I won't do that."
Sasha: Even if he wasn't being reasonable, how could they not be ready with some sort of fallback plan? Because the looks on their faces said they didn't have a fallback plan.
Ariel: I guess maybe their fallback plan was to have their friend Commander Of Nine throw away her career committing mutiny by hijacking the ship to go where they wanted to go once Pshaw hit the sack for the night. And when she had just barely gotten that career back the year before!
Sasha: I honestly don't think it was a fallback plan. I think they just came up with that on the fly.
Ariel: Super-weird that it more or less worked, as long as they didn't mind the whole ruining-our-friend's-career thing.
Sasha: Anyway, long story short, since Captain Pshaw was the only one behaving like he had a lick of sense, obviously by episode three it was time for him to go.
Ariel: I could tell you were upset when that happened.
Sasha: Like I couldn't see it coming, though ... you'd have to be That Bald Guy or Smugbeard to not realize Pshaw was only there to be antagonizing to our legendary heroes, and once the actual bad guys show up, he was just in the way of the real characters being in charge of the ship and able to make their terrible decisions for everybody on board.
Ariel: Gosh. I mean ... I was surprised.
Sasha: Sure, but let's be honest, the main thing you work at predicting during shows is, will your popcorn hold out until it's over.
Ariel: That's true. If I don't pay attention, suddenly the show's only half over and I'm like, "What the -- where's all my popcorn?"
Sasha: Anyhow, I don't have high hopes for episodes four and up now that Pshaw conked his head and broke his leg.
Ariel: And they made sure to show the bone sticking out so we'd go, "Yuck! That's bad! I guess he's not coming back from sickbay anytime soon!"
Sasha: Which of course doesn't make any sense either since they could totally put some kind of "phase induction skeletal integrity" boot on his leg and hit him with some painkillers and he'd be good to go.
Ariel: Maybe they will!
Sasha: I'm not holding my breath. Anyhow ... were there things you liked about the season so far?
Ariel: Well ... I guess I did like Doctor Crushher a little better in this show than that similar character, Doctor Crusher in the Star Trek: That Not-bald Guy series. And she's played by a better actress. That lady from the old series stank.
Sasha: I'm pretty sure it's the same character and the same actress, Aers.
Ariel: Really? But I haven't noticed her doing anything really stupid in most of these episodes like she did in all the old show ones, and the actress actually changes her facial expression sometimes and doesn't talk like she's been sipping too much of sickbay's Nyquil supply.
Sasha: Yes, but she's literally had thirty years to up her acting game. Maybe she took some lessons.
Ariel: Hmm. Now that I know it's the same lady, I feel like I like her less again.
Sasha: Sorry to spoil that for you.
Ariel: Now that I think about it, she did reveal in that one scene that even though she knew That Bald Guy didn't want kids and even though their relationship was on the rocks, she still had sex with him without any kind of protection and got pregnant and then decided to keep the kid and not tell him.
Sasha: Maybe she used protection but it just failed.
Ariel: Well then she's a terrible doctor, isn't she? I mean, she is supposed to know how this stuff works, and in the old show she was like, surprised one time when the captain had a headache because in the future they've totally cured headaches and the common cold. Have they really not figured out how to make the pill any more reliable?
Sasha: It does seem like if she wanted to be sure to not get pregnant because he didn't want kids, then she could make sure she didn't get pregnant.
Ariel: Exactly. With future medicine or something.
Sasha: Or maybe in the future there's a pill that works perfectly and also a pill for dudes that works perfectly, and both of them just assumed that the other one was taking the right pill, only neither of them was taking anything.
Ariel: I think that seems a lot like these two characters, actually. Anyway, I'm still going to call her Doctor Crushher instead of Doctor Crusher just because it's funnier.
Sasha: I honestly thought that was the whole reason you were saying it that way in the first place.
Ariel: I mean, it was a pretty big part of why.
Sasha: I will say, the title of that number three episode was really accurate, though.
Ariel: What do you mean?
Sasha: I mean, in the flashback scene at the start of the episode, Captain Smugbeard is telling Admiral Bald Guy about how there was a scare when his son was being born and it took him seventeen seconds to get to sick bay, and it was the longest seventeen seconds of his life.
Ariel: Right, and then later that same thing happened to Bald Guy when his grown-up son from pill-skipping Doctor Crushher was dying in sick bay. Even I predicted that. (Though I admit I only predicted it after I got seconds on popcorn and my bowl was super-full so I could pay more attention to the show.) But is being predictable the same thing as being accurate?
Sasha: No, what I meant was, pretty much every seventeen seconds watching this show, I was thinking, "Well that was the longest seventeen seconds of my life."
Ariel: Haha! You have to admit, though, seventeen seconds of the TNG show was usually a lot longer feeling than seventeen seconds of TBG.
Sasha: Yeah, some of those TNG scenes you can pretty much hear the accountant saying, "Keep posing! We don't have any budget to do anything else this episode!"
Ariel: I can totally see why people who liked TNG seem to really like TBG.
Sasha: Yeah, they're bringing back all the same characters, but even if the story doesn't make any sense, at least a lot more happens scene to scene than in some of those TNG clunker episodes. It must feel especially action-packed for people who liked that show.
Ariel: Even if the action mostly results from bad decisions by our good guys.
Sasha: I'm definitely happy for all the people who are liking this show, and I'm glad for the people who make the show that there are people liking it. Even if I'm not one of those people.
Ariel: Wait, do you mean the people making the show or the people liking the show?
Sasha: Uh ... what? I'm not either one of them.
Ariel: Okay, I just wanted to make sure I knew which one of them you meant you weren't, and now I know it's both.
Sasha: Didn't you already know that, though?
Ariel: I knew you're not either of them, but I didn't know you meant you weren't either of them.
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: I feel like its feeling like maybe we should wrap this one up.
Sasha: I feel like your feeling is probably right.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Star Trek: TBG Season 3!

Sasha: I don't know if this is such a good idea.
Ariel: What do you mean? I thought you said we should get back on our blogging bike.
Sasha: Yes, definitely! It's been way too long since we blogged a good Experience.
Ariel: Waaaay too long. We've been so bad! Except now we're going to make up for it, so what's wrong?
Sasha: Just those last couple of words from what I said a second ago: "a good Experience."
Ariel: That's three words.
Sasha: I wasn't trying to be exact! I just mean, it's been way too long since we blogged a good Experience --
Ariel: What!? That's even farther from being a couple of words than just "a good Experience" was!
Sasha: No, stop. Can we just move on from the whole "couple" thing?
Ariel: You don't want us to be a couple anymore?
Sasha: Agh! Of course I do!
Ariel: I mean, I know technically we're not just a couple because we've got five other yams in our polyam-fam, but ...
Sasha: We're still a couple! Okay? Just you and me together, that's a couple. Two. A pair. Right?
Ariel: Well, I mean, you've got a pair and I've got a pair, so that's actually two pairs.
Sasha: ... 
Ariel: A couple of pairs. And I mean, not to be modest, but they're pretty good pairs, in my experience. So pretty much just by being here we've already got a good experience going.
Sasha: Are you trying to convince me this is a good idea or not? Because you're kind of reminding me of all the crazy pointless arguments we get into when we're blogging like this.
Ariel: But that's the most fun part sometimes! Also, I was setting up an awesome joke, and now it's all off track.
Sasha: *sigh* Fine. Why don't you just say the joke, then?
Ariel: It has to be set up, though, or it won't be funny.
Sasha: Seriously? Are you really going to make me argue with you for twenty minutes setting up a joke?
Ariel: It wasn't going to be twenty minutes! Maybe sixteen or seventeen.
Sasha: Just ... just tell me and everybody what the setup was going to be so you can tell the joke so we can get on with talking about Star Trek: TBG Season 3.
Ariel: Okay, but don't blame me if it's not as funny with me explaining it.
Sasha: Whatever, let's just hear it.
Ariel: So step one was to get you to say "pair" so then I could keep saying "pair" a lot.
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: And then step two was going to be starting to talk about season three.
Sasha: Thank god talking about the show was somewhere in your plan.
Ariel: Of course it was! Anyhow, then step three was to keep talking and making sure I said "pair" and "season three" a lot, especially the "pair" and "three" parts.
Sasha: Oh no. Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going.
Ariel: It isn't going where you think it's going.
Sasha: Okay because if it was going there, I was going to scream.
Ariel: Um ... you know I don't know where you think it's going, right? I just said it isn't going there because you asked me to please tell you that.
Sasha: So it is going there. Great. Whatever. Finish it up so we can start talking about the show.
Ariel: Err ... are you sure you ... hey, stop looking at me all mean like that!
Sasha: Finish the joke!
Ariel: I mean I guess, but it's totally ruined now. Step four was going to be talking about how aliens in Star Trek always have some kinda ridges on their foreheads.
Sasha: I can't. I just can't. Somehow you're going to put this together into "a part ridge in a pair three," right?
Ariel: I told you it was ruined. You don't have to keep facepalming like that.
Sasha: Deep breaths, Sasha. Deep breaths.
Ariel: Can I tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets on so we can talk about the show without spoiling it for people now?
Sasha: Yes. Please do that.
Ariel: Put your spoiler blankets on, everybody! We're about to totally ruin Star Trek: TBG Season Three if you don't!
Sasha: Well, not totally, since we've only seen the first two episodes.
Ariel: See, that was how I was going to create an excuse to say "pair" again. The first pair of episodes.
Sasha: Can this joke just be over yet?
Ariel: I'm just making sure everyone knows how awesomely it was going to be set up!
Sasha: Yes. Great. It was going to be awesome. Can we please talk about the show now?
Ariel: Sure. What was your favorite part?
Sasha: I'm not sure I have a favorite part. The thing is --
Ariel: See how I just got us to say "part" a couple of times there?
Sasha: Do you see how I'm getting rigid with frustration?
Ariel: What?
Sasha: I'm so frustrated I'm going to have to stop and go get a snack ... from the fridge!
Ariel: Oh, as long as you're going, can you --
Sasha: But first we might want to print something, so I need to change the printer cartridge!
Ariel: Is the ink out?
Sasha: Yes! At least one color, maybe more! I'll have to change a cartridge, or a pair, or three!
Ariel: I don't understand why you're so worked up about the printer all of a sudden.
Sasha: Never mind. Talk about the show. Star Trek. That Bald Guy. Season Three.
Ariel: I think you were about to tell me your favorite part.
Sasha: No. I was not. I was going to say I don't even have a favorite ... thing ... about the show, because it kept being really annoying. Like someone I know.
Ariel: Oh! I just realized what you were doing with that cartridge or pair or three thing! That was really funny!
Sasha: NO IT WASN'T!
Ariel: Geez, you don't have to get all shouty. Just tell us what you thought was so annoying about the show.
Sasha: I -- you know, it suddenly seems like a bunch of very minor stuff, when I put it in perspective.
Ariel: You seem like you need a hug.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: I'm sorry I can be such an annoying girlfriend. Let me give you a hug and help you feel better.
Sasha: Is there some kind of hug pun coming if I do?
Ariel: No, I promise!
Sasha: ... okay. I do kind of need a hug.
Ariel: Here.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Better?
Sasha: A little.
Ariel: So do you want to talk about the show, or should we come back later?
Sasha: How about later, when we can make a fresh start.
Ariel: Okay ... dang, though.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: All our poor readers have been sweating under their spoiler blankets and now it turns out they didn't need to!
Sasha: I'm sure they'll get over it.
Ariel and Sasha: See you later, readers!