Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Ariel: I was super-excited to blog about this show ... and then I went and typed the title and I got a little bummed.
Sasha: How come?
Ariel: Because one of the funnest things about our Star Wars posts is the awesome names we come up with for the characters, only because they called this show "Obi-Wan Kenobi" instead of "Sexy Jesus" or "Semi-Sexy Jesus" the very first thing I had to do was use his real name.
Sasha: I mean, you could have written "Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Semi-Sexy Jesus!" Couldn't you?
Ariel: Sure, except then only people who had already read our other Star Wars posts and also still remembered the in-jokes from them would have understood what we were blogging about. Other people wouldn't even know it was a Star Wars post!
Sasha: Well, they would if they looked in our "All Our Star Wars Experiences" list and saw it there.
Ariel: That's true I guess. But it doesn't change the fact that I bummed myself out a little bit typing it the way I typed it.
Sasha: Well, you already typed it that way, and I assume it would be too much work to go back and change it now. So what's done is done. Now, do we want to talk about the show already?
Ariel: Yes, but only the first two episodes because even though we've watched all the episodes, I only remember much about the first two since we just rewatched them. I haven't watched the whole show in a long time.
Sasha: I think you mean, "Now that's a show we haven't watched in a long time ... a long time ..."
Ariel: Oh, dang. Now I'm bummed that I didn't think of writing it that way!
Sasha: I think we ought to get started discussing the show just so you don't spend the whole post talking about how bummed you are.
Ariel: Okay, okay. Everybody should put their spoiler blankets on, though, because I would be super-bummed if I accidentally spoiled something before people did that.
Sasha: Although that's actually a reason it's good you didn't call this post "Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Semi-Sexy Jesus" -- if they didn't even know at first that this was a Star Wars post, they might have thought they didn't need to put their spoiler blankets on because maybe we were actually posting about something called "Semi-Sexy Jesus," and since they wouldn't even know what that was, they wouldn't care about it getting spoiled. That make you feel any better?
Ariel: Hmm.
Sasha: Anyway ... the first episode starts off with a bunch of younglings learning light saber stuff in the Jedi Temple. And then pretty quickly, things go really bad.
Ariel: Yeah, it's that same awful scene from the awfullest most saddest Star Wars movie, Episode Aiyaiyai.
Sasha: This time it was a lot more action-packed, though, you've got to admit.
Ariel: I don't have to admit it, but I'm going to go ahead and sadmit it. That's where you admit something but it makes you sad.
Sasha: I figured that part out.
Ariel: Anyhow, let's skip to the next part where Semi-Sexy Jesus is working in the desert helping cut up a giant space manta ray. Or, as I like to call it, a giganta ray.
Sasha: Do you think it's from space? Or is it something that swims around under the sand?
Ariel: I don't know. But either it crashed and got half-buried, or it swam to the surface and got half-unburied, and either way it's stuck half in and half out of the sand and there's a whole factory of people cutting it up into bricks and fish fillets. 
Sasha: Ray fillets.
Ariel: Oh, right. And I guess there's people who cut big hunks off the giganta ray and other people who work on the factory line cutting the big hunks into smaller hunks and then into ray fillets. And there's Semi-Sexy Jesus, on ray fillet duty.
Sasha: When I first saw him I thought, "Yeah! Here we go! It's Sexy Jesus!" Then I realized he looks all old and sad. So I had to downgrade him to semi-sexy, and I started worrying this might not be as exciting as all the other stuff we've seen Sexy Jesus in.
Ariel: Plus on top of being old and sad, you've got to figure he smells really bad like space-fish that's been sitting out in the hot sun for days or weeks. Ooh, but I just thought of something.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: I think they decided to make him work in this fish-harvesting factory setup to be ironic.
Sasha: Go on ...
Ariel: Because it's a ray, see? And it's been sitting in the sunshine. But then we see Semi-Sexy Jesus and he's totally not a ray of sunshine.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: It's just a theory.
Sasha: Any other theories you've been working on?
Ariel: Well, there's this one: how do you think that giganta ray died anyhow?
Sasha: I don't know. How?
Ariel: Probably they shot it.
Sasha: You think so? What would they shoot something that big with?
Ariel: I mean, it's maybe not even a theory, more like a fact because the answer is so obvious.
Sasha: Is it? Because I'm seriously asking what you think they shot it with.
Ariel: You're totally going to kick yourself, Sash.
Sasha: I am, huh?
Ariel: Yeah ... because they shot it with a ray gun.
Sasha: Um. Right. It's definitely myself that I want to kick right now.
Ariel: I told you.
Sasha: So. What did we think about the second episode?
Ariel: What? We're not already done with the first episode, are we?
Sasha: We are so done with that episode.
Ariel: But we didn't even talk about Farmboy Luke being in the episode.
Sasha: There. You just did.
Ariel: But what about how Obi-Wan buried his faithful droid in the ground just to use him as a security system at his cave?
Sasha: Moving on. I mean, we don't even know that droid's name.
Ariel: When has that ever stopped us?
Sasha: I just need to get as far away from your ray gun pun as I can.
Ariel: Fine. You have to go first though, since you're being so bossy.
Sasha: No problem. I loved the second episode. It was freakin' hilarious.
Ariel: I mean ... I thought a lot of it was pretty scary, with all the drug-dealering and inquisiting and Semi-Sexy Jesus getting ambushed ...
Sasha: Yeah, but Minibon-Hair Girl was a riot, the way she kept dissing SSJ left and right and making him buy her stuff in the market and not believing him when he told her he was a Jedi. And on top of that there was the fake Jedi using magnets to pretend to have the Force -- heck, even the GrudgeQuisitor lady was funny in this episode.
Ariel: What? She wasn't funny at all!
Sasha: Not on purpose, obviously. But the way she chased them across the rooftops doing all those stunts cracked me up.
Ariel: I thought that just showed how badass she was.
Sasha: Probably she thought so. And some of those stunts were pretty badass. but a couple were just ass. Anyhow, the main thing was, she just kept stunting and stunting and stunting across the whole city. Semi-Sexy Jesus was like, "Oh damn, that princess got away from me!" And GQ Lady did some stunts. Then he was like, "Dang, now I'm in a shootout with bounty hunters!" And she does some more stunts. Then he's like, "No, Minibon-Hair Girl! You can't jump that far! You'll fall!" And Minibon-Hair Girl falls, all right, but he uses the Force to keep her from ker-splatting on the ground. Then it's back to GQ Lady doing all the freaking stunts. Somewhere along the way, I started thinking, "This chick really has it in for Semi-Sexy Jesus, but is this whole part of the city on a big conveyor belt so even with all this stunting she's not getting any closer to him?"
Ariel: I mean, it wouldn't be the first time we saw people doing ridiculous stunts on ridiculous conveyor belts in Star Wars, would it?
Sasha: No, I just thought it was funny.
Ariel: Not as funny as Semi-Sexy Jesus telling Minibon-Hair Girl to pretend he was her father and her saying, "Grandfather, maybe," under her breath.
Sasha: No, but still pretty funny.
Ariel: Okay, I do have to admit that by the time she jumped down off the last building and was just walking around again, I was starting to get a little tired of the stunty-ness.
Sasha: I was like, geez, lady, you could have just called a taxi.
Ariel: Maybe not, though, because maybe they got rid of all the taxis.
Sasha: Why would they do that?
Ariel: Didn't this whole entire series of movies and shows start because of people being mad about taxis on trade routes?
Sasha: Uh ... sure. Let's just go with that for the reason she stunt-jumped her way across the whole city.
Ariel: Cause if there'd been a taxi for her to take, she could have gotten across the city in time to get into a big lightsaber fight with Semi-Sexy Jesus instead of there being time for her boss to catch up and fuss at her.
Sasha: That was the funniest part! It's just stunt after stunt after stunt after stunt, and all that effort doesn't even get her anywhere except in trouble at her job.
Ariel: She really ought to get a clue from the way her work treats her that she's not on the right side. Like, her co-workers are dinguses to her, and her boss is always criticizing her ...
Sasha: Yeah, he's the Reprimand Inquisitor.
Ariel: It's no wonder she up and stabs him.
Sasha: Probably he could have avoided that if he'd read some management books or something.
Ariel: You'd think Big Space Politician would have written some books on his way up the politicianing ladder, and then once he turned into Emperor Prunepatine, he would have ordered everybody to read them.
Sasha: Nah, if he wrote any books, they'd have titles like, Why I'm Really Just a Kindly Old Dude and You Can Totally Trust Me with All the Power in the Whole Galaxy. And if you read them, all you'd get out of it was, "Man, I'm totally voting for this guy."
Ariel: That's true I guess.
Sasha: Not that it has much to do with the Semi-Sexy Jesus Show.
Ariel: Yeah. Do you think we're out of stuff to say for now, then?
Sasha: I am if you are.
Ariel: Well ... I do have one other thing I wanted to say I liked about the first episode.
Sasha: Am I going to regret this if I ask you what it is?
Ariel: Mmmmaybe ...
Sasha: Fine, what was the other thing you liked about the first episode.
Ariel: It was when Semi-Sexy Jesus was at his ray-filleting job, and his boss was being just as big of a jerk-bag as the Reprimand Inquisitor was to GQ Lady, and it looked like Semi-Sexy Jesus was going to really tell him off, only he didn't, and I thought that was a real shame.
Sasha: Why's that?
Ariel: Because if he told him off, then they could have had ...
Sasha: I knew I was going to regret this.
Ariel: ... a manta man talk.
Sasha: Goodnight, everyone.
Ariel: Wait, aren't we both supposed to --