Sasha: Whoa, dang! What do you have there, girlfriend?
Ariel: A big box!
Sasha: Yeah, I can kinda see that. I meant, what's in it?
Ariel: Well, duh, I haven't opened it yet!
Sasha: Okay -- so lemme see here. If a big box got delivered and it's obviously not addressed to you and you don't know what's in it, why are you bringing it in here to me?
Ariel: (because i think it might be new heroscape! shhhh!)
Sasha: Wait, are you trying to get us in trouble again?
Ariel: No! I mean, didn't you notice I was whispering?
Sasha: I feel like we should have learned a lesson from our boyfriend hiding the second batch of Heroscape from us after we hid the first batch of Heroscape from him so we could play it.
Ariel: We did learn a lesson. How to play Heroscape!
Sasha: But ... oh, never mind. If we're in this, we might as well open it up really quickly and try playing before he gets home.
Ariel: Yes! Can you get that thing we use to cut open boxes like this?
Sasha: The box cutter?
Ariel: That's the one!
Sasha and Ariel: (slice ... open ... unbox ... unwrap ... unbox some more ...)
Sasha: Wow, holy moley, look at some of these. This guy has a freakin' blimp!
Ariel: No, don't call it that -- call it a "killballoon" or something.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Because "blimp" is spelled "B-limp." Which makes him sound like instead of flying around killing things, he can't get it up.
Sasha: Sure, okay, killballoon. I guess you must want to play that guy or you wouldn't care if he B-limp.
Ariel: Heck, yeah, who wouldn't want to play a cute fuzzy squirrel in a killballoon?
Sasha: He is pretty cute.
Ariel: Oh, look! This other guy looks like he's on the same team. He's in a cool steam-walky thingabob with one of those old-timey machine-guns with all the barrels.
Sasha: I think it's called a gattling gun.
Ariel: Well, I'm calling it a cattling gun, cause he looks like a cat to me.
Sasha: Yeah? I think he looks more badgery.
Ariel: Hmm. Maybe. Ooh, and here's some more guys on the same team, they're like fox ninjas or something.
Sasha: Maybe they're dingos. Ninja dingos sounds pretty cool.
Ariel: I don't know what a dingo looks like. Does it look like sort of a fox but sort of a raccoon?
Sasha: I don't know either. I only know they're a kind of dog.
Ariel: Anyway, I'm all set with these guys. They're all super cute and they're all on one team, so I'm playing the whole bunch of them.
Sasha: Sure, knock yourself out. Looks like that leaves me with an awesome giganto monster centipede-bot, and a devil dog, and these lich-looking guys, and ... oooh! Look at these!
Ariel: Wait, no fair! I was supposed to get all the cute guys!
Sasha: Only the furry cute guys.
Ariel: But those guys don't go with your monster killbot centipede or your devil goat-horn dog or your lichy things at all! They're way too cute!
Sasha: Sorry, they're mine. Not only did I pick them, but I'm doing the math and all your furry guys added together are practically the same points as all these guys I'm left with.
Ariel: Dang it.
Sasha: Whoa, look! Super-cool new dice too!
Ariel: Sweet! This set is so awesome. I almost feel guilty hiding it from our boyfriend.
Sasha: Well, we could wait until he gets home and play a three-way with him.
Ariel: Uh, the way you just said that I think it would turn into something else real quick. Besides, I said "almost," didn't I?
Sasha: True. Okay, let's get set up, then. I guess we have to build a board.
Ariel: No, the BF already did! See? Pretty cool-looking, huh? I think he read up on the cards for this set and built a board that would be just right for them.
Sasha: And this still isn't making you feel guilty?
Ariel: Maybe a little. But I'm too excited to stop! Come on!
Sasha: Okay, put your guys on that end of the map and I'll put mine here and do your order markers and let's roll for initiative.
Ariel: Wait, though. What do you think all that lava-looking stuff is all over the middle of the board.
Sasha: I think it's probably lava.
Ariel: What! We've never played with lava before. Are you sure?
Sasha: Yeah, because for one thing, my crab dudes have "Lava Resistant" as a power on their card, and for another, there's this rule sheet for lava terrain in the box they came in.
Ariel: Oh. I guess you're probably right, then.
Sasha: Great. I roll a 6 for initiative.
Ariel: Wait! What's it do?
Sasha: It probably lets you go first unless you roll worse than a 6.
Ariel: No, I mean the lava.
Sasha: So, the rocky looking stuff, it says, is lava fields. If you're standing on it after all the order markers are done, you roll a die and if it's a skull, you take a wound.
Ariel: Ouch!
Sasha: The bright-red, fiery looking flat stuff is molten lava. If you step in it, you've got to roll the 20-sider, and if you roll a 20, you live.
Ariel: What if you roll one of the other 20 numbers?
Sasha: The other 19 all mean you die.
Ariel: That's terrible!
Sasha: Not for my crab dudes. They get to ignore it.
Ariel: Ooh, I hate them! Except I can't because they're so cute. Okay, well, I guess I better not step in any of it. What's that pebbly, concrete-y looking stuff?
Sasha: Those are road tiles. They're old, so I've got to dig for the rulebook they're in.
Ariel: Agh! Whenever you're done, you get to go because I rolled a 1 for initiative.
Sasha: Here it is. The scoop on road tiles is, if you start your turn on them and stay on them the whole turn, you get to move 3 extra spaces.
Ariel: Awesome! I'm hitting that.
Sasha: Wow, are you that juiced up from some extra movement?
Ariel: No, I mean hitting the road.
Sasha: Gotcha. Okay, my first order marker is on Crab Dudes. They're going to scurry over here.
Ariel: Okay. My number 1 is Cattling Badger. He'll move over here onto the road.
Sasha: Number 2 ... Crab Dudes again. Scurry, scurry, scuttle.
Ariel: Number 2 for me is Killballoon! He can do this cool Skyhook thing, watch. He starts flying here like this, and when he passes over the Ninja Dingos he picks them up, and then when he lands he gets to put them down next to him.
Sasha: So you can move them without moving them. Pretty swift.
Ariel: I know, right?
Sasha: Number 3 is Centikillbot. He's gonna move to here ... clickety-clack, clickety-click.
Ariel: My number 3 is Killballoon again, and he Skyhooks the ninjas again and carries them right here to the bottom of this bridge.
Sasha: Looks like things are moving right along. Let's do our order markers for the next turn.
Ariel: Done!
Sasha: Oof. Initiative 2. Looks like you go first this time.
Ariel: Nooooo! I roll the 1 again! This 20-sider sucks.
Sasha: Well, number 1 is my crabs. Scuttle-scuttle.
Ariel: Cattling Badger! Clunk, clunk, clunk, stomp. Boo! I only just made it to the bottom of this stair thing and the extra road movement doesn't help because it takes 4 to climb up.
Sasha: That's rough. Number 2 ... more crabs. Scurry-scuttle. This one crab with the killer chain started off on the road, so he gets 3 extra movement, and that means he can get all the way next to your Dingo Ninja here. Time for the first attack!
Ariel: That's crazy fast for a crab!
Sasha: Yeah, but these other two are stuck over here in a crab-jam because I didn't look carefully enough at where I had them going. Anyway, I start off with 3 attack dice and add 1 for being higher up than the dingo. WHOO! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Uh ... I only have 4 defense, so unless they're all shields ... poop. He's dead. That's so lame! I kinda hate your crabs again.
Sasha: Who's your first order marker?
Ariel: The stompy mech guy. Stomp! Stomp! He's up the stairs. Now he can cattling gun some crabs! Three attack dice plus one for being up high just like you ... waah! Only 1 skull.
Sasha: Three defense dice ... damn, look at that!
Ariel: Haha, all skulls! So you wasted a great attack roll and now your dude is crab-cakes!
Sasha: They do this cool thing when they die, though. I roll the 20-sider, and ... 14 means I put down a lava field tile where he bit it.
Ariel: That is kinda cool.
Sasha: My number 2 is ... crabs again. Boop, boop, this one climbs down here and takes a swingo at your dingo. Three skulls this time.
Ariel: I'm not laughing as much at those three skulls. My defending roll is ... yippee! Three shields!
Sasha: Dang. Can't win them all, I guess.
Ariel: Time for some Killballoon Skyhooking! I fly five spaces up onto the bridge and then drop my Ninja Dingo where he's right above your crab. Then Commander Killballoon shoots at you! Four attack dice ... now it's my turn to roll 3 skulls!
Sasha: Dang it. Crab salad. Time for Killerpede, though. He's my number 3 and my 'X' marker, and his special ability lets him take an extra turn with that 'X.' Meaning he can move all the way here and then use his special -- oh, oops. It says I can't use my special attack in the extra turn. Crap-doody.
Ariel: Well, at least you got real close to me.
Sasha: But not close enough to attack, because my normal attack range is 1. And on the Xtra turn, if I don't attack, I take a wound.
Ariel: Sucks to be him!
Sasha: He's got lots, though. He starts off with 7.
Ariel: Yikes! Well, my number 3 is the Ninja Dingo. He starts on the road, so he can go 8, which means he can totally get to your Killerpede and hit him with 4 dice. Only 2 skulls, though.
Sasha: That's enough to do a wound. New order markers, looks like.
Ariel: Ready!
Sasha: 14 initiative this time.
Ariel: Blah. 13.
Sasha: Killerpede is using his Double Burst Special Attack. It's 3 dice and has 4 range and I can shoot twice. First, this damn dingo. Boo, no skulls. Shooting him again -- what!
Ariel: No skulls twice in a row? More like Stinkerpede! And my Dingo is still alive, so I'm smacking you again ... 2 more skulls.
Sasha: 2 shields. My number 2 is Killerpede again. Pow! 2 skulls!
Ariel: 2 shields!
Sasha: Grr. Pow! 1 skull.
Ariel: Whew! 1 shield!
Sasha: I can't believe this Ninja Dingo is better than my giant killbot centipede.
Ariel: Sorry! My number 2 is the balloon guy. He flies over here and shoots your centipede. 2 skulls!
Sasha: 1 wound. Okay, number 3 is still Killerpede, so he's gonna try his normal attack, which is 5 dice but he only gets to attack once. 3 skulls!
Ariel: Uh-oh, this could be Dingo Doom ... nope! 3 shields!
Sasha: You've got to be kidding me. Okay, Xtra turn, same deal ... oh, come on. One. Flipping. Skull.
Ariel: Okay, Dingo, please don't blow this, please don't blow this, please don't -- he blew it. No shields.
Sasha: Finally!
Ariel: Number 3 for me is Killballoon ... 4 dice for 2 skulls.
Sasha: Blagh. Another wound. Your dudes just keep whittling me down. Well, new order marker time.
Ariel: Okey-dokey.
Sasha: 15 initiative.
Ariel: 9. I keep losing initiative but I think I'm doing okay at the game, so maybe that's fine!
Sasha: Killerpede climbs the rest of the way onto this bridge and Double Burst Special Attacks your B-limp guy. No skulls, ugh. Then 2 skulls.
Ariel: 2 shields! Now my Cattling Badger stomps over here and down the stairs and shoots your centipede. Two skulls.
Sasha: Two shields. Finally no wounds. Double Bursting again on B-limp. Two skulls!
Ariel: One wound.
Sasha: Two more skulls!
Ariel: Ow! One more wound. Okay, I'm getting out of here. He's my number 2 marker, so he'll fly ... here. And shoot at this lichy guy. 3 shields! Boo!
Sasha: Killerpede zooms down the stairs and Double-bursts Cattling Badger. Two skulls.
Ariel: 3 shields!
Sasha: Dang. One skull.
Ariel: What! No shields, so I get a wound.
Sasha: Yes! Now I use my Xtra turn to go ... erg ... no, instead I'll go ... ergh! What the heck!
Ariel: Ha-ha, you can't fit next to me because my wings poke out and you're not allowed to go into a space you won't fit in!
Sasha: Okay, well instead of going for B-limp, I'll go for Cattling Badger. I just have to move down into this little crevice at the bottom of the stairs ... WHAT.
Ariel: What's wrong?
Sasha: The base of my figure would totally fit there, but my tiny damn centipede feet stick out just enough I can't go all the way flat to the ground!
Ariel: Sweet! You're going to take more damage, you're going to take more daaamage!
Sasha: Damn it.
Ariel: Killballoon's gonna fly back onto the bridge and shoot you from way up. Kablam! Two skulls.
Sasha: What the --! No shields. Dead.
Ariel: New order markers!
Sasha: No, I think I'm just going to call you the winner.
Ariel: What?! That's no fun!
Sasha: Like it's going to be fun for me to spend a couple of turns while you grind up my weenie devil dog and skeleton guys from a distance? They've got 1 or 2 life each and crud for defense. And no ranged weapons.
Ariel: I guess that doesn't sound very fun for you.
Sasha: See?
Ariel: Still kind of party-pooperish is all I'm saying. But it gives us time to put these away before the BF gets home, so win-win!
Sasha: Aers, he's totally going to see that all the packages got opened up. And even if he didn't, we're blogging this, right?
Ariel: I mean ... but at least we're not leaving it a big mess for him to clean up!
Sasha: I guess I can't argue with that.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!
