Sasha and Ariel Experience ... The Acolyte!

Sasha: Wow, it's been a hot minute since we did a Star Wars experiencing post!
Ariel: I looked it up when I was going to read back over some of our Star Wars posts and remember some of the stuff we said, and it's been two years and then a couple of months on top of that!
Sasha: Whoa, I'm surprised you went to all that effort!
Ariel: All what effort?
Sasha: Reading all those posts. What did you find out?
Ariel: Oh, I didn't end up reading them. There were soooo many! I just saw the last one was over two years ago ... and the first one was before the pandemic! I had only just barely gotten here! Anyway, there were dozens and dozens of Star Wars posts and I wasn't going to try taking that on once I saw them and remembered how many there were.
Sasha: Dozens and dozens? That seems like a pretty high number when I glance over at our sidebar of all our Star Wars posts.
Ariel: Well, there were at least a dozen. I could tell that just looking. Counting them all would only have made me more sure I wasn't going to read that much stuff, and I was already pretty sure, TBH.
Sasha: Got it. So is there anything we want to talk about before we tell everyone to put their spoiler blankets on?
Ariel: Yeah, because there's something we have to spoil on account of it would be really mean not to.
Sasha: Really? What's that?
Ariel: The first part of this show is all out of order! I got SUCH a big headache out of trying to figure out what was going on, and I don't want our readers' heads to hurt as much as mine did, so I feel like we've just got to break our rules and tell them to watch episode 3 and episode 7 at the very start because that's the actual order things happen in.
Sasha: I think I agree about episode 3, but not about episode 7. Episode 3 has lots of information that would help you understand what the characters are doing and thinking in episodes 1 and 2, but episode 7 gives away all the big mysteries of the whole season, so I'd tell people to watch that one where the Disney people put it, between 6 and 8.
Ariel: Woohoo! Look at us being big-time Star Wars fans!
Sasha: What do you mean?
Ariel: We're arguing about what order to watch episodes in! I think that's like a final exam to graduate from being pretty big fans to being really big fans.
Sasha: I think we're already really big fans, though.
Ariel: Hmm. Then I guess maybe we must have argued about the order to watch things in in one of those dozens and dozens of posts I didn't read, and I just don't remember that argument.
Sasha: All right. So can we have everybody put their spoiler blankets on now?
Ariel: Sure.
Sasha: So what do we want to talk about first? Episode 3?
Ariel: No, I want to talk about episode 1 in case anybody who left their spoiler blanket off is still reading and isn't sure we're right about watching episode 3 before episodes 1 and 2. Trust us, people! You've got to watch episode 3 first.
Sasha: Maybe give them some specific reasons?
Ariel: I'm going to! It's why I'm talking about episode 1 as soon as you let me.
Sasha: Go for it.
Ariel: So -- episode 1 starts off with a big, bad bar-fight between a mysterious masked murder-chick and this Jedi lady named Master End Our Uh.
Sasha: I'm not sure that's her name, and it's kind of a mouthful ...
Ariel: That's why I'm abbreviating it to MEOU, which sounds like a kitty.
Sasha: I didn't think she was very kitty-like, but okay.
Ariel: Kitties are cute, though! Anyway, MMMchick goes in this bar and gets up in MEOU's face and says she wants to throw down with her, and MEOU acts like she doesn't want to but then ends up doing it and MMMchick keeps being mysterious for a while during the fight and also keeps being masked until MEOU manages to pull the mask off her, and then pretty soon after that she gets to the murdering part and it turns out MEOU isn't all that much like a kitty because she definitely doesn't have 9 lives.
Sasha: And did you think that whole bit would be helped a ton by seeing episode 3 beforehand?
Ariel: No, only a little. Because at one point MEOU sees that MMMchick's got these forehead circles on one side of her forehead under her braid-bangs, which I'm going to call "brangs" from here on to save time. And because we see that, we'd totally know, "Hey, that's the twin-girl who got the forehead circles witched onto her in episode 3!" Only if we'd watched them in the right order, we probably wouldn't know it was episode 3 so we just would have said, "last episode."
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: It's what happens next that REALLY needs you to watch episode 3 first, because then we switch to the other twin-girl suddenly waking up from being asleep and taking a big gasp, and as soon as I saw that, I was like, "Oh, dang. We just wasted the whole time we spent watching that big bar fight because it was all a dream anyhow." Because I thought it was the same girl on account of her brangs were hiding her forehead where the forehead circles would have been if she'd had them, so we didn't know she didn't have them.
Sasha: Oh, okay. I didn't assume that's what was going on, but I can see how someone might.
Ariel: Right? So then I'm remembering people with the Force can see the future sometimes, so I got really mad because I thought, "Hey! Did they just spoil a fight that's going to happen later by showing us her Force dream about it? Now I won't be surprised when the fight happens and she kills MEOU for real!"
Sasha: Definitely not what I was thinking, but I get how you could.
Ariel: Thanks. We're arguing a lot less this post than normal, which I think is great.
Sasha: Do we really argue all that much usually? I don't think it's like we're constantly arguing or anything.
Ariel: Are you kidding me? Of course we -- wait a minute. I see what you're doing.
Sasha: Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Ariel: Anyway, then after we see NMMMchick doing stuff for a while --
Sasha: NMMMchick?
Ariel: Yeah, "Not Mysterious or Masked or Murdering Chick." Which I didn't know at the time but I would have if we'd watched episode 3 first. So like I was saying, after some more of her on this spaceship, we see this Jedi classroom being taught by Master S'all. And if we'd watched episode 3 first, we'd know MEOU was his boss way back when and he and she and those other two Jedi really effed things up on the twin-girls' home planet and that's why MMMchick was doing her murdering bit and why NMMMchick wasn't.
Sasha: I totally agree that you've got a majorly solid case about why people should watch episode 3 first. But I think his name was Sol, not S'all.
Ariel: Yeah, but I like saying S'all because then when I'm talking about the S'all who's in the now story I can say, "This S'all" and when I'm talking about the one in the past story I can say, "That S'all."
Sasha: Okay, I kind of like that.
Ariel: Thanks! But one more thing I want to say about why they should have started with episode 3 is, then right off the bat you get to see the lez-bewitches. I thought they were pretty awesome. Although then I was bummed when they all died on account of That S'all and MEOU effing up the mission to their planet. Except I didn't get the full bumming effect because episode 1 spoils the fact that the twin-girls' whole family got killed in a fire, so when I was watching episode 3 I was like, "Dang, I like these lez-bewitches, it sucks they're going to die," and then when they did there wasn't much of any surprise about it.
Sasha: More and more good points about why people should watch episode 3 first.
Ariel: Wow, I've been talking so much, haven't I? Maybe you should take a turn.
Sasha: Sure, glad to! Don't point this next part out, because I'm going to gush about the hottest character on the whole show.
Ariel: The guy who that little horny girl told to put his shirt on? I mean, he was pretty muscle-y, but I didn't think he was that hot.
Sasha: No, not that guy. He was too dumb for me to think he was hot. I'm not really attracted to dumb hunks.
Ariel: Oh. So ... what, the dorky nerdy Jedi who was like the secretary or something for Green Baldy Lady?
Sasha: What? No. Hard pass. I do have a thing for the right kind of hot nerdy guy, but that guy was a goober. No, I mean --
Ariel: The super smooth Jedi girl with the big eyes and bat ears?
Sasha: No, why would our boyfriend be jealous of her?
Ariel: I dunno. I'm just running out of candidates for hottest character. Some of the witches were pretty hot, but others definitely weren't ... oh, but the did all get burnt up in the fire, is that the kind of hot you meant?
Sasha: NO, I'm talking about the main bad guy who pretends to be a weaselly shrimp but then turns out to be totally jacked and bad-ass and also weirdly sensitive in an evil kinda way. Once he stopped being weaselly, I was totally drooling over him.
Ariel: Okay, now I get what you mean. I didn't think of him because I didn't think he was hot.
Sasha: You didn't???
Ariel: No, because he was way too cool. Like, ice cold.
Sasha: Oh, all right.
Ariel: Like a polar droid picture.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: It's from a song.
Sasha: Can I get back to talking about the hot guy?
Ariel: Sure!
Sasha: Anyway, other than being super-evil, that dude was the bomb.
Ariel: I guess. When he wasn't wearing that ugly hat.
Sasha: Helmet. But you're right, it was pretty ugly.
Ariel: SO ugly. I was surprised how handsome he was when he took it off.
Sasha: Surprised? Didn't you already know it was the weaselly guy the whole time?
Ariel: Well yeah, I knew it was C'mere, but I didn't think he was handsome when he was being weaselly on account of how mega-weaselly he was. Plus he was shifty too. Those are not hot qualities for me.
Sasha: Me either, but I could still he he was good-looking. Anyway, once he took that helmet back off, he got super hot -- sexy and charming and bold and even kind of wise, you know? Plus ULTRA-suave. That guy had all the suave.
Ariel: You forgot the part about him being pretty funny too, like when he's complaining about the Jedi finding out who he is so now he has to kill them, and This S'all says, "Hey, you're the one who came here where we'd find you." And instead of pointing out, "Yeah, because my name is C'mere," he says, "Well, I did wear a mask."
Sasha: That was a great line, you're right. He was pretty clever.
Ariel: It would have been funnier if he hadn't just murdered all those people, but I guess no guy is 100% perfect. Although our boyfriend comes pretty close.
Sasha: Yeah, he's hot in that nerdy kind of way and he's funny and clever and sensitive too.
Ariel: Plus, he doesn't go around murdering people.
Sasha: So what else do we want to say about The Acolyte?
Ariel: I mean, there's probably other stuff to say, but I think our boyfriend is about to start the next show in the Star Wars rewatch he's doing, so maybe we ought to wrap that up, especially since it may be another one we haven't seen yet.
Sasha: Works for me.
Ariel and Sasha: Okay then, see you later, everybody!