Ariel: What. Did. We. Just. Hear?
Sasha: That was one crazy song.
Ariel: So completely nutso!
Sasha: Let me tell you, those 1970s ... just ... what a weird time.
Ariel: The weirdest. Or maybe not the weirdest, but soooo weird.
Sasha: You can't rank that kind of weird. When you get that weird, there's no number one and number two or most weirdest and second most weirdest.
Ariel: It's like, how weird is that thing? Rank it on weirdness, is it 1970s rock weird or is it rutabaga doorknob weird?
Sasha: Exactly.
Ariel: How do we even talk about a song like this?
Sasha: I say we just put it on and let it rip.
Ariel: Sure, why not?
Sasha: Okay, I'm making a link.
Ariel: Awesome, you're great at that and I'm happy to let you do the work.
Sasha: Done.
Ariel: So here we go. Cue guitar number one making crunchy hard-rock chords.
Sasha: Yep. And here comes guitar number two crunching away at the same time. Plus drums!
Ariel: So much crunching, but they're not done adding guitars yet!
Sasha: I guess they were thinking, you know what this chord pattern needs? Another guitar!
Ariel: Then they were like, that did the trick! And bass ... go!
Sasha: Do-dee-dee-dee-dee, do-dee-dee-dee-dee! Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! Crunch-crunch!
Ariel: Chord change!
Sasha: Crunch! Crunch! Crunchhhh!
Ariel: Do-do-do-dee-dee ...
Sasha: Crunch! Crunch! Crunchhhh!
Ariel: Do-do-do-dee-dee ...
Sasha: Pow! Drum smash!
Ariel: Drum solo!
Sasha: And ...
Ariel and Sasha: YODELING!
Sasha: WTF is yodeling doing in this hard rock song?
Ariel: I don't know, but here comes some more!
Sasha: You know what would top that off? Falsetto crescendo screaming!
Ariel: Then back to the crunchy chord stuff, crunch crunch crunch ...
Sasha: Another drum solo ...
Ariel: Yodeling passage ...
Sasha: Burning guitar solo!
Ariel: Whoa. It's like 15 years before Surfing with the Alien and this Hocus Pocus guitarist is as fast as Joe Satriani, easy!
Sasha: I never thought I would hear you say that.
Ariel: Me either!
Sasha: Solo, solo, solo, solo, and ...
Ariel: Another drum solo! How many drum solos can one song bear?
Sasha: I don't know, but it's probably time for more yodeling ...
Ariel: No! It's the singer singing like Popeye the Sailor hopped up on speed!
Sasha: What? Just ... what???
Ariel: The BF had to show me a Popeye the Sailor clip to explain this to me. But it does, it sounds exactly like a cranked-up Popeye.
Sasha: What did they put in that spinach?
Ariel: I don't know, but it freaking rocks. Now more crunchiness ... so much crunching!
Sasha: Plus a new drum solo.
Ariel: Yodeling again ... then ...
Sasha: Guitar solo number two!
Ariel: OMG, it's even faster and better than solo number one.
Sasha: But now the drummer is like, Oh, no you don't mister guitarist, I WILL maintain my lead in solo quantity! Boom! Bam, bam -- POW!
Ariel: And now there's flutes. Maniac-fast flutes all over the place!
Sasha: Flutes, flutes, flutes ... drum fill ... another crunchy section, another full drum solo ...
Ariel: Back to the yodeling ...
Sasha: Now guitar solo number three!
Ariel: There's a crowd going crazy in the background, it's such a ripping solo.
Sasha: And now the drummer is like, that's enough, you!
Ariel: More yodeling ... leading up to ...
Sasha: Bass solo! The bassist was like, please guys, can't I have a solo? Everybody else has had like, ten of them.
Ariel: And the band is like, okay, here's four seconds.
Sasha: No fair! But I'll show you, I'll play so many notes in these four seconds ...
Ariel: All the notes.
Sasha: There must be fifty notes in that solo.
Ariel: We must be nearing the end now, because there is insane laughter on top of the normal crunch-guitar pattern.
Sasha: Biggest drum solo yet ... and ...
Ariel: Giant final chord smash! Done!
Sasha: Okay, I'm scrolling back up to count how many drum solos that was.
Ariel: I'll wait.
Sasha: I think it was eight.
Ariel: That's like, more than one solo per minute.
Sasha: How are the drummer's arms still in their sockets?
Ariel: Magic? Maybe that's why it's called Hocus Pocus.
Sasha: The magic of 1970s rock and roll.
Ariel: Elle says the guitarist later released an album that was all 15th century lute music.
Sasha: Lute! We'll have to listen to that later.
Ariel: Way later. I'm exhausted.
Sasha: Let's sign off, then.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!
No comments:
Post a Comment