Ariel: Is it series or serieses?
Sasha: Are you really asking that?
Ariel: Yes! Its a seriesous question.
Sasha: Boo. I don't think terrible puns are the best way to get readers to stick with this post.
Ariel: Oh, come on. Anybody who's reading this is reading it because they love us.
Sasha: Right, and it's not that many people, and we know at least one of them happens to hate puns.
Ariel: Ooh, you shouldn't have said that, then.
Sasha: Said what?
Ariel: Happuns.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Okay already! You don't have to look at me like that! Everybody can just put their spoiler blankets over their heads and we'll get started.
Sasha: Better.
Ariel: So which many of the Marvels are we talking about today.
Sasha: I don't know. It's been months since we finished watching them. I'm not sure I even remember all the first few ones we watched.
Ariel: Um, let's see. Nerdlishous Nazi-Stomper, Captain Marvel, Heavy Metal Man, Heavy Metal Man Again (that's "man again," not "mannequin"), Hammertime Guy, Everybody at Once, Heavy Metal Man Again Again a.k.a. Heavy Metal Mandarin, Hammertime Guy: Lights Out --
Sasha: Okay, stop. That's probably plenty, and also I have to ask why you actually got one of those titles right.
Ariel: I got them all right!
Sasha: Yes, but one of them you actually gave the same title that came up on the Disney And menu when we picked it to watch.
Ariel: Which one was that?
Sasha: (sigh) Captain Marvel?
Ariel: Oh. Well, it would be pretty hard to forget the "Marvel" part since we're talking about Marvels. And also it was pretty memorable because she was the only girl with her own movie in the whole gazillion-movie series. Do you want me to call her Sexy Space Girl instead?
Sasha: Definitely not! Don't you think it seems kind of wrong to sexualize and infantalize the only female character who's gotten her own movie so far?
Ariel: I mean ... I didn't sexualize her. I thought she was pretty sexy all on her own. That's on her, not me.
Sasha: But she has a lot of other traits besides being sexy that you could have picked, and a lot of people think "girl" is a pretty insulting thing to call a powerful, smart woman.
Ariel: Oh. So I can't tell you, "You go, girl!" anymore? Or, do I have to say you're my womanfriend now?
Sasha: This is very off-topic.
Ariel: You started it! I'm the one who actually remembered the right thing to call her! And now I'm all worried I'm going to be insulting you if I say, "Oh, girl!" the wrong way at the wrong time.
Sasha: Ugh. You don't have to be worried about it, because I'm actually your girlfriend, and I know you don't mean it the wrong way.
Ariel: Well, sometimes I do! Sometimes I'm definitely sexualizing you when I say, "Oooh, girl ..."
Sasha: No, no -- once again, I'm your girlfriend. You get to think about me sexually. And you can think about Captain Marvel sexually too, but she's not your girlfriend, so a lot of people would rather you not say she's sexy and call her a girl as the first thing you say about her. That's all I'm trying to tell you.
Ariel: I'm just thinking people who've read my profile on the side part of this blog will maybe give me a break on that.
Sasha: Okay. Sure. You're probably right about that.
Ariel: Whew. Dodged that bullet!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Oh! Nothing! I was just saying something to myself.
Sasha:What bullet did you think you dodged?
Ariel: Um ... um ...
Sasha: Oh my god. You didn't mean she was a sexy girl from space, did you?
Ariel: How else would I have meant it?
Sasha: You meant she was a girl with a sexy space!
Ariel: Well ... I mean ... this space right in here, on her, you know ... is kind of sexy.
Sasha: Awesome. So instead of just being 2/3 offensive, you called her something a hundred percent offensive.
Ariel: I didn't call her that at all! I just asked you if you wanted me to call her that!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Scroll back up and look!
Sasha: Can we just talk about these movies?
Ariel: Yes! Good, that's all I wanted!
Sasha: So ... goddamn it.
Ariel: What? And don't swear. That's offensive.
Sasha: Now you've made me think about, uh, that space on her.
Ariel: Don't! You'll destroy all feminism! Think about Nerdlishous Nazi-Stomper after they pump him up from super-scrawny to super-brawny!
Sasha: Okay ... yes. That's kind of more the way I swing anyhow. Wow. Those muscles.
Ariel: I don't know how that's less offensive than thinking about her space, but good. Work with it.
Sasha: Grr.
Ariel: I really liked this movie. Even the non-muscly parts. In fact, I think especially the non-muscly parts.
Sasha: How's that?
Ariel: So, once he turns all big and able to stomp Nazis, the movie is pretty good. There's some decent enough action and it gets all sad at the end where he has to ditch the giant nuclear boomerang into the water and he doesn't get to have that dance with the ... woman! The extremely smart and competent woman who I can't even remember what her legs looked like or if she was pretty.
Sasha: Okay, but ...?
Ariel: But you know, it's like a twenty year old movie or something.
Sasha: Not quite but I don't want to have one of those arguments.
Ariel: Which arguments?
Sasha: Just get to your point about it being old, okay?
Ariel: Fine. What I'm saying is, it was a perfectly fine action movie for when they made it, but the first part before it got all actiony was really really excellent. It was funny and smart and Nerdlishous was absototally a hero even though he hit like a ... like a really shrimpy guy.
Sasha: Plus that funny doctor was in there in the first half.
Ariel: Yes! That dude cracked me up.
Sasha: Anything else about this one?
Ariel: The bad guy was excellently evil. "The Shredded Skull."
Sasha: I think that was the Red Skull.
Ariel: Really? I didn't think we could actually see his skull to know what color it was, because it still had some shredded head-stuff on it.
Sasha: Moving on.
Ariel: Great! Captain Marvel!
Sasha: Sounds like you liked it.
Ariel: Absolutely. She was so bad-ass! Uh ... can I talk about her ass that way?
Sasha: Let's just talk about the movie.
Ariel: So exciting! Tons more great action than in the first movie, plus it was like a fun buddy-cop movie with that agent dude from the Shield place, plus I just loved her character and how she wouldn't take shit from anybody. (Plus a couple of things I won't talk about because I know better now.)
Sasha: I was pretty into this movie too, even though it was the second "Captain" movie in a row. I thought that was a weird way to start off a movie franchise, with a "Captain Something" movie set way in the past and then another "Captain Something" movie set not quite as way in the past and with a different Captain. It seems like people would get confused and wonder why the third movie wasn't also about a captain.
Ariel: Well the dude in the third movie was kind of a "captain of industry," right?
Sasha: Hmm. I guess.
Ariel: Oh! And don't you remember? MSG and Claire said we were watching them in the order of the storyline, not in the order they were released. This one came out way later.
Sasha: Right, right, I remember that now. Which also explains why the fight scenes and special effects in this one were so much better than the one before or the one right after.
Ariel: I mean, they all had good fights and effects, but yeah, Captain Marvel really busted those aspects out to the max.
Sasha: Should we talk about the next two Heavy Metal Man movies together?
Ariel: I thought we were talking about all of this together? Isn't that kind of the whole point of this blog?
Sasha: No, I mean, not us together, the movies together.
Ariel: Oh, sure. Much more interesting bad guys in Heavy Metal Man Again, if you ask me. The bad guy in the first one was just, like, "Hey, look at me, I'm a businessman who is greedy." But in the second one, there's the guy who's like an even sleazier version of Tony Sleaze, plus the super-villain bad guy who loves his pet bird and doesn't care if he gets beaten in the face as long as he makes Tony Sleaze look bad.
Sasha: Why are you calling him Tony Sleaze?
Ariel: What are you talking about? He was such a total slut with women! I mean, except the spicy red-head.
Sasha: You're sending very mixed messages criticizing him for sleeping around and then calling her "spicy."
Ariel: Dude. Her name is literally a spice. "Pepper," remember?
Sasha: Oh. yeah, you got me there.
Ariel: Although the other red-head was also pretty spicy, especially when she turns out to be a bad-ass secret agent almost as bad-in-the-ass as Captain Marvel.
Sasha: Maybe even more, because she doesn't actually have any powers.
Ariel: True, and she has a badder-ass name: the Black Widow.
Sasha: MSG says she was one of his favorite characters growing up.
Ariel: What was she like before she was a grownup?
Sasha: No -- ugh. Time to move on to the next movie, I think.
Ariel: Yes! I loved this movie because it had Senator Wardrobe from Star Wars as the love interest.
Sasha: Haha, I forgot about us calling her that.
Ariel: Only this time, instead of a Senator, she's like, a professor. And instead of a crazy giant wardrobe, she has a bunch of degrees about space. The actual space space, I mean. They're not degrees about anybody's sexy space.
Sasha: She was good in this!
Ariel: Def. Plus she had that adorable hilarious intern who -- spoilers -- comes back way later in the first Disney And show.
Sasha: And then there was Hammertime Guy himself.
Ariel: More spoilers, that dude is in a whole buncha these movies and is a mouth-watering laugh riot in them all.
Sasha: Even the one where he gets all fat?
Ariel: That was just a little bit of a tummy.
Sasha: I admit I did still find him awfully attractive.
Ariel: But that's way later. In this one, he's mostly just a charming dumb hunk of funny man-meat. I can talk about him that way because he's a guy, right?
Sasha: Yes. Probably someday you won't be able to, but for now it's pretty no-holds-barred.
Ariel: Whew.
Sasha: Speaking of "whew," are your typing fingers getting really worn out? Mine are.
Ariel: We still have three more movies left on my list though.
Sasha: But that was a totally arbitrary list. It only ended where it ended because that's when I stopped you. How about if we take it easy for now, then start off big next time with the Everybody at Once movie, and go on from there.
Ariel: You know I never argue against taking it easy.
Sasha: Great.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye everybody!
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