Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Even More Masterer Heroscape!

Sasha: Good morning!
Ariel: Ughhh ... what? Is it morning already?
Sasha: Yeah, but actually more like, almost afternoon. Why are you sleeping on the floor in the game r -- whoa. Look at that Heroscape map!
Ariel: I was up soooo late last night building it.
Sasha: It's huge! It looks great!
Ariel: Thanks ... it was exhausting, but once I got started I didn't want to go to bed until I finished.
Sasha: Wow. How late did you stay up?
Ariel: I don't know. Like, at least 10:30.
Sasha: Uh ... that's over 12 hours ago.
Ariel: Only 12?! After building that board, I figured I was going to need maybe 14 or 16 hours of sleep.
Sasha: That would be a lot even for you.
Ariel: You weren't there to see how hard this was!
Sasha: Well, here I am now. But you didn't put the figures on the board like the last couple of times. Did you give up because you were too tired?
Ariel: No. This scenario in the Master Set says you build your own army by getting rid of boats or something. So I had to wait for you.
Sasha: Getting rid of ... what?
Ariel: Look, right here. "Derafting."
Sasha: That's "Drafting." You added an extra "e."
Ariel: I told you I was tired!
Sasha: So did you figure out how we're supposed to do that?
Ariel: No, because I couldn't find any boats, so I figured we'd look for them in the morning.
Sasha: Well, now we don't need to. Let me see what the rules say.
Ariel: The book's over there.
Sasha: Hmm. Mm-hmm ... okay. So basically, we roll the 20-sided die. Whoever gets higher picks one army card to be in their army. Then the other person picks one army card, and we keep going back and forth until all the cards have been picked or we reach the point limit for the scenario. Is there a point limit?
Ariel: It says 400 points, which sounded like a lot of boats to get rid of to me, which is another reason I went to bed.
Sasha: All right, well, I don't think the cards we played with before even add up to 400 points per side, so it sounds like we'll have to be learning how some of these figures that came in the Master Set work. Do we want to include the ones from the smaller box too?
Ariel: OMG, no. That would be so many figures to pick from! Plus, we put that box away and I don't want to open it up and unpack all the bits again. 
Sasha: Here, then. Roll the 20-sider and let's get going.
Ariel: Ooh, I get a 16!
Sasha: 5 for me, so you pick first.
Ariel: Um, duh, I'm picking this gigantic one here. Xeni ... omg, his name is too long. I'm just going to call him X-tra Viney because there are too many extra letters in his first name and his last name is something to do with vines.
Sasha: "Xenithrax the Vineweaver." Yeah, Extra Viney is a lot easier. Holy crap! He's 200 points all by himself! That's half your total points.
Ariel: Yeah, I figure that will let me finish picking quicker and rest a little while you finish picking yours.
Sasha: All right, I'm picking this squad of pirates, since we haven't played with any squads yet. Knaves of the Silver Scimitar.
Ariel: Does it make sense that they're pirates and also that they're knavey? I thought pirates and the knavey were enemies.
Sasha: You pick your next army while I read their card and see if it says anything about that.
Ariel: I'm totally picking this other huge one, Raelin the Kyrie Warrior. She's only 100 points but she's almost as big as Extra Viney, which seems like a bargain to me. Plus they can both fly, and I think Flying is a pretty bad-ass power after the way your owly guy used it last game.
Sasha: Nothing about pirates and the navy on my Silver Scimitars card. My next pick is this Dwarf pirate, Dorim the Bulkhead Brawler. He's got a Chain Axe, which sounds pretty cool to me. Him plus the Knaves makes 165 points, so I've still got a lot left.
Ariel: Are you doing all pirates?
Sasha: I'm not saying, because if I am you might pick some of the pirate cards on purpose just so I can't take them.
Ariel: No, because there's another killer-looking chick with Flying, Lovey Attack the Kyrie Warrior. She's also got dots over one of her A's, which has to mean she's extra-killer.
Sasha: I think it means you say the second A a different way, but I don't know how, so I'll go on to picking my next card, which is Admiral EJ-1M. He's 170 points, so that uses up a good chunk of what I've got left.
Ariel: 170! That's almost as much as Extra Viney! But he looks so tiny next to Extra Viney. I'm going to call him Extra Tiny.
Sasha: I mean, his card says he's a Large figure, and he's bigger than your Lovey Attack chick.
Ariel: Not when you include her wings. They make her taller than him.
Sasha: Whatever. Do you have any points left?
Ariel: I have 20, but there aren't any cards that say 20 points. So I guess I'm done.
Sasha: I have 65 points left, so the only card I can afford is this Misaerx the Kyrie Warrior.
Ariel: Missa what?
Sasha: I'm not sure how you say it.
Ariel: I'm calling her "Missy," because I'm hoping she misses a lot when she attacks.
Sasha: So where do our figures go for this scenario?
Ariel: The booklet has these two areas marked with brown and with navy. You have to go in the navy part, because your dudes are Knavey.
Sasha: Does it say that?
Ariel: No, but it makes sense, doesn't it?
Sasha: I'm looking it up in the book. Oops. We were supposed to place each of our figures when we picked them. Since you went first that means you were supposed to place Extra Viney somewhere right then. So if you want me to be in the navy area, you can just put him in the brown area.
Ariel: I'm putting him right here so he's close to that big tall area in the middle. The scenario said after 4 turns, whoever controls more of those spaces wins so I want him to get there quick.
Sasha: All right. I'll put my Knaves here. 
Ariel: Raelin's gonna go here. Dang, Extra Viney is so big, it's hard to make her fit next to him!
Sasha: I'll put Dorim here, I guess.
Ariel: Okay, here's Lovey Attack then. 
Sasha: All right. I'm putting my Admiral here and Missy here.
Ariel: Ooh, Missy's right up front! Isn't she a cheap card too? She's gonna get waxed hard right away.
Sasha: Maybe. Did you read the rules for these glyph things on the board? I did, and I think they look pretty important. Especially since Extra Viney has his own glyphs he can put down.
Ariel: No. I guess I'd better. Can I have that scenario book they're in?
Sasha: Here you go.
Ariel: Hmm. Wait, what? This one says it makes a big wind that keeps people from flying! That would totally suck for me!
Sasha: Kind of, yeah.
Ariel: And you put your Missy gal where she could fly right to it!
Sasha: That's true.
Ariel: I hate this! She's going down. You better hope you win initiative or she's doomed.
Sasha: We'll see.
Ariel: Ooh, my vine glyphs are pretty cool, though. They make anybody stepping on them weaker ... and if you move off of one they might hurt you. Sweet!
Sasha: There's also a glyph that lets you move three of your guys for free, one that gives you the ability to disengage without getting a leaving engagement attack, and this Massive Curse one that makes every figure have a 1 in 20 chance of being destroyed.
Ariel: Who's going to be dumb enough to step on that one?
Sasha: I guess you'd have to be desperate or have a very specific strategy. Anyway, ready to place order markers?
Ariel: Sure. Done.
Sasha: Done.
Ariel: My initiative roll is ... BLAH! Not the 1!
Sasha: I roll a 7, so I go first, but I have a special power for Admiral EJ --
Ariel: You mean Extra Tiny.
Sasha: Admiral EJ, and it lets me move any order markers I want from him to any pirate or captain figure I control, after initiative has been rolled.
Ariel: Dang. That's fire.
Sasha: Yep. So I'll move these markers here and here ... and then it's Missy's turn, so I move her here to turn on that windy glyph.
Ariel: She's so dead.
Sasha: Your turn. Who's your number 1?
Ariel: Duh, Extra Viney. It sucks he can't fly right now, but he'll move to right here, and then he'll put down a Vine glyph right over here to block your way up to the middle spaces, and then he'll use this Erupting Earth Special Attack.
Sasha: That sounds pretty wicked.
Ariel: It's 4 dice at up to 5 range, plus if there are figures adjacent to the target I can attack some of them too.
Sasha: Yikes. 
Ariel: Anyway, he's erupting all over Missy with ... 4 skulls!
Sasha: Oof. She's above you, so she gets to roll an extra defense die, but this is not looking good.
Ariel: Whoa! Look at that roll! You totally blew it!
Sasha: Major oof. I was hoping for at least 1 shield. She only has 4 life. So she's toast. But I do get to put her figure on another hero card to give them her Life Drain special power.
Ariel: What's that do?
Sasha: If I destroy a figure, I get to heal up by 1 wound marker.
Ariel: Well, that's not happening because Extra Viney and Raelin both have tons of life. No way are you killing them.
Sasha: You may be right. Anyway, I'm putting her on Dorim's card, and my next marker is on the Knaves. They let me take a free turn with a Pirate or Captain Hero I control, so I'm going to move Dorim up to here.
Ariel: Into the jaws of death!
Sasha: We'll see. Then I get my regular turn with the Knaves, so I'm going to scatter them to keep them from getting erupted to death next time Extra Viney goes. They don't have range, so that's it for my 2nd turn.
Ariel: Number 2 is Raelin for me. She can fly too, so she goes here. Watch out, because she's got a terrifying aura, and any of your guys within 4 spaces of her lose a defense die.
Sasha: Swell. Is that it for her?
Ariel: Yeah. She doesn't have any range either ... none of my guys do except Extra Viney's Special Attack.
Sasha: All right, number 3 for me is the Knaves again.  Dorim is going to move here with his free turn. Then the Knaves are going to move here ... here ... here ... and here, which puts the last guy on that glyph of sudden movement, so I get to move three figures 5 spaces each. This guy goes here, this guy goes there, and Admiral EJ goes here.
Ariel: Extra Tiny.
Sasha: Now I can attack Extra Viney with these two Knaves. They've got First Assault, which gives them an extra attack die if they didn't start off being adjacent to you. Plus they're higher up than Extra Viney --
Ariel: What??? No way! His head's still like twice as high as they are!
Sasha: Yeah, but you count elevation by the base of the figure, not its head.
Ariel: That's dumb.
Sasha: Maybe, but it means each of my guys gets 5 attack dice on you.
Ariel: Yikes!
Sasha: First dude rolls 2 skulls.
Ariel: I only have 3 defense dice! That sucks, look how big I am! I ought to have 5 or 6 easy!
Sasha: I mean, I notice you have a crap-ton of Life.
Ariel: That's true. I roll 1 shield, so I take 1 wound and I still have 7 left.
Sasha: This guy's up next. Oof. 1 skull.
Ariel: No sweat! I get a shield and I'm safe. Nyah!
Sasha: Here's the moment of truth. Is your number 3 on Extra Viney or Lovey Attack?
Ariel: I put my bluff marker on EV. That kinda sucks. But Lovey can still fly over here and attack down at your knavey guy with an extra attack die for being up high. 3 skulls!
Sasha: I only have 2 defense dice, so he's dead.
Ariel: He's extra dead, because she also has Deadly Strike, which means all her skulls count twice. That's 6 skulls!
Sasha: I guess he's twice as dead then?
Ariel: Maybe even 6 times as dead, since all it takes is 1 to kill your guy and you might not even roll any shields.
Sasha: You're not going to make me roll just to see how dead he is, are you?
Ariel: I guess not.
Sasha: Order markers, then.
Ariel: Done. No, wait! Okay, now I'm done.
Sasha: My initiative roll is 16.
Ariel: I roll 14.
Sasha: Okay, moving these 3 order markers from the Admiral to the Knaves. And the Knaves are my number 1, so I'm taking a turn with Dorim, who moves over here and attacks Lovey for 2 skulls, except that my Chain Axe lets me re-roll 1 die that wasn't a skull ... Yes! 3 skulls total.
Ariel: Lovey Attack rolls ... 3 skulls! Noo! Not only do I take all those wounds, I wasted all those skulls! Now she's only got 1 life left!
Sasha: Time for some Knaving! Since Dorim attacked an enemy figure this turn, he gets to give everybody 1 extra space of movement with his Charge! ability. That means this guy can get up next to Extra Viney. This chick is already next to all 3 of your guys ... and this slowpoke over here has to climb up the last part of the hill and can't get next to anybody. First, the chick Knave is trying to kill Lovey. Rats, only 1 skull.
Ariel: Whew! I get a shield, so she's safe.
Sasha: Next, this guy attacks Extra Viney. He gets an extra die from First Assault ... 4 skulls!
Ariel: Boo! Viney gets an extra die from being higher up, though. Bleh, only 1 shield. He's still got half his life left, though, and it's his turn, and he's pissed! He's gonna Erupting Earth your two guys here and here.
Sasha: I don't think he can, though, because they're not adjacent.
Ariel: They're right next door to each other!
Sasha: Yeah, but they only have a height of 4, and one of them is 4 spaces higher than the other. That means not adjacent, so if one of them was yours, neither of them would be able to attack the other. So you can't vine them both.
Ariel: Grr. And let me guess, now the no-backsies rule means I can't use my normal attack instead, right?
Sasha: Well ... the no backsies rule says you have to make sure you consider height advantage, special powers, and glyphs ... but I guess technically the rules for being adjacent aren't any of those. Go ahead and use your regular attack.
Ariel: Yes! 6 dice, plus I'm higher up than that dude at the bottom of the hill, so ... foo. Only 2 skulls on 7 dice.
Sasha: Yeah, but your Terrifying Aura from Raelin cuts my defense down by 1, meaning I only get to roll 1 die, so 2 skulls kills me no matter what.
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Number 2 for me is the Knaves again. Dorim is going to move here and Chain Axe Extra Viney.
Ariel: Do your worst!
Sasha: 4 skulls, plus I get to re-roll the 1 die that isn't a skull ... 5 skulls!
Ariel: No, I really meant your worst. That was your best! This is going to hurt no matter what ... nooo! I didn't get even 1 shield! Extra Viney is dead!
Sasha: Sweet. Now the Knaves get to go. First guy moves here and attacks Lovey. 3 skulls.
Ariel: You're doing that thing again where you're rolling way too many skulls!
Sasha: Sorry.
Ariel: I only get 2 shields and I only had 1 life left. She's dead. And she was my number 2, so you get to go again!
Sasha: Knaves on number 3. Dorim moves up to Raelin. Chain Axe! Well, only 1 skull this time.
Ariel: I get a shield, so she's safe for now.
Sasha: Knaves' turn! This guy moves here ... 1 skull.
Ariel: 2 shields.
Sasha: Last Knave ... 1 skull.
Ariel: No shields! Boooo!
Sasha: Your turn.
Ariel: My number 3 was Extra Viney.
Sasha: Yaasssss .... order markers!
Ariel: There. I roll 14 for initiative this time.
Sasha: Only 13 for me. You go first. But I get to move some order markers off the Admiral.
Ariel: (Extra Tiny.) 
Sasha: Okay, ready.
Ariel: Raelin is going to have her tiger munch on some Knaves. Boo, only 1 skull.
Sasha: Well, I only get to roll 1 die because of your Terrifying Aura. Dead.
Ariel: So there!
Sasha: Knaves go -- well, Knave, since only one is left. She gives Dorim a turn, and he rolls 4 dice against Raelin ... 2 skulls, even after re-rolling a die.
Ariel: 2 shields!
Sasha: Last Knave ... 1 skull
Ariel: Grr. No shields. I still have 4 life left, though, and I'm killifying that Knave! 2 skulls! Dead! In your face!
Sasha: Rats. I made a bad gamble and put my second marker on the Knaves too, so I lose their turn.
Ariel: Yeah! Raelin's tiger is going to make a mess of mister Chain Axe. 2 skulls!
Sasha: Dorim has 3 defense, minus 1 for your aura ... 1 shield.
Ariel: Eat it!
Sasha: My number 3 is the Admiral, though. He's going to move over here and use his Boarding Party Special Attack. It starts off with 2 dice but gets 1 extra because you're adjacent to one of my Pirates. Only 1 skull, though.
Ariel: 1 shield. Obviously I'm putting my order markers on Raelin and you're putting yours on Extra Tiny, so my initiative roll is ... 6.
Sasha: Mine's 7.
Ariel: Dang. So close.
Sasha: First up is Dorim. 3 skulls.
Ariel: You're doing that thing again.
Sasha: Sorry, I can't help it. 
Ariel: Only 1 shield, so I get another 2 wounds.
Sasha: Your turn. 
Ariel: Sigh. Only 1 skull on Dorim.
Sasha: No shields. He's number 2 too, so he attacks you again. 1 skull.
Ariel: Hey, wait. What turn is it?
Sasha: Turn 4.
Ariel: Oh! So if Raelin lives and I can keep your admiral off the hill, I win!
Sasha: Sure, if and if. Are you rolling your defense dice?
Ariel: Yes, and I got a shield! How many life does Extra Tiny have?
Sasha: Only 3.
Ariel: Yes! And how many defense?
Sasha: 6.
Ariel: Oh. Not so "Yes." Dang it. I can move here and the only way you could get up the hill is by going through that Vine glyph that's still there, which might kill you if I can do at least 2 wounds to you. But 6 dice! That's going to make it really hard.
Sasha: Plus you'll get a Leaving Engagement attack from Dorim if you move away from him.
Ariel: Foozers. It's a gamble either way. Heck, I'm going to try it. Boom!
Sasha: Skull.
Ariel: Dang. I still have 1 life left, though! 4 dice on Extra Tiny! 2 skulls! Come on, come on, miss it!
Sasha: I roll 1 shield, so he's still alive. He climbs up to here ...
Ariel: Come on Vines! Nope. It's a shield.
Sasha: I'll attack you with my normal attack now, for 4 dice. 2 skulls.
Ariel: Augh! No shields, I'm dead.
Sasha: That's 2 out of 3 games for me! The champion!!
Ariel: Congratulations, I guess. You need to stop rolling so good, though. It's getting really annoying!
Sasha: I'll give it a try next game, I promise.
Ariel: You do not!
Sasha: Sure, I do. But it's not like there's really anything I can do about how I'm rolling.
Ariel: Well ... as long as you're trying, anyway.
Sasha and Ariel: Later, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ...Heroscape -- Master Game!

Ariel: Jeepers. I don't know if I can actually do this game tonight after reading all those Master Game rules.
Sasha: You didn't read them, I read them to you! And a lot of them I just summarized.
Ariel: Well, I looked at all the pictures, and there were a lot of those too.
Sasha: If you're that tired from looking at some pictures, maybe we should wait until tomorrow to play.
Ariel: No way! I totally won't remember all the new rules if I sleep on it. We need to get going on it now or all that effort's going to be a waste!
Sasha: Fine. Since the map's already set up and the figures are already there, I say we play the Master Game version of the scenario we played last time.
Ariel: That works for me. Do I get to be the octo-lady with her cute pet critters this time?
Sasha: If you really want to. But you did win last time with the three piratey guys.
Ariel: Ooh, that's right! I better stick with them. So ... first, we roll for initiative?
Sasha: Close. First we put our Order Markers on the cards of our figures to set up which order we're using them in.
Ariel: Okay, done.
Sasha: Not facing toward me! If I see the order they're in, that gives me a strategic advantage.
Ariel: Oops! All right, there.
Sasha: You just turned them around. You have to at least pick them up and pretend to put them on other cards, or I'll still know what order you're using them in.
Ariel: Sash, I'm trying real hard here to give you a little more of a chance, since I pasted your team so bad last time.
Sasha: Umm ... that's nice and all, but if I win, I want to win fair and square.
Ariel: Fine. Done. Are you satisfied?
Sasha: Yep. Mine are set up too.
Ariel: I bet you put your "X" marker on your doggie critter.
Sasha: Why do you say that?
Ariel: Because X marks the spot, and he's a dog.
Sasha: Haha, cute. But the Master Game side of her card says she's a she, and her name is "Kita."
Ariel: What? No, that sounds too much like "Kitty." That's no name for a dog! When the octo-lady says, "Here, Kita, Kita," everybody's going to think she's calling for a cat!
Sasha: Great -- they'll totally be blindsided when it turns out she's a dog, then.
Ariel: Well ... I guess probably they won't, because instead of "Here, Kita, Kita," she'd probably say, "Glub, blub, blub." Cause she's an octopus and all.
Sasha: Anyway ... now we roll for initiative.
Ariel: Okay, gimme the attack dice!
Sasha: No, we roll the 20-sider in this version, remember?
Ariel: Yeah, I remembered. I just think rolling a fist-full of attack dice would be more fun.
Sasha: Whatever. Roll them, then, I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ariel: Yes! And woohoo, I got 3 skulls!
Sasha: Only 1 skull for me. You get to go first.
Ariel: Same as last time! Things may not be looking good for you this game either, Sash.
Sasha: We'll just have to see. Which one is your number 1 order marker on?
Ariel: It's Burny again. I'm moving him first just like last time, and I'm going to move him to the same place as last time too.
Sasha: Well, just like last time, he's not in range to shoot me either, so it's my turn. My number 1 is on Ewashia, Master of Tides.
Ariel: Who?
Sasha: The octo-lady.
Ariel: What! That's not what you did last game! You're ruining my whole strategy!
Sasha: Sorry. First thing she does is command one of her familiars.
Ariel: Her whats?
Sasha: Critters. And just to make you happy, I'll make it the owly one, Onshu the Welkineye.
Ariel: That's his name? He must blink a lot if he's got a welk in his eye. Whatever a welk is.
Sasha: Maybe. But he's flying to right here, and because he has "Flying" on his card, he doesn't have to pay extra movement to go up elevations.
Ariel: No fair!
Sasha: Aren't you the one who was complaining that he had to climb last game even though he has wings?
Ariel: No, I was just saying it was silly. It worked out great for me, so why would I complain?
Sasha: Anyway, he flies to right here --
Ariel: That's so far! And he totally didn't fly there last game!
Sasha: Life is hard. Now he gets to attack with his Sonic Blast Special Attack, and he gets to do it twice,  with Attack value 2 each time.
Ariel: Plus 1 for being up high. Ugh.
Sasha: No, it's a Special Attack, and those don't get the elevation bonus.
Ariel: Whew!
Sasha: Anyway, he's gonna screech at Burny ... and I roll 1 skull.
Ariel: Easy peasy to beat with my 7 Defense dice -- wait, what? On this side he only has 3!
Sasha: Yeah, but he's got 5 Life, which makes him way tougher to kill.
Ariel: Oh. That's okay, then. I roll ... 1 shield, so there!
Sasha: All right, I screech at him again for ... 2 skulls.
Ariel: I roll 1 shield.
Sasha: So 1 wound gets through. Put this wound marker on your card.
Ariel: That's okay I guess, since I've got 4 more. My turn!
Sasha: No, commanding her familiar was just the first thing Ewashia did. Now she gets to take her own turn.
Ariel: Geez, she's not nearly as much of a wuss as she was in the Basic Game.
Sasha: She's going to move to here and Create Water on this space in front of her.
Ariel: Haha!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: She totally peed herself.
Sasha: No, it's a Special Ability that lets me put down a water tile. No pee involved.
Ariel: Whatever you say. Does she attack me with her pee-water now?
Sasha: No, her normal attack only has a range of 1, and she Creates Water at the end of her turn, so I'm done.
Ariel: Okay, Burny is my number 2 turn too!
Sasha: Just like last time.
Ariel: Yes! Only this time, I'm climbing all the way up to the top of this hill, so I get an extra die, plus I've got this Intimidate thing where if you're within 3 spaces of me, you don't get to use all your Defense -- you've got to roll 1 dice less.
Sasha: That makes me a little nervous, but go ahead and roll.
Ariel: My Attack value's only 2, but I get to roll that extra die, and I get ... 3 skulls!
Sasha: Yowtch. My Defense is 4, but if I have to take 1 off, that's only 3 dice, and I only get 1 shield. Dang, I'm halfway dead.
Ariel: Your biggest guy only has 4 life? All my guys have 5!
Sasha: That's a pretty big edge ... it's my turn now, though, and I can see you only put those two markers on Burny, so I don't have to worry about him blasting me again this round. But I am going to fly Onshu over to ... here. Then he's gonna go shriek, shriek at Burny for 2 skulls.
Ariel: Boo! Just one shield! I take another wound!
Sasha: Onshu shrieks again. 2 more skulls.
Ariel: Really?!? Well, I'm going to do better this time, watch. Nope, 1 shield again. Burny's hurting pretty bad now.
Sasha: Ewashia's turn. She's staying put --
Ariel: Whew!
Sasha: But because she's next to a water tile, she can use her Twister Special Attack. It's got Range 6 and does 4 dice.
Ariel: That's crazy!
Sasha: She can also hit more than one target with it, but none of your other guys are close enough. Here's 3 skulls on Burny.
Ariel: Eek! I roll ... 2 shields! Yes! Still alive!
Sasha: That's it for my turn, then. Who's your number 3?
Ariel: Killin Veins again.
Sasha: Just like last game.
Ariel: I mean, it worked out pretty good then!
Sasha: True.
Ariel: He's moving to here and gonna Blunderbuss Special Attack you. It's got Attack of 3 and it can hit more than 1 figure too, so there! And 2 skulls, so if Wishy-Washy blows it, she's dead!
Sasha: She's one level higher than you, though, so she rolls 5 dice, and gets 2 shields. No problem.
Ariel: Blast.
Sasha: My number 3 is Onshu. He'll fly back over to here and shriek at Burny again. 2 skulls.
Ariel: How are you rolling 2 skulls so many times?! I roll ... Boooo! Only one shield. Burny's dead!
Sasha: Kind of just like last time.
Ariel: That's okay. Last time turned out fine for me. That's the end of the round, right?
Sasha: No, Onshu gets to shriek twice, remember? This time he's shrieking at Killin Veins. 
Ariel: You better not roll 2 skulls again.
Sasha: 2 skulls.
Ariel: You cheater! How are you doing that?
Sasha: I guess I'm just on a streak. How many Defense dice does Killin get?
Ariel: Ugh. Only 2. And he doesn't roll a single shield! This is going so bad!
Sasha: Well, now it's turn 2. Maybe that will work out better for you. Place your order markers.
Ariel: Done.
Sasha: Me too.
Ariel: OMG. I rolled all shields on the initiative. That's it, this way of rolling initiative sucks. Let's do the 20-sider way now.
Sasha: Sure, but not until next round. I roll 3 skulls, so I go first.
Ariel: Boo.
Sasha: My first order marker is on Ewashia.
Ariel: That's so boring!
Sasha: Maybe, but it's happening. Onshu flies over here where he can beak Killin Veins from higher up, giving him an extra die.
Ariel: I thought you said no extra dice for him.
Sasha: That's only for his Special Attack. His normal Attack value only has Range 1, but I'm close enough now, and it's 3 dice instead of the 2 I get for Sonic Blast. Plus 1 for height is 4, and --
Ariel: This is so unfair.
Sasha: Don't be such a pessimist. I only got 1 skull.
Ariel: Hah! I got 1 shield on my 2 dice. Eat it, Owl-Shoe!
Sasha: I still get a turn with Ewashia, though, so here comes a Twister Special Attack. 2 skulls this time.
Ariel: No shields! Boo! Killin Veins is almost killed!
Sasha: Well, it's your turn. What do you do?
Ariel: My number 1 is Killin Veins, obviously, and he's going to Blunderbuss Wishy-Washy.
Sasha: Sorry, but he's engaged with Onshu.
Ariel: What? I don't want him to marry your owl.
Sasha: No, engaged means he can't attack another figure at range unless he moves away.
Ariel: I'll do that then.
Sasha: But if he moves away, he gets a disengagement attack on him. I'll roll 1 die, and if it comes up a skull, he has to take the wound. No defense dice.
Ariel: But he's only got 1 left!
Sasha: Up to you whether you want to risk it.
Ariel: Err ... no, I better not. Killin's going to climb up here next to Owl-Shoe so you don't get any extra dice. 4 Attack! Blah. Just 1 skull.
Sasha: Onshu has Defense 3 ... 1 shield. He's safe.
Ariel: Fine. Now it's "My number 2 is Wishy-Swishy" again, right?
Sasha: No, I was worried I'd lose initiative and she'd get killed before her turn, so I put it on Onshu. He climbs up one more step and attacks down at Killin Veins. Only 1 skull, though.
Ariel: Come on, Killin! Two shields! Take that, you stupid owl!
Sasha: Your turn.
Ariel: You know who it is, too!
Sasha: Killin Veins.
Ariel: Yep. I roll ... 4 skulls! Holy moley!
Sasha: This may be it for Onshu. He doesn't have that much life. But I do get 4 Defense since I'm above you ... but only 1 shield, which means I take 3 wounds, and that's all he's got.
Ariel: Gotcha, you stupid owl!
Sasha: Wow. Kind of vicious for somebody who didn't even want to attack him last game because he was too cute.
Ariel: Last game he wasn't squawking at me twice every turn!
Sasha: My last order marker is on Kita. Hmm. What do I want to do? I guess I'll move her here so she's between Killin and Ewashia.
Ariel: That's not going to help you any though because I just looked at your card and she's only got 2 life. She's going down next time Killin gets to go.
Sasha: That's not this turn, though, because you only had 2 order markers on him.
Ariel: Yeah. My number 3 is this Fibby Void Siren chick. Hmm. If I move here, I'm on the same level, and I can use my Black Powder Pistol to change my Range from 1 to 5. Kapow on Kitty!
Sasha: Sorry, Kita is an Apparition. You didn't look close enough at her card. You can't attack her at all unless you're within two spaces.
Ariel: What! Well, I don't want to move there, then.
Sasha: You already did. And you removed that Black Powder token from your card to activate your power. The rules specifically say no backsies.
Ariel: No way! Let me see that!
Sasha: It's right here.
Ariel: Seriously? They even called it "You Snooze, You Lose???" I hate these guys. Now I wasted my Black Powder shot, and I've only got two left!
Sasha: That may be plenty ... especially if you win initiative this round. Place your order markers.
Ariel: There. Done.
Sasha: Now we roll the 20-sider. I roll a 12.
Ariel: I roll ... 2! No! I hate this way of rolling initiative. Let's go back to the other way.
Sasha: Next turn, if you really want to. Now ...
Ariel: "My number 1 is Swishy-Witchy."
Sasha: You guessed it. First she gets to take a turn with Kita, who will climb up here so she's above Killin for an extra Attack die. Boo, weak! She only has 2 dice to start, and I got no skulls on my 3 dice.
Ariel: Ha-ha, Killin doesn't even have to roll!
Sasha: But Ewashia still gets her turn.
Ariel: Goldang it.
Sasha: Twister Special Attack! 2 skulls on Killin.
Ariel: I only roll 1 shield. He's dead. That sucks! Both my -- I mean, my first order marker is on him, so I don't even get a turn now.
Sasha: My number 2 is Ewashia again. She's going to move Kita over behind this tree here where your chick can't see her. Then she's going to move herself behind this other tree where you can't see her either.
Ariel: You scaredy squid!
Sasha: Hey, neither of my guys has more than 2 life, and you've got 5.
Ariel: Well, the joke's on you because my second order marker is on Killin Veins, so I don't even get to go this turn. I was totally at your mercy, and you blew it!
Sasha: I guess that's what I get for playing conservatively. Okay, then, my number 3 is Kita. She's coming over here to attack you.
Ariel: Haha, I'm going to get an extra Defense die for being higher up than you!
Sasha: What can I say? You goaded me into snarling action. Chomp! One skull.
Ariel: That's nothing, even if I miss on all my dice. Uh ... which I do. Poop.
Sasha: Your turn.
Ariel: Obviously my next marker is Fifi. She'll attack Kitty with 5 dice!
Sasha: Do your worst.
Ariel: What! No skulls! That really was my worst.
Sasha: Called it. Here we go with order markers, then.
Ariel: Try and guess who I'm putting mine on.
Sasha: I'm done. How are we rolling initiative?
Ariel: It doesn't matter. I'm going to lose anyway. Here, I'll roll the 6 Attack dice and you roll the 20-sider.
Sasha: Are you really that cocky about winning the game even if I get initiative this turn?
Ariel: No, just nothing has worked out for me on initiative so far, so we need to do something different, and I figured no way you'd agree to rolling the 6 dice and me rolling the 20-sider.
Sasha: Fine. I roll a 6.
Ariel: Haha! Tricked you! I got 2 skulls and you didn't get any!
Sasha: I assumed the number on the 20-sider was the number of skulls it would count for.
Ariel: That's what I was counting on. And the no-backsies rule means you can't get a do-over!
Sasha: That rule didn't actually say it applied to initiative, though.
Ariel: I'm applying it.
Sasha: Fine. Take your turn.
Ariel: My number 1 is Fifi. See?
Sasha: I know. She's the only one you've got left, and I can see you put all your order markers on her.
Ariel: Just making sure. She's going to move ... right over here where she can see Wishy-Washy to shoot.
Sasha: But if you break away from Kita, she gets a leaving engagement attack on you.
Ariel: I don't care.
Sasha: Ballsy. But you luck out and I don't get a skull.
Ariel: Now I use my Black Powder Pistol! Kapow! And I'm higher up than you so I get an extra die because the Black Powder Pistol adds to my range instead of being a Special Attack, which means I'm using my normal Attack value plus 1 ... 3 skulls!
Sasha: This looks bad for me ... 2 shields, though. Ewashia is alive. Barely.
Ariel: Do your worst! (See? I noticed how that worked for you so I'm using it too.)
Sasha: Ewashia takes a turn with Kita first. She moves here to get above Fifi, so here come 3 Attack dice. All skulls!
Ariel: How do you keep doing that?
Sasha: Talent, baby. Roll your Defense.
Ariel: Only 1 shield. Well, I still have 2 life.
Sasha: We'll see if that's enough. Now Ewashia takes her main turn. Twister Special Attack! 2 skulls.
Ariel: Jeepers ... okay, well, I'm higher up than you, so that's 4 dice I get to roll ... 1 shield, whew!
Sasha: Hanging on by a thread.
Ariel: Yeah. So I'm gonna go here --
Sasha: Another leaving engagement attack.
Ariel: That's okay. If I don't kill off your wizard I'm toast next turn anyhow. Roll it.
Sasha: Skull.
Ariel: Boo! You cheater!
Sasha: How did I cheat?
Ariel: By rolling more skulls than you ought to. I'm going to have MSG figure out his math on how likely that was.
Sasha: Does it matter how likely it was? My dice rocked! Sometimes that just happens.
Ariel: Fine. Anyway, I'm dead so you win.
Sasha: Yasss!
Ariel: We're still only tied in number of games though, so it's not like you're ahead or anything.
Sasha: But I won a Master Game game and you only won a Basic Game game.
Ariel: I don't care. They're totally equal.
Sasha: Mmm ... I guess that's true. I had fun both times.
Ariel: See? Now we've got to play a tie breaker.
Sasha: Sure. You're on.
Ariel and Sasha: See you next time, readers!
 

 

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Heroscape!

Sasha: Hey, what's this?
Ariel: It's a game! It's called "Heroscape!"
Sasha: Hero ... wait, isn't that the game MSG has a whole closet full of stuff for but we've never played?
Ariel: Yes, but now there's new Heroscape, and he ordered some of it because he was excited since they haven't made it in forever, and it came and I decided I would open it for him.
Sasha: Oohhhh ... are you sure that was a good idea?
Ariel: Yeah ... I know he would probably have wanted to open it himself, but it came while he was at work, and I have this great plan about it and I had to open it to do the plan.
Sasha: What's the plan?
Ariel: We'll learn how to play! And then we'll surprise him with us knowing how to play one of his favorite games and he'll be super happy to have someone to play with but not even have to teach us how.
Sasha: I dunno, Aers. It looks pretty complicated. How long do you think it will take us to learn?
Ariel: Mmm ... not sure. But to give us enough time, I kind of hid the package when it was delivered, so that gives us a little more breathing room.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: What?
Sasha: Don't you think if he's expecting the package that he'll get annoyed or even stressed and worried when it doesn't show up?
Ariel: That's why we have to learn fast! But if we hear him complaining, we can say, "Dang, that sucks, but that's what happens when you rely on a company that whoever runs it just got broken up with."
Sasha: Uh ... ?
Ariel: It's called "Fed Ex." Like, the person's ex is living high on the hog, probably from getting half their company in the split, so then they renamed it "Fed Ex" from whatever it was before because all the money goes to keeping their ex fed.
Sasha: I'm sorry I asked.
Ariel: But I guess it's better than that other company, You Pee, sssssss. Like, calling your company "You Pee" was bad enough, but why did they have to include the sound effect?
Sasha: Yeah, uh ...
Ariel: ssssssssssss -- I mean, that's just gross.
Sasha: Where's the instruction manual? Let's just get to learning the game, okay?
Ariel: It's over there. It looked like a lot of rules and the game pieces looked super cool and fun and you get to build the board out of all these different-sized kinds of land, so I wanted to do that first. There's a smaller manual with diagrams of how to build the board. I figured that was a good way to ease into it instead of reading all those rules.
Sasha: Okay then. Here, let's have a look. "Introduction." Uhhh ... blah blah blah, blahbitty blah ... yeesh, this part isn't rules at all, just a bunch of story background. Skipping to the next page.
Ariel: Wait ... what if it's an interesting story? Or what if we need to know the story to know why some of the characters in the game are the way they are?
Sasha: Too bad, so sad. Look, you had your chance with the instruction book before I got here and instead you hogged the fun bit of building the board -- which looks really cool, by the way, good job. But if you got to skip the boring bits I do too.
Ariel: I guess that's fair.
Sasha: "Welcome to Heroscape ... blah blah blah ..." Aha! "Getting Ready to Play a Basic Game!" Sounds like a good place to start.
Ariel: Is that what we want to do? I know there's supposed to be a simple way to play and a fancier way to play. Don't you think MSG will want us to play the more complicated version?
Sasha: Well, flipping through this book, it looks like the Basic Game rules go from page 4 to ... page 8. And the "Master Game" rules go from page 9 to -- looks like the very end of the book, page 21.
Ariel: OMG, that's so many pages.
Sasha: I mean, it's only 12 pages and there are lots of pictures.
Ariel: No, I meant page 4 to page 8! That's ... hm, hm, hm, hm, hm ... 5 whole pages of rules!
Sasha: We've played rpg's with way more than 5 pages of rules.
Ariel: Yeah, but I didn't actually have to read them, I just learned whatever MSG and Claire taught us.
Sasha: You're not having to read them this time either. I'm reading them.
Ariel: Oh. Hey, you're right! Okay, go on.
Sasha: Thank you. So ... blah-blah-blah, we've got these cards, they show our armies, which can be heroes or squads.
Ariel: Wait. A card is an army? And an army can be one hero? That doesn't sound right.
Sasha: Maybe "Army Card" just means a card that's part of your army.
Ariel: I'm going to look at one of them and see. Yikes!
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Look how complicated this card for this one guy is! It's got like a whole page worth of rules about this dude on it!
Sasha: Uh ... so the book says each card's got two sides. Flip it over.
Ariel: Ohhhh. Whew! That looks lots better. Way less stuff to read, and also, the picture of the dude is a lot bigger so you can see it easier. Dang, he's kind of creepy looking. "Bok-Bur-Na." Is that his name? Or is it words in whatever alien language he speaks?
Sasha: I don't know, I'm trying to read these rules.
Ariel: What are these numbers for? Move, Range, Attack, and Defense.
Sasha: I don't know, because you're not letting me read.
Ariel: I bet Move is how much you can move.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Okay, I'll be quiet.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Was I right? Is Move how much you can move?
Sasha: Yes. You were right. Are we going to do that for every one of these numbers?
Ariel: No, I don't think the other ones look as easy. Like, is "Range" how far you can shoot? Or is it the number of different ranges you can shoot to? Cause in some games we've played there's a short range and a medium range and a long range, or in others there's adjacent range and close range and distant range and extreme range. So maybe a 3 for range could mean you can shoot in any of short or medium or long, or maybe it just means you can shoot 3 feet away or something.
Sasha: It would really be a lot quicker if you just let me read what each one means and tell you.
Ariel: Sorry.
Sasha: So Range is how many spaces away from you on the board you can shoot.
Ariel: I knew it!
Sasha: And Attack and Defense are how many dice you roll when attacking or defending.
Ariel: Oh, yeah, this way is lots better. I could've been going on all day trying to think of what those numbers were and I wouldn't have figured that out. What kind of dice are they? 4-sided, or 6-sided, or 8-sided, or ...
Sasha: It says you roll "Combat Dice." It doesn't say how many sides there are, but when you roll to attack, you want them to show skulls, and when you roll for defense, you want them to show shields.
Ariel: I want one that's got 20 sides and 19 of them are skulls and one is a shield. Then as long as I go first, I'll probably win because it's almost always going to come up with a skull.
Sasha: Well, look in the box and find them and let's see what they look like.
Ariel: Hmm. These must be them. Looks like they're cubes, which is like a 6-sider, but there are no numbers, just skulls and shields -- oh, and blanks. Let's see, this one has 3 skulls and a blank and 2 shields, and this one has 3 skulls and a blank and 2 shields, and this one --
Sasha: I think they're probably all the same.
Ariel: Well I'm checking anyway because if one of them's better I want that one.
Sasha: Fine.
Ariel: Hmm. Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ... yeah, they're all the same. So when do we roll them?
Sasha: Well first we roll them to see who takes the first turn. You roll 6 of them and whoever gets more skulls goes first. Then you just switch off taking turns.
Ariel: Great! That sounds easy! Ooh! And I rolled 5 skulls!
Sasha: We can't start yet, I've barely gotten to page 5 of the rules.
Ariel: Just read them while we're going.
Sasha: I don't know if that will work.
Ariel: Here, roll these dice.
Sasha: Whatever.
Ariel: Hah! That's only one skull! I totally creamed you. So I go first! What do I do?
Sasha: It says pick one of your army cards to take a turn with.
Ariel: Which ones are mine?
Sasha: I don't know, I haven't gotten that far in the book yet.
Ariel: Well, when I set up the board from the diagrams it had me put one group of guys over here, and another group of guys over here. This group's the one with that Book-Burny guy. He's got a couple of other mean-looking people with him. Then over there is a group with a weird octopus lady, and a horned dog critter, and some kinda owly bat-looking critter. I guess since I'm going first I'll let you pick which bunch to play.
Sasha: I'll pick the octopus lady and her pets.
Ariel: What! I wanted to pick them! I thought for sure you'd take the bad-ass looking ones!
Sasha: I thought about it, but then I thought, "Aers is not going to want to kill a cute horned dog thingy or a cute owl-looking thingy." So I figured if I took them you'd have a hard time deciding to shoot at them and that would give me an advantage.
Ariel: Boo! That's no fair at all.
Sasha: What can I say? You shouldn't have offered to let me pick.
Ariel: Sigh. Okay, so what do I do now that it's my turn? Pick one of my cards? And then what?
Sasha: You move the figure up to as many spaces as are in its Move value.
Ariel: Okay, my Book Burner dude can move 5, so I move him here.
Sasha: Well, you can't move him there because he has to climb up the side of that terrain. Each layer of terrain costs one space to climb up.
Ariel: Why didn't you tell me that?
Sasha: I just did tell you that. I would have told you before you moved, if you'd waited. 
Ariel: But I can't move nearly as far if I have to climb up stuff! Plus I want him to get up high so he can see your dudes better to shoot them. His Range is 5. Does being up higher make his Range better?
Sasha: I don't know, I haven't even finished reading all the moving rules.
Ariel: You're kidding. There are more moving rules?
Sasha: Yeah, like you can't move through your enemy's figures, or through those trees there, or through water --
Ariel: There isn't any water. The diagram for this board didn't tell me to use any.
Sasha: Good, then we can skip that rule for now. Other than that ... looks like the only other moving thing to know is that it doesn't cost any extra spaces to move down from up high.
Ariel: Okay, great. So this is where I move Burny. What now?
Sasha: Now it's the part of your turn where you can attack with him.
Ariel: Yes! What do I do?
Sasha: First you check the range. How many spaces is it to the figure you want to attack?
Ariel: Seven, because I want to attack your octo-lady. But my Range is only 5. Do I get more range for being up high?
Sasha: No ... but you do get to roll an extra attack die if your figure's base is higher than my figure's base.
Ariel: Except I don't because I can't reach you.
Sasha: Right.
Ariel: So now what do I do?
Sasha: That's it. Your turn is over.
Ariel: Boo! I barely got to do anything!
Sasha: Sorry. Now it's my turn. I'm moving my owl dude here. One, two, three, four, five. He's got Move 6, but I don't need to get any closer to you because he's also got Range 4. So I'm shooting your Burninator dude.
Ariel: This sucks.
Sasha: My Attack is 3, plus my base is higher than Burny's, so that adds an extra die for a total of 4.
Ariel: This sucks even more!
Sasha: So I'm going to roll 4 dice and then you roll however many dice your Defense says. If my total number of skulls beats your total number of shields, that kills your guy.
Ariel: Well, I've got 7 Defense at least, so I ought to beat you easy.
Sasha: Yeah, maybe so. I only roll 1 skull.
Ariel: Two shields! So there!
Sasha: You're safe.
Ariel: Now I get to take a turn with one of my other guys?
Sasha: If you want to. Or you can use the same guy again. You get to pick every turn.
Ariel: Ooh, awesome!
Sasha: I guess Owly is in trouble then, since you can climb up to that spot there and add an extra die to your attack on him.
Ariel: No, because you're right, he's too cute and I don't want to attack him first. I'm going to move over here instead and shoot down at your octo-person. I still get that extra die because she's all the way down there. Wait, what?! My Attack value sucks! It's only 2!
Sasha: But you do get to add 1 for being up high.
Ariel: Whee, a whole 3 dice. Oh! But I do roll 2 skulls. How many dice does Octo-shmockto get to roll?
Sasha: Mm ... 8.
Ariel: What! That's crazy! I'm never going to be able to kill you if you've got 8 dice!
Sasha: Definitely not this turn at least. I got 3 shields. My turn now. I'm climbing up to that tall spot you passed by so I get an extra die.
Ariel: Why don't you just fly? You're an owl. Or an owl-bat, or something. Look at those wings!
Sasha: There weren't any rules about flying, so I'm assuming I still have to climb.
Ariel: I hope there are rules about flying in the Master Game because it will sure be dumb if critters with wings can't use them to fly up places.
Sasha: I'm guessing that's where the flying rules are. Anyway, I get 4 dice again, and this time I roll ... another 1 skull.
Ariel: Whew! I get 2 shields again. Now I'm shooting Octo-person again with 3 dice ... 1 skull. Boo.
Sasha: That's 4 shields for me.
Ariel: But you only rolled 6 dice.
Sasha: We only have 6 dice.
Ariel: But your octo-gal is supposed to get 8, so you need to roll 2 more.
Sasha: I can't get negative shields, so I already beat the 1 skull you rolled. It's kind of wasting time if I roll more dice.
Ariel: Sure, but not as much time as we just wasted arguing about it.
Sasha: Fine. I roll 2 more dice and get no shields on them, but I still live because I already got 4.
Ariel: You don't have to rub it in.
Sasha: I -- whatever. It's my turn again, and Owly is going to beak you for a total of ... yes! 4 skulls!
Ariel: What? No fair! How did you get 4 skulls on 4 dice if only half the sides are skulls?
Sasha: Luck, baby. Roll your Defense.
Ariel: Bleh. Only 2 shields. Now Burny is dead. Well, this dude here is coming to get revenge. His name's Killin Veins with 3 i's.
Sasha: He has 3 eyes?
Ariel: No, look: i, i, i.
Sasha: That's roman numeral 3.
Ariel: Fine. Killin Veins 3, and he's got Range 4 so if I move him here I can shoot you with my, what do we got? Woohoo, 5 Attack dice! Kapow! That's 4 skulls!
Sasha: Yikes. I'm higher up than you are, though, so I get a total of 6 Defense dice ... dang, so close. I got 3 shields, but that's not enough.
Ariel: Yes! Eat it, Owly!
Sasha: Foo. And he was soooo cute, too.
Ariel: ... you don't have to say that.
Sasha: Sure I do, poor cutesy-hootsy Owly, flying up to heaven now because your guy blasted him to bits.
Ariel: Are you trying to make me not like this game?
Sasha: Sorry. Okay, my turn. My dog with the horns has Move 6, so he'll climb up as close to you as he can get, but his Range is 1, so that's all he can do.
Ariel: Yes! Killin Veins will climb up where he's on the same level as you and blast you! I roll 3 skulls!
Sasha: Oh no! My poor cute doggie!
Ariel: Quit that!
Sasha: He has 6 Defense, and I roll ... rats, only 2 shields. He goes, "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe -- urk!" and falls over dead with his legs up in the air.
Ariel: You're so mean.
Sasha: You're the one who killed him. Here comes Octo-lady. Her move is 5, so she can get to here.
Ariel: Can she reach me with all those tentacles? Those have got to have some Range, right?
Sasha: Nope, she's got a 1 just like poor Fido-horns did.
Ariel: Great -- then Killin Veins climbs up to the top of the hill here and goes ker-blammo with 6 dice for being higher up than her. 3 skulls!
Sasha: This could be it if I don't roll well with my 8 Defense ... agh. Only 2 shields.
Ariel: Yes! In your octo-face, Octo-lady! That means I win the whole game, right?
Sasha: I don't know. You're the one who read the scenario and put together the map. Maybe you were supposed to force me to surrender and now we both lose because you killed everyone.
Ariel: Oh. That better not be what it says! Where's that ... okay, whew. It just says we were supposed to kill each other off and whoever toasted the other player's dudes first is the winner. Which is me! I rule! I totally see why MSG likes this game now.
Sasha: You think? Because I'm guessing he plays it with the Master Game rules and isn't all that impressed with this Basic Game version.
Ariel: Dang. You're probably right. I bet he never even played this version.
Sasha: Yeah, knowing him he probably went straight to the more complicated rules. But if you think about it, that means now we know something about this game that he doesn't, which is that it's pretty fun even with just the Basic rules.
Ariel: Sigh. I guess we're going to have to work on learning the Master Game rules next though, if we really want my plan to work.
Sasha: Cheer up! I'm sure the Master rules aren't too much harder than these ones.
Ariel: That's because you didn't look at the other side of the army cards! Every one of them has all these different rules!
Sasha: Let me see here ... ooh! Owly gets to attack twice every turn in the Master version. And on Octo-lady's turn she can take an extra turn using one of her critters -- sweet! What can your guys do? 
Ariel: I don't know, I'm too tired to get into that tonight.
Sasha: Okay, well, maybe we can find out tomorrow!
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Hanabie!

Sasha: Okay, so, we're not going to tell people to put on their spoiler blankets at all in this post.
Ariel: We're not? How come?
Sasha: Because we're totally just going to embed this video right here and people had better go and watch it if they haven't already seen it. Because, What?!?

Ariel: I think you embedded it too early, though.
Sasha: Why's that?
Ariel: Because I know when I watched this video the first time, I was SO not ready for it.
Sasha: You mean you think we should have said something to get people ready for it before putting the link in?
Ariel: Well ... no, not really, because no matter what we did, they still wouldn't be ready for this video. But maybe we could have told them they should get ready to not be ready for it.
Sasha: Hmm. That does make a kind of sort of sense. And it's not too late for us to un-embed it and say some more stuff about it before we turn it loose on them. It's not like we published the post yet or anything.
Ariel: No, but then if we did that, we'd also probably want to erase or change the stuff we've said so far, and then I'd feel like all the brainpower that went into thinking and saying it would have been wasted.
Sasha: But we've literally said nine sentences since I embedded it.
Ariel: Ten now, because you just said another one. And so did I! Eleven! That's so many!
Sasha: I mean, it's really not.
Ariel: Thirteen! Or wait, maybe fourteen or fifteen ... do "Eleven!" and "Thirteen!" count as sentences?
Sasha: They definitely don't if you're being a grammar stickler. Which we're not, but since you asked that's the most accurate answer.
Ariel: Even if you don't count those ones though, we've still said another like, three sentences since I said "Thirteen!" so now we're definitely at sixteen, I think.
Sasha: I was so not ready for this blog post.
Ariel: What do you mean?
Sasha: Never mind. Let's just keep going and not worry about un-embedding the video and changing what we've done so far.
Ariel: I'm still going to worry about it at least a little, I think, even if we don't do it. Twenty-one.
Sasha: Can we talk about the video now?
Ariel: OMG it was so crazy.
Sasha: I know, right?
Ariel: I'm having a hard time picking out what the craziest thing was so I can talk about it, though.
Sasha: Well maybe what was the least crazy thing about it, then? Would that be easier to figure out?
Ariel: Maybe? I don't know? Hang on, now I've got to go and watch it again.
Sasha: ...
Sasha: 😴
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Okay, I'm back.
Sasha: Well?
Ariel: Well what?
Sasha: Did you figure out what the least crazy part was?
Ariel: omg. It was so crazy about ten seconds after I started watching I already forgot why I was watching.
Sasha: All right, I'm just going to go with what I thought was the craziest thing about it.
Ariel: Wait! You already decided something? No fair! Why did you make me wrack my brain so much then?
Sasha: I thought of it while you were off watching the video.
Ariel: Oh.
Sasha: So the thing is --
Ariel: You're not lying, are you? Like, you knew all along what to say about the craziest thing in the video, but you made me try to figure it out anyway, and then when you thought I'd get mad about that, you decided to fake it and say you just thought of it while I was watching the video again.
Sasha: Uh, if I was lying about that, wouldn't I just lie again now and say I wasn't lying?
Ariel: No, because I know you'd feel bad about lying too much to me, and probably you'd figure that if you lied that second time I might ask, "Wait, now are you lying?" And then you'd have to either lie a third time or admit you were lying the first two times, and pretty soon while you were thinking about that you'd get all upset about lying to me so much and then you'd break down and admit you lied.
Sasha: Cheezy potatoes, Aers. That almost makes me want to lie and say I was lying just to get out from under how bad it makes me feel that you think I might lie to you that much.
Ariel: Oh dang. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
Sasha: It's okay. I actually totally would have lied like that, it just turns out that in this case, I didn't.
Ariel: Well ... I guess I feel better then.
Sasha: Can I say what the craziest thing was, then?
Ariel: Sure! I'm actually super-curious to hear this.
Sasha: The craziest thing was that every single bit of it was awesome and rocked super hard and fit together and worked. Like, these girls are the absolute cutest little cutesies in the whole world, and they're screaming "HELL YEAH!" in death metal growls and then singing "Hell! Hell! Hell!" in squeaky cartoon voices and it's the most bitchin' thing I've ever seen or heard.
Ariel: Okay, wow. You're so right about that.
Sasha: And you try to get your brain around all of it and figure out what the heck is going on, but as soon as you start thinking about one thing that just happened, something else is happening on the screen that makes you forget what you were trying to think about. And it's AWESOME. I try to listen to the drums cause I love drums and I want to air-drum along with it, and all of a sudden half the song has gone by and I realize I haven't been listening to the drums at all.
Ariel: And then you get near the end of the song and she's screaming, "WATCH!" at you and you're like, "Yes, a thousillionth percent I'm watching! Why do you think I wouldn't be watching???"
Sasha: And you're also thinking, "Please keep screaming at me to watch!"
Ariel: I could pretty much keep watching that girl screaming at me all day. She looks SO ADORABLE in her big poofy pink-and-blue sweater and cat-ears headband!
Sasha: It's kind of like their mission is to show everyone how adorable they are while being complete badasses.
Ariel: Right, like in the part where it shows them all like they're getting some kind of anime or video game character introductions with their names onscreen and they're looking at you like, "Hey, I'm so cute and also I can totally melt your brain."
Sasha: Now I want to go watch that part again.
Ariel: I want to watch the whole thing again!
Sasha: What are we waiting for, then?
Sasha and Ariel: Adiós!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... the Rest of Obi-Wan Kenobi! (For reals this time!)

Ariel: Pleeeeease, can we try talking about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister again? I promise promise promise I won't do any more puns.
Sasha: Why would I believe you?
Ariel: Because it was a good show and we ought to really talk about it.
Sasha: Well, maybe we ought to, but there's a huge problem.
Ariel: I know, I know, I totally ruined it last time.
Sasha: No, it's even worse than that.
Ariel: Worse?! Now I feel even awfuller! How did it get to be worse?
Sasha: The thing is ... (I can't believe I'm going to say this) ...
Ariel: What?
Sasha: The thing is, I was really mad the way you kept goofing around with all those puns last time -- but I went back earlier today and re-read it and ...
Ariel: Uh-huh?
Sasha: Argh! It was effing hysterical, Aers.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: Yes. Gonk help me, it was absolutely stupid funny.
Ariel: OMG, I'm so relieved.
Sasha: No, don't be.
Ariel: Why not?
Sasha: Because now whatever we say about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister, it's going to be totally boring compared to all your stupid fish puns.
Ariel: Oh. But the show was so good.
Sasha: I know that, but what are we going to say about it that will be as entertaining as you driving me crazy with fish puns?
Ariel: Well ... well, we could talk about ...
Sasha: Yeah?
Ariel: I don't know. I mean ... I guess if we get desperate, there was that other episode later in the season where they were on that ocean planet and there were more fish.
Sasha: No, I'm not that desperate.
Ariel: Then we could talk about ... how funny Magnet Jedi was, faking people out with his magnets, and then how he turned out to actually be kinda heroic too.
Sasha: I guess. But is there anything else to say about that than you just did?
Ariel: Maybe not. So ... we could talk about Farmboy Luke's aunt and uncle? They were pretty rockin' in this show.
Sasha: That's true. In the first episode, Owen was cool as a cucumber when Inquisister came to town and she was all, "You people better tell us where the Jedi is or this Owen guy is toast!" 
Ariel: Only do they have cucumbers in Star Wars?
Sasha: I don't know. I'm sure there's plenty of other things that are in Star Wars that are cool, I just didn't think of one right then.
Ariel: Like, something from that ice planet in Empiresode V.
Sasha: That was Hoth.
Ariel: No, it was cold.
Sasha: I mean the name of the planet was ... hang on, are you seriously about to do this again?
Ariel: No, no, definitely not. You're right, there was all kinds of cold stuff on Hoth. Like the two-legged ride-em goats, and the abominable snowman that made Farmboy Luke into an icicle ...
Sasha: A Luke-cicle.
Ariel: Does that work? Cool as a Luke-cicle?
Sasha: Sort of. But you know what? Not as well as ... 
Ariel: As what?
Sasha: Cool as a Luke-cumber.
Ariel: Oooooh!
Sasha: So, yeah, Inquisiter came to town and is all threatening Owen and his family to try to get info on where some Jedi dude was, and Owen stayed as cool as a Luke-cumber.
Ariel: That was a good scene.
Sasha: And then way later in the series, he finds out Inquisister is coming back to try and get Farmboy Luke, and he tells Beru they've got to high-tail it, and she's like, "No TF we don't. I've got a crate full of guns I've been stocking up, and we're going to take this b*tch out."
Ariel: Except I think she said "this b*tchquisister."
Sasha: Maybe. Her badassery was so cool right then I wasn't actually listening as well as I should have to exactly what she was saying.
Ariel: I may not have been either. I was kinda jumping out of my chair and yelling, "Yeah! Do not screw with Aunt Beru!"
Sasha: Right? I kinda always assumed in Episode Ivy that when Luke drove home and saw them as Owen-and-BeruBQ, it was because the stormtroopers went there and just fried up a couple of poor old folks. But now I'm thinking they probably took a lot of those troopers out with them before they went.
Ariel: Ooh, I like that.
Sasha: I feel like this show did a lot of that kind of thing -- adding in stuff that made parts of the other movies and shows even better.
Ariel: I know! Like, in this show we see how Mini-bon Girl gets to know Semi-Sexy Jesus as Ben Kenobi,  so in Episode Ivy it comes off a little different when she hears his name in gets all excited and yells, "Ben Kenobi!!!"
Sasha: And then after Oldster Jesus poofs out and leaves Darth Vader poking his empty robes, and Luke is sitting at the chess table all sad that Ben's gone and she comes over to sit with him, now it's not just, "Dude, you look sad, so I'll sit with you and be nice to you," it's like, "Let's sit and be sad together, but because I was out having adventures with Oldster Jesus when you were still pretending your door frame was a spaceship, I'm going to be a little tougher about it than you are."
Ariel: And then same when they're getting ready to launch the attack on the Death Star and Farmboy Luke says, "I only wish Ben was here," and she gives him this kiss on the cheek. It used to seem like she was thinking, "Aw, this dopey kid is kind of sweet, I guess I'll kiss his cheek." But now it's more like him talking about Semi-Sexy Jesus gives her a real emotional connection to him that she has to show.
Sasha: Yeah, Mini-bon Girl definitely makes Cinnabon-Hair Girl an even better character than she already was.
Ariel: I love it when Star Wars does that kind of thing!
Sasha: Me too.
Ariel: So ... anything else we want to say about the Adventures of Semi-Sexy Jesus and Mini-bon Girl versus Inquisister?
Sasha: I could probably dig something up if I tried. But I'm feeling pretty good about this one right where we are.
Ariel: Me too. Also, if we keep going, I don't know if I'll be able to keep holding in this pun that's been trying to get out pretty much since we started. 
Sasha: Oh, just go ahead and say it, then.
Ariel: No, you'll be too mad!
Sasha: Not if it's funny, I won't.
Ariel: It's super-funny, but I don't want to risk it.
Sasha: Ariel ...
Ariel: No, you can't make me!
Sasha: Come on, just --
Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... the Rest of Obi-Wan Kenobi!

Sasha: Whoo, baby, I did not remember how great the ending of that show was.
Ariel: Me either!
Sasha: Let's just tell people to put their spoiler blankets over their heads and jump into it.
Ariel: A-OK by me.
Sasha: First off, I totally love that Inquisister character. The first time we watched, I spent a ton of time thinking, "Who is this chick and why does she have such a huge-mongo chip on her shoulder?"
Ariel: Yeah! That first time I was all, "Why are we watching the adventures of Inquisister and meanwhile Sexy Jesus is cutting fish in a fish factory."
Sasha: Are we calling it a fish now instead of a ray?
Ariel: I looked it up and it turns out rays are fish. So since it seemed like you didn't really like my ray puns last time, I figured it would be safer to just call it a fish.
Sasha: That's pretty thoughtful of you.
Ariel: It felt like the right thing to do.
Sasha: Well, thanks.
Ariel: Because I didn't want to cause a fish-sure between us.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Why are you looking at me that way? It was funny!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Are you trying to make me feel guilty for making another bad pun?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Because if that's what you're trying to do, it's totally not going to work. You can't make me feel guilty.
Sasha: Oh really? Why not?
Ariel: Because I plead the fish.
Sasha: No. No, no, no, no ... just NO.
Ariel: Fine. It's not like I could keep it up much longer anyway, since after episode two, there's really not any more of the fish in the show.
Sasha: Thank the Force.
Ariel: Yep. The rest of the episodes are completely de-fish-ent.
Sasha: STOP.
Ariel: Okay, fine.
Sasha: Can we get back to talking about the show now?
Ariel: Uh-huh! We were saying how the first time we watched, we weren't getting the whole Inquisister storyline, but this time it all felt like two great stories that were part of one even more great story.
Sasha: I agree. Rewatching it, the whole series felt like it fit together from the very start.
Ariel: Exactly. We started watching it over again, and right away, I was hooked.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: What? Oh! No, I wasn't making another fish pun! I really was just saying I was hooked. The show was great from beginning to end. That's all I meant, I promise.
Sasha: I don't believe you.
Ariel: No, seriously! I was just saying how much I liked it.
Sasha: Well ........ you're sure? Seriously? Okay then.
Ariel: In fact, on a scale of
Sasha: STOP. AGAIN.
Ariel: All right, all right, I'm finished.
Sasha: Thank you.
Ariel: Get it? Fin-ished?
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Anyway, about the Obi-Wan Kenobi show --
Sasha: Goodnight, everyone.
Ariel: But --