Sasha and Ariel Experience ... some of Star Trek: Very Disco - Season Four!

Sasha: Are you sure this is what we want to blog about next? Our Arcane post was kinda skimpy. People might want to find out a little more detail on our opinions of that one.
Ariel: I'm still getting over freaking out about the season finale of Arcane. I mean, yeah, our boyfriend pointed out a couple of ways maybe the cliffhanger might not turn out as absolutely terrible as I thought, but who knows if he's right?
Sasha: Okay, but that was such a good show ... I don't think we should just leave it at us saying how shook we were after the finale.
Ariel: Well maybe if you stopped bringing it up and talking about how shook we both were, I wouldn't keep being so shook over it, you know?
Sasha: Fine.
Ariel: Anyway, now that Star Trek: Very Disco is back on, I figure everybody wants to hear more about how we feel about it.
Sasha: Yeah, we've been getting so many comments on this blog where people are pining away because it's been on four episodes now and we haven't blogged about it.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: No, of course not.
Ariel: Oh. Boo, you got my hopes up.
Sasha: Don't worry, eventually we'll be famous bloggers and tons of people will be commenting away right and left on our posts.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: Yes, because of quality exchanges like the one we're having right now. Who could pass this up?
Ariel: Not me.
Sasha: You don't think so, huh?
Ariel: Because you'd get mad at me for just walking out in the middle of our post.
Sasha: That's ...
Ariel: We should talk about the show now. I don't want to keep delaying the part where we're famous bloggers any more than we have to.
Sasha: Great. Spoiler blankets up, everybody!
Ariel: I think for Star Treks, we need to have our own alert color for the spoiler blanket warning. You know, like "Red Alert!" or "Yellow Alert!" or "Black Alert!" Are there other Star Trek alerts?
Sasha: I mean, there's hundreds of episodes of these shows. Probably they have about every color alert covered by now. Do we really need one?
Ariel: Come on, it'll be fun.
Sasha: Well, how do we make sure we're not repeating some other color of alert from one of the hundreds and hundreds of episodes we haven't watched?
Ariel: Maybe we could move on from colors to some other sensation.
Sasha: Like what?
Ariel: Like ... Warm Alert, because blankets are all toasty.
Sasha: So, "Warm Alert! Spoiler blankets up!"
Ariel: Maybe not. "Warm" sounds kinda cozy, and "Alert" means you should be alert, so they're a little bit opposites. There's a word for that, putting two things together that are opposites. I know I heard Hettie use it a couple weeks back. It's a very insulting word. Like somebody so stupid they ought to get pecked to death by a bird.
Sasha: That doesn't sound very much like something Hettie would say.
Ariel: I didn't think so either! Which is why I interrupted her and Elle to ask what was going on, so she explained it. I'm trying to remember what kind of bird it was.
Sasha: I think we're getting off track from naming our alert, which was already --
Ariel: Albatross.
Sasha: -- off track from --
Ariel: Owl.
Sasha: Ariel ...
Ariel: Or maybe a bird sound, like "Squawk!"
Sasha: Really, babe ...
Ariel: No, wait, that's it! "Auk!" That's the kind of bird.
Sasha: Thank god.
Ariel: Auks-eat-morons. It's when one thing is made up of two things that are opposites.
Sasha: Fine! Auks can eat all the morons they want, as far as I'm concerned, but if you don't like "Warm Alert" can we just move on?
Ariel: "Sweet Alert! Spoiler blankets up!"
Sasha: Ariel!
Ariel: "Sour Alert!" No ...
Sasha: ARIEL!
Ariel: Aha, Salty Alert, because people will get all salty if we spoil things on them.
Sasha: Beautiful. Now let's --
Ariel: Ooh! Also, people used to use salt to keep things from spoiling!
Sasha: Did you like these episodes?
Ariel: Wait ... which episodes?
Sasha: The. Episodes. We. Watched. Of. Star. Trek. Very. Disco. Season. Four. 
Ariel: Oh, sure, mostly.
Sasha: I like the sound of "mostly." It means there's nuance. Go ahead and nuance us, chica. 
Ariel: So the first episode was called, "Kobayashi Maru." Which Claire tells me is a Star Trek thing that means the sitch is a no-win scenario. Which, I'm not sure why they need a different name for it, especially since "Kobayashi Maru" and "no-win scenario" are literally exactly the same number of syllables and the same number of letters. Like, if you're making up a new word, be efficient and have it be shorter. Like "K-Mar" or "Kob-u" or something.
Sasha: Okay, so you didn't like the episode name. Was the episode itself okay? 
Ariel: Pretty okay, with some good spots and some less good spots. I guess the thing I thought was weird about it was, there was never a no-win scenario?
Sasha: What do you mean? 
Ariel: I mean, there's a space station spinning out of control and some weird space distortion fieldy kinda thing that keeps them from transporting and blah-blah-blah. And the crew was like, Okay, let's figure something out. And they figure something out, and some of them go to the station, and then something else bad happens. And they're like, Well, time to figure this new thing out. And every time there's a new thing to figure out, they figure it out. It's hard, I guess, and in the end not everybody gets out alive, and they have to do all this risky stuff that could maybe get the whole ship blown up and all of them ker-splattered all over the galaxy. But the only no-win part was that there's this politician chick on the ship going, "Hey, we're not gonna win, let's split before it gets any worse." Which seems more like a Chicken Little Maru than a Kobayashi Maru.
Sasha: I can't argue with any of that. 
Ariel: Great. Now you do the next one.
Sasha: Okay, the next one was called, "Anomaly." Which I think is a Star Trek word for, "Everybody talks way too much about their feels."
Ariel: I like it when people talk about their feels!
Sasha: Yeah, but you know, it's got to be done right and in some of the big emo convos that went on, they got somewhere to the middle of it and I'm thinking, "Hey, isn't there a giant frickin' Space Anomaly you're supposed to be trying to stop from destroying half the universe?" 
Ariel: That's true. I remember thinking something like that myself, now that you mention it.
Sasha: The next episode did it a lot better, I think. People got all their feels-discussing done during reasonable downtime, and the big problems they were trying to solve in the episode weren't nearly as big and didn't need as many people trying to solve them.
Ariel: You did some nuancing in this episode too, though, I think.
Sasha: Ugh! Yeah, it was those darn ninja nuns from Star Trek: That Bald Guy again. Like, it's been 900 years and these chicks haven't figured out, hey, maybe not every mission needs me to kill somebody during every disagreement, so maybe I should bring along like, some nunchaku or some other non-killy type ninja weapon. 
Ariel: It's even got the word "nun" right there in it.
Sasha: I know! Plus, I mean, yeah, they tried to explain it, but the whole situation could have been avoided if the one nun had just found a way to ask for the dilithium instead of stealing it, or had at least told the boss nuns why she was doing what she was doing. 
Ariel: Oh, no, that part made sense actually.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Yeah, remember the ninja nuns have that "absolute candor" thing going on, right?
Sasha: Right ...
Ariel: So who's she going to go ask for dilithium that's not going to ask her, "Now why exactly do you need this dilithium?" Cause once they ask that, she's gotta tell them.
Sasha: Hmm.
Ariel: She can't ask the boss nuns -- they can't keep secrets either. She can't ask the Federation or they might say, "Well, where are you taking this dilithium?" And then she's got to give up the location of the people she's trying to help, and maybe some loose-lips Federation dude sinks their ship.
Sasha: You're kinda selling me on this.
Ariel: It works when you think about it. You can do the same thing all over the place. Like how Captain Snazzybraids was all pissy at the end when they handed the murder-nun over to the Vulcans and were like, "Well, she's one of theirs, so they need to hit her up with their own pointy-eared kind of punishment." And she's like, "WTF!!! Are you F****NG KIDDING ME?!?"
Sasha: Captain Snazzybraids. Haha. I did think she overreacted there. I mean, diplomacy, right, and respecting other cultures' ways?
Ariel: Yeah, but remember, she grew up on Vulcan. So it's not just, "Oh, this gal's gonna get some Vulcan justice instead of the Federation kind, maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse." She pretty much knows what sentence Murder Nun would probably get from the Vulcans compared to what she'd get from the Feddies. Apparently she think odds are, the Vulcan judge'll say, "Well, you did murder somebody, but we can see why it was logically hard for you to avoid it, so how about we have you make license plates for a couple years and then you can go back to your nunning and killing."
Sasha: I'm impressed! Did you grow up on Vulcan too, or are the brainy space-elfs just rubbing off on you?
Ariel: I mostly like them. But you'd think maybe they'd have a good sit-down with the ninja nuns and go, "You know, guys, we could totally make you some swords with a 'stun' setting on them. We're smart like that."
Sasha: Yeah, you'd think. Okay, we done with these three episodes?
Ariel: Yes! And there's that fourth one we've still got to watch anyhow.
Sasha: Nice, sounds like a plan.
Ariel and Sasha: Phase you later, turbovators!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Arcane (Season One)

Ariel: I'm so broken.
Sasha: I don't know what to do. 

Ariel and Sasha: Somebody help us!!!!!