Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Shipwreckscape!

Ariel: Woohoo! New Heroscape! And you know what's even better?
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Our boyfriend's actually okay with letting us play with it first! And he built us a map to play on. AND he made up armies for us to play with. It looks like this.

Sasha: Wow. That's definitely even better than just new Heroscape arriving. Cool shipwreck!
Ariel: Plus, do you know what's even evener betterer?
Sasha: Tell me.
Ariel: He made up three armies -- two that are basically even and one that's extra big. So we can either play a one on one against each other or find somebody else to play with and do a two on one where two armies gang up against the third one. I figure since Heddy learned how to play last time we should ask her. And do you know what's super even better bestest?
Sasha: You already asked her and she said yes.
Ariel: What! How did you know?
Sasha: Because I see her coming this way from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
Heddy: Hi, guys.
Ariel: Hi, Heddy!
Sasha: Heya. So Aers roped you into playing Heroscape again, huh?
Heddy: I had fun last time, but I figured I'd better get caffeinated if I'm going to be perky enough to remember the rules and strategies.
Ariel: Don't worry, these are new figures, so all the strategies will be different anyhow.
Sasha: So who's going to be on the team-up side and who's going to be playing the giganto army?
Heddy: I 100% volunteer to not play the giganto army. That sounds a bit nightmarish, even with caffein in my system.
Ariel: Well in that case probably I should play the giganto army on account of Heddy and I teamed up last time and beat you and MSG's team, so if the two of us team up again and stomp you you'll probably feel like it's just a repeat of that game.
Sasha: Sounds good to me. You know I won't turn down a chance to play with Heddy.
Heddy: Mm. Mutual facts.
Ariel: Anyways ... that means I'm playing this army with a super-buff Captain-Pirate-Admiral-King for its leader, and these extradimensional tentacle-y things, plus some wingy folks and some chainsaw ax orcs and a dinosaur rider and a creepy no-skin guy on his no-skin horse.

Sasha: That's a pretty big army.
Heddy: Should we be worried? What does our side look like.
Ariel: You've got these two armies. First is this bunch of zombie cybordogs with a trenchcoat rat-riding dude for their leader.

Then there's this big bunch of insect guys and some wingy chicks backing them up.

Sasha: Yeah, I don't know if our guys look as tough as your guys do.
Heddy: Both of these armies have a bit of an ickiness to them, too. If I can have my druthers, though, I'd take the one with the winged ladies over the ghoul dogs and Trenchcoat LaForge there.
Sasha: Be my guest. I guess I'm these horror hounds, then. We ready to put our figures on the board and set up our order markers and roll initiative?
Heddy: I hope I'm ready.
Ariel: Oh! The rules that came with this Capiradmirking dude say when you've got a two-on-one situations with the same points on each side, the people with two armies don't get to use their number 3 markers.
Heddy: I suppose that makes sense. We have the same number of points, but it would be a sizable advantage for the two of us to get twice as many turns as you do.
Sasha: Of course you tell us this after we agreed to be on the two-army team.
Ariel: I wasn't trying to be sneaky! I only just remembered it when you mentioned order markers.
Sasha: It's fine. I mean, I guess our side still gets one more turn each round of order markers than you do.
Heddy: I've set up my markers.
Ariel: Yikes! That was quick!
Heddy: It was pretty easy since I only had 2 that really matter to decide on.
Ariel: I'm still working on mine. Give me a second.
Sasha: Mine are placed too. Although maybe before we say we're done with them, you should tell us if there are any special rules about that shipwreck.
Ariel: Oh gosh, that's right! Um, okay, so if you're next to one of those cannons, you can turn it any whichaway and then shoot with it instead of doing your normal attack. It's got a range of 8 and does 3 attack dice to whatever's in the hex you shoot at plus the adjacent hexes. Oh, and it's a special attack, so it doesn't get a bonus for being up high. Then there's the rope ladders. If you're going up or down a rope ladder, it counts as one elevation level, and if someone is adjacent to a rope ladder, they're also adjacent to anybody else. Adjacent to the ladder means you're in the hex at the bottom of it, or you're in the hex it's attached to.
Sasha: All right, all that's good to know. I'm okay with where my markers are now.
Ariel: Wait! Also, rope ladders are only for small and medium figures to climb on. I guess large creatures still get to use that adjacent rule for attacking? It doesn't say for sure.
Sasha: Okay, I roll a 4 for initiative.
Ariel: Hey! I didn't say I was done putting down order markers! You stopped me to ask about the rules.
Sasha: Sorry. I guess I'll just have to re-roll once you're done.
Ariel: Boo. I bet you wouldn't've said that if you rolled really good.
Sasha: We'll never know, will we? Are you ready yet?
Ariel: Yes.
Sasha: I roll a 7. Not much better. 
Heddy: I roll 17.
Ariel: 18! Okay, my first marker is Capiradmirking. He's got these command markers he can put on other heroes to take a turn with them. I'm gonna move this orc on the bonehead dinosaur forward, and then Capraking flies up a few spaces too.
Heddy: My first marker is on my Skordyre Infantry, and they get to take a turn with two common insect heroes. They have to have different names, though. So I'll move forward with this Spitting Hive Soldier and this Bursting Hive Soldier.
Ariel: Ew, bursting? That sounds gross. Well, at least he looks slow.
Heddy: After that my infantry move up next to these bushes. Those give me a bonus on defense against ranged attacks, right?
Ariel: If somebody's shooting you from a distance, yeah.
Sasha: Okay, my first order marker is on my spookydogs. The squad guys get to let one of the hero guys a turn first.
Heddy: How can we tell which ones are squad figures and which are heroes? They look pretty much the same to me.
Sasha: The squad ones only have one arm. See?
Heddy: Oh, got it.
Sasha: All of mine end up in the bushes too.
Ariel: Okay. Well, my next turn is with Capring, so he uses another command marker ...
Sasha: Wow, you're using those up quick.
Ariel: I get them back every turn! So this turn I'm ordering Mr. No-skin around, so he charges over here ... and then Ca-ping is going to fly where he's hidden by the ship from you.
Heddy: My second marker is on the infantry too. They'll send these Hive Soldiers toward that ladder amidships, then move a bit closer to your skinless thing. Yuck.
Sasha: My guys from last turn are headed around toward the back of the ship.
Ariel: Okay! Ca-ping is my third order marker too! He'll have this girl with the red wings fly ... here, and then he'll fly up to the top of the ship! I'm going to put him by the ladder instead of one of the cannons, because that makes him adjacent to your Soldier. Is that the Spitting one or the Burping one?
Heddy: It's the spitting one. The other is the bursting one.
Ariel: Haha, I just thought Spitting and Burping sounded funnier. Anyhow, since he's adjacent, Ca-ping gets to attack Mr. Spitty twice. He's up high, so he gets 4 dice instead of 3 -- agh, no skulls! Okay, that better not happen on this second attack because I get to add in 2 more dice for it. That's better! 3 skulls!
Heddy: Oof. If I'd know he could roll that many dice I think I'd have positioned myself very differently. Let's see. My defense is 3 ... and I definitely don't roll 3 shields. Dead.
Ariel: Yay! First blood! Or first whatever kind of goo your bugs use for blood.
Sasha: New order markers?
Ariel: Right.
Sasha: I'm ready.
Heddy: Me too.
Ariel: Me -- oh, dang! I was supposed to be putting down Kraken tentacles every time Ca-ping went! I better remember that this time!
Sasha: Can you maybe not? I'm already feeling kinda worried about how this battle looks like it's going.
Ariel: Well I can't forget on purpose! But if I do forget don't rub it in or then I'll be sure not to forget the next time.
Sasha: Deal. I get 10 for initiative.
Heddy: 16.
Ariel: Dragon! Oh, wait. That's bad in this game. Maybe I shouldn't use these Dragonbane dice.
Heddy: My first marker is on my Skordyre Infantry again. I'll move these two Hive Soldiers, then bring my Infantry up adjacent to the skinless monstrosity there. 2 attack dice ... ah! 2 skulls!
Ariel: Yikes! But I roll 3 shields on my 4 defense dice.
Heddy: Ah well. Next I roll 1 skull.
Ariel: 2 shields!
Sasha: My turn? My Necrotech Geistfire moves here and takes a shot at your big-wings bigwig. 3 dice ... aaand 3 shields. My other guys follow him.
Heddy: So that's where my 3 shields went.
Ariel: My turn? Ca-ping puts an order marker on ... Mr No-skin! He's climbing up on this hill, which is a leaving engagement attack from one of your buggy dudes, Heddy.
Heddy: One die, right? It's a wound. Hallelujah.
Ariel: That's okay because I'm doing Withering Breath on both your guys now, and having a wound lets me do an extra attack die. 3 skulls!
Heddy: Both of them are now very, very withered.
Ariel: Yes! I also get to remove a wound the first time I whack a figure in a turn.
Heddy: This is really not seeming very fair.
Ariel: Well, Ca-ping is moving next to this cannon to blast your last Infantry guy with it! Let's see. Umm ... no ... er ... dang it. That bush is totally in the way! Okey doke, I'll just switch to this spitty bug here. Boom! 2 skulls.
Heddy: Zero shields. This battle is leaning pretty heavy into ignominious territory. Thankfully, my second marker is on my Elites of Ullar, not my Skordyre Infantry. So I'll fly my Elites up to hide by these bushes ... oh. No I won't, because I only have movement of 4. In that case, I'll just spread them out so the most that can get cannoned is 1.
Sasha: This is really terrible so far. 
Heddy: I know, right?
Sasha: Okay, my Geistfire guy ... oops ... was supposed to roll last turn to see if his blaster blew up. Whew! It didn't. He's climbing up to take on -- okay, what's this guy's actual name? Thormun? And I can get right next to him so there's no worry of my gun backfiring. 2 skulls.
Heddy: Don't say "2 skulls" so dispiritedly. It's like you're already assuming you won't do any damage.
Ariel: Yeah, Sash. I've only got 3 defense. See? 1 wound.
Sasha: Fantastic. Out of how many?
Ariel: Um ... 8.
Sasha: Okay, I want my number 3 order marker back.
Heddy: Me too.
Ariel: But ... the rules ...
Sasha: Let's just see how your next turn goes, I guess. Oh, and the one after that too, since you still have 2 left.
Ariel: Uh ... oh! I remembered my Kraken finally! I'll put a tentacle right here next to this dogzombie with the gun.
Sasha: Terrific.
Ariel: So ... now I put a command marker on Raelin and fly her up here to this cannon ... looks like she can shoot at Heddy's Burping Soldier ... I mean Bursting! Sorry! Don't look at me so mean!
Heddy: (sigh) Just roll your cannon attack.
Ariel: 2 skulls.
Heddy: I have 4 defense dice, and ... shockingly, I roll 2 shields!
Ariel: See? It's not that bad yet.
Sasha: Emphasis on the "yet" ... except I really do think it's that bad.
Ariel: Okay, so Ca-ping gets his first attack on zombiedog ... 1 skull.
Sasha: 2 shields.
Ariel: Yay! You guys are starting to do great! Now my second attack ... oh, that's 4 skulls.
Sasha: (glare!)
Ariel: Is he dead? Okay, I guess he's dead. Fine, you guys can use your number three markers. Where is yours going, Heddy?
Heddy: My Skordyre Infantry, for certain. I'll activate this Bursting Soldier who survived by the skin of his teeth last time. Wait. Does he have teeth? Does he have skin? I guess it's more like the ... exoskeleton of his mandibles? At any rate, he'll scuttle over here and bite at your Mr. No-skin. I have elevation, so that's 3 dice ... and 1 skull. 
Ariel: I roll a shield.
Sasha: My number 3 will be the ghoul dogs. I'll move one of my other ghoul heroes over by this tree ... and start climbing up to the deck of the ship. Your turn.
Ariel: I guess my Ramosaur Rider will move here and head-butt your ... Bursting bug ... 1 skull.
Heddy: 1 shield. Whew.
Ariel: Oh, uh ... when the Ramosaur Rider and the defender roll the same number of things, they both take 1 wound.
Heddy: Fine. Well, at least he gets to burst. I need a 9 or better for each of your figures to deal a wound. 7 on your Ramosaur ... 18 on the no-skin monstrosity.
Ariel: So now it's Ca-ping's turn ... I guess I'll take it easy on you and instead of cannoning anybody, I'll fly here and attack this wing lady of yours, Heddy. 1 skull.
Heddy: 3 shields. The roll I'm about to actually need when you attack again.
Ariel: Wow! You totally called that! 3 skulls!
Heddy: 2 shields, so 1 wound, which she can actually survive.
Ariel: Okay, new order markers!
Sasha: First, I get to replace one of my squad figures with the dead Geistfire because they can scavenge each others' parts.
Heddy: Hm! Macabre, but also cool. I'm ready.
Ariel: Me too!
Sasha: Me three. 16 for initiative. 
Heddy: 18!
Ariel: 14. See? You guys are cooking now.
Sasha: Yeah, we've done 3 whole points of damage and we're only down, what, 5 figures? Tides turned. You can concede anytime now.
Heddy: My number one is this Skordyre Infantry, who activates ... this Lurking Hive Soldier who has attack 4 ... and gets 1 skull.
Ariel: Sorry. 2 shields.
Heddy: Next, this Bursting Soldier ... again, 1 skull.
Ariel: Shield.
Sasha: Okay, the regular Reavers are heading in Thormun's direction. The Geistfire stays on the ship and shoots at Raelin. 1 skull for me too.
Heddy: At least we're consistent.
Ariel: Let's see ... she's got ... 3 defense. And she gets a shield. So, it's Thormun's turn, and he'll command ... Mr. No-skin. He's going to dash over here where he can Withering Breath a couple of your guys. Only 2 attack this time ... 1 skull. 
Heddy: Both of my characters defend. 
Ariel: Thormun -- I mean, Ca-ping -- he'll attack your Elite wingy lady ... yikes, 3 skulls!
Heddy: Ha. I also roll 3 skulls. Extremely dead.
Ariel: Then I guess my second attack is on this Lurking dude ... only 1 skull! Yay!
Heddy: Celebrations. I defend. My second order marker is on the Elites of Ullar. The remaining 2 of them move up to attack Thormun. 1 skull followed by ... 3 skulls! Finally a good roll. 
Ariel: My guy rolls 1 shield followed by 1 shield, so 2 more wounds. Maybe I shouldn't've flown him down here.
Sasha: Let's see if I can turn that from a "maybe" to a "for sure." Agent Carr's my next marker, and he moves in here to chop your Captain-Pirate-Admiral-King M.F. with his Sword of Reckoning. 6 dice! Yes, 4 skulls!
Ariel: Oh, man. I feel really bad about this. 3 shields. But at least I'm down half my hit points now. For my turn, first I'll put a marker on Raelin and fly her down to do a Whirlwind Assault on these two insecty things. 2 skulls on each one!
Heddy: Wow, I roll 2 shields for each one.
Ariel: Okay, so now Thormun figures he better take care of this Agent Carr guy. First attack is 2 skulls.
Sasha: Uh-huh. Look at that. I get 4 skulls. You're off to a great start.
Ariel: Only 1 skull on my second attack, though. I defend.
Heddy: Elites of Ullar again. 2 skulls and 2 skulls.
Ariel: This could be bad ... no shields! And ... YIPE! NO SHIELDS! He's dead!
Sasha: Now you can say you shouldn't have flown him down there.
Heddy: That was very satisfying. At last.
Ariel: Yeah, I shouldn't have flown him down there. But I did also fly Raelin down there, and she gets to do a Vengeful Swoop. She flies over here and spears your Elite of Ullar on an 8 or better ... 11! 1 wound. I'm screwed now though because all my order markers were on Thormun. So I don't get my order marker 3.
Sasha: Nice. I like hearing that. New order markers. I'm done.
Ariel: Me too.
Heddy: Likewise.
Sasha: 11 initiative.
Heddy: 2.
Ariel: Woohoo, 15! I put my number 1 on Raelin, so she gets another Whirlwind Attack. 2 skulls on Agent Carr, 1 skull on this new Elite of Ullar, 2 skulls on this wounded one.
Sasha: Agent Carr is safe.
Heddy: Surprisingly, so are both my Elites.
Ariel: Poop.
Sasha: Sword of Vengeance on Raelin! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Erk, no shields! She's dead-ola!
Sasha: Yes!
Heddy: First up for me is my Skordyre Infantryman. He'll activate a couple of Hive Soldiers ... This Lurking one first, for 3 skulls on Mr. No-skin.
Ariel: 1 wound.
Heddy: Then this Bursting one ... 2 skulls!
Ariel: I'm sweating! Okay, safe.
Heddy: Then now it's the Infantry's turn. He'll move up and attack, getting an extra die because at least 2 of his hivemates are adjacent to you. 2 skulls.
Ariel: Only 1 shield. He's dead. My order marker 2 is these wingy-dingy guys, who would've given Mr. No-skin a free turn if he didn't bite it. They just fly closer.
Sasha: My number 2 is Agent Carr, so he's going to ride his weird dog-horse over here and shoot at your Ramosaur Rider. Only 2 attack ... 1 skull.
Ariel: Ramosaur better not blow this ... okay, he's safe.
Heddy: Number 2 for me is the Elites. They fly closer to the shipwreck.
Ariel: It's my axe orcs, then. First, they give Ramosaur Rider a turn to go headbutt Agent Carr. Ooh, and he can climb up on this hill next to you and get an extra die ... blah! No skulls.
Sasha: Does that mean I have to roll defense anyway and if I get zero shields, we both take a wound?
Ariel: Oh, gosh. Actually, I guess it does!
Sasha: Nope, safe.
Ariel: Axe orcs on the march, then. 
Sasha: My number 3 is the Necrotech Reavers. First they give this Geistfire a turn. I guess he's just going to use this cannon on your Kraken tentacle. 3 skulls!
Ariel: One shield. It's dead. Wow, I did so terrible with that stupid Kraken when it should have been so cool!
Sasha: That's the breaks. Okay, my squad guys will move this way.
Heddy: My number 3 is this Lurking Hive Soldier. He'll move up to your Ramosaur Rider and ... roll 1 skull. And you have elevation. 
Ariel: He's safe but barely! New order markers!
Sasha: Done.
Heddy: Done.
Ariel: Done.
Sasha: 18 initiative. 
Heddy: 9.
Ariel: 17.
Sasha: Agent Carr is chopping dinosaur. Sword of Vengeance! Fff. Only 2 skulls. 
Ariel: Eek! No shields! Dead! And I was about to use him, too! Now all I get to do is move my axe orcs.
Heddy: My turn? Skordyre Infantry. Lurking Soldier scurries up and rolls 2 skulls on this Chain Grut.
Ariel: He's safe.
Heddy: One skull from this Bursting Soldier, then.
Ariel: Safe!
Heddy: My Infantrybug moves here then, and that's it for me.
Sasha: Agent Carr! He zips over to this Revenant dude and uses his Sword of Vengeance again. 3 skulls.
Ariel: He's suuper dead. But now it's time for orcs with axes! GZZRRRR! 1 skull on Agent Carr and 2 skulls on Agent Carr.
Sasha: Safe and safe.
Ariel: 2 skulls on the Lurking bug!
Heddy: 1 shield. It dies.
Ariel: 2 skulls on the Bursting bug!
Heddy: It bursts. But I don't make my Acid Sac roll. My kyrie Elites fly up onto the ship and one trains a cannon on your kyrie down there. 3 skulls.
Ariel: Dang-a-ding-dong dead.
Sasha: My number 3 are my Reavers. The hero moves over here on the ship deck and these others move closer to your orcs.
Ariel: My last wingy guy flies up and attacks Agent Carr for 2 skulls.
Sasha: He takes a wound.
Heddy: My number 3 is this Lurker way the heck over here where he started the game out. He Lurks his way over as fast as he can.
Ariel: So ... I guess it's order marker time? Only all I've got left are 4 orcs and a wingman, and you guys have all those people left. I think I kinda ought to give up. Especially since it's getting late.
Sasha: It's 10:00 on a Saturday.
Ariel: Oh my gosh, it's already 10:00? No wonder I'm so tired. Yeah, I definitely give, guys.
Sasha: Now I feel kind of bad about pressuring you into letting us use those other order markers.
Ariel: It's okay. I think I lost more from doing dumb stuff like flying my big boss down where you could all swarm him and also missing like 6 or 7 times I could have put out my other 4 Kraken tentacles. But it was fun anyway!
Heddy: Thank you for inviting me, Ariel. And thank you for being on my team, Sash.
Sasha: Pff, sure. But you know everybody is Team Heddy around here since you showed up.
Heddy: I know. But it's still so nice to be able to tell you how much I appreciate you.
Ariel: Yay! Group hug!
Sasha and Heddy and Ariel: (hug!)
Ariel: Next time I swear I'm going to beat you guys, though.

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... G.I. Joe Heroscape!

Sasha: Hey, what's this?
Ariel: Pretty sure it's new Heroscape, can't you tell?
Sasha:  I mean, yeah, but we got new Heroscape and you didn't let me know before you got it out of the box and set it all up?
Ariel: I guess our boyfriend caught onto us and made sure he was around when the package came, so he got to unbox everything and see it first. But who cares? It's right here and all set up, so let's play!
Sasha: Sure ... only for some reason it kind of feels like it won't be as much fun if we aren't sneaking to play with it before he gets a chance to. Also, this set looks really different. What's up with that?

Ariel: It's because it's G.I. Joe Heroscape, and some of these guys are G.I. Joes, which our boyfriend says were really big when he was a kid.
Sasha: I don't know how big they could have been. I mean, I've never heard of them. 
Ariel: No, I mean, like, actually big. 12 inches tall or something.
Sasha: Well that's way too big for Heroscape figures.
Ariel: I know, duh, which is obviously why they made them tons smaller. Anyway, there are these G.I. Joe guys, who are the good guys, and they fight these Cobra guys, who are the baddies.
Sasha: Hang on, there are good guys and bad guys? Heroscape doesn't usually get that specific. It's usually just, guys-who-fight-and-look-mean-and-scary and guys-who-fight-and-look-brave-and-less-scary.
Ariel: Yeah, but before we get too much into that, we've got to do the most important thing.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: Come up with something to call the whole thing! I mean, "G.I. Joe Heroscape" is just way to much to say every time we want to talk about it.
Sasha: True. Do you have any ideas so far?
Ariel: Not good ones. I came up with "Geeroscape" and "HeJoescape," but those seem sorta lame.
Sasha: How about "GeeJoescape?"
Ariel: Oh! That's better for sure. I mean, not amazing, but I guess we can try it out and see if anything even better pops into our heads.
Sasha: All right. So do we just want to jump right in and get playing?
Ariel: Sure! The map is for this first scenario, "Rumble at the Rift." The book says one of the bad guys is an evil genius and he made this nasty machine that's turned a spot on the map into a giant suck-hole. He's that one there, "Doctor Mindbender."
Sasha: Does he get to control the suck-hole since he made it?
Ariel: No, apparently it wasn't that good of an idea to make it. But he did, so now it's there and it sucks. The goal of the scenario is for us to just wipe each other's guys out. Pretty easy. Only there's three ways to play, Rookie, Seasoned, or Veteran. Rookie uses the boring-o Basic rules, so let's not do that one.
Sasha: Is Seasoned better?
Ariel: Probably better for you.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Cause everyone knows you're spicy!
Sasha: Haha. So Seasoned uses the Master rules I'm guessing? And then maybe some special rule for the suck-hole?
Ariel: No, just the Master rules. The suck-hole doesn't do anything in the Seasoned version.
Sasha: Then why'd they bother telling us about it?
Ariel: I dunno, just to show the bad guys are bad guys, maybe?
Sasha: What about the Veteran setting.
Ariel: That's where there's rules for the suck-hole. After each dude's turn, the person that took the turn gets to pick a figure and move it one space toward that marker that shows where the suck-hole is. Oh, wait, no. You look at what round it is, and you move one figure that many spaces toward the suck-hole. If they get sucked in, it gobbles them into another world or something.
Sasha: Sheesh, so if the game lasts 7 or 8 rounds, after every turn somebody gets moved 7 or 8 spaces toward that thing?
Ariel: No, because I forgot to tell you at the end of 5 rounds, it's game over and if there are any Cobra guys left, they win because they escape. That's in any of the versions.
Sasha: Let's play the Veteran version then. I feel like after hearing those suck-hole rules the Seasoned version will be pretty bland even if they're calling it "Seasoned." How are we going to decide who gets which set of guys?
Ariel: I want to be the good guys!
Sasha: But what if I want to be the good guys?
Ariel: Then we'll have to roll a die or play the one-two-three game or something to decide and if I lose I'll be all mad because I have to play the bad guys and then maybe I'll decide GeeJoescape is dumb.
Sasha: Fine, I'll be the bad guys. I think they look kind of cooler anyway.
Ariel: I don't think so.
Sasha: Doesn't matter. I do. Do you have your order markers where you want them?
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Me too. Roll initiative!
Ariel: 10.
Sasha: Yuck. 1. All right, which one of your guys goes first?
Ariel: Nobody yet, because I have this special ability on my hot red-head chick Scarlett that lets me look at all the markers on one of your cards, and then I get to move one of my markers from one card to another. So I'm definitely picking that guy you put three markers on!
Sasha: Boo. Anyway, that guy is Doctor Mindbender, and --
Ariel: I think I'll call him Doctor Suck-hole.
Sasha: I don't know if you want to taunt an evil genius like him, but whatever you say. Anyway, he's got my 1, 2, and X markers on him.
Ariel: Okay, then I'm definitely moving this marker here to Scarlett.
Sasha: Who's your number one, then?
Ariel: Snake Eyes! If I had 2 number ones he'd be both of them, but I don't. Anyhow, he's going to run over here behind this wall-a-ma-jig thing. And then the suck-hole is going to move Scarlet one space closer to it.
Sasha: Cool. My number one is Doctor Mindbender --
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha: -- and he has a special power that lets him move any adjacent allies 3 spaces before he takes his turn. So Cobra Commander goes one-two-three and then Storm Shadow goes one-two-three and then Doctor Mindbender actually goes for a real turn. He's not going far, though, because I want him to end up next to both of my guys again.
Ariel: Dang, that's a cool power. You're smart!
Sasha: Maybe. As for who gets sucked ... I'll move your Cross-Eyes guy toward the suck-hole.
Ariel: Well, that guy is my number 2 guy anyhow, so I'm not worried about him getting sucked in. I was hoping your guys would get a little closer though so I could run up and ninja them. So I'm going to kind of double back and hide behind this wall here. Then the suck-hole moves Scarlett again.
Sasha: All right. Then on my turn Doctor
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha:  Mindbender moves his allies 3 spaces ... Cobra Commander is kind of a chicken so he's not getting too close to you. Storm Shadow moves up here ... Then DM moves where he can see Cross-Eyes and shoot at him. Or zap him with this magic wand thing or whatever it is he's holding. 3 dice, 2 skulls!
Ariel: Okay, well, Snake Eyes gets 2 extra dice if you shoot at him from far away, so that's 5 dice, and I get 2 shields. Time for my number 3 ... Scarlett! She's going in closer to Doc Suck and hitting him with 3 dice ... plus 2 more because she's got "Knowing is Half the Battle" and she gets an extra die for every order marker that's revealed on your guy. 5 dice again ... 3 skulls!
Sasha: DM has 4 defense and gets 2 shields, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Ha! Now I'm having the suck-hole pull Cobra Commander down from his elevation spot like this. Your turn.
Sasha: My number 3 is Storm Shadow, so he's charging at Cross-eyes. Zoom! And he attacks with 4 attack dice for 2 skulls.
Ariel: Ack! Snake Eyes rolls no shields! Owie!
Sasha: And since you pulled CC down, I'll do the same to Scarlett. End of round 1.
Ariel: Order markers done!
Sasha: That was fast. Okay, me too. I get 11 this time for initiative.
Ariel: 9. Yuck. Uh ... I'm looking at Doc Suck again with Scarlett's power.
Sasha: He's got the 2 and the X. My number 1 is Storm Shadow, who's going to try taking out Cross-Eyes right here, baby. Woohoo! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Eep! Only one shield means he's dead!
Sasha: Sweet. Now on the end of my turn I'm putting a shadow tile under me so I'll defend better if attacked, and the suck-hole pulls Scarlett right over next to me!

Ariel: Dang, I hate that thing.
Sasha: Oh. Boo. I'm next to this wall and the shadow tile won't fit.
Ariel: Haha, it's your tiny centipede legs all over again! Scarlett's going to circle round your shady guy and attack him. You had to reveal your order marker to go, so I get 4 dice ... 2 skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Yeah, but now I have Lethal to the Bone! I get to move up to 2 spaces and attack again ... 2 more skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield again.
Ariel: Now the suck-hole sucks Doctor Suck 2 spaces toward it into this gully here. Your turn.
Sasha: DM isn't worried. He's going to move to here and attack Scarlett ... pff. No skulls. But he gets to use his Bend Mind power ... on a 13 or better, I'm taking control of Scarlett and getting a turn with her!
Ariel: Uh-oh.
Sasha: Nope. 8. Then I'll have the suck-hole suck your guy with the big gun up close to me because hopefully it'll keep him from being as effective with that gun.
Ariel: Scarlett goes again! 4 skulls on ShadyStorm!
Sasha: Glurk, dead. Man, these ninjas fold up real easy, don't they.
Ariel: Seems like it. For her extra deal, Scarlett rushes Doc Suck and whacks him. Boo. Only 1 skull.
Sasha: Safe.
Ariel: Not safe from getting sucked by the suck-hole, though. Here you go!
Sasha: That's not great. All right, Cobra Commander's turn ... he moves here and shoots at Scarlett ... 1 skull.
Ariel: Dang, no shields.
Sasha: Suuuuckkk! Your guy with the gun gets pulled over next to DM.
Ariel: Okay, well, it's his turn and he's going to be brave and risk Doc Suck getting a free whack in on him by moving up here.
Sasha: Score! You take a wound.
Ariel: Bleh. I get to use my Machine Gun special attack now, though, and I can shoot both your guys for 3 dice each. Doc Suck -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: 3 shields. Yawn.
Ariel: Cobra Commander -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: Erk. No shields.
Ariel: Now Doc Suck gets sucked right next to the suck-hole! If I win initiative next round, he's doomed!
Sasha: Yeah, I don't like the looks of this.
Ariel: My markers are ready.
Sasha: Mine too. Where's the initiative die.
Ariel: I've got it! 19! Beat that, Doc Suck!
Sasha: No can do, I guess. That's a 15.
Ariel: My markers are staying where they are, then. Roadblock is first, and he's moving here to kablam! at Cobra Commander. 4 dice, 2 skulls.
Sasha: 2 more wounds for the Commander. This is bad.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Bye-bye, Doctor Brainy-brain! Enjoy that other world, I hope it's stinky!
Sasha: And he was my number 1, so it's your turn again.
Ariel: Woohoo! Scarlett! Up in your face, Cobra Commander! Only 1 skull, though.
Sasha: 1 shield, so I'm safe ... ish.
Ariel: Lethal to the Bone! Dang it, only 1 skull again.
Sasha: 2 shields.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Down in the gully, CC.
Sasha: I'll climb back up and come hit you with my Cutlassss for 3 dice plus 1 automatic skull. 3 skulls total.
Ariel: That's 2 wounds. Ow.
Sasha: Now I'll suck Roadblock over near the suck-hole.
Ariel: That's okay, Scarlett's killing you now before he can get any closer. 2 skulls ... 
Sasha:  You called it. No shields. He's dead.
Ariel: I win! GeeJoescape is awesome!
Sasha: We'll see how the next one goes.
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Pumpkin Spice!

Ariel: OMG, look at this!

Sasha: Ooh, cute picture! But isn't it the wrong time of year for pumpkin spice to be flooding the universe? Wait, does that say RPG?
Ariel: It does! And I saw this thing, and I clicked on it, and now we have to get our boyfriend to buy it for us!
Sasha: Details, please.
Ariel: It's a roleplaying game!
Sasha: That's how I interpreted "RPG." What I mean is, more details about what kind of game and why we need him to buy it.
Ariel: A roleplaying one. I said that. And we need it because it looks SO AWESOME AND CUTE.
Sasha: Even more details, please. I mean, the picture does look awfully cute, but it looks like she's just drinking coffee with a ghost cat. What do you actually do in this game?
Ariel: Witchy stuff! She's a witch, see? You can tell from the hat.
Sasha: So you mean, everybody in the party is a spellcaster? What do you fight?
Ariel: I dunno, maybe trolls and things that come into your café and want special troll coffee only you're out of it so they get mad.
Sasha: You don't sound like you actually know a whole lot about this game, for someone who wants to shell out what I'm guessing is a bunch of money for it.
Ariel: Oh, don't worry, it's not even money, it's "euros."
Sasha: I'm pretty sure euros are money.
Ariel: Whatever. I'll let our boyfriend worry about it after we convince him. And I do know a lot about it, because I downloaded these quickstart rules and looked at all the pictures. Plus I even read some of it! That's how I know it's awesome on top of being cute.
Sasha: Okay, where's this download? Lemme look at it.
Ariel: It's open in this window over here.
Sasha: Uh-huh. Hmm. Okay ... wow, I see why you looked at all the pictures -- this art is gorge.
Ariel: I know, right?
Sasha: I don't see any trolls, though. I mean, it looks like they're just making coffee and stuff.
Ariel: Well, I didn't see anything about fighting when I read it, and you asked about fighting, so I had to just guess about that.
Sasha: I see. So ... reading the intro, it seems like this game really is just about making coffee and running a café.
Ariel: Yes, but you're witches.
Sasha: Don't get me wrong, I'm on board, mostly because of how crazy adorable this art is. I just want to know what I'm getting into before we ask you-know-who to shell out for another game. I mean, we already have tons of them.
Ariel: Not ones about witches running a café!
Sasha: True. So where do you get it and how much is it?
Ariel: One of those online crowd-kicking sites, and it's like 150 of those euro things. Plus shipping I guess. I hope it's not too much money in real money.
Sasha: I think a euro is worth more than a dollar, but I might be thinking of a pound.
Ariel: A pound is definitely not money, Sash. Even I know that, the scale tells me whenever I stand on it.
Sasha: It's also a kind of money. They use it in England. Whoa! I just scrolled down and that 150 euros is for like the second-biggest package in the campaign!
Ariel: What?! I missed a bigger one?
Sasha: The rulebook on its own isn't even a quarter of that ... and it's even cheaper if you just get the PDFs. I dunno if the boyfriend is going to go for an extra-huge collection of stuff for a weird game about witches making coffee.
Ariel: Well we just have to show him the even expensiver one to make him think this one's a bargain, then. Look, you get two books, and all these cards, and dice, and character sheets and stuff ... there's a ton of it! Even a journal! You know he likes a good journal.
Sasha: True, and he is a sucker for really good art, which all of this looks like it is. Worth a shot then, I guess. The worst he can say is "no."
Ariel: I mean, he could say, "No, and by the way the zombie apocalypse just got started and we're all about to get eaten to death." That would be worse.
Sasha: Uh ... I guess I can't argue over whether it's worse to not get a game or worse to get eaten by zombies.
Ariel: No, I mean the part about getting eaten to death and not getting the game, on account of it's one of these backstarter things so they're not even going to ship it for probably a year, which would be way after we got eaten.
Sasha: Sure, but if he said, "no," that's already keeping us from getting the game. No zombie apocalypse needed.
Ariel: Sash. We could totally convince him to change his mind about saying no. And it would be even easier changing his mind if there was a zombie apocalypse, because what's he going to spend the money on anyway when there's zombies running around eating everybody?
Sasha: I guess I can't argue about that either.
Ariel: Great! Let's go ask him and if he says no we can get to work whining and making sad puppy eyes until he says okay.
Sasha: Sure, and if he says, "No, and there's a zombie apocalypse," then we can get to work running and screaming.
Ariel: I sure hope he doesn't say that.
Sasha and Ariel: Okay, bye, everybody, and wish us luck!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Watanare!

Sasha: Okay, you're going to be really happy about this thing I found out about "There's No Freaking Way I'll Be Your Lover! Unless ..."
Ariel: Is this going to be you trying to make me look lazy with more stuff you learned by looking at Wikipedia?
Sasha: Nope, not at all. In fact, the whole reason you're going to be happy about it is that it's something we can both be lazy about. Because I found out that instead of "There's No Freaking Way I'll Be Your Lover! Unless ..." some people just call this show "Watanare."
Ariel: What's a naray?
Sasha: No, "Watanare."
Ariel: No, I get that that's what you said. I'm just asking what a naray is so I can understand why people are so impressed by it that they say "What a naray!" instead of saying ... you know, the whole name of the show.
Sasha: Look, I'm not saying "What a naray." I'm saying W-a-t-a-n-a-r-e. It's Japanese.
Ariel: Well then why did you think I would understand it at all? I don't know any Japanese. Akane keeps saying she wants to teach us, but everybody keeps being too lazy to get her to.
Sasha: I didn't think you would understand it. I don't even understand it. But it's a shortened version of the Japanese title of the show, and I figured you'd be all about using a shorter version of a title.
Ariel: Well I am, but that doesn't mean I don't still want to understand it. Sheesh, it's like you're teasing me with saying here's a chance for me to be lazy about something and you won't even criticize me about it, only now I've got to go and learn a whole other language to understand what I'm saying!
Sasha: Do you really have to understand it to just use it to talk about the show?
Ariel: How am I even going to remember it if I don't understand it? If it's just a bunch of sounds squooshed together, how's it supposed to stick in my head? I mean, I already don't remember. "What-a-whatsit?"
Sasha: Let's just go with that, then. Considering we call things by the wrong name all the time anyhow.
Ariel: Okay, I guess. So what are we going to say about Whatawhatsit today?
Sasha: I dunno, the usual kind of thing, I guess. Like what we liked about it, and if there was anything we didn't like, what that was too, and maybe something funny about the characters -- especially if we can think of funny names to call them that aren't their real names. But before we say anything, we probably ought to tell people to put their spoiler blankets on.
Ariel: OMG. We didn't do that at all last time!
Sasha: I kept trying to say we should.
Ariel: Really? Then why didn't you?
Sasha: You kept interrupting me before I could get it out.
Ariel: (That's what she said!) Haha!
Sasha: Anyhow, I'm saying it now. If people don't want to have the extra bonus season of Watanare spoiled for them, they should definitely put their spoiler blankets over their heads right now. Okay. Done and done. So what was your favorite thing about this show?
Ariel: So many cute girls! There was Cute Pink-Hair Girl, and Cute Blond-Hair Girl ...
Sasha: I thought she was more pretty than cute.
Ariel: Oh. Maybe you're right. Then there was Cute Black-Hair Girl -- oh, shoot. She was more pretty than cute too.
Sasha: Although it was kind of cute the way she was so sarcastic and borderline emotionless at the same time.
Ariel: Brown-Hair Girl was definitely cute-cute, though, not just pretty cute or with a cute-ish personality twitch.
Sasha: She was very cute and pretty at the same time. Also super nice.
Ariel: Wayyy the nicest one on the show, for sure. And that just leaves Cute Green-Hair Girl.
Sasha: Are you just calling them by their hair colors because you can't remember anything else about them or about the show?
Ariel: I remember lots of stuff!
Sasha: Really? Like what?
Ariel: Like when Cute Pink-Hair Girl finally got around to admitting she liked both Cute Blond-Hair Girl and Cute Brown-Hair Girl.
Sasha: That was like, literally the last thing that happened in the series.
Ariel: At least I remembered it, though. You didn't even remember what "Whatawhatsit" means.
Sasha: Watanare. And it's not that I don't remember what it means, because I never knew what it meant.
Ariel: Are you sure? Maybe you just don't remember that you knew what it meant, along with not remembering what it meant. I mean, it seems like you're forgetting an awful lot of stuff, so maybe you forgot that too.
Sasha: What are you talking about? What other stuff do you think I'm forgetting?
Ariel: You know! All that stuff! I don't want to list it all off or you'll get too embarrassed.
Sasha: Anyway ... Watanare is a show that's mostly about this pink-haired girl who was a big shut-in in middle school, so when she gets to high school, she decides she's going to be popular and extroverted and make a lot of friends. She falls in with this group of four other girls that's centered around the super-smart, super-pretty blond girl, who is also a famous model despite just being a freshman in high school. But because the pink-haired girl's such an introvert, she keeps getting exhausted by trying to keep up with all their conversations, and a week or two into freshman year, she kind of freaks out about it and runs up to the roof to get some fresh air and decompress. But then the super-pretty blond model girl comes up too and sees her leaning over the railing and thinks she's about to jump, so she runs at her and yells for her to stop, which startles Pink-Hair Girl and makes her actually fall, and then Super-Pretty Blond Model Girl has to jump off the roof too to grab her and make them both tumble into the top of a tree nearby. See? I remembered all of that even though it was from back in the very first episode.
Ariel: Well ... I don't want to be mean, so I'm not going to mention all the stuff you remembered wrong just then.
Sasha: What? What stuff? 
Ariel: I said I wasn't going to mention it, didn't I? Sheesh!
Sasha: Whatever. Anyway, then Super-Pretty Blond Model Girl decides that she's fallen in love with Pink-Hair Girl and insists that they need to become girlfriends, which is where the title comes in.
Ariel: I thought you said you didn't know what the title meant?
Sasha: No, I mean the "There's No Freaking Way I'll Be Your Lover! Unless ..." version of the title.
Ariel: Oh, I get it. Aha! Also, I get what the "Unless ..." part of that title means, now!
Sasha: You do? What does it mean?
Ariel: It means, "Unless You're Going To Get It On With Both Me And Cute Brown-Hair Girl!" Thank heavens they didn't make that the title instead of just putting the dot-dot-dot there. That would have been a cray-cray long title.
Sasha: It also would have been a big-time spoiler for how the extra-bonus season ended.
Ariel: Probably not. Probably with it being that long, most people wouldn't have read all the way to the end of the title anyway.
Sasha: I kind of feel like they would, though, Aers. I mean, most people aren't you.
Ariel: What's that supposed to mean?
Sasha: Just that I don't think most people would get so exhausted reading 14 extra words that they'd give up and not finish reading the title.
Ariel: I didn't say they'd stop reading from being exhausted! Quit acting like I'm all lazy that way. I meant they'd stop reading the title because they'd be so excited about actually reading the story, so they'd skip right to that. Or skip right to watching the show.
Sasha: Uh-huh. So are you going to actually say anything about the show at any point?
Ariel: I already did! I guess you forgot about that part too.
Sasha: You know what? Forget I said anything at all.
Ariel: What you said when?
Sasha: This whole time I've been talking!
Ariel: What whole time?
Sasha: Would you stop that?
Ariel: But you told me to forget you said anything. I was just doing what you wanted.
Sasha: Uh-huh. Why does that not work literally any other time I say you should do something?
Ariel: There's lots of times you say I should do something and I do it!
Sasha: Really? Like when?
Ariel: Um ... do you really want me to say? Cause that's a whole other list of things that I think you might get embarrassed if I went and listed them all. If you know what I mean!
Sasha: Oh. Yeah, okay. 
Ariel: So ... is there anything else you want to say about Whatawhatsit?
Sasha: Hmm ...
Ariel: Or -- is there anything else you want to say I should do?
Sasha: Why are you batting your eyes at me like that?
Ariel: No reason!
Sasha: Uh ... okay ... Goodnight, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... There's No Freaking Way I'll Be Your Lover! Unless ... !

Sasha: Okay, time to get down to it and us get some blogging done to start the New Year!
Ariel: Yeah, we've kinda been slacking since ... yeep, like, last September or something?
Sasha: Soooo many things we've been experiencing since then that we could have blogged about!
Ariel: I don't even want to think about it.
Sasha: Anyway, now that we finished watching the bonus season of this show, I figured we could use it as a quick way to get back in the swing of things.
Ariel: Whew! Thank goodness we're only talking about the bonus season! I barely hardly remember the first season, and I even barely-er, hardly-er remember the manga, cause we read that ages ago.
Sasha: Well, I mean, we could still talk about the first season or the manga, or at least the parts we remember. It's not like we only have to talk about the bonus season.
Ariel: Maybe you don't only have to talk about it, but I only have to talk about it on account of it's all I remember.
Sasha: All right, no biggie. In that case, we should --
Ariel: I mean ... I guess I do remember when we started watching the first season this summer I was all, "Wait, did everything happen this fast in the manga?" Because I didn't remember everything happening that fast in the manga.
Sasha: True. The manga took more time getting things going than the show. But before we get too much into it, shouldn't we --
Ariel: Oh! Also, I must remember something more about the manga, because when we watched the bonus season, I was like, "Whoa, this is totally different from the manga. They obviously changed this way around from the original story."
Sasha: Well ... I think that's because we haven't read the part of the manga that the bonus season covers.
Ariel: What do you mean? Haven't we read all of the manga that there is?
Sasha: We've read all of it that's been translated into English, but there's another whole volume that hasn't been translated yet.
Ariel: OMG.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You meant the whole bonus season was SPOILERS for a part of the manga that we haven't read yet?
Sasha: You didn't know that? I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious considering the end of the main season was pretty much the end of the last volume we read of the manga. Actually, it even went a little further than the last volume of the manga.
Ariel: I just thought that meant the people who did the show ran out of stuff from the manga and just figured they'd wing it. I didn't know there was a whole other volume we never read!
Sasha: Hmm. I guess you really don't want to hear what I read on Wikipedia getting ready for this post then.
Ariel: What? I mean, I don't even want to hear that you were reading on Wikipedia to get ready at all. Are you doing that before every post so you can show me up?
Sasha: No, why would I be trying to show you up?
Ariel: Because you think I'm lazy! But just because you're going and doing a bunch of extra homework before we start blogging doesn't mean I'm lazy!
Sasha: Those two things aren't connected at all, Aers. Plus, we already said at the start of this post that we've been slacking about posting, which basically means we've both been lazy.
Ariel: No it doesn't! Slacking just means we sort of haven't been doing it. Not that we're being lazy about it. It's like how "chillaxing" is put together from "chilling" and "relaxing." Only with slacking, it's "sort of" and "lacking" that you're putting together.
Sasha: Okay, you totally just now made that up to keep from having to admit we were being lazy about posting because then you'd be admitting you're lazy sometimes.
Ariel: No, I just now made it up because it's work making something like that up, so making it up proves I'm not lazy. Not everybody is unlazy enough to go around making up new words, you know.
Sasha: It's not a new word, though -- it's totally a word that already existed. What are you even talking about?
Ariel: It's a new word that just happens to be spelled the same as an alxisting word, which is another word I just made up by combining "already" and "existing." There's lots of words that are spelled the same as other words, you know. 
Sasha: Like "lots." I know.
Ariel: Not just "like" lots! Actually lots!
Sasha: No, I mean "lots" is more than one word. Like there are parking lots and also lots of words that are spelled the same.
Ariel: Oh, I get it.
Sasha: Also like "like." Like, you can like some one and someone can also be like someone else.
Ariel: Ooh! Or you can can someone like firing them or you can can them like boiling them in a jar to keep them from spoiling.
Sasha: That's pretty dark.
Ariel: Sorry. I was going to say like you can can vegetables by boiling them in a jar, but then I realized "them" was way shorter than "vegetables" so I just decided to use "them" because probably somebody must have done that at some point.
Sasha: Cannibals, I guess?
Ariel: OOH! Right! Like, most people aren't cannibals, but they are can-able if you're a cannibal and want to can them.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: If you don't believe me, I bet you could look it up on Wikipedia, since it seems like that's your thing.
Sasha: I don't even remember why I brought up Wikipedia in the first place.
Ariel: Because you said I didn't want to hear about it.
Sasha: Right. Oh yeah, the thing is, on Wikipedia I saw that not only was there a manga before the anime but also there was a "light novel" before the manga.
Ariel: What the heck is a light novel?
Sasha: It's a kind of Japanese novel that's mostly for a younger audience, written so it's easy to read and with illustrations in a manga sort of style. Apparently, quite a few anime shows come from manga that come from light novels.
Ariel: Okay? I mean, I don't know why I wouldn't want to hear about that.
Sasha: Because the light novel series for "There's No Freaking Way I'll Be Your Lover! Unless ..." is like, eight books long, and the stuff we just watched in the bonus season is from maybe book number four. Which means there's four other whole books of spoiler material out there for parts of the manga and show that haven't even been made yet.
Ariel: That's crazypants.
Sasha: But I guess we don't have to worry about that, since we'd have to go out of our way to get the light novels and read them in order to have anything spoiled by them.
Ariel: Unless someone kidnaps us and forces us to!
Sasha: That seems kind of unlikely, though.
Ariel: Well ... yeah, but even if it's unlikely, now I have to worry about it a little bitty-bit where before I didn't have to worry about it at all.
Sasha: Maybe what we should worry about more is actually posting about the anime?
Ariel: Whew, I'm sort of tired now, though. From all the worrying and all the word-inventing. And before you say anything, "tired" isn't the same thing as "lazy!"
Sasha: Actually, I was going to say I'm sort of tired now too. Let's try talking about the show again tomorrow, how about.
Ariel: Sure!
Sasha and Ariel: See you tomorrow then, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Four-Way Heroscape!

Ariel: Okay, wow, so this is going to be so new and different!
Sasha: Yeah? How so?
Ariel: Well, I mean, duh, this time we have guests!
Sasha: We had guests before, way back when we did that book club post.
Ariel: What? What book club post?
Sasha: The one where --
Ariel: Oh, wait, maybe I remember. It was the book about that Russian composter, Peter Cottontchailovsky, fighting that wolf that was eating all the planets. Holy moley, that was years ago! How did you expect me to remember that?
Sasha: I didn't. That's why I reminded you.
Ariel: Okay, but when you did that you also reminded our readers, who probably would of forgotten just as much as I did, so they would have been excited by that part being new just like I was. Anyway, those were book club guests and this time they're Heroscaping guests. We definitely haven't had Heroscaping guests before.
Sasha: That's true.
Ariel: And we're playing with new Heroscape stuff because a brand-new package of it came today.
Sasha: Sure, but we've played with new Heroscape stuff before.
Ariel: But we haven't played with newer than that Heroscape stuff.
Sasha: Sure we did. We've played with new Heroscape stuff after a couple of different packages came in, I'm pretty sure.
Ariel: Well ... but this is the newest Heroscape stuff, and we haven't played newest Heroscape before.
Sasha: I mean, technically every time we've played Heroscape it's been with the newest Heroscape that was out at the time.
Ariel: OMG, you are making us sound so boring and un-new!
Sasha: Sorry.
Ariel: Anyhow, even if we've had guests before and we've played newest Heroscape before, we haven't ever played newest Heroscape with guests before, and we haven't ever played four-way Heroscape before, so this is still going to be super new and different.
Sasha: Sure. So very different. Because, you know, we never start our posts off arguing about pointless stuff before we get to the part where we actually talk about the thing we're talking about.
Ariel: That part's always your fault!
Sasha: Er ... you're going to have to prove that by going back and showing me it's always me doing the arguing.
Ariel: Ugh! That would be so much work!
Sasha: I guess we'll never know, then.
Ariel: Grr. OH! But plus, here's another new and different thing about it -- one of our guests has never been a guest here before, and also she's a new yam who's only barely been in the house a couple weeks or less, so we've never even talked about her here before, much less talked with her here. Hah!
Sasha: Okay, so that's a pretty major new thing, I'll give you that.
Ariel: Boom! I win!
Sasha: Why don't we just introduce our guests?
Ariel: Sure. I'll go first and introduce the super-duper new and differentest of our guests, Heddy. Heddy used to be Hettie's girlfriend a long time ago, and now she is again! And also now she's here instead of way over in California or wherever. And also, her being here means she's pretty much our girlfriend too now, so say hello, Heddy!
Heddy: Um ... hi?
Sasha: Sorry if Aers is embarrassing you with too many personal details, Heddy.
Heddy: No, she's fine. I'm just ... still kind of working out what I'm supposed to be saying. As a guest on you guys' blog, I mean.
Ariel: Sheesh, Sash, why are you going and making it out like she's all embarrassed? And what do you mean, too many personal details? It's not like I went and said you two already did it or anything.
Sasha: ...
Heddy: ...
Ariel: I mean, I guess I did just then. Uhh ... anyway, here's our other guest for today, MSG! Say something, MSG!
MSG: We can have them edit out anything embarrassing later, Heddy. Just let them know.
Heddy: I'll definitely consider that. But I think as long as this doesn't degenerate into a bunch of who's-done-what-to-whom, I'm probably okay. I'm not really all that easily embarrassed. More self-conscious in new situations like this.
Ariel: Aha! See, Sash? She agrees with me about how new this post is!
Sasha: Maybe we should get on with playing. MSG, I see you already built a map for us to play on.
MSG: Yep. And I looked at the new figures and divided them up into four more-or-less even armies worth about 230 points each.
Ariel: Oh, good! Those are some of the funnest parts, but some of the most work too. And I kind of feel like we've already been working at this post a lot.
Sasha: You're not the only one.
Heddy: Okay, so, I'm seeing all these little figurines and stuff, and I'm trying not to be intimidated, but this is definitely even more outside my normal box than the D&D game we played.
Ariel: Don't worry, it's way easier than it looks. Sash and I basically taught ourselves.
Sasha: Let's not get into why we taught ourselves.
Heddy: Oh? Is there a story there? I'm noticing MSG is looking at both of you and neither of you is looking at him ...
Ariel: Uh, we kind of opened his game and played with it before he had a chance to.
Sasha: Ariel opened it. I only played with it.
Ariel: I said "kind of," didn't I? Anyway, that's all water under the fridge now.
Sasha: Under the bridge. Water under the bridge means it's in the past. Water under the fridge would be a mess.
Ariel: Yeah, but it's a mess you wouldn't see unless you went poking around under there, or unless somebody pointed it out to you. Like, when they didn't even need to.
Sasha: Anyway. Like Aers said, she and I basically taught ourselves, by which she meant I read all the rules and basically taught her.
Ariel: You didn't read all the rules! Some of the rules are on the cards for each army. So I had to read those just as much as you did.
Sasha: Okay, but I had to read all the rules in the rulebook.
Ariel: And I didn't, and it was still pretty easy for me to learn, and Heddy seems to be gobs smarter than me, so it ought to be a snap for you, Heddy.
Heddy: I'm not going to go making any claims about how smart I am.
Sasha: You do seem pretty smart, though.
Heddy: Thanks!
Ariel: So the main things you want to remember are, if your guys are up higher than the other person's guys, you get more dice to attack with or to defend with, if you're attacking or defending. And you always want to make sure you look at your cards and maybe the other person's cards before you make your decisions about attacking, because there's this SUPER MEAN rule about no backsies, and if you say, I'm attacking that dude with my whatchamacallit power and it turns out that dude's card says no whatchamacallitting him, you're screwed and you just wasted all the time you spent setting things up to whatchamacallit the dude.
Sasha: Another thing to remember is, if your figure won't fit in a space because it's got legs or wings or something sticking out, then you can't go there.
Ariel: Haha, that totally screwed your super-centipede dude up that one game.
Sasha: Let's not get into that.
Ariel: Yeah, he had all those tiny little legs sticking out from his sides and there were so many of them that even though they were teeny-tiny, he still wouldn't fit in that space. And I was like, "Sucks to be him!" And then I totally whacked him from above with my Killaballoon guy.
Sasha: You know, Heddy can read all about that later, if she really wants to.
Heddy: It does sound kind of amusing, so let's not go through the whole story now.
Ariel: Oh, right! Spoilers! Sorry.
Sasha: MSG, why don't you tell us about these armies you built.
MSG: Sure thing. First, there's this army with a bunch of fish guys, a miniature kraken, and these giants with giant bows.

Ariel: Haha, I like the one guy in the back who's just drinking away.
MSG: Well, they're fish warriors, so I think that's probably a conch-shell horn that he's blowing as a battle alert.
Ariel: Does it say that on the card?
MSG: No.
Ariel: I think I like my way better then.
MSG: That's cool I guess. So the fish warriors can give themselves and the krakenling some extra movement at the very beginning of each round, and they defend better when they're in water or being attacked from above. The krakenling gets lots of attacks when it's not wounded and can swap places with someone next to it. And the giants have really good range -- 7 spaces. They also get an extra attack die if they're shooting someone 4 or more spaces away, and another extra attack die shooting someone 7 spaces away.
Ariel: That looks like a pretty badass army.
Sasha: Right? Maybe I want to play that one. Who's next?
MSG: This great big flying lady and her dragon crew. The three dragons in front are kind of wussy. Their special powers only work if you team them up with certain figures, and this new set of Heroscape doesn't have any of those figures. So they're just some mediocre flying guys in this scenario. But the wizard lady can attack twice a turn, once at long range and once close up, and before her turn she can take a turn with this feathery flying beast in front of her, who can either attack or use a special ability to heal her if she's wounded.

Sasha: So basically if someone takes her out, you're screwed.
MSG: Basically. Now, these three guys don't look like much, but they're worth more points than the other three armies. Both the guy with the staff and the green guy get to take an extra turn with the red vines beast before their own turn. The guy with the staff also has a special power that lets him take a turn with another unique hero who's within 2 spaces of him after his turn. Has to roll a 13 or higher on the 20 sided die if the hero is controlled by the same player, or a 16 or higher to take over another player's hero. His attack value is lame, but he always gets two extra skulls when he attacks. Both the green vine guy and the red vine guy have a chance to make an opponent's figure stop moving if it becomes adjacent to them, so they're tricky to move past.

Ariel: That sounds awfully complicated.
Sasha: Yeah, but there are only three of them to keep track of.
Heddy: So wait ... does that mean the guy with the staff can take a turn with the red vine guy, and then take his own turn, and then possibly take a turn with the green vine guy, who can also take a turn with the red vine guy before his turn? So you could get four turns instead of just one?
MSG: That's exactly what it means.
Ariel: Dang! I told you you were smart, Heddy!
Heddy: Well, I didn't say I wasn't, I just said I didn't want to go bragging about it.
MSG: So the last army is this pirate ninja lady and her pirate squad. She gives the squad extra defense if she's close to them, and they let you take a turn with her every time you take a turn with them. She also gives them an extra attack die if there's an order marker on her card, and if you put the X order marker on her card, you can reveal it at the start of her turn to move two of the squad guys up to 3 spaces each. The squad guys have decent attack and defense, and they also get to roll an extra attack die for each wound they inflict when they hit someone.

Ariel: Yikes! They sound evil!
Heddy: Aren't most pirates evil?
Ariel: Yeah, but that sounds even extra eviller.
MSG: So who wants to play which army, and are we doing a free-for all, or playing teams?
Heddy: I wouldn't mind having a teammate to give me advice for this first game I've ever played.
Ariel: Ooh! I'll be Heddy's teammate!
Sasha: Maybe we ought to let Heddy pick?
Heddy: No, that's fine. It does sound like she crushed your centipede guy pretty well in that one game.
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Okay, me and MSG against Heddy and Aers. Who gets which army?
MSG: I propose letting Heddy pick first since she's the only one who's never played. Then the rest of us can roll off to see who picks next.
Ariel: Okey-doke by me!
Sasha: Sure. Heddy?
Heddy: I'll definitely take the guys who are worth more points and can take up to four turns in a single turn. That sounds too good to pass up.
MSG: I roll a 9.
Ariel: Boo. 8 for me.
Sasha: 18! I'll take the pirate chick and her gang, since Aers probably wants to play the drinking fish guy.
Ariel: Wait, just because I think it's funny that he's drinking doesn't mean I want to play a drunk fish dude!
Sasha: Well, I'm still going for the pirates.
MSG: What do you think, Aers? Want me to take the fish guys and giants, or should I leave them for you and play the little dragons and the flying wizard lady?
Ariel: Uh ... let me see their cards again? Okay, the fish guys for sure. That wizard is all sneezy.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Look at her name! "Hatchoo-a-lot."
MSG: That's Haluchott.
Ariel: Oh. Well, you still made it sound like she and her guys were pretty lame, so I'm down for the fish team.
MSG: If that's settled, let's roll to see who places their armies first. Heddy, whoever gets highest on the 20-sided die places one army card's worth of figures in one of the four grey starting zones in the corners of the map. Then the other players place two cards' worth of figures at a time, and we keep going in order until all figures are placed.
Heddy: Uhm ... got it, I think. I roll 13.
MSG: 9 for me.
Ariel: Boo! 6.
Sasha: 18 again, baby! I'll take this spot here. Pirate queen for the win!
Heddy: I don't know that I see much difference between the different starting places. Am I missing something?
MSG: Well, I don't know Sash's plan, but none of her figures have range, and she put her pirate captain down pretty close to those trees and bushes, so she may be trying to set up cover against ranged attacks. Also, if you're next to a tree or bush, you get a defense bonus against anyone shooting at you from a distance -- and your green vine wizard can heal at the end of a round if he's next to a tree or bush.
Heddy: Great. Definitely picking this spot closer to trees, then.
MSG: Not much difference between the two zones left, so I'll set up here.
Ariel: And I guess that leaves this place for me.
Sasha: I'll stick the rest of my pirates in front of this Crimson Widow chick, then.
Ariel: Oh, I thought that card said "Window." Widow is a lot cooler.
Sasha: Why would a pirate ninja be a window?
Ariel: I don't know! But it would be pretty un-cool sounding, is all I'm saying.
Heddy: My wizard with the staff will go here. "Maruchott, Vine Whisperer." Interesting.
Ariel: What do you think he whispers?
Heddy: Rumors? Innuendo? I'm guessing whatever he hears through the grapevine.
MSG: Nice. I'll put my sneezy wizard down here.
Ariel: That leaves my Crackling dude to go here.
Sasha: "Krakenling."
Ariel: Watch out or he's going to be Krakenling your window.
Heddy: Okay, so we're all set up ... what now?

MSG: Order markers! You get 4 of them: 1, 2, 3, and X.
Sasha: X is only for my pirates, to mark the spot. I'm joking, but man, that would be a cool power if you could take the X off your card and put it on a spot on the board and suddenly there's treasure there.
MSG: The order markers are used to determine which figures you move with during a round. There are 3 turns per person in a round, represented by the 1, 2, and 3. The X is used as a bluff, or in some cases to activate special powers.
Sasha: Wait, that's right! My pirate chick does have a special X power.
Heddy: So I put one marker on each card? And then the X ... where exactly? I'm not seeing the bluffing part.
MSG: You don't have to put one marker on each card. You can put them all on one card, or two on one card and two on another -- any combination you like. So you could put your 1 and 2 on your Heard-It-Through-the-Grapevine wizard, your 3 on the other wizard, and your X on the red vine beast. Until you reveal each one, we won't know which ones you're planning to move or when.
Heddy: Ah, that makes more sense.
Ariel: After order markers, we roll the 20-sider for initiative and then go in order of our rolls. The winner plays their number 1 marker, then the next person plays their number 1 marker, until all the 1's are done and we go on to the 2's.
MSG: Each order marker is a turn, and going through a complete set of all order markers finishes a round.
Heddy: All right. I'm putting mine like this. What do you think, Ariel?
Ariel: Um ... sure? Remember, I didn't take those guys because they sounded too complicated. Sorry if that's not much help.
Heddy: No problem. If I lose, I lose. It's just my first game.
MSG: I've got mine set up.
Sasha: Me too. Aers?
Ariel: Give me a second! I had to help Heddy, even if I wasn't much help! Okay, done.
Sasha: Time for initiative, then.
Ariel: Actually, I think first I use this special power of my fish guys. I put 3 order markers on them, so all of them and my Window Cracker get to move 3 spaces. Okay, done.
Sasha: 6 for me on initiative.
Heddy: 11. 
MSG: 13.
Ariel: Woohoo! 15! I go first! It's the fish guys. Dang, their stupid flying fish wings sure get in the way ... why do they even have flying fish wings if they can't fly? All right, here's where they end up, then.
Heddy: Hang on. When you moved them those 3 spaces before initiative, it looked like some of them only moved one space. Did I miss something?
Ariel: Oh! No, see, if you can't fly, you have to count the sides of each level that you go up. So each level you go up counts as a move even if you don't go into the actual space until you've finished climbing.
Heddy: Ah. But when your fish fellows moved down on the other side of that hill, you didn't count extra for the sides?
Ariel: Right, because you can just jump down. It doesn't cost you anything.
Heddy: Got it.
MSG: My number 1 is my little dragon trio. They'll fly to here. Since they have Flying, they don't have to count the elevation steps to go up and over the hill. That's all they can do this turn.
Heddy: It's me next then, right? Okay. I put my first marker on Marachott. So first he gets to take a turn with "Vrono the Brambletooth," who can move 5? One, two, three, four. Did I do that right? One to go up this level, then three to get next to the bush?
MSG: Yep.
Heddy: I don't think I want to move him any closer to your dragons, so he'll stay there in cover. Then it's Marachott's turn ... one, two, three, four. I'm keeping him within 2 spaces of "Girushia, Grove Keeper" to try to give him a turn too, which I need to roll a 13 or better for ... 19. Got it. So one, two, three, four puts Girushia here by the bushes too. And I don't have any range, so I'm done.
Sasha: Time for some piracy! My number one is on my squad -- the Dreadnoughts of Caraway Cavern!
Ariel: Yeesh! You're not going to say that whole name every time, are you?
Sasha: No -- especially since it abbreviates to DCC, just like Dungeon Crawl Classics!
Ariel: Oh, man, I love that game.
Sasha: We'll have to play that one with you sometime, Heddy.
Heddy: So many games!
MSG: Let's try not to overwhelm her, okay, you two?
Sasha: Sure. Alright, they give the Crimson Window -- grr, Widow -- a turn first, so she's moving over here behind these bushes, and then they're moving up with her. Your turn for order marker number 2, Aers!
Ariel: It's my Greatbow Archers! They're gonna move to here and shoot some giant arrows at your little green pirate over by those bushes, Sash. They're at range 7, which is plus 2 attack dice because they're "Longshot Specialists." 5 dice coming at you!
Sasha: Eek. I get to add 1 for the bushes, but I still only get 4 defense dice.
Ariel: Twang!!! Oh poop. Only 1 skull.
Sasha: Whew! I only roll 1 shield but that's enough. 
Ariel: Second archer ... twang!!! Two skulls!
Sasha: Booooooo. No shields. So he takes two wounds and he's dead.
Ariel: Yes!
MSG: Okay, number two for me is also my little dragon guys. These two are going to fly over and attack Ariel's fish guys, and this one will go attack your red vines beast, Heddy. The first two get an extra attack die for elevation ...
Ariel: But I get TWO extra defense dice for being attacked from up high!
MSG: It's still the best I could do. So the first one rolls 3 dice and gets 2 skulls.
Ariel: Dang, I better roll really good with my 4 dice ... boo! only 1 shield. He's dead.
MSG: Next 3-die attack -- yech. No skulls.
Ariel: Whew!
MSG: And finally, 2 dice against -- what's his name again? Vroomo?
Heddy: Vrono.
MSG: Sorry. Anyway, 1 skull.
Heddy: So I just roll 4 of these and look for shields? Oh, good, 3 shields. Can I save some of those for later since I only needed 1?
MSG: Afraid not.
Heddy: So I'm next, and my number 2 is Marachott again. First he gives Vrono a turn -- oops, I forgot to read my card on your turn. I should have used these Sharp Vines when you moved in next to me. I might have shaved off one of your dice. Not that I ended up needing to. All right, I've got 2 dice to attack your mean little dragon, so ... 1 skull.
MSG: He's got 2 defense ... 1 shield, safe.
Heddy: Marachott's main turn now. I'll smack your dragon with my Staff of Curupiran. Hmm ... I get to roll 1 attack die, but I automatically get 2 skulls, so aren't you already dead? No, wait, you might roll 2 shields, even if that's not super likely. Here I go, then. Nope, my die is a shield.
MSG: I defend with ... only 1 shield, so your auto skulls kill me.
Heddy: I'm liking these figures. Time to see if I can give Girushia an extra turn again ... yep, 16! Can I move through my own character?
MSG: Yes, as long as they're not engaged with another figure -- which mostly just means adjacent.
Heddy: Sweet. I can move him over here, then, and -- oh, wait, he was supposed to give Vrona a turn too. But that no backsies rule means I can't, right?
MSG: It's supposed to.
Ariel: We can give her a break though, can't we? Since it's her first time playing?
Sasha: You can't, because she's on your team. I don't know if I want to be a hard ass about it, though. What do you think, MSG.
MSG: I'm okay with doing it this once.
Heddy: You guys are the best. I'm moving Vrono around to here, then, still by the bushes but on the other side. And then Girushia goes here. He's got this Reach thing that lets him attack at range 2 as long as the target isn't too high up or too far down, which means I can go for your white baby dragon, right? 
MSG: Yes, but I have elevation, so I'll get an extra defense die.
Heddy: Let's dance, then. My attack is 4 -- ouch. but I roll no skulls.
MSG: Bad break.
Sasha: Piracy time! My number 2 is the DCC again. First, Crimson Widow goes. She'll reveal this X marker to move her last 2 scurvy knaves 3 spaces each. Then she moves 5 spaces toward you, MSG! I'm coming for your sneezy wizard -- let's make that "sneezard" for short. Now it's my actual turn with the DCC, and they're out for blood! They move here ... and here. This guy can smackeroo your familiar from up high now. 4 attack dice! 2 skulls!
MSG: I have 3 dice to defend ... 1 shield, so I take 1 wound.
Sasha: Hang on, though! I get to roll another die for each wound I gave you, and it says ... rats. Shield. Just the one wound. Here's a wound marker.
Heddy: What's that for?
MSG: Figures with more than 1 life -- that's the number in the little blood-spatter icon there -- don't just go away when they're hit. You put wound markers on them until they run out of life. I've got 2 left now.
Sasha: Not for long. This DCC is attacking you too! What the -- 3 shields on 3 dice! Lame!
MSG: Wait. Sash, you're on my team.
Sasha: What? Oh, shit. I just saw some sweet, sweet pirate victims where I could reach them. Does the no backsies rule apply to that kind of boner move?
Heddy: That seems like it would be a little too harsh.
MSG: Technically, the You-Snooze-You-Lose rule says to check for Glyphs, Special Powers, and Height Advantage before attacking, not for whether you're making a completely crazy attack on your own team. So I agree that applying it now is a bit much.
Ariel: I'm going to agree too, but probably only because I'd be outvoted anyway.
Sasha: "Probably," huh? Well since everybody's giving me the backsies, I end up moving my DCC's here with the 3-space moves, then Crimson Widow here, and then the DCC's here with their real move of 6. So this dude gets to attack Gooshy-gooshy the vine guy. Let's see ... I've got elevation again, so 4 dice  ...
Heddy: You already rolled 4 dice. Should we just use those results?
MSG: Your call, since you're the target, I think.
Heddy: I'd just as soon not risk having Sash roll 4 skulls, so I'll take the 2 she rolled before. My defense is 3, so ... oh crap, I forgot my Wicked Thorns again.
MSG: Well, you haven't rolled defense yet, so I think we can let you have the backsies on this too. Especially since you're not the one attacking.
Ariel: She's getting so many backsies! Oh, wait, she's on my team, so that's a good thing. Never mind.
Heddy: You know what? I'm still going to pass on that, because she could end up rolling 3 skulls on the re-roll. Here's my defense roll of 3 against the 2 skulls ... 2 shields.
Ariel: Yes! Safe!
Sasha: It seems like we both need to pay more attention to what team we're on, Aers.
Ariel: The whole "team" thing is just confusing the heck out of me, to be honest.
Sasha: Well, you wanted new and different.
Ariel: Yeah, I guess I did. Anyway, now it's my number 3 order marker, which is the fish dudes again. I'm gonna swarm these last 2 dragons! 3 attack dice on this red one! Woot! 3 skulls!

MSG: Only 1 shield on my defense. Dead.
Ariel: Yes! Next fish guy! 2 skulls!
MSG: No shields. Dead.
Ariel: Fish guys rule! This last guy doesn't get to attack though. Oh, he's the drinking one. I guess he was too busy getting sloshed to fight.
Heddy: Looks like the fish men really schooled you, MSG.
MSG: Ouch. Did you have to add to my pain? Well, I'm next, so let's see if Haluchott can get some payback. First, my familiar flies over here to attack Sash's --
Sasha: Not you too! MSG, we're on the same damn team!
MSG: I guess I was still smarting from your false move last turn. Okay, rewind that. The familiar flies to here, and my wizard flies to here, which puts me in range to zap either Heddy's vine guy or Ariel's fish guy with my Staff of the Long Hand. Looks like I'm up against 4 defense dice for a fish dude or 5 for the red vines beast, so I'll take a shot at the fish guy.
Heddy: You could also hit Girushia, right? He's only got 3 dice plus 1 for the bushes.
MSG: Yes, but we're almost to the end of the round, and he's the one who heals if he's next to a bush or tree when the round's done, right?
Heddy: True. I was hoping you wouldn't remember that.
MSG: 2 attack dice coming at that fish guy there ... 2 skulls!
Ariel: Yipe! Uh, 4 defense dice gets me -- only 1 shield. Noooo, my fish guy!
MSG: Heddy, your turn.
Heddy: I put order marker 3 on Girushia, so first I'm taking a turn with Vrono. He's only got 2 attack dice, though, so I don't see much point moving him up to attack Sasha's DCC pirate on that hill. But I guess doing something with him is better than doing nothing. 2 attack dice ... ooh, 2 skulls!
Ariel: Yes! Whip those vines!
Sasha: 4 defense dice ... glah! All skulls!
Heddy: Wow. I didn't think that would work. Okay, Girushia's turn, and he can attack the last pirate with his Reach ... 4 dice ... and, 4 shields.
MSG: Everybody's really going all-or-nothing in this fight.
Sasha: Thanks be to the pirate gods on that last one. If she'd taken out that guy I wouldn't have been able to use my last order marker. It's on the DCC's again, so first I move the Crimson Widow, which puts her in place to attack Vroomo with 5 attack dice for being up high.
Heddy: Urk.
Sasha: 2 skulls, Vroomo.
Heddy: Hang on. First I was supposed to get my Sharp Thorns power, since it's not an attack and the You-Snooze-You-Lose rule doesn't apply, right? I only roll a 9, though, so it doesn't work. Ah well. I do get 4 defense dice ... and again, no success on even a single one of them. Vroomo -- Vrono's almost dead.
Sasha: Time for my last DCC. He tromps over here to attack Gooshy-Gooshy from up high, plus he gets a bonus attack die for being next to the Widow. That's 5 dice total.
Heddy: This could be painful ...
Sasha: 3 skulls.
Heddy: Yeah, I'm not liking the looks of this. Wait! Wicked Thorns! I swear, at some point I'll remember that at the right time. Not that it matters. I roll a 2. Okay, I only have 3 defense dice, so this is probably going to hurt ... oh, 2 shields. Only 1 wound.
Sasha: But I get to roll another die for that wound! Skull!
Heddy: Okay, 2 wounds then. But it's the end of the round, right? So my Gift of the Forest lets me heal one of them anyway.
Ariel: Turn one, all done!
Sasha: New order markers!
Heddy: You'd think now I've done this before, it would be less tricky instead of more. Okay, done.
MSG: Mine didn't take much brainpower.
Sasha: Yeah, mine either. Seems like we've still got one slowpoke, though.
Ariel: Hey! Don't rush me! Look ... there, I'm done.
Sasha: Time to roll it, then!
Ariel: Nooo, don't you remember? I still have my special power for after the markers are put down. I have 2 of them on my fish dudes, so all my oceany guys get to move two. That's here, and here ... and ... here. Okay, now we can roll. 
Sasha: 11 for me.
Heddy: I see your 11 and raise you 12.
MSG: I'm on 9.
Ariel: Boo! I'm on 3.
Sasha: You're up then, Heddy.
Heddy: Predictably, I have Malachott first. So Vrono's going to take a crack at the Crimson Widow, since she's the only figure he can get at. 2 skulls!
Sasha: I get 4 defense dice from being queen of the mountain ... 2 shields.
Heddy: Okay, now Malachott's turn. He'll go boop, boop, boop to here and ... no guts, no glory, right? I'm going to take a shot at using my Malachott's Whisper to brainwash Crimson Widow. Come on, 16 or better ... nope. 9. That's it for me, then.
Sasha: Whew! That could have sucked! All right, first up, my last DCC dude, who gives CW a turn. She's chopping Gooshy Vines with 5 dice! 3 skulls!
Heddy: Oof. No shields on my 3 defense dice.
Sasha: Yes! Hammertime with my last DCC dude, then! He gets 5 dice too! Only 2 skulls for him, though.
Heddy: This could be ugly ... whew, 1 shield, still alive.
MSG: I'm next. Haluchott is my number 1, so I'll take a turn with Chana first. I'll move him here, and then Haluchott between him and Marachott right here. Now I get a normal attack of 3 dice and a Staff of the Long Hand one for 2 dice. 1 skull on the normal attack ... ooh, 2 skulls on the special. You get to roll defense against them separately, though.
Heddy: 1 shield, and another 1 shield, so that's a wound. My guys are starting to get kind of torn up.
Ariel: Me to the rescue! My number 1 is ... fishies! First mister drunky drunk attacks your DCC with 3 dice, Sash. 2 skulls!
Sasha: 4 defense for me ... crap! No shields. He's sleeping with the fishes now, I guess.
Ariel: Wait, what? I expected him to live! Now my other fish guy isn't where he can attack anybody else.
Sasha: Should have told the drunk guy to wait. Then he could've attacked Gooshy goosh.
Heddy: No, Sash. Aers and I are on the same team.
Sasha: Ugh! No more of this team stuff, please! Next time we play it's everybody against everybody.
Heddy: Back around to my turn, now, which is Marachott again. Vrono takes another vine swipe at the Crimson Widow ... useless. Then Marachott smacks Haluchott with her staff. 1 skull plus 2 for the special power equals 3 total.
MSG: Ouch. But I roll 2 shields, so only 1 wound.
Heddy: This time I'm whispering Girushia for better odds ... and of course it's an 18, so I could've taken over one of your guys if I'd had the guts. Girushia gives Vrono another turn, so I'll whip Crimson Widow again ... 1 skull.
Sasha: 1 shield.
Heddy: Girushia vine-whips the Widow too. Wow. Again just 1 skull.
Sasha: Another shield, hah! My turn! The Crimson Widow has lost all her backup, and she's pissed about it. Here's 5 dice back at you, Gooshy! 4 skulls!
Heddy: I don't think I'm living through this -- oh, definitely not because I've only got 3 defense. Goodbye, Girushia. And then there were two.
MSG: Unsurprisingly, my number 2 is Haluchott again. I'll move Chana up out of the water and see if she can heal that wound I got last time. Whiff. Just missed with an 11. So Haluchott's up for her own turn, with another 3-dice/2-dice combo on Marachott. Here we go. 2 skulls and ... no skulls.
Heddy: One shield, so that's a wound.
Ariel: My turn! Time for some giant arrowing! Let's see ... who can I shoot at range of 7? If I shoot Crummy Windows, she gets an extra die for up high. But if I move a little closer I can shoot Hatchoo-a-lot just fine. 5 dice coming at you, Hatchoo! Dang, only 2 skulls for the first one.
MSG: 2 shields.
Ariel: 3 skulls for the next one!
MSG: Ouch, only 1 shield.
Ariel: Yes! Two wounds! Your turn, Heddy!
Heddy: Sort of. I thought I was playing it safe spreading my order markers out. My number 3 is on Girushia, so I'm just out of luck, right?
MSG: Unfortunately, yes.
Sasha: Sweet! Crimson Widow is going to jump down here and move to attack Marachott!
Ariel: That means you move away from my fish guy and get a leaving engagement attack!
Sasha: I'm not worried. That's the drunk one.
Ariel: Oh yeah? Well -- rats. You're right. Mister drunky fish misses.
Sasha: 4 dice against Marachott! Aaugh! Where are all these shields coming from? Your turn, MSG.
MSG: Definitely trying to have Chana heal Haluchott again. Nope. Okay, same 3-dice/2-dice combo on Marachott. Pff. No skulls, no skulls.
Ariel: Yeah! Haha, I guess Marachott's nothing to sneeze at, huh, Ms. Sneezard?
MSG: Just take your turn.
Ariel: Arrows! 2 skulls, then 3 skulls!
MSG: Uh-oh. No shields, then 1 shield. Dead.
Sasha: Things are looking pretty bad here. But the Crimson Widow never gives up! Order markers!
Heddy: I'm ready.
MSG: Me too.
Ariel: Me three!
Sasha: Okay, time for your fishies to move then, Aers.
Ariel: Woohoo! You remembered! I've got 2 markers on them, so my fish guys go here and here, and my Crackling goes here. Initiative time!
Sasha: 12.
Heddy: 5.
MSG: 8.
Ariel: 9!
Sasha: I guess the Widow is up first. 4 dice on Marachott! 2 skulls!
Heddy: 1 shield. That's half my life gone now.
Ariel: My turn! This guy goes over here to kill your familiar, and drunky drinker stays where he is to kill Crummy Windows! Take that, familiar! 3 skulls!
MSG: Eep! 1 shield. I'm hanging on by a thread.
Ariel: 2 skulls, Windows!
Sasha: 1 shield. Just a scratch!
MSG: I guess I'm attacking this fish guy. 1 skull with my beak.
Ariel: Uh-oh. No shields. I guess I should of stayed in the water. Now I only have the one drunk fish guy left.
Heddy: And your giant archers, and the Krakenling.
Ariel: Yeah, but I mean, out of my fish guys I've only got the drunk one left. Your turn, partner!
Heddy: Marachott again. Vrono attacks the Widow ... 1 skull.
Sasha: 1 shield.
Heddy: Now Marachott ... 2 skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield.
Heddy: And finally, let's see if I can take the Widow over for a turn. 16! Got her! Since I control her now, she can move through my figures, right? So I'll send her over here in the water where it's easier for the archers to take her out.
Sasha: Ugh!
Heddy: Back to you, Sasha.
Sasha: I think I better get up out of this water even if it means Vroomo gets a leaving engagement attack at me.
Heddy: Shield.
Sasha: Whew! Now I'll circle over here and attack Marachott. 2 skulls!
Heddy: 1 shield. I'm feeling pretty puny right about now.
Ariel:  Don't worry, I've got this in the bag! I move one here, and one here, and even though they're not at 7 anymore, I still get 5 dice because they're both higher than Windows. Twang!!! Ugh, 1 skull.
Sasha: 1 shield.
Ariel: Twang!!! 2 skulls!
Sasha: 1 shield again. Ow.
MSG: My turn. I'll fly down in here by the bushes and attack Marachott. 1 skull.
Heddy: No shields! Only 1 life left! But it's my turn, so I'll give Vrono a turn and he'll whip your familiar. 2 skulls!
MSG: 1 shield. Dead.
Sasha: It's all up to me then, huh? Here's my number 3 coming at you, Marachott! 2 skulls!
Heddy: No shields. I'm dead.
Ariel: Don't worry! My giants will get revenge! Twang!!! 3 skulls!
Sasha: Oh, dang, I just realized I haven't been taking my bush bonus. I get 4 defense dice instead of just 3! So ... yeah. 1 shield. That takes me out.
Ariel: Victory!!! Woohoo! Heddy, why aren't you dancing?!?
Heddy: I feel like your giant archers did a whole lot more than my team of viney wizards. I mean, look at all those figures you have left, and I just have Vrono with one life point out of three.
Sasha: Hey, alive is alive, which is better than my or MSG's guys.
Ariel: Plus, you totally soaked up so much damage. My archers would have been in trouble if they'd been getting hit the whole time. And you put Crummy Windows out there in the open where I could arrow the heck out of her.
Heddy: All right, I'm feeling better.
Ariel: Super! Let's get a picture of the winners!

Heddy: So that was fun. Maybe the D&D is more my speed, though.
Ariel: This game gets better the more you play it. I think.
Sasha: Me too!
Heddy: I'm not opposed to giving it another try at some point. Maybe a game with just two players so nobody tries stabbing their partner in the back.
Ariel: Two players is awesome! Sometimes. Other times, Sash wins.
Sasha: By that logic, you should be really into this four-way style. Everybody else got wiped almost or totally wiped out, and you ended up with like two complete cards worth of figures not even scratched.
Ariel: Plus my drinky drunk guy! Yeah, it was pretty cool this way too. I'm just hyping the two-player version so Heddy wants to try it someday.
Heddy: No worries there. I'm definitely interested.
Ariel: Okay, well, we'll sign off the blog post now, then!
Sasha and Ariel: See you later, everybody!