Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Last Jedi!

Ariel: Okay.
Sasha: Okay.
Ariel: Okay, then.
Sasha: Yes, okay. Are you ready?
Ariel: I hope so!
Sasha:Aannnd ...
Ariel: Please don't hate us, but we liked this movie!
Sasha: It's true. We liked it a lot.
Ariel: And we've heard that not only do some people not like it, they don't like it so much, they're mean to other people when they find out the other people like it.
Sasha: Which I would totally call b.s. on if our source for this information wasn't pretty good.
Ariel: Unimpeachable!
Sasha: Careful. That's another word that apparently heats up the conversation these days.
Ariel: Sigh. Why are people so mean?
Sasha: I'm guessing some of it is the whole "forget the past" business Helm Solo keeps going on about in this film.
Ariel: Haha, "Helm Solo!" Of course, he doesn't wear his helmet much in this one.
Sasha: Just enough so I could use the nickname, and I'm sticking with it.
Ariel: Holy moly, I just realized since we skipped the last movie we have a whole crew of new characters to nickname!
Sasha: Maybe we shouldn't have skipped it, because I just realized Helm Solo's dad could have been called "Han So-Old" in the last movie.
Ariel: Oh wow. We're going to have to go back at some point because that's too much of a lost opportunity.
Sasha: Maybe after we see the new one today.
Ariel: o ... M ... G!!! Do not remind me because I so can't wait!
Sasha: Only you have to.
Ariel: Aaagh!
Sasha: But while we're waiting we can talk about the Last Jedi, right?
Ariel: Or about what a bummer it is people don't like it.
Sasha: Ehh. That's not the bummer, because people don't like every Star Wars movie.
Ariel: True. We weren't big fans of Episode Ai-Yai-Yai.
Sasha: Or Re-Teddy-Bear of the Jedi.
Ariel: But we didn't hate them. Or hate people who like them.
Sasha: The whole hating bit is so weird.
Ariel: It's like, almost every one of these movies has somebody saying, "Look guys, hating is bad. Don't do it." And then these people who say they're giganto fans of the movies are all, "GROWLLL!!! I HATE THIS MOVIE AND THE GUY WHO DIRECTED IT AND I THINK EVERYBODY WHO LIKES IT IS A BONEHEAD!!!"
Sasha: Kind of makes them sound like big babies who don't understand the point of the movies.
Ariel: Right?
Sasha: Only I don't want to lay into them too hard or I'll start sounding just like they do.
Ariel: Except girlier, because they're all dudes.
Sasha: SO totally weird! These guys go around insisting that this movie is terrible on every level, but girl fans don't seem to be nearly as bothered by it.
Ariel: Yeah! And the hater dudes don't notice there aren't any women jumping all over it the same way. You'd think that would clue them in that they are taking an extreme position.
Sasha: Sure, if people taking extreme positions ever got clued in about it. But I'm not sure being able to analyze whether you're being extreme is a quality most extreme people have.
Ariel: True.
Sasha: Yeesh. Okay, let's just talk about the movie, because this stuff is giving me a stomach ache.
Ariel: Oh no! Your poor tum-tums!
Sasha: I think I'll be fine once we get going on what a good movie this was.
Ariel: The best! I mean, maybe not literally the best, because I think Episode Ivy kinda stuck that landing. But very best-like.
Sasha: What did you like about it so much?
Ariel: First off, I know she didn't appear in this one first, but Rey is is so super-awesome in this movie.
Sasha: Not quite as sunshine-y as she was in the last movie.
Ariel: No, but still sunshine-y enough, even on that rainy cloudy island. I mean, so many things happen to her that would just bust most people, but she keeps hold of her sunny attitude anyway.
Sasha: Do you think that's why they called her "Rey"?
Ariel: Ooh! I bet you're right!
Sasha: She pretty much just won't quit.
Ariel: Unlike Farmboy Luke. Although he's not much of a farmboy any more.
Sasha: A little on the old side to be called a boy.
Ariel: He does milk some sea cows though.
Sasha: Maybe we can call him Lactose Luke.
Ariel: Luketose.
Sasha: Yes!
Ariel: He's a downer through a lot of this movie.
Sasha: Dairy-wise, I'd call him sour cream.
Ariel: It was sad at the start to see how he'd given up.
Sasha: Not that big a surprise, though. I mean, he gave up three different times in Re-Teddy Bear of the Jedi. First to the teddy bears, then to Darth Vader, then to Emperor Prunepatine when he throws down his lightsaber at the end.
Ariel: He does do a lot of quitting in those old movies. I mean, on his way to not quitting.
Sasha: That's what makes him so great! He's waaaay less of an optimist than Sunshine Rey, but he always comes round and does the right thing and wins.
Ariel: And in such a BIG way this movie!
Sasha: Yep. He made Helm Solo look like a doof from halfway across the galaxy, he saved everybody, and personally, I think he was helping out when Sunshine Rey was moving all those rocks out of the way.
Ariel: She did look kinda surprised that it worked so well.
Sasha: And even while he's being mister sour cream, bits of Farmboy Luke still float to the top now and then.
Ariel: Like when he sees the Rolling Bleepster the first time!
Sasha: And when he tells Sunshine Rey her homeworld is pretty much nowhere.
Ariel: And when he whacks her with the big blade of grass.
Sasha: Sort of a grasssaber instead of a lightsaber.
Ariel: Haha, yes!
Sasha: Good times.
Ariel: I also looooved all the Force phone call scenes between Sunshine Rey and Helm Solo.
Sasha: "Do you have a cowl or something you could put on?"
Ariel: Haha! And then when they're in the hut and she's trying to make him turn good again ... I was like, "That's not going to work really is it? He's so bad!"
Sasha: Which, you were right. It didn't work.
Ariel: OMG, but the other "That's not going to work really" moment was even better. When he was turning the lightsaber on the arm of Leader Supreme's chair ...
Sasha: I know! I was thinking, "No way. No way would they kill off the big bad guy like that!" But they did!
Ariel: It was awesome. Plus, that guy was terrible.
Sasha: A real jerk.
Ariel: Who put him in charge?
Sasha: Probably he put himself in charge. I think that's how most jerks get in charge.
Ariel: I am thankfully ignorant about most details of how jerks work.
Sasha: Me too. What else do we need to talk about?
Ariel: Porgs!
Sasha: Hahaha, "Squaaawk!"
Ariel: Baby Yoda beats porgs for cuteness, but it's close.
Sasha: Even poor Shower-Buddy Monkey couldn't resist them.
Ariel: Oh! Speaking of Shower-Buddy Monkey, he is awesome in this movie too!
Sasha: I love when Sunshine Rey is trying to figure out what he should tell Effin' Stormtrooper if he sees him, and Shower-Buddy Monkey comes up with the right think to say before she does.
Ariel: Lots of respect for Shower-Buddy Monkey in this movie.
Sasha: For sure. Okay, are we done?
Ariel: Probably not, but if we don't wrap it up, we'll just keep talking and miss the movie tonight!
Sasha: Yeah, we do have a lot of getting ready to do. What are you going as again?
Ariel: It's a secret. "Squaaawk!" Haha! How about you?
Sasha: I still haven't got a costume put together. I may just have to borrow one of the B.F.'s Star Wars t-shirts.
Ariel: He does have a lot of them to spare.
Sasha: Practically half the closet.
Ariel: You'd better start trying to pick one!
Sasha: Okay, off we go.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye everybody!