Ariel and Sasha Experience ... the Rest of Obi-Wan Kenobi! (For reals this time!)

Ariel: Pleeeeease, can we try talking about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister again? I promise promise promise I won't do any more puns.
Sasha: Why would I believe you?
Ariel: Because it was a good show and we ought to really talk about it.
Sasha: Well, maybe we ought to, but there's a huge problem.
Ariel: I know, I know, I totally ruined it last time.
Sasha: No, it's even worse than that.
Ariel: Worse?! Now I feel even awfuller! How did it get to be worse?
Sasha: The thing is ... (I can't believe I'm going to say this) ...
Ariel: What?
Sasha: The thing is, I was really mad the way you kept goofing around with all those puns last time -- but I went back earlier today and re-read it and ...
Ariel: Uh-huh?
Sasha: Argh! It was effing hysterical, Aers.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: Yes. Gonk help me, it was absolutely stupid funny.
Ariel: OMG, I'm so relieved.
Sasha: No, don't be.
Ariel: Why not?
Sasha: Because now whatever we say about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister, it's going to be totally boring compared to all your stupid fish puns.
Ariel: Oh. But the show was so good.
Sasha: I know that, but what are we going to say about it that will be as entertaining as you driving me crazy with fish puns?
Ariel: Well ... well, we could talk about ...
Sasha: Yeah?
Ariel: I don't know. I mean ... I guess if we get desperate, there was that other episode later in the season where they were on that ocean planet and there were more fish.
Sasha: No, I'm not that desperate.
Ariel: Then we could talk about ... how funny Magnet Jedi was, faking people out with his magnets, and then how he turned out to actually be kinda heroic too.
Sasha: I guess. But is there anything else to say about that than you just did?
Ariel: Maybe not. So ... we could talk about Farmboy Luke's aunt and uncle? They were pretty rockin' in this show.
Sasha: That's true. In the first episode, Owen was cool as a cucumber when Inquisister came to town and she was all, "You people better tell us where the Jedi is or this Owen guy is toast!" 
Ariel: Only do they have cucumbers in Star Wars?
Sasha: I don't know. I'm sure there's plenty of other things that are in Star Wars that are cool, I just didn't think of one right then.
Ariel: Like, something from that ice planet in Empiresode V.
Sasha: That was Hoth.
Ariel: No, it was cold.
Sasha: I mean the name of the planet was ... hang on, are you seriously about to do this again?
Ariel: No, no, definitely not. You're right, there was all kinds of cold stuff on Hoth. Like the two-legged ride-em goats, and the abominable snowman that made Farmboy Luke into an icicle ...
Sasha: A Luke-cicle.
Ariel: Does that work? Cool as a Luke-cicle?
Sasha: Sort of. But you know what? Not as well as ... 
Ariel: As what?
Sasha: Cool as a Luke-cumber.
Ariel: Oooooh!
Sasha: So, yeah, Inquisiter came to town and is all threatening Owen and his family to try to get info on where some Jedi dude was, and Owen stayed as cool as a Luke-cumber.
Ariel: That was a good scene.
Sasha: And then way later in the series, he finds out Inquisister is coming back to try and get Farmboy Luke, and he tells Beru they've got to high-tail it, and she's like, "No TF we don't. I've got a crate full of guns I've been stocking up, and we're going to take this b*tch out."
Ariel: Except I think she said "this b*tchquisister."
Sasha: Maybe. Her badassery was so cool right then I wasn't actually listening as well as I should have to exactly what she was saying.
Ariel: I may not have been either. I was kinda jumping out of my chair and yelling, "Yeah! Do not screw with Aunt Beru!"
Sasha: Right? I kinda always assumed in Episode Ivy that when Luke drove home and saw them as Owen-and-BeruBQ, it was because the stormtroopers went there and just fried up a couple of poor old folks. But now I'm thinking they probably took a lot of those troopers out with them before they went.
Ariel: Ooh, I like that.
Sasha: I feel like this show did a lot of that kind of thing -- adding in stuff that made parts of the other movies and shows even better.
Ariel: I know! Like, in this show we see how Mini-bon Girl gets to know Semi-Sexy Jesus as Ben Kenobi,  so in Episode Ivy it comes off a little different when she hears his name in gets all excited and yells, "Ben Kenobi!!!"
Sasha: And then after Oldster Jesus poofs out and leaves Darth Vader poking his empty robes, and Luke is sitting at the chess table all sad that Ben's gone and she comes over to sit with him, now it's not just, "Dude, you look sad, so I'll sit with you and be nice to you," it's like, "Let's sit and be sad together, but because I was out having adventures with Oldster Jesus when you were still pretending your door frame was a spaceship, I'm going to be a little tougher about it than you are."
Ariel: And then same when they're getting ready to launch the attack on the Death Star and Farmboy Luke says, "I only wish Ben was here," and she gives him this kiss on the cheek. It used to seem like she was thinking, "Aw, this dopey kid is kind of sweet, I guess I'll kiss his cheek." But now it's more like him talking about Semi-Sexy Jesus gives her a real emotional connection to him that she has to show.
Sasha: Yeah, Mini-bon Girl definitely makes Cinnabon-Hair Girl an even better character than she already was.
Ariel: I love it when Star Wars does that kind of thing!
Sasha: Me too.
Ariel: So ... anything else we want to say about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister?
Sasha: I could probably dig something up if I tried. But I'm feeling pretty good about this one right where we are.
Ariel: Me too. Also, if we keep going, I don't know if I'll be able to keep holding in this pun that's been trying to get out pretty much since we started. 
Sasha: Oh, just go ahead and say it, then.
Ariel: No, you'll be too mad!
Sasha: Not if it's funny, I won't.
Ariel: It's super-funny, but I don't want to risk it.
Sasha: Ariel ...
Ariel: No, you can't make me!
Sasha: Come on, just --
Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... the Rest of Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Sasha: Whoo, baby, I did not remember how great the ending of that show was.
Ariel: Me either!
Sasha: Let's just tell people to put their spoiler blankets over their heads and jump into it.
Ariel: A-OK by me.
Sasha: First off, I totally love that Inquisister character. The first time we watched, I spent a ton of time thinking, "Who is this chick and why does she have such a huge-mongo chip on her shoulder?"
Ariel: Yeah! That first time I was all, "Why are we watching the adventures of Inquisister and meanwhile Sexy Jesus is cutting fish in a fish factory."
Sasha: Are we calling it a fish now instead of a ray?
Ariel: I looked it up and it turns out rays are fish. So since it seemed like you didn't really like my ray puns last time, I figured it would be safer to just call it a fish.
Sasha: That's pretty thoughtful of you.
Ariel: It felt like the right thing to do.
Sasha: Well, thanks.
Ariel: Because I didn't want to cause a fish-sure between us.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Why are you looking at me that way? It was funny!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Are you trying to make me feel guilty for making another bad pun?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Because if that's what you're trying to do, it's totally not going to work. You can't make me feel guilty.
Sasha: Oh really? Why not?
Ariel: Because I plead the fish.
Sasha: No. No, no, no, no ... just NO.
Ariel: Fine. It's not like I could keep it up much longer anyway, since after episode two, there's really not any more of the fish in the show.
Sasha: Thank the Force.
Ariel: Yep. The rest of the episodes are completely de-fish-ent.
Sasha: STOP.
Ariel: Okay, fine.
Sasha: Can we get back to talking about the show now?
Ariel: Uh-huh! We were saying how the first time we watched, we weren't getting the whole Inquisister storyline, but this time it all felt like two great stories that were part of one even more great story.
Sasha: I agree. Rewatching it, the whole series felt like it fit together from the very start.
Ariel: Exactly. We started watching it over again, and right away, I was hooked.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: What? Oh! No, I wasn't making another fish pun! I really was just saying I was hooked. The show was great from beginning to end. That's all I meant, I promise.
Sasha: I don't believe you.
Ariel: No, seriously! I was just saying how much I liked it.
Sasha: Well ........ you're sure? Seriously? Okay then.
Ariel: In fact, on a scale of
Sasha: STOP. AGAIN.
Ariel: All right, all right, I'm finished.
Sasha: Thank you.
Ariel: Get it? Fin-ished?
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Anyway, about the Obi-Wan Kenobi show --
Sasha: Goodnight, everyone.
Ariel: But --

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Ariel: I was super-excited to blog about this show ... and then I went and typed the title and I got a little bummed.
Sasha: How come?
Ariel: Because one of the funnest things about our Star Wars posts is the awesome names we come up with for the characters, only because they called this show "Obi-Wan Kenobi" instead of "Sexy Jesus" or "Semi-Sexy Jesus" the very first thing I had to do was use his real name.
Sasha: I mean, you could have written "Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Semi-Sexy Jesus!" Couldn't you?
Ariel: Sure, except then only people who had already read our other Star Wars posts and also still remembered the in-jokes from them would have understood what we were blogging about. Other people wouldn't even know it was a Star Wars post!
Sasha: Well, they would if they looked in our "All Our Star Wars Experiences" list and saw it there.
Ariel: That's true I guess. But it doesn't change the fact that I bummed myself out a little bit typing it the way I typed it.
Sasha: Well, you already typed it that way, and I assume it would be too much work to go back and change it now. So what's done is done. Now, do we want to talk about the show already?
Ariel: Yes, but only the first two episodes because even though we've watched all the episodes, I only remember much about the first two since we just rewatched them. I haven't watched the whole show in a long time.
Sasha: I think you mean, "Now that's a show we haven't watched in a long time ... a long time ..."
Ariel: Oh, dang. Now I'm bummed that I didn't think of writing it that way!
Sasha: I think we ought to get started discussing the show just so you don't spend the whole post talking about how bummed you are.
Ariel: Okay, okay. Everybody should put their spoiler blankets on, though, because I would be super-bummed if I accidentally spoiled something before people did that.
Sasha: Although that's actually a reason it's good you didn't call this post "Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Semi-Sexy Jesus" -- if they didn't even know at first that this was a Star Wars post, they might have thought they didn't need to put their spoiler blankets on because maybe we were actually posting about something called "Semi-Sexy Jesus," and since they wouldn't even know what that was, they wouldn't care about it getting spoiled. That make you feel any better?
Ariel: Hmm.
Sasha: Anyway ... the first episode starts off with a bunch of younglings learning light saber stuff in the Jedi Temple. And then pretty quickly, things go really bad.
Ariel: Yeah, it's that same awful scene from the awfullest most saddest Star Wars movie, Episode Aiyaiyai.
Sasha: This time it was a lot more action-packed, though, you've got to admit.
Ariel: I don't have to admit it, but I'm going to go ahead and sadmit it. That's where you admit something but it makes you sad.
Sasha: I figured that part out.
Ariel: Anyhow, let's skip to the next part where Semi-Sexy Jesus is working in the desert helping cut up a giant space manta ray. Or, as I like to call it, a giganta ray.
Sasha: Do you think it's from space? Or is it something that swims around under the sand?
Ariel: I don't know. But either it crashed and got half-buried, or it swam to the surface and got half-unburied, and either way it's stuck half in and half out of the sand and there's a whole factory of people cutting it up into bricks and fish fillets. 
Sasha: Ray fillets.
Ariel: Oh, right. And I guess there's people who cut big hunks off the giganta ray and other people who work on the factory line cutting the big hunks into smaller hunks and then into ray fillets. And there's Semi-Sexy Jesus, on ray fillet duty.
Sasha: When I first saw him I thought, "Yeah! Here we go! It's Sexy Jesus!" Then I realized he looks all old and sad. So I had to downgrade him to semi-sexy, and I started worrying this might not be as exciting as all the other stuff we've seen Sexy Jesus in.
Ariel: Plus on top of being old and sad, you've got to figure he smells really bad like space-fish that's been sitting out in the hot sun for days or weeks. Ooh, but I just thought of something.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: I think they decided to make him work in this fish-harvesting factory setup to be ironic.
Sasha: Go on ...
Ariel: Because it's a ray, see? And it's been sitting in the sunshine. But then we see Semi-Sexy Jesus and he's totally not a ray of sunshine.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: It's just a theory.
Sasha: Any other theories you've been working on?
Ariel: Well, there's this one: how do you think that giganta ray died anyhow?
Sasha: I don't know. How?
Ariel: Probably they shot it.
Sasha: You think so? What would they shoot something that big with?
Ariel: I mean, it's maybe not even a theory, more like a fact because the answer is so obvious.
Sasha: Is it? Because I'm seriously asking what you think they shot it with.
Ariel: You're totally going to kick yourself, Sash.
Sasha: I am, huh?
Ariel: Yeah ... because they shot it with a ray gun.
Sasha: Um. Right. It's definitely myself that I want to kick right now.
Ariel: I told you.
Sasha: So. What did we think about the second episode?
Ariel: What? We're not already done with the first episode, are we?
Sasha: We are so done with that episode.
Ariel: But we didn't even talk about Farmboy Luke being in the episode.
Sasha: There. You just did.
Ariel: But what about how Obi-Wan buried his faithful droid in the ground just to use him as a security system at his cave?
Sasha: Moving on. I mean, we don't even know that droid's name.
Ariel: When has that ever stopped us?
Sasha: I just need to get as far away from your ray gun pun as I can.
Ariel: Fine. You have to go first though, since you're being so bossy.
Sasha: No problem. I loved the second episode. It was freakin' hilarious.
Ariel: I mean ... I thought a lot of it was pretty scary, with all the drug-dealering and inquisiting and Semi-Sexy Jesus getting ambushed ...
Sasha: Yeah, but Minibon-Hair Girl was a riot, the way she kept dissing SSJ left and right and making him buy her stuff in the market and not believing him when he told her he was a Jedi. And on top of that there was the fake Jedi using magnets to pretend to have the Force -- heck, even the GrudgeQuisitor lady was funny in this episode.
Ariel: What? She wasn't funny at all!
Sasha: Not on purpose, obviously. But the way she chased them across the rooftops doing all those stunts cracked me up.
Ariel: I thought that just showed how badass she was.
Sasha: Probably she thought so. And some of those stunts were pretty badass. but a couple were just ass. Anyhow, the main thing was, she just kept stunting and stunting and stunting across the whole city. Semi-Sexy Jesus was like, "Oh damn, that princess got away from me!" And GQ Lady did some stunts. Then he was like, "Dang, now I'm in a shootout with bounty hunters!" And she does some more stunts. Then he's like, "No, Minibon-Hair Girl! You can't jump that far! You'll fall!" And Minibon-Hair Girl falls, all right, but he uses the Force to keep her from ker-splatting on the ground. Then it's back to GQ Lady doing all the freaking stunts. Somewhere along the way, I started thinking, "This chick really has it in for Semi-Sexy Jesus, but is this whole part of the city on a big conveyor belt so even with all this stunting she's not getting any closer to him?"
Ariel: I mean, it wouldn't be the first time we saw people doing ridiculous stunts on ridiculous conveyor belts in Star Wars, would it?
Sasha: No, I just thought it was funny.
Ariel: Not as funny as Semi-Sexy Jesus telling Minibon-Hair Girl to pretend he was her father and her saying, "Grandfather, maybe," under her breath.
Sasha: No, but still pretty funny.
Ariel: Okay, I do have to admit that by the time she jumped down off the last building and was just walking around again, I was starting to get a little tired of the stunty-ness.
Sasha: I was like, geez, lady, you could have just called a taxi.
Ariel: Maybe not, though, because maybe they got rid of all the taxis.
Sasha: Why would they do that?
Ariel: Didn't this whole entire series of movies and shows start because of people being mad about taxis on trade routes?
Sasha: Uh ... sure. Let's just go with that for the reason she stunt-jumped her way across the whole city.
Ariel: Cause if there'd been a taxi for her to take, she could have gotten across the city in time to get into a big lightsaber fight with Semi-Sexy Jesus instead of there being time for her boss to catch up and fuss at her.
Sasha: That was the funniest part! It's just stunt after stunt after stunt after stunt, and all that effort doesn't even get her anywhere except in trouble at her job.
Ariel: She really ought to get a clue from the way her work treats her that she's not on the right side. Like, her co-workers are dinguses to her, and her boss is always criticizing her ...
Sasha: Yeah, he's the Reprimand Inquisitor.
Ariel: It's no wonder she up and stabs him.
Sasha: Probably he could have avoided that if he'd read some management books or something.
Ariel: You'd think Big Space Politician would have written some books on his way up the politicianing ladder, and then once he turned into Emperor Prunepatine, he would have ordered everybody to read them.
Sasha: Nah, if he wrote any books, they'd have titles like, Why I'm Really Just a Kindly Old Dude and You Can Totally Trust Me with All the Power in the Whole Galaxy. And if you read them, all you'd get out of it was, "Man, I'm totally voting for this guy."
Ariel: That's true I guess.
Sasha: Not that it has much to do with the Semi-Sexy Jesus Show.
Ariel: Yeah. Do you think we're out of stuff to say for now, then?
Sasha: I am if you are.
Ariel: Well ... I do have one other thing I wanted to say I liked about the first episode.
Sasha: Am I going to regret this if I ask you what it is?
Ariel: Mmmmaybe ...
Sasha: Fine, what was the other thing you liked about the first episode.
Ariel: It was when Semi-Sexy Jesus was at his ray-filleting job, and his boss was being just as big of a jerk-bag as the Reprimand Inquisitor was to GQ Lady, and it looked like Semi-Sexy Jesus was going to really tell him off, only he didn't, and I thought that was a real shame.
Sasha: Why's that?
Ariel: Because if he told him off, then they could have had ...
Sasha: I knew I was going to regret this.
Ariel: ... a manta man talk.
Sasha: Goodnight, everyone.
Ariel: Wait, aren't we both supposed to --

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... For All Mankind!

Ariel: Okay, Sash, I assume you know why we're here.
Sasha: Uh ... to talk about For All Mankind like it says in the title you typed?
Ariel: Yes -- but also, there's more.
Sasha: Aaannnd, what would that be?
Ariel: We need to stop being so lazy this year!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: I know, I know! I'm the worst at being lazy around here, but honestly, EVERYBODY is starting to compete with me in 2024!
Sasha: Hmm. I guess you may be right.
Ariel: Whew! That was easier than I thought.
Sasha: In fact, I'd almost say we've been lazier than season 4 of For All Mankind.
Ariel: Oooh, that smarts. I mean, even I noticed they were being lazy with that season. I didn't think we were being as lazy as they were.
Sasha: I said almost.
Ariel: That's true. Well, is there anything about For All Mankind that's not a spoiler that you want to say before we tell people to put their spoiler blankets on?
Sasha: Sure. It's not a spoiler to tell people they should watch seasons 1 to 3. At least, it's not any more of a spoiler than saying how lazy I thought season 4 was.
Ariel: Oh! Wow, I was so busy feeling burned by you saying we were that lazy, I didn't even notice it was a spoiler.
Sasha: I mean, not much of a spoiler, but a little bit spoily. Anyway, it's not a spoiler to say we thought the first three seasons were pretty great, right? Lots of exciting space stuff, lots of good characters, lots of twists and turns ...
Ariel: Lots of history! Wow, did I learn a lot of history watching this show.
Sasha: Um ...
Ariel: Politics too, which I don't usually try to pay attention to because I see how stressed out paying attention to politics makes our boyfriend. Although honestly, the politics stuff in this show didn't seem quite as bad as he always makes politics out to be.
Sasha: Well ... the thing is ...
Ariel: Oh dang.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You've got that look on your face like you always get when you're thinking, "How do I tell Aers she's being really dumb without embarrassing her?"
Sasha: I didn't say you were being dumb.
Ariel: I know, but you were looking it.
Sasha: No, because we both know you're not dumb. It's just that ... sometimes you're missing a couple of facts here and there.
Ariel: Well, sure. Everybody is. Right?
Sasha: True.
Ariel: So go on, then, what's the big-deal fact or two I'm missing about this show?
Sasha: It, uh, may be the whole idea behind the show.
Ariel: What? It's super obvious what the idea is. It's about people going out in space doing space stuff. And also about how there's this competition going on with all the countries of the world trying to be best at it, especially the U.S. and the SoViet Unam.
Sasha: Why did you type that that way?
Ariel: What way?
Sasha: SoViet Unam.
Ariel: Because that's one of the history-political things I learned in the show. I always heard there was a big fight with Vietnam around the same time we were going to the moon, but I found out in this show that "Vietnam" is short for "SoViet Unam."
Sasha: Aers, that's "Soviet Union." It's a totally different place from Vietnam. I mean, it was, back then.
Ariel: Well that doesn't make any sense. I mean they're both to do with Viet, right? Whatever that is. "Vietnam" starts with Viet, and "SoViet" is even more Viet than Vietnam. So they can't be totally different.
Sasha: No, it's -- why are you saying it's "more Viet"?
Ariel: Because it's right in the name. It's So Viet.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Haha! I got you! I'm totally joking.
Sasha: Oh are you.
Ariel: Yes! I actually went and looked a whole bunch of stuff up before I told you we needed to blog about this show. Which is good, because it turns out I was like, super wrong about a lot of what was history in For All Mankind and what was made up. Kind of a lot of it was made up.
Sasha: Yeah, definitely. This ... really isn't like you, though. I mean, that would have been a lot of work.
Ariel: It WAS. But I'm trying to be less lazy and see if I can encourage the rest of our yams to be less lazy too. Hardly anybody's been blogging this year, our boyfriend hasn't been writing, we haven't done much emailing each other so far ... we're kind of just being a bunch of big lumps.
Sasha: Hey, we've been doing a lot of rpg stuff with that Dragonbane game. That's not being lumps.
Ariel: Sure, but that's pretty much it, you know?
Sasha: I'd say we've watched a lot of TV too, but sitting watching TV is pretty lumpish, obviously.
Ariel: Especially if we don't blog about it!
Sasha: Well, that's what we're doing now, at least. I mean, not what we're doing now, because what we're doing now is talking about how lazy we've been. But my guess is we'll get back to the experience-blogging part eventually.
Ariel: We can do that now. I just wanted to see if I could trick you with my joke, and then I had to explain it. So that part's done.
Sasha: How about the no-spoiler part, is that done too?
Ariel: Sure, I guess. Now I'm going to make you tell people to put on their spoiler blankets, because I'm trying to make all our yams be less lazy, and that's a good start, I think.
Sasha: You kind of already announced that it's spoiler-blanket time, but what the heck, sure. Everybody put on your spoiler blankets if you don't want us to spoil For All Mankind for you.
Ariel: You can start off the spoiler-telling part too. Same reason.
Sasha: Hang on. Is this whole deal of you trying to encourage all of us to be less lazy just a smokescreen for making me do all the work in this post so you can be lazy about it?
Ariel: No. I mean, that would be a lot of work for me to do just to be lazy about one post, wouldn't it?
Sasha: Okay, you've got a point.
Ariel: So then, spoil away! What are you going to spoil for people first?
Sasha: Nothing, deliberately. It's not like we're ever trying to spoil stuff. We just talk about stuff and sometimes that means we say something spoilery.
Ariel: But if you had to spoil something, what would be the biggest thing you'd want to spoil?
Sasha: Hmm. That's a weird question. Let me think about it.
Ariel: Okay. But you have to think really hard. No lazy thinking.
Sasha: Sure. Whatever. I think the biggest thing I'd --
Ariel: What?!? There's four whole seasons of this show to think about. You can't have thought about it very hard if you came up with something that fast!
Sasha: No, but you didn't ask me to think of the hardest thing to think of that I'd want to spoil, you told me to think of the biggest thing. And the biggest thing wasn't that hard to think of.
Ariel: Really? What is it?
Sasha: It's actually the biggest thing that didn't happen. In season 4, it seemed really obvious that people being absolutely crazy-dumb were going to crash an asteroid into Earth and destroy it, so that season 5 would be about the people left alive on the Mars colony trying to survive without Earth. Only when we got to the end of the season, the asteroid didn't crash at all. It didn't even come close.
Ariel: Holy moley. That's a really big thing to spoil.
Sasha: Yes. But our whole house-full of people spent half the season griping at the TV because we couldn't believe the characters on the show would do so many incredibly dangerous things that might result in Earth getting destroyed. If we'd known from the start that Earth wasn't going to get destroyed, we might have been able to enjoy season 4 a little better.
Ariel: Probably not.
Sasha: Why do you say that?
Ariel: Because I didn't spend the whole season thinking Earth would get destroyed, and I still didn't think the season was very good.
Sasha: Oh, really. So, episode after episode, all our yams who know stuff about space kept going on and on about how irresponsible all the different plans to move that asteroid were. But you weren't worried at all?
Ariel: No, because nobody in the show was worried about it, and they were all astronauts and scientists and engineers and stuff who know tons more than I do and even tons more than our yams. So obviously there couldn't be much chance of that happening, or they would have talked about it.
Sasha: Okaaay ... but you know the show wasn't written by astronauts and scientists, right? And one of the laziest things about the season was the way people kept saying things that they didn't need to say for any reason except to make sure the audience knew those things. Like, if you and I were in a room talking, just the two of us, neither of us would mention the fact that we use the word "yam" to mean one of our poly-partners. The only reason for us to explain that would be if we were talking in front of someone who didn't already know what it means.
Ariel: Er ... but didn't you kind of just do exactly that, because now any of our readers who didn't know that before know it now?
Sasha: But I didn't say that to tell the readers what it meant, I said it as an example of the kind of thing people kept saying during the season.
Ariel: Well then why didn't you just use a real example? People have their spoiler blankets on, so it wouldn't spoil anything to use a real example.
Sasha: Because I didn't remember any real examples off the top of my head.
Ariel: So you were being lazy by not trying harder to remember?
Sasha: Fine, yes, guilty as charged. Do you want to wait ten minutes now for me to think of an actual example?
Ariel: No, but you could say, "Don't you remember that kind of thing happening?" and then maybe I could think of an example for you.
Sasha: How would that be any less lazy of me?
Ariel: Oh. I guess it wouldn't. It's just I did think of an example just now, so I wanted to point out you could have asked me.
Sasha: Uh-huh. What's your example, then?
Ariel: It was during that strike by the workers on Mars, and the NASA administrator guy said something like, "This strike has been going on for seven days now, and it's really putting us behind schedule," when he was talking to somebody who also would have known the strike was going on for seven days and making them behind schedule.
Sasha: Thank you. That's exactly the kind of thing I meant. And they did that through the entire season all over the place, so it would have been really easy for them to say something like, "Now that we've triple-quadruple-checked our calculations to make sure we don't crash this asteroid into Earth ..." And they didn't. Nobody in the show even mentioned the possibility that monkeying with asteroid orbits to put an asteroid into orbit around Earth might be even a little bit dangerous. Which was a ridiculous thing for nobody to worry about.
Ariel: Okay, I agree with you about that now, then. But I still don't think it would have helped anybody enjoy the season, because I didn't need to know that in order to not enjoy the season as much as I didn't enjoy it.
Sasha: I didn't quite follow what you meant there, but how about if we move on. Do you want to talk about why you didn't enjoy the season, if that's not the reason why?
Ariel: The reason I didn't think it was a very good season is the whole being lazy thing. I kinda felt like they weren't even trying very hard with season 4.
Sasha: Me either. 
Ariel: Like, the things I really really liked about the other seasons were how even though the characters were kinda realistic by being big jerks sometimes like I hear a lot of people are, they also spent a lot of time being heroic and doing great things. And there was a lot of exciting space-exploring stuff and also a lot of interesting society stuff like President Lesbian and Housewife Astro-lady and Mr. All-Alone-On-Mars Korean Guy.
Sasha: Yeah, those were some really cool things in the earlier seasons.
Ariel: Right? Especially since it turns out some of the stuff really was partly historical, like they really did test a bunch of women candidates to see if they could be astronauts in the 1960s. 
Sasha: Definitely cool.
Ariel: And then in season 4, what do we get instead of astronauts and engineers being cool and a lesbian becoming president?
Sasha: Not much.
Ariel: Not much at all! Like, half the season was this dumb oil-rig loser doing maintenance work on the Mars base and being crazy irresponsible to try to make extra money because the company that did the maintenance work was giving its workers the shaft. And the main astronaut dude from earlier seasons spends the whole season being a dingus instead of a hero.
Sasha: And the main astronaut chick is in charge of the Mars base but basically does zero cool things with that all season long and then gets shot in the last episode's shocking big finale scene only to basically be fine five minutes later.
Ariel: And they got rid of some of the coolest characters at the end of season 3 or in the first 15 minutes of season 4. Boo.
Sasha: Uh-oh, though.
Ariel: What?
Sasha: I think we're being lazy here. We keep talking about season 4 and how lazy it was instead of thinking a little harder to talk about seasons 1 to 3 and how great they were. Like, season 4 is a pretty easy target, you know?
Ariel: Dang, you're right.
Sasha: Also, season 4 was partly lame because so much of it was about negative stuff and hardly any about positive stuff, and here we are being mostly negative and hardly positive at all.
Ariel: Oh no. This post is turning into our version of For All Mankind season 4!
Sasha: It kind of is. What do you want to do about it? Go back and delete some of the negative stuff and write more positive stuff about the earlier seasons? Or just tack on some positive stuff about the earlier seasons here? Or ... do you want to just be lazy and wrap it up at this point.
Ariel: ...
Sasha: Well?
Ariel: I kind of just want to be lazy.
Sasha: Me too. Humanity is doomed.
Ariel: Well ... at least it's probably not much more doomed than it was before.
Sasha and Ariel: See you next time, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... The Creator!

Sasha: Okay, whoo! That was a rough one!
Ariel: I was sure hoping it would be more of a Rogue One, when I found out it was made by the same guy! But you're right, it turned out to be way more rough than rogue.
Sasha: Like, we should call it Rough One: A Sand-in-your-Drawers Story.
Ariel: That would be a not good place to have sand.
Sasha: So do we want to warn people to put on their spoiler blankets?
Ariel: Honestly? I don't want people to have to watch this movie at all. We should just spoil away and then they'll know they shouldn't put themselves through what we just went through. Plus ... how can you spoil something that's as pre-spoiled as this movie? It's like, "Don't leave that moldy lettuce out on the counter or it might get even more rotten!"
Sasha: Wow, you really didn't like it. I mean, I didn't either, but you usually go a little easier on things.
Ariel: Not when they put sand in my drawers like this one did.
Sasha: Where do you want to start, then?
Ariel: Let's start with the commercials, which all made me go, "Ooh, maybe I want to watch this movie!"
Sasha: They were pretty darn good commercials.
Ariel: Whoever made those commercials should have been put in charge of making the movie. It was like, "Look! They're trying to stop a terrible secret weapon! And now look! The secret weapon's really a cute little robot kid! And now look! Lots of cool action of robots getting attacked in a robot town! And here's this freaky-looking robot lady looking at the robot kid and the robot lady looks super interesting! She must totally be an important character in the movie or why else would they be showing her looking so interesting in this commercial?"
Sasha: She was sort of interesting in the movie too ... for all five minutes before they killed her.
Ariel: Those were some of the best five minuteses in the whole movie. I was like, "Yay! It's the interesting-looking robot lady from the commercial. Ooh, and she's nice too, and they're going to get ice cream!" And then I was like, "Hmm, now I want ice cream," and I almost got up to get some but before I could, it turns out there's a bomb in the ice cream! Who puts a bomb in ice cream they know is for a kid?
Sasha: Especially considering they super-duper wanted to capture that kid and not destroy her.
Ariel: Basically the bomb was there to kill the interesting robot lady because ... I dunno, if she didn't die there wouldn't be enough sad stuff in the movie or something, and for some reason having all kinds of sad stuff in the movie was apparently the most important thing. Way more important than maybe letting her live for even five more minutes so I'd have time to get my own ice cream.
Sasha: Hang on. Is the whole reason you didn't like this movie because it made you want ice cream and then made you too sad to want ice cream after all?
Ariel: Well ... it's not the whole reason. But don't you think it's a pretty good reason all by itself?
Sasha: Probably not all by itself, no.
Ariel: I think it would be. But we'll never know, because on top of bombing a little kid's ice cream and ruining ice cream for me for the whole night, there was lots more lame-tastic stuff in the movie too.
Sasha: No argument from me about that, for sure.
Ariel: Like, somewhere around halfway through it it was like they just stopped even trying to make sense. The first half of the movie was like, "Hey, look how super-evil the Americans are but at least they have to sneak around and try to kill the AIs without actually invading all of Asia. Seems like the only advantage they've got going for them is this hovering NOMAD thing that flies around scanning for AIs and missiling them to death when it finds them." Then the second half of the movie was like, "Welp, never mind, turns out the Americans have a giant jumbo shopping-cart full of super-weapons and plenty of soldiers and they can just send them in to whomp on everyone and the people in Asia won't do anything about it and also they know where all the AI bases are and now they're going to missile them all to death, which, couldn't they have just done that from the very start?" 
Sasha: I also thought it was weird how somewhere around then they started having flashbacks of the main character and his wife and she's got all this blood on her and obviously something really bad happened ... but we never find out what that was or when that was or whose blood it was on her.
Ariel: I think somebody said, "Hey, guys, didn't any of you notice we hired this really good-looking actress to play this character and there's no sign of her in most of the last half of the movie? Can we maybe film some sad scenes of sadness where she can act really sad?"
Sasha: I was confused by those scenes, for sure. But I was even more confused by how the main character was undercover trying to get to the creator of the AIs, and to do that he hooked up with the creator-dude's daughter, and then he fell in love with her, but he kept on going with his mission anyway and then was all surprised that things don't work out between them. What a dope!
Ariel: I mean, I've never been the daughter of a super-genius who invented a whole race of AI robots and then got married to a guy who it turned out was just using me to get to my dad or anything. But I think maybe if I was, once I found out about that it would be kind of a deal-breaker? Why doesn't he ever think about that?
Sasha: I don't think he's a big thinker. We're talking about a guy who falls mad in love with this chick who's obviously crazy passionate about the struggles of the poor AIs that the Americans want to hunt down and destroy, when his viewpoint is the AIs are just robots with programming and don't really think or feel. It's like he figures this isn't something they're way incompatible on?
Ariel: Or maybe he thinks its just a phase she's going through?
Sasha: I guess the real answer is that he just didn't think about it any more than the dude who wrote the movie did.
Ariel: Yeah. Here's another question I had, though.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: The Americans start trying to destroy all the AI bases at the end, right?
Sasha: Right, civilian casualties and all.
Ariel: But the whole time the main character and the little robot girl are tooling around Asia looking for his wife, there's robots and AI simulants walking around everywhere out in the open. And the movie just out and says that the people in Asia totally accept the AIs as being cool and are fine with them.
Sasha: Pretty much.
Ariel: So why do they have hidden bases? And what good does it do the Americans to destroy the hidden bases if there's still all these AIs walking around the big cities with the rest of the population?
Sasha: It does kinda seem like they'd have to lay waste to all of Asia if they really wanted to get rid of the AIs.
Ariel: It makes my head hurt.
Sasha: Yeah, mine too.
Ariel: Well, dang.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You know how the AI simulant people all have that hole running all the way through their heads from one side to the other?
Sasha: Sure, that was a really cool effect. What about it?
Ariel: I was totally figuring I'd get around to making a joke about something going "in one ear and out the other" on one of those guys, but I just don't think I have the energy for it.
Sasha: I hear you.
Ariel: Haha!
Sasha: Anyway. Is there anything else to say about this one?
Ariel: We could talk about the evil general who pops up out of nowhere in the last part of the movie just to keep being generally evil.
Sasha: I guess.
Ariel: Or we could talk about how the orbital military base has a big garden in it, basically it seems like so there can be a beautiful field of plants for the main guy and the robot version of his wife to run across toward each other when the base is blowing up at the end.
Sasha: True.
Ariel: Or we could talk about how the little robot girl can turn off all electronics by doing this thing with her hands, and she shuts down the base just at the right moment before the conveyor belt of missiles is going to shoot a missile down at the surface, which happens to be the missile the main guy was hanging onto to plant a bomb to blow up the station, and then when he plants the bomb and they're trying to escape, the robot girl has to let the power turn back on, but for some reason even though the base starts firing and guiding all its missiles again, that one missile that he put the bomb on doesn't get fired but just sits there where the bomb can go off and blow up the base.
Sasha: We could if we really wanted to, I guess.
Ariel: But basically what it all comes down to is, the whole last half of the movie whatever happened just happened because that's what the writers wanted to have happen, not because any of it made any logical sense.
Sasha: Exactly.
Ariel: Which means if they wanted there to be a happy ending, there could have been. They just didn't want there to be, which I think makes them kind of jerks.
Sasha: Amen to that.
Ariel: Okay. I think I'm done.
Sasha: Let's put a fork in this one, then.
Ariel: Uh-huh. "The Creator" is officially completely forked.
Sasha and Ariel: Goodnight, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Ted Lasso!

Ariel: Okay, this one's going to be real short, I think.
Sasha: What?! But we both totally loved this show!
Ariel: Well ... sure, but they completely ruined one of the most fun things we like to do in this blog.
Sasha: What are you talking about?

Ariel: I mean coming up with funny names for all the characters. They already did it for us!
Sasha: You're going to have to explain, because I'm pretty sure everybody had an actual name.

Ariel: Are you? Then let me ask you, what would you call that one coach who had the beard?
Sasha: You mean Coach Beard?

Ariel: Right! What would our nickname for him be?
Sasha: Oh ... okay, I can sort of see what you mean in his case. But --

Ariel: And what would we call that reporter character?
Sasha: Um, I'm thinking ...

Ariel: No you're not! You already know.
Sasha: "The Independent."

Ariel: And what about that one soccer player who starts off being so full of himself but later on kind of gets better? (Oops, spoilers, sorry everybody!)
Sasha: Sigh. "Baby Shark."

Ariel: What about Nate?
Sasha: "Wonder Kid."

Ariel: See?
Sasha: Okay, okay, but it's not like they spoon-fed us nicknames for all the characters. We would have had to make up something for the girl who did all their public relations, Keely Jones.

Ariel: "KJPR."
Sasha: Well, what about the owner of the soccer club?

Ariel: She has two! "Boss" and "Stinky!"
Sasha: Okay, I know, the gruff grumbly player who's always cursing and has that cute little niece.

Ariel: "Uncle Roy."
Sasha: I ... guess you're kind of right.

Ariel: And we didn't even get to Higgins! Ted Lasso gives him a different nickname practically every time he sees him! "Higgy Pop" and "Higgs Boson" and --
Sasha: I'm going to stop you because we really never did tell people to put on their spoiler blankets and some of those nicknames for Higgins were pretty funny.

Ariel: Ooh, good point.
Sasha: And I guess for Ted Lasso himself we've got our pick between "Coach" and "Wanker." Wow. They really did do all our work for us.

Ariel: So, we ready to call this one done, then?
Sasha: Whistle!

Ariel: Haha!
Sasha and Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Ahsoka!

Sasha: Okay, uh, so ...
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: You said "Ahso" so I said "ka."
Sasha: No, I said "uh, so."
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: Oh, great, am I going to have to avoid saying the word "so" --
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: -- through this whole post?
Ariel: Do you want the answer to be yes or no?
Sasha: Um, no.
Ariel: ka!
Sasha: Please don't do this.
Ariel: Well, you just had this kind of grumpy look on your face and I didn't feel like that was a good way to start off talking about a cool Star Wars show.
Sasha: It's better for me to have this annoyed look on my face?
Ariel: I think it's more "exasperated." Pretty good word, right? I've been hanging around Hettie, because maybe if I do that enough it will improve my vocabulary, because she's so good at words and stuff.
Sasha: Just hanging around her? You're not even asking her to deliberately teach you? What, do you think because she's a walking dictionary, she'll just rub off on you?
Ariel: That's what she said!
Sasha: Oh god, I walked right into that. You deliberate planned it, didn't you?
Ariel: No, seriously, Hettie actually said, "A good vocabulary doesn't just rub off on you, Ariel." Really, she did.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: But WOW, that would have been a great plan, now that you mention it!
Sasha: How about if we just talk about the show?
Ariel: The show ... ka.
Sasha: I'm just going to go first instead of asking what you thought. Everybody get your spoiler blankets on because I'm jumping in with both feet.
Ariel: That's what --
Sasha: SO, my opinion is that this was kind of a weird show.
Ariel: Weird showka.
Sasha: I mean, let's start with the name.
Ariel: Great idea! What, why are you looking at me like that?
Sasha: I was waiting for you to say, "Ahsoka."
Ariel: Why?
Sasha: Because you've been making a giant gag out of it ever since we started!
Ariel: That's what she said!
Sasha: Uhhgh!
Ariel: Soka. But really, you shouldn't be calling it a gag.
Sasha: Why shouldn't I? That's exactly what you're doing! What else would I call it?
Ariel: A joke a!
Sasha: Right, then. I'm just straight-up going to ignore you when you do that from now on.
Ariel: Fine, I'll stop. What were you going to say about the name of the show?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: ... ka.
Sasha: Just that, well, it really really made me think this was going to be a show about Ahsoka.
Ariel: Wow. I totally thought that too.
Sasha: Of course you did! Why else would they name a show "Ahsoka" if it really wasn't especially going to be about Ahsoka?
Ariel: I have no idea.
Sasha: Me either. But it just totally wasn't an Ahsoka show.
Ariel: That's true. It's really not that bad a thing though, is it? Because we got to see all those other characters we like too.
Sasha: Sure, but ... weirdly.
Ariel: What do you mean?
Sasha: I mean, I was happy to see Sabine and Hera and Chopper and Ezra. But Sabine seemed kinda up-tight compared to how she was in Rebels. And Hera ... wow, she just didn't seem like Hera to me at all.
Ariel: I kinda get that, I guess.
Sasha: And what's even weirder is, I went and looked the actress up on Google ... and she looks more like Hera without the makeup and head-tail thingies than she does with them. Look, I asked our boyfriend to Photoshop them together.

Ariel: Wow, that's pretty freaky!
Sasha: I know, right? And she also didn't sound at all like Hera. Totally different oral delivery.
Ariel: Okay, you made that one too easy. I'm not falling for it.
Sasha: What? Oh.
Ariel: Soka.
Sasha: Grr!
Ariel: Ezra was really good though, didn't you think?
Sasha: Yeah, he was spot on. In fact, he was more like the Ezra from the cartoon than Ahsoka was like the Ahsoka from the cartoons.
Ariel: You really are a grump today! Now you're making it sound like him being such a good Ezra was a bad thing.
Sasha: I mean, it would be a great thing if the series had been called "Let's Get Ezra!" But when the show is called "Ahsoka," I kinda want Ahsoka to be the best thing in it.
Ariel: Okay, so, problem solved. We just need to watch the show again but imagine it's called, "Let's Get Ezra!"
Sasha: ...
Ariel: What are you thinking about now?
Sasha: Um ... honestly, the fact that maybe that would work.
Ariel: Sure. Like, it sounds like your problem with it was mostly that instead of "Ahsoka" it was more like "Nah-soka." So if you just think about it as a whole differently named show, it should be all good, right?
Sasha: Well, they were kind of "Nah" about the budget too. I'm betting the budget meetings were like, the creater of the show saying, "This needs a budget at least as big as And/Or." But the corporate guys were like, "Nah."
Ariel: It was definitely more Book of Boba Fett budgety than And/Or budgety.
Sasha: Or maybe they spent most of their budget making Teen Hotty look all young and hot again for those episodes where he showed up.
Ariel: He looked so good in those episodes!
Sasha: Right? And his acting was fantastic! Definitely a hundred percent the same character as from the first three Star Wars movies.
Ariel: "Anakin," not "Nah-nakin," for sure.
Sasha: So anyway, overall, it was just an okay show for me, when I really wanted it to be special. Because Ahsoka is a maxi special character to me. I really love her.
Ariel: Me too! But even if we didn't get a great show that was all about her, I'd rather have a just okay show with her and a bunch of other people in it than no show about her at all.
Sasha: That's a good way to look at it, I guess. You know, you always manage to find the best angles.
Ariel: nnnnn...
Sasha: I was softballing that one to you, obviously.
Ariel: Okay, whew! That was nice of you. Sorry I didn't just run with it.
Sasha: Ready to say bye to our readers then?
Ariel: Sure.
Sasha and Ariel: Thanks for reading, everybody! Time for us to go!
Ariel: (ka!)