Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Castle Rat! (Again!)

Sasha: Okay, just so you know, the more I thought about it, the more I felt kinda ripped off about yesterday's blog session.
Ariel: Oh, jeez, sorry. Was it something I did?
Sasha: More like something we didn't. I mean, other than saying they were awesome, we honestly didn't say squat about Castle Rat, right?
Ariel: Oh yeah, that's right. I think maybe I got kinda tired from all the arguing.
Sasha: I haven't noticed that stopping you before.
Ariel: Sure, but I don't usually win so totally and completely dominatingly big of a win. It takes a lot out of you!
Sasha: Uh ... putting aside whether you really won that big --
Ariel: Whew! Yes, let's put it aside, because if you tried to argue I didn't, I don't know if I'd have the energy to win two in a row that big.
Sasha: Whatever. Anyway, let's just go ahead and tell everybody to put on their spoiler blankets so there's no repeat of yesterday.
Ariel: Sure. Watch out, everybody! I guess this means Sash is going to try really hard to spoil how awesome of an album that Castle Rat album is.
Sasha: I'm not, but I am going to try to actually talk about the album and the songs instead of ditching out on it like we did last time.
Ariel: Super! Take it away.
Sasha: First off, I've gotta say, I love drumming.
Ariel: Well, sure, everybody knows that. But that's not saying anything about this album.
Sasha: That's ... I mean, we don't know that everybody knows that, and I was saying it as a lead-in to talking about the drums on this album.
Ariel: Do I need to tell everybody I really love guitars, then?
Sasha: I guess you can, but you don't have --
Ariel: Everybody, I've gotta say, I love guitars.
Sasha: No, I was just trying to say you didn't have to say that.
Ariel: Oh. Oops, too late.
Sasha: Can I go back to talking about the drums?
Ariel: You weren't done?
Sasha: I wasn't even started!
Ariel: Well then, kinda, no? You can't go back to something if you didn't even start it.
Sasha: DRUMS.
Ariel: Ow! My ears!
Sasha: So what I was trying to say was, this album is what they call Doom Metal, and that means it's got these massive, pounding drums on almost every song. Which I absolutely loved.
Ariel: Well, I loved it to but next time I'm not sure I'm going to be able to because now I've got this ringing in my ears from you yelling "Drums!" right into them.
Sasha: Oh, come on. I wasn't that loud. We've had the volume up way louder than that several of the times we listened to this album.
Ariel: Yeah, but it wasn't a big surprise like that was. I had time to tell my ears, "Okay, ears, it's gonna get loud pretty soon." And then the first song on the album actually even starts off really quiet. But I totally wasn't ready for you to yell like that.
Sasha: Fine. I apologize. Anyway, most of the music we've been listening to lately has had really fast, complicated drums where the drummers are kinda going top speed crazy almost the whole song every song, and even though the Castle Rat drummer --
Ariel: He's called The Druid.
Sasha: --right, even though The Druid --
Ariel: Which, I didn't know that druids were supposed to have one eye a different color from the other eye like he does. It's kinda freaky. In a cool way.
Sasha: I'm pretty sure it's contact lenses, but --
Ariel: What! That's cheating, isn't it?
Sasha: Aer's, the guy's not really a druid.
Ariel: He's not? OMG, is he even a drummer then?
Sasha: Yes! He's a really good drummer, and I was trying to say that even though some of his drum parts get pretty fast and complicated, a lot of the time he's just smashing the heck out of those drums with these full power, mind-blowing, super-heavy beats.
Ariel: Well, I was gonna talk about how their guitarist is a super-cool vampire dude who can totally shred, only now I guess he's not really a vampire either?
Sasha: Aers ... you didn't seriously think these people were real vampires and druids and plague doctors and barbarians, did you?
Ariel: Shh!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Ugh. Okay, SUPER-DUPER-EXTRA-FOR-REAL-SPOILER-BLANKET WARNING JUST FOR THE ACTUAL BAND MEMBERS OF CASTLE RAT!!! Please don't read this next part if you're in the band! Seriously!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Do you think they're still reading?
Sasha: I don't think there was more than a microbe's dandruff-flake's worth of a chance they were ever reading in the first place, so, no, I don't think they're still reading.
Ariel: okay, so, the thing is ...
Sasha: Why are you typing in that ridiculously small font?
Ariel: sshhh! i'm being quiet so they don't hear!
Sasha: OMG, Aers, they are not reading this, and even if they were, they could just zoom their browser in to read whatever you're typing without even squinting.
Ariel: Sheesh. Fine. So, the deal is, I just thought they would get a kick out of someone actually thinking they're really real druids and barbarians and whatever. Like, wouldn't that be awesome if you were in a band, and you were pretending to be these things, and somebody was not just going on and on about how great a band you are, but also they totally bought the idea that you're vampires and stuff?
Sasha: No, that wouldn't be awesome. I would be seriously worried about that person. Who would really believe that?
Ariel: You're really being no fun about this. Look at all the work they put into those costumes and their backstories! And you're just going to act like, "I totally see through all that. What a bunch of fakes."
Sasha: No, I'm going to act like they're an awesome band with a kick-ass stage presentation and terrific songs with cool-ass lyrics about wizards and wolves and mythological beasts and stuff. I'm pretty sure they're perfectly happy with people just showing up and clapping and cheering and wearing concert t-shirts with their name on them.
Ariel: Whatever. OKAY, CASTLE RAT, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SPOILER BLANKETS BACK OFF NOW. SASH IS DONE RUINING EVERYTHING.
Sasha: Aers, they are so not reading. And if they were reading and they paid attention to your spoiler blanket warning, then they're not reading now to read your announcement that they can take their spoiler blankets off.
Ariel: OR maybe they ARE reading, and they're nice people like me who are willing to go along with some make-believe stuff and pretend they paid attention to the spoiler blanket warning and then pretend they only just started reading again after I said they could.
Sasha: Castle Rat people ... if you're actually for real reading this, please, please, please do not leave a comment or I am never going to hear the end of it from this chica loca.
Ariel: I can put that in the Google translatey website and find out what you just called me, you know.
Sasha: You could if you weren't too lazy to do it. Now, what is your favorite song on this album?
Ariel: Oh, jeez, that's a hard one.
Sasha: (That's what she said.)
Ariel: HEY! That's my joke! You always complain when I say that!
Sasha: I was just trying to get a rise out of you. And I pulled it off really well, too.
Ariel: ...
Sasha: Readers, you should see how hard she's biting her tongue right now.
Ariel: ...
Sasha: Come on, you know you want to.
Ariel: ARRGH! That'swhatshesaid!
Sasha: So, let's go: what's your favorite song from The Bestiary?
Ariel: I don't know. Maybe the snake one? It's either the snake one or the dragon one. Or maybe the unicorn one. No, probably not the unicorn one because then I'm listening to it and bobbing my head to the beat and the beat is like, "Ha-ha, you thought there were supposed to be six head bobs there only there were just five!" And then I'm off by one head bob and by the time I get back on and it's six head bobs in a row a gain, there's another spot where there's just five and I'm so confused.
Sasha: So basically, your favorite song is any of the songs about the different creatures except the unicorn?
Ariel: One of those. Or maybe the one about the caves. Or the one about the wizard. The one about the wizard has that great part where she goes, "Something something something, something something ... goes on, and on, and ONNNNNNNNNNN!" That's a pretty awesome part.
Sasha: Yeah, I like that one too.
Ariel: So is that your favorite song?
Sasha: No, I don't think I have a favorite song on this album. They're all so good.
Ariel: What!!! Then why did you make me do all that work figuring my favorite one out?
Sasha: All what work? And you didn't figure anything out, except it's not the unicorn song.
Ariel: It's also not the Summoning Spell one or the one about the sun. I just remembered those as being ones I don't really remember all that well, so obviously they're not my favorite. Oh, wait, and what's this Path of Moss one? Now I'm looking at the list of songs and I don't even think that's a real song on the album. Path of Moss? What?
Sasha: It's an instrumental. That's the one that's all acoustic guitars, maybe? To be honest, I don't remember it all that well either because there are no words. I did like it though -- I like everything on this album. It's great.
Ariel: That's true. Well, are we done?
Sasha: I thought you were going to talk about the guitars?
Ariel: Oh, JEEPERS, that's right! How did you almost let me forget that?
Sasha: I didn't. I totally reminded you just now.
Ariel: Only barely in time before we were done!
Sasha: Well are you going to talk about them or not?
Ariel: Definitely! Although maybe just to say that I love how they're mostly all super-growly crunch-crunch-crunchy except every once in a while there's only just acoustic ones playing really soft and pretty-like and every another once in a while there's a spot where everything speeds up and there's a super-fast guitar solo. That's the best.
Sasha: Which one is the best? The crunch-crunch-crunchy parts or the acoustic parts or the super-fast guitar solo parts?
Ariel: Why do you keep asking all these hard questions today?
Sasha: I feel like it's kind of my job.
Ariel: Must be nice to have a job where you make somebody else do all the work.
Sasha: It is. Plus, it comes with great benefits.
Ariel: Like what?
Sasha: You know. Benefits. The kind it comes with.
Ariel: The kind it ... ohhhhh.
Sasha and Ariel: Goodnight, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Castle Rat!

Ariel: Wow, we almost made such a big mistake!
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: Well, you know that movie we watched today?
Sasha: Yeah? I mean, we already watched it, and I didn't think it was great, but even if it was a mistake I don't know if it was a big one, and we definitely didn't "almost" make it, we actually did make it.
Ariel: No, I mean, when you pointed out we hadn't Experience blogged in a while, I thought, oh, well, obviously we just watched that movie, so it would make sense to blog it here. Only then when I sat down to get things ready for us to blog, I wasn't immediately feeling it, so I looked at some Youtube videos and I remembered, whoa, we haven't blogged about Castle Rat since we discovered them! So now we're going to blog about Castle Rat instead of making the mistake of blogging about that movie we watched, which probably would have turned into a bunch of gripe-ity-griping about it instead of blogging in a fun way.
Sasha: Okay ... but how was that a mistake we almost made when you didn't even ask me if I wanted to blog about that movie?
Ariel: Sash. If I would of said we should blog about that movie, what do you think you would of have said?
Sasha: I would have said don't let Hettie catch you saying "would of said." 
Ariel: Gotcha!
Sasha: Um ... how, exactly?
Ariel: One of two things always happens when we're blogging. Either we both super-totally like the thing we're blogging about and just jump right in about how good it is --
Sasha: After we tell people to put on the spoiler blankets.
Ariel: Yes! You keep proving my point.
Sasha: Okay, go ahead and explain and I'll stop interrupting.
Ariel: Or the other thing that might happen is, you nitpick something I say and then we spend half the time arguing about whatever it is instead of blogging about the thing we're supposed to be blogging about.
Sasha: You make it sound like I'm always the one being a pain about stuff and starting arguments.
Ariel: No I didn't! I said that was one of the two things that happens. The other thing is us jumping right into talking about liking something.
Sasha: I mean you made it sound like when we do argue, it's always me starting it.
Ariel: Isn't it?
Sasha: Why don't you scroll back through a few posts and check out whether that's the pattern.
Ariel: Gotcha again!
Sasha: I am so not getting it.
Ariel: You were setting up another argument by telling me to do something that was going to be a lot of work so I would say, "That sounds like a lot of work" and you could tell me how lazy I was being and then we'd argue about whether I'm lazy or not.
Sasha: Or I was giving you the opportunity to show you weren't lazy by doing the thing I suggested doing.
Ariel: Don't pretend we don't both know how that was going to turn out.
Sasha: Fine. But I'm completely lost now.
Ariel: About what?
Sasha: Argh! About why you said "we" almost made a big mistake when I hadn't done anything yet.
Ariel: Oh, because if I'd of said, "Let's blog about that movie," then either you'd of started an argument about it or else we'd of both started complaining about the movie --
Sasha: After telling people to put their spoiler blankets on.
Ariel: -- and either one of those would have been a big mistake, because the whole post would of been us both arguing or complaining.
Sasha: Are you deliberately trying to provoke me into correcting you about saying "would of" instead of "would have"?
Ariel: No, I'm just showing you how when I make mistakes, they're little mistakes, but when we make mistakes together, sometimes they end up being big mistakes.
Sasha: Well, congratulations, then. Or actually, double congratulations.
Ariel: Woohoo! Thanks! Wait, what are you congratulating me about?
Sasha: Not only did you make me understand what the heck you were trying to say, but you also proved we almost made a big mistake -- because we actually did make a big mistake and end up wasting everybody's time arguing for half the post. Which means that at the point you said we "almost" made a big mistake, it was only a little bit in the future that we actually were going to make a big mistate, so at that point it was true that we had "almost" made a big mistake.
Ariel: Okay, wait ... are you saying I win or not?
Sasha: I'm definitely not saying you win.
Ariel: You think you won that one, then? Because it didn't seem like that to me.
Sasha: I think everybody lost that one, Aers. You, me, the readers, maybe some of our yams if they had the bad luck to be listening to this ... everybody.
Ariel: Oh. Well geez, you don't have to go and make me feel all bad about it. If you were gonna do that, we could of just talked about the movie and felt bad about the fact we wasted two and a half hours watching it.
Sasha: Could have. Could have.
Ariel: Look, if I could of said "could have" I would of said "could have," don't you think?
Sasha: I think we need to start blogging about something instead of just keeping this up. Do you want to blog about Castle Rat, or about the movie?
Ariel: Duh-uh. Castle Rat like I said at the very start. Also because we don't need to tell people to put their spoiler blankets on because I don't think we could really say anything that's going to spoil what an awesome band this is.
Sasha: That's pretty high praise. Go on.
Ariel: I mean, look at this album cover!

Ariel: It's a barbarian chick with a cool-ass hairdo and a sword riding a unicorn!
Sasha: Sure. And there's a wizard in the background casting a spell or something.
Ariel: Ooh! I didn't even notice him because I was too busy looking at the pretty unicorn and the hot barbarian chick. I mean, she's got chainmail on her boobs and everything.
Sasha: I don't know how great the chainmail-on-the-boobs bit is, considering there's like, snow on the ground around her. Seems like she'd get awfully cold awfully quick.
Ariel: I think she's too hot for that. Also, if you listen to the music, she's too busy ROCKING OUT to get cold.
Sasha: Now that, I'll agree with. This album does pretty seriously rock. Should we tell people what kind of music it is?
Ariel: No, because first off, we already said it was rock, and second off, if we tell them anything more about that, we'll have to tell them to put on spoiler blankets, which we already said we weren't going to do. So instead they should just click this link to go ahead and watch their newest video.

Sasha: Okay ... but now I feel like you kind of sewed the whole post up because we can't say anything more about the music without warning people to put their spoiler blankets on.
Ariel: Sure we can. They just watched the video, so now we're not spoiling anything if we talk about it.
Sasha: But maybe they just scrolled down and didn't watch the video.
Ariel: What! They wouldn't!
Sasha: I mean, plenty of them might.
Ariel: Dang. I guess that's true. Which means I guess you're right, and we're done with this post, since we already said we weren't going to do a spoiler blanket announcement.
Sasha: I feel like you've trapped me into not being able to say that was a trick to wrap things up without doing any more work and also get you off the hook from being called lazy.
Ariel: Well, I couldn't of created such an evil genius plan without working really hard at it, so if you're right, it proves I'm not being lazy, and if you're wrong, that still proves I'm not being lazy.
Sasha: Okay, I surrender. Can we ride a unicorn off into the sunset now, or something?
Ariel: Sure! You have to ride in the front, though, because I don't want your cold chainmail boob-armor making my back all brrr while we're riding.
Sasha: Fine.
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Very, Very Freedom!!!

Sasha: Hey! No falling asleep!
Ariel: But it's so late! Do we really have to blog right now?
Sasha: Yes. Because I was sitting around thinking, damn it's been a long time since I blogged, and I checked and it had only been like two months, which actually is not such a long time for me. But then I looked and saw that it's been even longer since we blogged together here, which is crazy. I only have my own blog because you guys made me make one, but I have this blog because it's the best idea for a blog ever, so there's no way this one should ever be even more behind the times than that one.
Ariel: Gosh, Sash ... do you really think this one's the best idea for a blog ever?
Sasha: I just said so, didn't I? Don't make me get all mushy. Anyway, I think I've got a good subject for us to blog about, because it doesn't have to be a long post, so you can go in and get your beauty rest pretty quick.
Ariel: Whew! I'm so relieved. Sooo what's the post going to be about that we're not going to go on and on and (yawwwn) ... and ...
Sasha: It's the teacher episode from The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Love You! season 3.
Ariel: Omg -- snort! That episode was so crazy funny! We definitely need to tell people to put their spoiler blankets on so we don't spoil any of the ultra-hilarious jokes from that episode.
Sasha: Nope. No spoiler blankets!
Ariel: What?!? But ... but ... if anybody hasn't seen it yet ...
Sasha: That's my genius plan for keeping the post short so you can get to bed. No spoiler blankets means we can't say anything spoilery, so because the episode was so freakin' hilarious, we basically won't have anything to say and we'll be done really quick.
Ariel: Wow. You're SO smart, Sash!
Sasha: Thanks!
Ariel: All right, I'm going to bed then! See you in the morning!
Sasha: Wait, wait, wait. Not that quick. We can't say much about the show without spoiling something, but we need to say something.
Ariel: Okay ... uh ... well dang, you already did spoil something by saying it was the teacher episode.
Sasha: Sure, but basically all of the characters are in school, so there being a teacher episode doesn't really spoil much.
Ariel: It does though, because anybody who's seen the show knows how --
Sasha: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Spoiler blankets are for people who haven't seen it, right? So those are the people we're worried about, and mentioning there's a teacher episode won't mean anything to them.
Ariel: I guess that's true.
Sasha: Okay then. My challenge to you is to say what you thought was the funniest part, but say it in a way that won't give anything away to people who haven't seen it.
Ariel: That's so hard though! And you know I'm tired already!
Sasha: Just think about what scene you thought was funniest, and then think about something that is specific about the scene but that doesn't give anything away. Like, I thought the funniest part was when the teacher first entered the classroom for the day near the beginning of the episode. Once somebody watches it, they'll know exactly the part I mean, and they'll probably start thinking about it and laugh. But if they haven't watched it, the idea of a teacher coming into a classroom at the start of the day is so ordinary it doesn't ruin anything for anybody.
Ariel: Uh ... okay ... only, I don't believe you.
Sasha: You don't? You think someone will be able to figure out why that scene is funny just from me saying that?
Ariel: No, I mean I don't believe you thought that was the funniest scene, because obviously the funniest scene was ... uh ... when ... uh ...
Sasha: You can do this. I believe in you.
Ariel: Give me a second. Um ...
Sasha: Any small detail, right? As long as it doesn't mean anything without context.
Ariel: Black rectangle! There's something in the scene, and it's got a rectangle-y shape that's black.
Sasha: Hahahahaha!!! Oh, yeah, that's definitely the funniest part. Good job, too, because people who try thinking about it to figure out what it might mean can probably think of some school things that might be black and rectangular.
Ariel: Whoosh. That took a lot out of me. Can I go to bed now?
Sasha: Sure. I might even go with you.
Ariel: Noooo, I need to sleep!
Sasha: Did I say anything about not sleeping?
Ariel: No, but you did that thing with your eyebrows.
Sasha: Okay, go ahead and go by yourself, then.
Ariel: Stop it with those eyebrows! They're being total spoilerbrows!
Sasha: If you just go to bed, you'll be safe under your blanket from them spoiling anything.
Ariel: Grr ... all right ... I'm going ...
Sasha and Ariel: Goodnight, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... The Acolyte!

Sasha: Wow, it's been a hot minute since we did a Star Wars experiencing post!
Ariel: I looked it up when I was going to read back over some of our Star Wars posts and remember some of the stuff we said, and it's been two years and then a couple of months on top of that!
Sasha: Whoa, I'm surprised you went to all that effort!
Ariel: All what effort?
Sasha: Reading all those posts. What did you find out?
Ariel: Oh, I didn't end up reading them. There were soooo many! I just saw the last one was over two years ago ... and the first one was before the pandemic! I had only just barely gotten here! Anyway, there were dozens and dozens of Star Wars posts and I wasn't going to try taking that on once I saw them and remembered how many there were.
Sasha: Dozens and dozens? That seems like a pretty high number when I glance over at our sidebar of all our Star Wars posts.
Ariel: Well, there were at least a dozen. I could tell that just looking. Counting them all would only have made me more sure I wasn't going to read that much stuff, and I was already pretty sure, TBH.
Sasha: Got it. So is there anything we want to talk about before we tell everyone to put their spoiler blankets on?
Ariel: Yeah, because there's something we have to spoil on account of it would be really mean not to.
Sasha: Really? What's that?
Ariel: The first part of this show is all out of order! I got SUCH a big headache out of trying to figure out what was going on, and I don't want our readers' heads to hurt as much as mine did, so I feel like we've just got to break our rules and tell them to watch episode 3 and episode 7 at the very start because that's the actual order things happen in.
Sasha: I think I agree about episode 3, but not about episode 7. Episode 3 has lots of information that would help you understand what the characters are doing and thinking in episodes 1 and 2, but episode 7 gives away all the big mysteries of the whole season, so I'd tell people to watch that one where the Disney people put it, between 6 and 8.
Ariel: Woohoo! Look at us being big-time Star Wars fans!
Sasha: What do you mean?
Ariel: We're arguing about what order to watch episodes in! I think that's like a final exam to graduate from being pretty big fans to being really big fans.
Sasha: I think we're already really big fans, though.
Ariel: Hmm. Then I guess maybe we must have argued about the order to watch things in in one of those dozens and dozens of posts I didn't read, and I just don't remember that argument.
Sasha: All right. So can we have everybody put their spoiler blankets on now?
Ariel: Sure.
Sasha: So what do we want to talk about first? Episode 3?
Ariel: No, I want to talk about episode 1 in case anybody who left their spoiler blanket off is still reading and isn't sure we're right about watching episode 3 before episodes 1 and 2. Trust us, people! You've got to watch episode 3 first.
Sasha: Maybe give them some specific reasons?
Ariel: I'm going to! It's why I'm talking about episode 1 as soon as you let me.
Sasha: Go for it.
Ariel: So -- episode 1 starts off with a big, bad bar-fight between a mysterious masked murder-chick and this Jedi lady named Master End Our Uh.
Sasha: I'm not sure that's her name, and it's kind of a mouthful ...
Ariel: That's why I'm abbreviating it to MEOU, which sounds like a kitty.
Sasha: I didn't think she was very kitty-like, but okay.
Ariel: Kitties are cute, though! Anyway, MMMchick goes in this bar and gets up in MEOU's face and says she wants to throw down with her, and MEOU acts like she doesn't want to but then ends up doing it and MMMchick keeps being mysterious for a while during the fight and also keeps being masked until MEOU manages to pull the mask off her, and then pretty soon after that she gets to the murdering part and it turns out MEOU isn't all that much like a kitty because she definitely doesn't have 9 lives.
Sasha: And did you think that whole bit would be helped a ton by seeing episode 3 beforehand?
Ariel: No, only a little. Because at one point MEOU sees that MMMchick's got these forehead circles on one side of her forehead under her braid-bangs, which I'm going to call "brangs" from here on to save time. And because we see that, we'd totally know, "Hey, that's the twin-girl who got the forehead circles witched onto her in episode 3!" Only if we'd watched them in the right order, we probably wouldn't know it was episode 3 so we just would have said, "last episode."
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: It's what happens next that REALLY needs you to watch episode 3 first, because then we switch to the other twin-girl suddenly waking up from being asleep and taking a big gasp, and as soon as I saw that, I was like, "Oh, dang. We just wasted the whole time we spent watching that big bar fight because it was all a dream anyhow." Because I thought it was the same girl on account of her brangs were hiding her forehead where the forehead circles would have been if she'd had them, so we didn't know she didn't have them.
Sasha: Oh, okay. I didn't assume that's what was going on, but I can see how someone might.
Ariel: Right? So then I'm remembering people with the Force can see the future sometimes, so I got really mad because I thought, "Hey! Did they just spoil a fight that's going to happen later by showing us her Force dream about it? Now I won't be surprised when the fight happens and she kills MEOU for real!"
Sasha: Definitely not what I was thinking, but I get how you could.
Ariel: Thanks. We're arguing a lot less this post than normal, which I think is great.
Sasha: Do we really argue all that much usually? I don't think it's like we're constantly arguing or anything.
Ariel: Are you kidding me? Of course we -- wait a minute. I see what you're doing.
Sasha: Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Ariel: Anyway, then after we see NMMMchick doing stuff for a while --
Sasha: NMMMchick?
Ariel: Yeah, "Not Mysterious or Masked or Murdering Chick." Which I didn't know at the time but I would have if we'd watched episode 3 first. So like I was saying, after some more of her on this spaceship, we see this Jedi classroom being taught by Master S'all. And if we'd watched episode 3 first, we'd know MEOU was his boss way back when and he and she and those other two Jedi really effed things up on the twin-girls' home planet and that's why MMMchick was doing her murdering bit and why NMMMchick wasn't.
Sasha: I totally agree that you've got a majorly solid case about why people should watch episode 3 first. But I think his name was Sol, not S'all.
Ariel: Yeah, but I like saying S'all because then when I'm talking about the S'all who's in the now story I can say, "This S'all" and when I'm talking about the one in the past story I can say, "That S'all."
Sasha: Okay, I kind of like that.
Ariel: Thanks! But one more thing I want to say about why they should have started with episode 3 is, then right off the bat you get to see the lez-bewitches. I thought they were pretty awesome. Although then I was bummed when they all died on account of That S'all and MEOU effing up the mission to their planet. Except I didn't get the full bumming effect because episode 1 spoils the fact that the twin-girls' whole family got killed in a fire, so when I was watching episode 3 I was like, "Dang, I like these lez-bewitches, it sucks they're going to die," and then when they did there wasn't much of any surprise about it.
Sasha: More and more good points about why people should watch episode 3 first.
Ariel: Wow, I've been talking so much, haven't I? Maybe you should take a turn.
Sasha: Sure, glad to! Don't point this next part out, because I'm going to gush about the hottest character on the whole show.
Ariel: The guy who that little horny girl told to put his shirt on? I mean, he was pretty muscle-y, but I didn't think he was that hot.
Sasha: No, not that guy. He was too dumb for me to think he was hot. I'm not really attracted to dumb hunks.
Ariel: Oh. So ... what, the dorky nerdy Jedi who was like the secretary or something for Green Baldy Lady?
Sasha: What? No. Hard pass. I do have a thing for the right kind of hot nerdy guy, but that guy was a goober. No, I mean --
Ariel: The super smooth Jedi girl with the big eyes and bat ears?
Sasha: No, why would our boyfriend be jealous of her?
Ariel: I dunno. I'm just running out of candidates for hottest character. Some of the witches were pretty hot, but others definitely weren't ... oh, but the did all get burnt up in the fire, is that the kind of hot you meant?
Sasha: NO, I'm talking about the main bad guy who pretends to be a weaselly shrimp but then turns out to be totally jacked and bad-ass and also weirdly sensitive in an evil kinda way. Once he stopped being weaselly, I was totally drooling over him.
Ariel: Okay, now I get what you mean. I didn't think of him because I didn't think he was hot.
Sasha: You didn't???
Ariel: No, because he was way too cool. Like, ice cold.
Sasha: Oh, all right.
Ariel: Like a polar droid picture.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: It's from a song.
Sasha: Can I get back to talking about the hot guy?
Ariel: Sure!
Sasha: Anyway, other than being super-evil, that dude was the bomb.
Ariel: I guess. When he wasn't wearing that ugly hat.
Sasha: Helmet. But you're right, it was pretty ugly.
Ariel: SO ugly. I was surprised how handsome he was when he took it off.
Sasha: Surprised? Didn't you already know it was the weaselly guy the whole time?
Ariel: Well yeah, I knew it was C'mere, but I didn't think he was handsome when he was being weaselly on account of how mega-weaselly he was. Plus he was shifty too. Those are not hot qualities for me.
Sasha: Me either, but I could still he he was good-looking. Anyway, once he took that helmet back off, he got super hot -- sexy and charming and bold and even kind of wise, you know? Plus ULTRA-suave. That guy had all the suave.
Ariel: You forgot the part about him being pretty funny too, like when he's complaining about the Jedi finding out who he is so now he has to kill them, and This S'all says, "Hey, you're the one who came here where we'd find you." And instead of pointing out, "Yeah, because my name is C'mere," he says, "Well, I did wear a mask."
Sasha: That was a great line, you're right. He was pretty clever.
Ariel: It would have been funnier if he hadn't just murdered all those people, but I guess no guy is 100% perfect. Although our boyfriend comes pretty close.
Sasha: Yeah, he's hot in that nerdy kind of way and he's funny and clever and sensitive too.
Ariel: Plus, he doesn't go around murdering people.
Sasha: So what else do we want to say about The Acolyte?
Ariel: I mean, there's probably other stuff to say, but I think our boyfriend is about to start the next show in the Star Wars rewatch he's doing, so maybe we ought to wrap that up, especially since it may be another one we haven't seen yet.
Sasha: Works for me.
Ariel and Sasha: Okay then, see you later, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Shipwreckscape!

Ariel: Woohoo! New Heroscape! And you know what's even better?
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Our boyfriend's actually okay with letting us play with it first! And he built us a map to play on. AND he made up armies for us to play with. It looks like this.

Sasha: Wow. That's definitely even better than just new Heroscape arriving. Cool shipwreck!
Ariel: Plus, do you know what's even evener betterer?
Sasha: Tell me.
Ariel: He made up three armies -- two that are basically even and one that's extra big. So we can either play a one on one against each other or find somebody else to play with and do a two on one where two armies gang up against the third one. I figure since Heddy learned how to play last time we should ask her. And do you know what's super even better bestest?
Sasha: You already asked her and she said yes.
Ariel: What! How did you know?
Sasha: Because I see her coming this way from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
Heddy: Hi, guys.
Ariel: Hi, Heddy!
Sasha: Heya. So Aers roped you into playing Heroscape again, huh?
Heddy: I had fun last time, but I figured I'd better get caffeinated if I'm going to be perky enough to remember the rules and strategies.
Ariel: Don't worry, these are new figures, so all the strategies will be different anyhow.
Sasha: So who's going to be on the team-up side and who's going to be playing the giganto army?
Heddy: I 100% volunteer to not play the giganto army. That sounds a bit nightmarish, even with caffeine in my system.
Ariel: Well in that case probably I should play the giganto army on account of Heddy and I teamed up last time and beat you and MSG's team, so if the two of us team up again and stomp you you'll probably feel like it's just a repeat of that game.
Sasha: Sounds good to me. You know I won't turn down a chance to play with Heddy.
Heddy: Mm. Mutual facts.
Ariel: Anyways ... that means I'm playing this army with a super-buff Captain-Pirate-Admiral-King for its leader, and these extradimensional tentacle-y things, plus some wingy folks and some chainsaw ax orcs and a dinosaur rider and a creepy no-skin guy on his no-skin horse.

Sasha: That's a pretty big army.
Heddy: Should we be worried? What does our side look like?
Ariel: You've got these two armies. First is this bunch of zombie cybordogs with a trenchcoat rat-riding dude for their leader.

Then there's this big bunch of insect guys and some wingy chicks backing them up.

Sasha: Yeah, I don't know if our guys look as tough as your guys do.
Heddy: Both of these armies have a bit of an ickiness to them, too. If I can have my druthers, though, I'd take the one with the winged ladies over the ghoul dogs and Trenchcoat LaForge there.
Sasha: Be my guest. I guess I'm these horror hounds, then. We ready to put our figures on the board and set up our order markers and roll initiative?
Heddy: I hope I'm ready.
Ariel: Oh! The rules that came with this Capiradmirking dude say when you've got a two-on-one situations with the same points on each side, the people with two armies don't get to use their number 3 markers.
Heddy: I suppose that makes sense. We have the same number of points, but it would be a sizable advantage for the two of us to get twice as many turns as you do.
Sasha: Of course you tell us this after we agreed to be on the two-army team.
Ariel: I wasn't trying to be sneaky! I only just remembered it when you mentioned order markers.
Sasha: It's fine. I mean, I guess our side still gets one more turn each round of order markers than you do.
Heddy: I've set up my markers.
Ariel: Yikes! That was quick!
Heddy: It was pretty easy since I only had 2 that really matter to decide on.
Ariel: I'm still working on mine. Give me a second.
Sasha: Mine are placed too. Although maybe before we say we're done with them, you should tell us if there are any special rules about that shipwreck.
Ariel: Oh gosh, that's right! Um, okay, so if you're next to one of those cannons, you can turn it any whichaway and then shoot with it instead of doing your normal attack. It's got a range of 8 and does 3 attack dice to whatever's in the hex you shoot at plus the adjacent hexes. Oh, and it's a special attack, so it doesn't get a bonus for being up high. Then there's the rope ladders. If you're going up or down a rope ladder, it counts as one elevation level, and if someone is adjacent to a rope ladder, they're also adjacent to anybody else. Adjacent to the ladder means you're in the hex at the bottom of it, or you're in the hex it's attached to.
Sasha: All right, all that's good to know. I'm okay with where my markers are now.
Ariel: Wait! Also, rope ladders are only for small and medium figures to climb on. I guess large creatures still get to use that adjacent rule for attacking? It doesn't say for sure.
Sasha: Okay, I roll a 4 for initiative.
Ariel: Hey! I didn't say I was done putting down order markers! You stopped me to ask about the rules.
Sasha: Sorry. I guess I'll just have to re-roll once you're done.
Ariel: Boo. I bet you wouldn't've said that if you rolled really good.
Sasha: We'll never know, will we? Are you ready yet?
Ariel: Yes.
Sasha: I roll a 7. Not much better. 
Heddy: I roll 17.
Ariel: 18! Okay, my first marker is Capiradmirking. He's got these command markers he can put on other heroes to take a turn with them. I'm gonna move this orc on the bonehead dinosaur forward, and then Capraking flies up a few spaces too.
Heddy: My first marker is on my Skordyre Infantry, and they get to take a turn with two common insect heroes. They have to have different names, though. So I'll move forward with this Spitting Hive Soldier and this Bursting Hive Soldier.
Ariel: Ew, bursting? That sounds gross. Well, at least he looks slow.
Heddy: After that my infantry move up next to these bushes. Those give me a bonus on defense against ranged attacks, right?
Ariel: If somebody's shooting you from a distance, yeah.
Sasha: Okay, my first order marker is on my spookydogs. The squad guys get to let one of the hero guys take a turn first.
Heddy: How can we tell which ones are squad figures and which are heroes? They look pretty much the same to me.
Sasha: The squad ones only have one arm. See?
Heddy: Oh, got it.
Sasha: All of mine end up in the bushes too.
Ariel: Okay. Well, my next turn is with Capring, so he uses another command marker ...
Sasha: Wow, you're using those up quick.
Ariel: I get them back every turn! So this turn I'm ordering Mr. No-skin around, so he charges over here ... and then Ca-ping is going to fly where he's hidden by the ship from you.
Heddy: My second marker is on the infantry too. They'll send these Hive Soldiers toward that ladder amidships, then move a bit closer to your skinless thing. Yuck.
Sasha: My guys from last turn are headed around toward the back of the ship.
Ariel: Okay! Ca-ping is my third order marker too! He'll have this girl with the red wings fly ... here, and then he'll fly up to the top of the ship! I'm going to put him by the ladder instead of one of the cannons, because that makes him adjacent to your Soldier. Is that the Spitting one or the Burping one?
Heddy: It's the spitting one. The other is the bursting one.
Ariel: Haha, I just thought Spitting and Burping sounded funnier. Anyhow, since he's adjacent, Ca-ping gets to attack Mr. Spitty twice. He's up high, so he gets 4 dice instead of 3 -- agh, no skulls! Okay, that better not happen on this second attack because I get to add in 2 more dice for it. That's better! 3 skulls!
Heddy: Oof. If I'd know he could roll that many dice I think I'd have positioned myself very differently. Let's see. My defense is 3 ... and I definitely don't roll 3 shields. Dead.
Ariel: Yay! First blood! Or first whatever kind of goo your bugs use for blood.
Sasha: New order markers?
Ariel: Right.
Sasha: I'm ready.
Heddy: Me too.
Ariel: Me -- oh, dang! I was supposed to be putting down Kraken tentacles every time Ca-ping went! I better remember that this time!
Sasha: Can you maybe not? I'm already feeling kinda worried about how this battle looks like it's going.
Ariel: Well I can't forget on purpose! But if I do forget don't rub it in or then I'll be sure not to forget the next time.
Sasha: Deal. I get 10 for initiative.
Heddy: 16.
Ariel: Dragon! Oh, wait. That's bad in this game. Maybe I shouldn't use these Dragonbane dice.
Heddy: My first marker is on my Skordyre Infantry again. I'll move these two Hive Soldiers, then bring my Infantry up adjacent to the skinless monstrosity there. 2 attack dice ... ah! 2 skulls!
Ariel: Yikes! But I roll 3 shields on my 4 defense dice.
Heddy: Ah well. Next I roll 1 skull.
Ariel: 2 shields!
Sasha: My turn? My Necrotech Geistfire moves here and takes a shot at your big-wings bigwig. 3 dice ... aaand 3 shields. My other guys follow him.
Heddy: So that's where my 3 shields went.
Ariel: My turn? Ca-ping puts an order marker on ... Mr. No-skin! He's climbing up on this hill, which is a leaving engagement attack from one of your buggy dudes, Heddy.
Heddy: One die, right? It's a wound. Hallelujah.
Ariel: That's okay because I'm doing Withering Breath on both your guys now, and having a wound lets me do an extra attack die. 3 skulls!
Heddy: Both of them are now very, very withered.
Ariel: Yes! I also get to remove a wound the first time I whack a figure in a turn.
Heddy: This is really not seeming very fair.
Ariel: Well, Ca-ping is moving next to this cannon to blast your last Infantry guy with it! Let's see. Umm ... no ... er ... dang it. That bush is totally in the way! Okey doke, I'll just switch to this spitty bug here. Boom! 2 skulls.
Heddy: Zero shields. This battle is leaning pretty heavy into ignominious territory. Thankfully, my second marker is on my Elites of Ullar, not my Skordyre Infantry. So I'll fly my Elites up to hide by these bushes ... oh. No I won't, because I only have movement of 4. In that case, I'll just spread them out so the most that can get cannoned is 1.
Sasha: This is really terrible so far. 
Heddy: I know, right?
Sasha: Okay, my Geistfire guy ... oops ... was supposed to roll last turn to see if his blaster blew up. Whew! It didn't. He's climbing up to take on -- okay, what's this guy's actual name? Thormun? And I can get right next to him so there's no worry of my gun backfiring. 2 skulls.
Heddy: Don't say "2 skulls" so dispiritedly. It's like you're already assuming you won't do any damage.
Ariel: Yeah, Sash. I've only got 3 defense. See? 1 wound.
Sasha: Fantastic. Out of how many?
Ariel: Um ... 8.
Sasha: Okay, I want my number 3 order marker back.
Heddy: Me too.
Ariel: But ... the rules ...
Sasha: Let's just see how your next turn goes, I guess. Oh, and the one after that too, since you still have 2 left.
Ariel: Uh ... oh! I remembered my Kraken finally! I'll put a tentacle right here next to this dogzombie with the gun.
Sasha: Terrific.
Ariel: So ... now I put a command marker on Raelin and fly her up here to this cannon ... looks like she can shoot at Heddy's Burping Soldier ... I mean Bursting! Sorry! Don't look at me so mean!
Heddy: (sigh) Just roll your cannon attack.
Ariel: 2 skulls.
Heddy: I have 4 defense dice, and ... shockingly, I roll 2 shields!
Ariel: See? It's not that bad yet.
Sasha: Emphasis on the "yet" ... except I really do think it's that bad.
Ariel: Okay, so Ca-ping gets his first attack on zombiedog ... 1 skull.
Sasha: 2 shields.
Ariel: Yay! You guys are starting to do great! Now my second attack ... oh, that's 4 skulls.
Sasha: (glare!)
Ariel: Is he dead? Okay, I guess he's dead. Fine, you guys can use your number three markers. Where is yours going, Heddy?
Heddy: My Skordyre Infantry, for certain. I'll activate this Bursting Soldier who survived by the skin of his teeth last time. Wait. Does he have teeth? Does he have skin? I guess it's more like the ... exoskeleton of his mandibles? At any rate, he'll scuttle over here and bite at your Mr. No-skin. I have elevation, so that's 3 dice ... and 1 skull. 
Ariel: I roll a shield.
Sasha: My number 3 will be the ghoul dogs. I'll move one of my other ghoul heroes over by this tree ... and start climbing up to the deck of the ship. Your turn.
Ariel: I guess my Ramosaur Rider will move here and head-butt your ... Bursting bug ... 1 skull.
Heddy: 1 shield. Whew.
Ariel: Oh, uh ... when the Ramosaur Rider and the defender roll the same number of things, they both take 1 wound.
Heddy: Fine. Well, at least he gets to burst. I need a 9 or better for each of your figures to deal a wound. 7 on your Ramosaur ... 18 on the no-skin monstrosity.
Ariel: So now it's Ca-ping's turn ... I guess I'll take it easy on you and instead of cannoning anybody, I'll fly here and attack this wing lady of yours, Heddy. 1 skull.
Heddy: 3 shields. The roll I'm about to actually need when you attack again.
Ariel: Wow! You totally called that! 3 skulls!
Heddy: 2 shields, so 1 wound, which she can actually survive.
Ariel: Okay, new order markers!
Sasha: First, I get to replace one of my squad figures with the dead Geistfire because they can scavenge each others' parts.
Heddy: Hm! Macabre, but also cool. I'm ready.
Ariel: Me too!
Sasha: Me three. 16 for initiative. 
Heddy: 18!
Ariel: 14. See? You guys are cooking now.
Sasha: Yeah, we've done 3 whole points of damage and we're only down, what, 5 figures? Tides turned. You can concede anytime now.
Heddy: My number one is this Skordyre Infantry, who activates ... this Lurking Hive Soldier who has attack 4 ... and gets 1 skull.
Ariel: Sorry. 2 shields.
Heddy: Next, this Bursting Soldier ... again, 1 skull.
Ariel: Shield.
Sasha: Okay, the regular Reavers are heading in Thormun's direction. The Geistfire stays on the ship and shoots at Raelin. 1 skull for me too.
Heddy: At least we're consistent.
Ariel: Let's see ... she's got ... 3 defense. And she gets a shield. So, it's Thormun's turn, and he'll command ... Mr. No-skin. He's going to dash over here where he can Withering Breath a couple of your guys. Only 2 attack this time ... 1 skull. 
Heddy: Both of my characters defend. 
Ariel: Thormun -- I mean, Ca-ping -- he'll attack your Elite wingy lady ... yikes, 3 skulls!
Heddy: Ha. I also roll 3 skulls. Extremely dead.
Ariel: Then I guess my second attack is on this Lurking dude ... only 1 skull! Yay!
Heddy: Celebrations. I defend. My second order marker is on the Elites of Ullar. The remaining 2 of them move up to attack Thormun. 1 skull followed by ... 3 skulls! Finally a good roll. 
Ariel: My guy rolls 1 shield followed by 1 shield, so 2 more wounds. Maybe I shouldn't've flown him down here.
Sasha: Let's see if I can turn that from a "maybe" to a "for sure." Agent Carr's my next marker, and he moves in here to chop your Captain-Pirate-Admiral-King M.F. with his Sword of Reckoning. 6 dice! Yes, 4 skulls!
Ariel: Oh, man. I feel really bad about this. 3 shields. But at least I'm down half my hit points now. For my turn, first I'll put a marker on Raelin and fly her down to do a Whirlwind Assault on these two insecty things. 2 skulls on each one!
Heddy: Wow, I roll 2 shields for each one.
Ariel: Okay, so now Thormun figures he better take care of this Agent Carr guy. First attack is 2 skulls.
Sasha: Uh-huh. Look at that. I get 4 skulls. You're off to a great start.
Ariel: Only 1 skull on my second attack, though.
Sasha:  I defend.
Heddy: Elites of Ullar again. 2 skulls and 2 skulls.
Ariel: This could be bad ... no shields! And ... YIPE! NO SHIELDS! He's dead!
Sasha: Now you can say you shouldn't have flown him down there.
Heddy: That was very satisfying. At last.
Ariel: Yeah, I shouldn't have flown him down there. But I did also fly Raelin down there, and she gets to do a Vengeful Swoop. She flies over here and spears your Elite of Ullar on an 8 or better ... 11! 1 wound. I'm screwed now though because all my order markers were on Thormun. So I don't get my order marker 3.
Sasha: Nice. I like hearing that. New order markers. I'm done.
Ariel: Me too.
Heddy: Likewise.
Sasha: 11 initiative.
Heddy: 2.
Ariel: Woohoo, 15! I put my number 1 on Raelin, so she gets another Whirlwind Attack. 2 skulls on Agent Carr, 1 skull on this new Elite of Ullar, 2 skulls on this wounded one.
Sasha: Agent Carr is safe.
Heddy: Surprisingly, so are both my Elites.
Ariel: Poop.
Sasha: Sword of Vengeance on Raelin! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Erk, no shields! She's dead-ola!
Sasha: Yes!
Heddy: First up for me is my Skordyre Infantryman. He'll activate a couple of Hive Soldiers ... This Lurking one first, for 3 skulls on Mr. No-skin.
Ariel: 1 wound.
Heddy: Then this Bursting one ... 2 skulls!
Ariel: I'm sweating! Okay, safe.
Heddy: Then now it's the Infantry's turn. He'll move up and attack, getting an extra die because at least 2 of his hivemates are adjacent to you. 2 skulls.
Ariel: Only 1 shield. He's dead. My order marker 2 is these wingy-dingy guys, who would've given Mr. No-skin a free turn if he didn't bite it. They just fly closer.
Sasha: My number 2 is Agent Carr, so he's going to ride his weird rat-dog-horse over here and shoot at your Ramosaur Rider. Only 2 attack ... 1 skull.
Ariel: Ramosaur better not blow this ... okay, he's safe.
Heddy: Number 2 for me is the Elites. They fly closer to the shipwreck.
Ariel: It's my axe orcs, then. First, they give Ramosaur Rider a turn to go headbutt Agent Carr. Ooh, and he can climb up on this hill next to you and get an extra die ... blah! No skulls.
Sasha: Does that mean I have to roll defense anyway and if I get zero shields, we both take a wound?
Ariel: Oh, gosh. Actually, I guess it does!
Sasha: Nope, safe.
Ariel: Axe orcs on the march, then. 
Sasha: My number 3 is the Necrotech Reavers. First they give this Geistfire a turn. I guess he's just going to use this cannon on your Kraken tentacle. 3 skulls!
Ariel: One shield. It's dead. Wow, I did so terrible with that stupid Kraken when it should have been so cool!
Sasha: That's the breaks. Okay, my squad guys will move this way.
Heddy: My number 3 is this Lurking Hive Soldier. He'll move up to your Ramosaur Rider and ... roll 1 skull. And you have elevation. 
Ariel: He's safe but barely! New order markers!
Sasha: Done.
Heddy: Done.
Ariel: Done.
Sasha: 18 initiative. 
Heddy: 9.
Ariel: 17.
Sasha: Agent Carr is chopping dinosaur. Sword of Vengeance! Fff. Only 2 skulls. 
Ariel: Eek! No shields! Dead! And I was about to use him, too! Now all I get to do is move my axe orcs.
Heddy: My turn? Skordyre Infantry. Lurking Soldier scurries up and rolls 2 skulls on this Chain Grut.
Ariel: He's safe.
Heddy: One skull from this Bursting Soldier, then.
Ariel: Safe!
Heddy: My Infantrybug moves here then, and that's it for me.
Sasha: Agent Carr! He zips over to this Revenant dude and uses his Sword of Vengeance again. 3 skulls.
Ariel: He's suuper dead. But now it's time for orcs with axes! GZZRRRR! 1 skull on Agent Carr and 2 skulls on Agent Carr.
Sasha: Safe and safe.
Ariel: 2 skulls on the Lurking bug!
Heddy: 1 shield. It dies.
Ariel: 2 skulls on the Bursting bug!
Heddy: It bursts. But I don't make my Acid Sac roll. My kyrie Elites fly up onto the ship and one trains a cannon on your kyrie down there. 3 skulls.
Ariel: Dang-a-ding-dong dead.
Sasha: My number 3 are my Reavers. The hero moves over here on the ship deck and these others move closer to your orcs.
Ariel: My last wingy guy flies up and attacks Agent Carr for 2 skulls.
Sasha: He takes a wound.
Heddy: My number 3 is this Lurker way the heck over here where he started the game out. He Lurks his way over as fast as he can.
Ariel: So ... I guess it's order marker time? Only all I've got left are 4 orcs and a wingman, and you guys have all those people left. I think I kinda ought to give up. Especially since it's getting late.
Sasha: It's 10:00 on a Saturday.
Ariel: Oh my gosh, it's already 10:00? No wonder I'm so tired. Yeah, I definitely give, guys.
Sasha: Now I feel kind of bad about pressuring you into letting us use those other order markers.
Ariel: It's okay. I think I lost more from doing dumb stuff like flying my big boss down where you could all swarm him and also missing like 6 or 7 times I could have put out my other 4 Kraken tentacles. But it was fun anyway!
Heddy: Thank you for inviting me, Ariel. And thank you for being on my team, Sash.
Sasha: Pff, sure. But you know everybody is Team Heddy around here since you showed up.
Heddy: I know. But it's still so nice to be able to tell you how much I appreciate you.
Ariel: Yay! Group hug!
Sasha and Heddy and Ariel: (hug!)
Ariel: Next time I swear I'm going to beat you guys, though.

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... G.I. Joe Heroscape!

Sasha: Hey, what's this?
Ariel: Pretty sure it's new Heroscape, can't you tell?
Sasha:  I mean, yeah, but we got new Heroscape and you didn't let me know before you got it out of the box and set it all up?
Ariel: I guess our boyfriend caught onto us and made sure he was around when the package came, so he got to unbox everything and see it first. But who cares? It's right here and all set up, so let's play!
Sasha: Sure ... only for some reason it kind of feels like it won't be as much fun if we aren't sneaking to play with it before he gets a chance to. Also, this set looks really different. What's up with that?

Ariel: It's because it's G.I. Joe Heroscape, and some of these guys are G.I. Joes, which our boyfriend says were really big when he was a kid.
Sasha: I don't know how big they could have been. I mean, I've never heard of them. 
Ariel: No, I mean, like, actually big. 12 inches tall or something.
Sasha: Well that's way too big for Heroscape figures.
Ariel: I know, duh, which is obviously why they made them tons smaller. Anyway, there are these G.I. Joe guys, who are the good guys, and they fight these Cobra guys, who are the baddies.
Sasha: Hang on, there are good guys and bad guys? Heroscape doesn't usually get that specific. It's usually just, guys-who-fight-and-look-mean-and-scary and guys-who-fight-and-look-brave-and-less-scary.
Ariel: Yeah, but before we get too much into that, we've got to do the most important thing.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: Come up with something to call the whole thing! I mean, "G.I. Joe Heroscape" is just way to much to say every time we want to talk about it.
Sasha: True. Do you have any ideas so far?
Ariel: Not good ones. I came up with "Geeroscape" and "HeJoescape," but those seem sorta lame.
Sasha: How about "GeeJoescape?"
Ariel: Oh! That's better for sure. I mean, not amazing, but I guess we can try it out and see if anything even better pops into our heads.
Sasha: All right. So do we just want to jump right in and get playing?
Ariel: Sure! The map is for this first scenario, "Rumble at the Rift." The book says one of the bad guys is an evil genius and he made this nasty machine that's turned a spot on the map into a giant suck-hole. He's that one there, "Doctor Mindbender."
Sasha: Does he get to control the suck-hole since he made it?
Ariel: No, apparently it wasn't that good of an idea to make it. But he did, so now it's there and it sucks. The goal of the scenario is for us to just wipe each other's guys out. Pretty easy. Only there's three ways to play, Rookie, Seasoned, or Veteran. Rookie uses the boring-o Basic rules, so let's not do that one.
Sasha: Is Seasoned better?
Ariel: Probably better for you.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Cause everyone knows you're spicy!
Sasha: Haha. So Seasoned uses the Master rules I'm guessing? And then maybe some special rule for the suck-hole?
Ariel: No, just the Master rules. The suck-hole doesn't do anything in the Seasoned version.
Sasha: Then why'd they bother telling us about it?
Ariel: I dunno, just to show the bad guys are bad guys, maybe?
Sasha: What about the Veteran setting.
Ariel: That's where there's rules for the suck-hole. After each dude's turn, the person that took the turn gets to pick a figure and move it one space toward that marker that shows where the suck-hole is. Oh, wait, no. You look at what round it is, and you move one figure that many spaces toward the suck-hole. If they get sucked in, it gobbles them into another world or something.
Sasha: Sheesh, so if the game lasts 7 or 8 rounds, after every turn somebody gets moved 7 or 8 spaces toward that thing?
Ariel: No, because I forgot to tell you at the end of 5 rounds, it's game over and if there are any Cobra guys left, they win because they escape. That's in any of the versions.
Sasha: Let's play the Veteran version then. I feel like after hearing those suck-hole rules the Seasoned version will be pretty bland even if they're calling it "Seasoned." How are we going to decide who gets which set of guys?
Ariel: I want to be the good guys!
Sasha: But what if I want to be the good guys?
Ariel: Then we'll have to roll a die or play the one-two-three game or something to decide and if I lose I'll be all mad because I have to play the bad guys and then maybe I'll decide GeeJoescape is dumb.
Sasha: Fine, I'll be the bad guys. I think they look kind of cooler anyway.
Ariel: I don't think so.
Sasha: Doesn't matter. I do. Do you have your order markers where you want them?
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Me too. Roll initiative!
Ariel: 10.
Sasha: Yuck. 1. All right, which one of your guys goes first?
Ariel: Nobody yet, because I have this special ability on my hot red-head chick Scarlett that lets me look at all the markers on one of your cards, and then I get to move one of my markers from one card to another. So I'm definitely picking that guy you put three markers on!
Sasha: Boo. Anyway, that guy is Doctor Mindbender, and --
Ariel: I think I'll call him Doctor Suck-hole.
Sasha: I don't know if you want to taunt an evil genius like him, but whatever you say. Anyway, he's got my 1, 2, and X markers on him.
Ariel: Okay, then I'm definitely moving this marker here to Scarlett.
Sasha: Who's your number one, then?
Ariel: Snake Eyes! If I had 2 number ones he'd be both of them, but I don't. Anyhow, he's going to run over here behind this wall-a-ma-jig thing. And then the suck-hole is going to move Scarlet one space closer to it.
Sasha: Cool. My number one is Doctor Mindbender --
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha: -- and he has a special power that lets him move any adjacent allies 3 spaces before he takes his turn. So Cobra Commander goes one-two-three and then Storm Shadow goes one-two-three and then Doctor Mindbender actually goes for a real turn. He's not going far, though, because I want him to end up next to both of my guys again.
Ariel: Dang, that's a cool power. You're smart!
Sasha: Maybe. As for who gets sucked ... I'll move your Cross-Eyes guy toward the suck-hole.
Ariel: Well, that guy is my number 2 guy anyhow, so I'm not worried about him getting sucked in. I was hoping your guys would get a little closer though so I could run up and ninja them. So I'm going to kind of double back and hide behind this wall here. Then the suck-hole moves Scarlett again.
Sasha: All right. Then on my turn Doctor
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha:  Mindbender moves his allies 3 spaces ... Cobra Commander is kind of a chicken so he's not getting too close to you. Storm Shadow moves up here ... Then DM moves where he can see Cross-Eyes and shoot at him. Or zap him with this magic wand thing or whatever it is he's holding. 3 dice, 2 skulls!
Ariel: Okay, well, Snake Eyes gets 2 extra dice if you shoot at him from far away, so that's 5 dice, and I get 2 shields. Time for my number 3 ... Scarlett! She's going in closer to Doc Suck and hitting him with 3 dice ... plus 2 more because she's got "Knowing is Half the Battle" and she gets an extra die for every order marker that's revealed on your guy. 5 dice again ... 3 skulls!
Sasha: DM has 4 defense and gets 2 shields, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Ha! Now I'm having the suck-hole pull Cobra Commander down from his elevation spot like this. Your turn.
Sasha: My number 3 is Storm Shadow, so he's charging at Cross-eyes. Zoom! And he attacks with 4 attack dice for 2 skulls.
Ariel: Ack! Snake Eyes rolls no shields! Owie!
Sasha: And since you pulled CC down, I'll do the same to Scarlett. End of round 1.
Ariel: Order markers done!
Sasha: That was fast. Okay, me too. I get 11 this time for initiative.
Ariel: 9. Yuck. Uh ... I'm looking at Doc Suck again with Scarlett's power.
Sasha: He's got the 2 and the X. My number 1 is Storm Shadow, who's going to try taking out Cross-Eyes right here, baby. Woohoo! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Eep! Only one shield means he's dead!
Sasha: Sweet. Now on the end of my turn I'm putting a shadow tile under me so I'll defend better if attacked, and the suck-hole pulls Scarlett right over next to me!

Ariel: Dang, I hate that thing.
Sasha: Oh. Boo. I'm next to this wall and the shadow tile won't fit.
Ariel: Haha, it's your tiny centipede legs all over again! Scarlett's going to circle round your shady guy and attack him. You had to reveal your order marker to go, so I get 4 dice ... 2 skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Yeah, but now I have Lethal to the Bone! I get to move up to 2 spaces and attack again ... 2 more skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield again.
Ariel: Now the suck-hole sucks Doctor Suck 2 spaces toward it into this gully here. Your turn.
Sasha: DM isn't worried. He's going to move to here and attack Scarlett ... pff. No skulls. But he gets to use his Bend Mind power ... on a 13 or better, I'm taking control of Scarlett and getting a turn with her!
Ariel: Uh-oh.
Sasha: Nope. 8. Then I'll have the suck-hole suck your guy with the big gun up close to me because hopefully it'll keep him from being as effective with that gun.
Ariel: Scarlett goes again! 4 skulls on ShadyStorm!
Sasha: Glurk, dead. Man, these ninjas fold up real easy, don't they.
Ariel: Seems like it. For her extra deal, Scarlett rushes Doc Suck and whacks him. Boo. Only 1 skull.
Sasha: Safe.
Ariel: Not safe from getting sucked by the suck-hole, though. Here you go!
Sasha: That's not great. All right, Cobra Commander's turn ... he moves here and shoots at Scarlett ... 1 skull.
Ariel: Dang, no shields.
Sasha: Suuuuckkk! Your guy with the gun gets pulled over next to DM.
Ariel: Okay, well, it's his turn and he's going to be brave and risk Doc Suck getting a free whack in on him by moving up here.
Sasha: Score! You take a wound.
Ariel: Bleh. I get to use my Machine Gun special attack now, though, and I can shoot both your guys for 3 dice each. Doc Suck -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: 3 shields. Yawn.
Ariel: Cobra Commander -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: Erk. No shields.
Ariel: Now Doc Suck gets sucked right next to the suck-hole! If I win initiative next round, he's doomed!
Sasha: Yeah, I don't like the looks of this.
Ariel: My markers are ready.
Sasha: Mine too. Where's the initiative die.
Ariel: I've got it! 19! Beat that, Doc Suck!
Sasha: No can do, I guess. That's a 15.
Ariel: My markers are staying where they are, then. Roadblock is first, and he's moving here to kablam! at Cobra Commander. 4 dice, 2 skulls.
Sasha: 2 more wounds for the Commander. This is bad.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Bye-bye, Doctor Brainy-brain! Enjoy that other world, I hope it's stinky!
Sasha: And he was my number 1, so it's your turn again.
Ariel: Woohoo! Scarlett! Up in your face, Cobra Commander! Only 1 skull, though.
Sasha: 1 shield, so I'm safe ... ish.
Ariel: Lethal to the Bone! Dang it, only 1 skull again.
Sasha: 2 shields.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Down in the gully, CC.
Sasha: I'll climb back up and come hit you with my Cutlassss for 3 dice plus 1 automatic skull. 3 skulls total.
Ariel: That's 2 wounds. Ow.
Sasha: Now I'll suck Roadblock over near the suck-hole.
Ariel: That's okay, Scarlett's killing you now before he can get any closer. 2 skulls ... 
Sasha:  You called it. No shields. He's dead.
Ariel: I win! GeeJoescape is awesome!
Sasha: We'll see how the next one goes.
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!