Ariel: Spoiler blankets up, people! We just watched this crazytown Indian mega-action movie called RRR and I am totally going to majorly spoil it with the very first thing I say!
Sasha: Not messing around today, are you?
Ariel: No ma'am, yam!
Sasha: Okay, big points for using "yam." So what are you spoiling for everyone?
Ariel: THE. MUSTACHE.
Sasha: Oh no. Ariel, tell me this isn't going to be another one of those posts? Anybody who has stayed around through the spoiler warning probably wants to actually read about the movie, don't you think? Not just about the fact that one of the characters has the most amazing mustache in the history of mustaches, you know?
Ariel: I --
Sasha: I mean, you're totally right, my mind was blown by that mustache almost as much as by the absolutely nutballs fight scenes and stunts and dance numbers.
Ariel: Yes, and --
Sasha: Good gravy! Now it's stuck in my head and it's all I can see. Holy Mother of Mustaches. If our boyfriend could grow a mustache like that I would just be dead.
Ariel: Me t--
Sasha: Like, the guy was ripped too, and sooooo handsome. But THAT MUSTACHE.
Ariel: Right, it --
Sasha: This is going to sound crazy, but you see a mustache that's like Michelangelo would have put on his statue of David if he'd known the real truth about what a mustache could look like, just, bam, right there in one of the first scenes in the movie, and you can 100% totally believe anything can happen in this film. And it did!
Ariel: Yes, like --
Sasha: Of course a guy with a mustache like that could totally leap over a ten-foot-plus razor-wire fence into a mob of hundreds of angry protestors and fight his way through them to arrest this one dude who pegged the king's photo with a rock, like, knocking people silly right and left with his billy club (which he almost didn't need because he could have just knocked them flat with that mustache), getting dog-piled and then mercilessly beating his way out of the dog-pile, all beaten and bruised but with his mustache still looking amazing, so he can circle around the mob to the top of a cliff above the guy he's trying to catch and then roll down the cliff-face using the protesters who are mobbing him as cushions, grab the rock-throwing dude, and haul him all the way back to the police compound, splash some water on his bruised- and cut-up face, and turn around to face the mob through the fence again with his mustache still so freaking perfect IT SCARES THEM ALL OFF. I mean, the actor did an amazing job, and his eyes just about burned off of the screen -- but that mustache absolutely sold the whole thing.
Ariel: ...
Sasha: What?
Ariel: I don't know, now I kinda feel like, you know, there was more to the movie than just one guy's incredible mustache. Even if it was awfully incredible.
Sasha: Go for it, then. Let's talk about some of the other incredible things besides the dude's unbelievably phenomenally amazing mustache.
Ariel: Well ... I mean ... there was that one scene where the other main character threw a cheetah at somebody as a weapon.
Sasha: Oh yeah! That was an awesome scene! Especially when the dude with the mustache came in partway through to confront the cheetah-tossing dude and throw down with him in that epic fight.
Ariel: There were also those super-emotional flashbacks where you find out what was motivating the one dude the whole time ...
Sasha: Oh my gosh, yes. So emotional! But ... I mean, even though he was pretty amazing as a kid ... you know, no mustache.
Ariel: ...
Sasha: What now?
Ariel: Well, I want to talk about the amazing stuff at the end, but ...
Sasha: OMG, the guy with the mustache ruled so hard at the end.
Ariel: And I want to talk about all the totally whackadoo mind-blowing visual sequences ...
Sasha: Mmmm, visuals of that mustache.
Ariel: Only the way you keep going on about it ...
Sasha: What, you want me to shut up about the mustache?
Ariel: No -- it's making me want to go watch the movie again AND PAUSE IT ON ALL THE GREATESTEST OF THE MUSTACHE SCENES!
Sasha: I'm with you. Let's go!
Ariel and Sasha: MUSSSTAAAAACHE!!!
