Sasha: That's right, Dummy.
Ariel: You don't have to be mean! I mean, I think I have a pretty good point.
Sasha: No, I mean that's what we're going to talk about: Dummy.
Ariel: All right, I see what you're trying to do here. This is supposed to be another one of those posts where I keep misunderstanding you and it goes on and on and we never actually talk about the thing we say we're going to talk about. But I get it now, you're saying we're going to talk about the show Dummy that we just watched.
Sasha: Sometimes you're no fun, Aers.
Ariel: I'm always fun! I just think we're already treading pretty thin water by not talking about the Marvels like we promised, and we're totally going to lose all our readers if on top of that we spend the whole post not even talking about the different thing you say we're supposed to be talking about, Dummy.
Sasha: Wait, are you calling me a dummy now?
Ariel: Argh! Were you not listening when I said we're treading thin water?
Sasha: I was, but I didn't want to make you sound like a dummy by pointing out it's "Treading on thin ice."
Ariel: Okay, miss smarty-pants. What's ice?
Sasha: Jeepers, Aers. I thought you at least knew what ice is.
Ariel: I totally know what it is. But you should tell me anyway.
Sasha: Okay, I'll play along. Ice is frozen ...
Ariel: Mm-hmm. Frozen what?
Sasha: Um, water, but --
Ariel: So if you're treading on thin ice, you're also treading water, aren't you? And treading water means you're not going anywhere, just putting out a lot of effort to not sink and drown. That was me playing with words, not me being dumb.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Aha! I got you for once, didn't I?
Sasha: Let's talk about Dummy.
Ariel: La-la-la, ha-ha-ha! Sure, let's talk about Dummy. I'm going to say everyone should put their spoiler blankets on, and then we can start.
Sasha: Okay, so Dummy is a show about --
Ariel: Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa. I didn't tell everyone to put their spoiler blankets on yet.
Sasha: Yes you did, you said --
Ariel: I said I was going to. I didn't actually say it.
Sasha: Well, you did because in order to say you were going to, you did actually have to say those words.
Ariel: So if I say, "I'm going to say one, two, three, go, and then we'll start talking about Dummy," when are you going to start? Right away, because I said one, two, three, go as part of saying I was going to say one, two, three, go? Or are you going to wait for me to say one, two, three, go again first?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: See? There's not even any right way to answer my question, because as part of asking the question, I said the thing that was supposed to be the start phrase for us to talk about Dummy, but if you just start talking about Dummy without answering my question, then you haven't answered my question, but if you answer my question, you prove that you should have waited earlier for me to say everyone should put their spoiler blankets on.
Sasha: You ... I ... that doesn't ... okay, eff it. Can we please just talk about Dummy?
Ariel: Yes.
Sasha: Why are you looking at me like that?
Ariel: Like what?
Sasha: Like, giving me that funny look, like if I start talking about Dummy, you're going to say "Aha!" again and tell me how I fell for another trick?
Ariel: I'm not looking at you like that. I'm just ... looking at you. Like normal.
Sasha: I don't trust you. You go first.
Ariel: Haha, okay, I was looking at you funny just to freak you out, and it worked!
Sasha: Argh. All right, then. Fine. You got me. So, Dummy is a show where --
Ariel: Hey, you said I could go first!
Sasha: I'm not falling for that. Dummy is a show about this chick whose boyfriend turns out to have a sex doll --
Ariel: What? This is so unfair! You promised!
Sasha: And she sneaks a look at it one night while he's asleep --
Ariel: And the doll starts talking to her!
Sasha: Yes. Great. Are we doing this thing now?
Ariel: Well, we were, until you asked me that question.
Sasha: ARIEL.
Ariel: Anyway, from there, the chick and the doll start having conversations and then sort of a relationship, and then they have some adventures and stuff.
Sasha: Right. Whew. So did you like it? I liked it.
Ariel: I mostly liked it, but it was sooo unrealistic.
Sasha: Wait, what? You're totally a talking sex doll. How was the show unrealistic?
Ariel: Weren't you watching?
Sasha: I was sitting right next to you. And the show was obviously supposed to be unrealistic by the people who made it. It was a fun goofy show about this chick and her insecurities and either how the doll became a focus for her to express her insecurities, or maybe about the doll really being able to talk to her and being its own person and her having to come to terms with that weird thing and accept it.
Ariel: Duh. I get all that. I'm talking about all the unrealistic stuff with the doll itself, as a doll. Like, when she broke the doll's arm, and it made a cracking sound like the bone broke, but then what you saw was a big tear in the doll's skin. As a doll who recently had something break with a loud cracking sound, and who lives with another doll who's had a couple big skin tears like that, they're totally not the same thing.
Sasha: Wait. Are you saying Claire and Elle have had big skin tears like that?
Ariel: Have you never looked at one of their armpits?
Sasha: Ew, why would I look at armpits? Armpits are gross.
Ariel: I mean, maybe guy armpits, but not girl armpits. Girl armpits are sexy. Unless they're the not-shaved kind. And even then they're kinda sexy. Less sexy when the silicone there is all torn up. But sexy enough to do the trick of turning me on, at least.
Sasha: You're just really trying to school me today, aren't you?
Ariel: Yes! Look at these armpits right here! Don't you think they're sexy? Are you going to tell me my armpits don't turn you on?
Sasha: No, I'm not going to tell you that, because if I do you're going to pout about it, and if I admit they're sexy, you're going to gloat about it, and we're never going to get back to talking about Dummy.
Ariel: It was so unrealistic.
Sasha: How? How else?
Ariel: Like when she gets her the replacement vagina because her old vagina is all gross on account of the boyfriend not taking care of it. The replacement vagina is just, like, the outside bits. It's like the people who made the prop never even looked at an actual replaceable vagina on a sex doll. Except they had a sex doll right there they could look at, so why did they make such an unrealistic prop?
Sasha: Maybe the guy who bought the doll for the prop department didn't get one with a removable vag.
Ariel: Well that was dumb of him, wasn't it? Because it was right there in the script that she was going to have one.
Sasha: Fine. Okay, what else?
Ariel: Like, one of the first things that happens is the doll's arm breaking, where the skin tear happens just from moving the arm. But the whole rest of the show, in practically every episode, the doll is getting handled way worse than that and nothing else breaks. I mean, even when the chick is dragging the doll by the armpits across that hardwood floor, it would be way more likely the heels would tear off than that other tear happening from wrestling with the arm.
Sasha: Aers, these really seem like nitpicks to me.
Ariel: If you were a sex doll, they would be more important to you.
Sasha: Okay, maybe. Are there more unrealistic things you want to complain about? Or can we talk about the rest of the show?
Ariel: Well ... if I can be honest, I've sort of been complaining about all that because I don't know if I want to talk about the rest of the show.
Sasha: Wait, you didn't like it?
Ariel: I did! But parts of it got me really emotional and even crying and stuff. I mean, I was quiet about it so nobody would notice, but --
Sasha: You thought that was quiet? Girl, everybody in the house noticed you sniffling and doing that little quiet blubbery thing you do. You didn't notice us all looking at each other like, "There Aers goes again, isn't she cute when she gets like this?"
Ariel: Oh no. I thought nobody saw.
Sasha: We just didn't want to embarrass you.
Ariel: Well that's a change!
Sasha: No, really. It was very sweet. You're adorable when you get like that.
Ariel: I'm always adorable!
Sasha: Um ... mostly always.
Ariel: Also, I'm kinda sad now because it looks like that one season is all there's ever going to be of the show and I really wanted to see more.
Sasha: Yeah, me too. I don't know if I'd say it was exactly a great show, but it was fun and funny and really pretty touching in some parts.
Ariel: I thought it was pretty great. Other than being unrealistic.
Sasha: Well ... some of us would say the same thing about you, Aers.
Ariel: Sasha! Did you just say something nice to me?
Sasha: Maybe. It probably had something to do with you flashing those sexy armpits my way.
Ariel: So you did like them!
Sasha: I'm not sure I'd go all the way to "like." I was non-ambivalent about them.
Ariel: Okay, well, it's time to wrap this post up anyway.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Because I can't blog very easy if I've got my arms up like this to show off my sexy armpits.
Sasha: Put your arms down.
Ariel: And I bet you won't be able to blog very easy if you have to keep looking over at my sexy naked pits.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: I am hypnotizing you with my armpits. It's pitnosis.
Sasha: I give up. Everybody go watch Dummy. The end!
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