Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Star Treks!

Sasha: We should probably start this by telling everyone how huge-a-lugical a Star Trek fan our role model Claire is.

Ariel: I guess so, but we need to say super quick after that for people to put their spoiler blankets over their heads because we might spoil things about the Star Treks we've watched and are about to talk about.

Sasha: Well ... I mean, I think we can intro things by talking about Claire's Star Trekkeriness without needing too much of a spoiler warning.

Ariel: You can't be too careful. Lots of people haven't read her whole blog, and they might go and read it after they've read this, and then if we've given away stuff about what she thinks about Star Trek, that would be a spoiler.

Sasha: Er ...

Ariel: Wouldn't it?

Sasha: Maybe in kind of a so-what way? I mean, it's not like spoiling a show by saying, "This character dies," or "Those two characters end up getting it on." Nobody's going to be disappointed if we say, "Claire has been dying for a red Star Trek miniskirt uniform for years and years," and then they go to her blog and read a post from years and years ago where she says she really wants one."

Ariel: Oh my god, you just spoiled the fact that she hasn't gotten one yet.

Sasha: No I didn't! You already told them to put their spoiler blankets on!

Ariel: No, I only said we needed to tell them to. I didn't actually tell them to.

Sasha: Well this conversation is effectively doing the same thing because nobody is reading anymore. They've all left because they're like, "I thought this was going to be about Star Trek?"

Ariel: Oh no. You're probably right.

Sasha: Can we just talk about Star Trek now before the last three people in all of creation who are still reading this decide to click away?

Ariel: Okay, yes, let's do it!

Sasha: Great. So, so far we've watched ... how many Star Treks?

Ariel: Shows, or episodes?

Sasha: Shows. It's three, right?

Ariel: I think so. Star Trek: That Bald Guy ... Star Trek: Cartoon Nobodies Getting in Trouble, and just last night, Star Trek: Discovery Channel.

Sasha: Sure, that's pretty close, I think. So which one should we start with? I say Picard.

Ariel: I agree. Picking is very hard because they're all so different and interesting in their own way.

Sasha: No, I said --

Ariel: Ooh! Did I get you? Haha, you fell for it! Like I really didn't remember That Bald Guy's name.

Sasha: Yeahhh ... that was ... so unbelievable, you not remembering something like that. I should try to be less gullible.

Ariel: Seriously!

Sasha: So what did you think about Picard?

Ariel: The dude or the show?

Sasha: Either one.

Ariel: Um ... the dude was sort of cool in a kind of fuddy-duddy way. The show was confusing!

Sasha: Claire did say it was probably not the best place to start watching Star Trek.

Ariel: Yeah, it was more like a Start Wreck than a Star Trek.

Sasha: Haha ... okay, please don't tell anyone I laughed at that.

Ariel: I mean, I did like it. It was interesting, just so many new things to figure out.

Sasha: Only because they were new to us. Claire and Msg said it made a lot more sense if you'd watched the other shows.

Ariel: Yeah, but when I said maybe we should watch the other ones first, though ... OMG. No way. There's hundreds of episodes! Like, ten times as many hours of TV as those Star Wars cartoons, and those took us forever to get through.

Sasha: Msg and Claire said there were whole seasons and even whole series we could skip ...

Ariel: Uh-huh. But just the one show That Bald Guy was in before this one had almost 200 episodes! That's too much homework just to understand a show that only has 10 episodes itself. Plus, we couldn't exactly make them wait to watch this new show until we caught up on decades and decades and decades of old shows. How fair would that be?

Sasha: Normally, I would say this was another example of you being lazy and making excuses, but in this case, I have to admit I agree.

Ariel: Ooh! I just remembered something I thought was really dumb, though.

Sasha: What's that?

Ariel: So TBG goes to this planet where there's some kind of ninja nunnery full of ninja nuns plus one boy ninja with pretty hair. And Baldie's there because these ninjas are the best swordspeople in the galaxy, which is already dumb because ... lasers? And "phasers"? But even more dumbly, these ninjas are famous for once they swear an oath, nothing will stop them from carrying it out as long as they're alive, and TBG is there to get one of them to swear this oath to help him, and when Pretty Hair Ninja Boy says okay (after some wiffly-waffling), TBG says, "Are you sure? It could be dangerous. You might get killed." And I'm like, "Wait, what? You need one of the best swordspeople in the galaxy to swear they'll fight to the death for you, and you're thinking it will surprise him that you might need this because there's danger involved?" I mean, what part of deadly swordsperson who will fight to the death says, "Maybe these people usually only swear this oath when it's about something really safe and cushy?"

Sasha: I noticed that too. Although if I'm being honest it was mostly because you were yelling, "OMG, what? That's so dumb!" during that scene.

Ariel: Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Sasha: Well it was pretty dumb, once you pointed it out.

Ariel: I apologize if it made it harder for you to enjoy the show.

Sasha: It didn't, not really.

Ariel: Oh, good.

Sasha: But the way you kept muttering "Really? So dumb," under your breath every time the ninja boy was onscreen did end up getting pretty old.

Ariel: Sorry. I was better during the other shows though, wasn't I?

Sasha: I think so, but I hate to tell you, I was paying a lot less attention to you during those shows because they were so much less confusing and more amusing.

Ariel: Right?!? The cartoon one was SO funny!

Sasha:And exciting! At least, some of the episodes, especially that season finale.

Ariel: Way more exciting than Star Trek: TBG. 

Sasha: How does a goofy cartoon get that exciting?

Ariel: I think by having better writers than the other show. It was just really all around better overall.

Sasha: Plus, when that beardy dude and his therapist wife showed up in the cartoon, we already knew who they were from That Bald Guy's show, instead of being like, "Oh, great, more people we're apparently supposed to know who they are but we don't," which is how I felt so many times during ST: TBG.

Ariel: Yeah. Maybe if we rewatch it someday after we've watched all the other Star Treks, we'll feel different.

Sasha: Probably we will, I guess.

Ariel: I don't mean because we'll know what's going on, though. I mean because we'll be old. Like, by the time we finish we'll be as old as That Bald Guy. Maybe older!

Sasha: I don't know if it will take us that long ...

Ariel: I'm pretty sure it will. I'm pretty sure watching all those shows will take us somewhere between Old Bald Guy age and the 900 years in the future when the Discovery Channel show takes place.

Sasha: Oh, come on. It wouldn't take us 900 years. That would be like, less than an episode a year.

Ariel: You've got to pace yourself on these things.

Sasha: So what did you think about the Discovery Channel show?

Ariel: Very cool! I can't wait to get to the Shark Week episode.

Sasha: I don't know if there's going to be a Shark Week episode.

Ariel: What? I thought Discovery Channel was famous for Shark Weeking all over the place!

Sasha: Yeah, but you know, the "Channel" part isn't actually in the Star Trek show's title.

Ariel: It's not? I'm so terrible about paying attention to titles.

Sasha: Well, in this case, just try to remember the title is shorter than you keep thinking it is.

Ariel: Got it. So what was I saying? Oh yeah, I thought Star Trek: Disco was pretty cool.

Sasha: Now you're leaving off the "very" part.

Ariel: Okay, very cool. I thought I said that earlier.

Sasha: No, I mean the "very" in the title.

Ariel: Star Trek: Very Disco?

Sasha: No, Star -- you know what, let's just get back to talking about the show.

Ariel: Sure. So this is a story I could really get into! There's this chick, and I don't know who she is, but neither do any of the people who meet her, so that's okay. And she doesn't know where or even when she is, because it's way in her future. Nobody knows anything! I felt right at home.

Sasha: No previous show knowledge necessary. I agree that was a plus.

Ariel: Right, it's all a mystery to everybody! She meets this dude, and she's like, "Where's the Federation?" And he's like, "There is no Federation." And she's like, "No! What happened to the Federation?" And he's like, big shrug, "Nobody knows. It was a long time ago."

Sasha: It was really nice not having to sweat over whether we were supposed to know what was going on with who and who was going on with what.

Ariel: Plus a lot more action than in most of Star Trek: TBG and a hunkier hero guy too.

Sasha: He was pretty hunky, I have to admit.

Ariel: And oh, wow, the scenes at the end where they said, "This season on Star Trek: Very Disco ..." Super exciting looking!

Sasha: I'm very interested to see more of this show.

Ariel: Me too ... almost enough to go back and watch seasons one and two, except I'm worried I'd be right back in the "Who's that? What's going on? Am I supposed to know them?" situation again.

Sasha: Better safe than sorry. We can go backwards after we watch this season, maybe.

Ariel: If we're not already watching some other show by then! There's more Star Wars shows coming up, and supposedly at least two different new Star Trek shows, and I'm hoping more Star Trek: Cartoon Nobodies too.

Sasha: It's definitely an awfully good time to be watching science fictiony stuff on TV.

Ariel: Can you imagine living in olden times when it would be like, twenty years between Star Trek shows, or fifteen years between Star Wars movies? And no Star Wars TV shows at all?

Sasha: Maybe don't let Msg hear you calling that "olden times."

Ariel: What, would "prehistoric" be better?

Sasha: Probably not.

Ariel: Anyway, I'm glad we weren't stuck back then.

Sasha: Me too. Well, is that all the Star Trek we have to talk about for now?

Ariel: That's all three shows, and nothing else is popping into my mind right away.

Sasha: Okay, well, then ... until next time, everybody ...

Ariel: May the Force be with you!

Sasha: That's Star Wars, not Star Trek.

Ariel: I know. But Star Trek doesn't have a good "bye for now" phrase like that. At least not that we've seen.

Sasha: They should make one up. The shows would probably be even more popular if they did.

Ariel: Yeah. Maybe something like, "Later, phasers!" or ... "Shields you later!"

Sasha: Sure. Something like that. Maybe not exactly like that, but ...

Ariel:Warp factor bye!