Ariel: The very best of the best finishes of these trilogies ever!
Sasha: I'm definitely not arguing with that.
Ariel: Wuh-uh-OW!
Sasha: People should pull their spoiler blankets over their heads because there's no way we can talk about this without spoiling tons of stuff.
Ariel: Get two blankets.
Sasha: Well, that may be going a little overb-
Ariel: A big fluffy comforter too!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: And a duvet cover. With a duvet in it.
Sasha: So --
Ariel: Plus some quilts!
Sasha: Are you done yet?
Ariel: We could do this all night!
Sasha: Not so sure about that ...
Ariel: Okay, okay. I'm just very excited about this movie!
Sasha: Well, me too, but I don't expect people to empty out Bed, Bath and Beyond putting blankets over themselves to avoid spoilers!
Ariel: You should have spelled it Bed, Bath, and 8eyond.
Sasha: Groan.
Ariel: I just want to make sure we don't spoil anything for anybody because there's soooo much great stuff in this movie.
Sasha: Okay, that I'll agree with. Also, people who'd like to start at the start of our Star Wars experiences can look at the link box over on the right of the page! Now what should we talk about first?
Ariel: I think we need to figure out what to call it? Episode Icks?
Sasha: That sounds like, "Ick, we don't like it."
Ariel: Um ... Episode I Before X Except After Sex?
Sasha: I was with you up until the "sex" part ...
Ariel: That's what she said! No, wait, I don't know anybody who ever said that.
Sasha: It's just not very Star Warsy. I mean, I don't remember any sex in any of the eleven movies or eight episodes of The Mandalorian we've watched.
Ariel: The green tentacle-head girl did flash her boob in Episode VI - Everybody Gets A Little Stupid.
Sasha: I don't know if a one-bazillionth-of-a-second boob flash counts as sex. That's really a stretch.
Ariel: I Before X Except After Stretch?
Sasha: Now you're just being silly.
Ariel: I Before X Except After Dex. Like Dexter Jettster.
Sasha: Who?
Ariel: Sexy Jesus's friend. You know, Butt-Scratching Diner-Lizard.
Sasha: Oh, right. Kind of obscure, and also I just realized that's an awfully long nickname for the episode. I'm not saying that every time.
Ariel: "Episode Fine."
Sasha: Well ...
Ariel: Oh, come on! What's wrong with that one?
Sasha: It's ambiguous -- like, some people might think of fine like fine wine, others might think we mean, "How was it? Eh, it was fine."
Ariel: Episode Niiiice, then.
Sasha: That one.
Ariel: Whew!
Sasha: So what did you think was so great about it? General stuff first?
Ariel: I have an urgent message for General Stuff!
Sasha: Haha, no, really.
Ariel: It was. So. Emotional. I cried so much in this movie!
Sasha: I could hear you sniffling the whole last half.
Ariel: I couldn't help it! And you're not pretending you didn't cry too, are you?
Sasha: No, I definitely did at things like when Cinnabon-Hair Girl sacrifices herself to reach her son, and then when he sacrifices himself later for Sunshine Rey. You know ... the parts where you were out-and-out blubbering.
Ariel: I didn't blubber! Did I?
Sasha: Well, I kind of felt like the whole theater was staring at us when Shiny Butler-Bot was about to get brain-wiped and said goodbye to his friends.
Ariel: Was I really crying that loud?
Sasha: No, I think it was more the way you said, "Please dear god does anybody have any tissues?!?"
Ariel: I did not say that!
Sasha: Well, you might as well have. The theater guys had to get a "wet floor" sign to put in front of your seat after the movie was done.
Ariel: Someone behind me spilled a drink!
Sasha: Aers, we were in the back row.
Ariel: Whatever.
Sasha: Maybe instead of pouting let's get back to the movie? You were just talking about Shiny Butler-Bot.
Ariel: OMG, he was so funny in this one! It scared me so much that he was getting his memory erased and then it turned out he was totally himself just with amnesia! Hil-larious!
Sasha: I loved every second he was on the screen. Not enough Rolling Bleepster, though.
Ariel: Well, you can't have everything. And there were three whole movies where Shiny Butler-Bot was kinda lame and Rolling Bleepster kicked patootie, so maybe this is just evening things out.
Sasha: True. What did you think about Han Ghosto?
Ariel: I can't talk about it. Where are those tissues?
Sasha: I thought his scene was Hannntastic.
Ariel: Boo! Now you're really trying to make me cry.
Sasha: But seriously, it made the scene on the bridge from two movies ago about ten times better, and that scene was already good. Plus, after all the times in the older movies where they said, "I love you," and then "I know," it was sooo perfect when they ended that scene with him saying, "I know" to his son.
Ariel: (blubbering)
Sasha: Okay, here's a hankie!
Ariel: (Louder Blubbering)
Sasha: What now?
Ariel: You said Han-kie!
Sasha: *sigh*
Ariel: Just give me a minute.
Sasha: This is getting out of hand.
Ariel: WAAAAH!!!
Sasha: (facepalm)
Ariel: (blubbering)
Sasha: I'll wait.
Ariel: (sniffles)
Sasha: Can we go on now?
Ariel: Only if you talk about a happy part.
Sasha: What did you think about the new characters?
Ariel: Now that was just weird. It's the last movie in a nine-movie series, what are they doing introducing all these new characters? Like three new characters at least.
Sasha: More than that. There was the chick with the head like an old-timey car fender.
Ariel: And Shiny Butler-Bot's oldest friend Babu Frik.
Sasha: The dude who was weirdly into that whole Holdo Maneuver thing.
Ariel: Stormtrooper lady. Was that all?
Sasha: I think for good guys. But there was that new General dude on the bad-guy side.
Ariel: Honestly, I don't know why either Kamikazi Fanboy or Stormtrooper Lady couldn't have been stuff for Rose to do. Or why General Rando Whymaihere wasn't Captain Chrome-chick from the last two movies
Sasha: Ooh, that would have been good. Captain Chrome-chick gets promoted over General Sux which pisses him off even more than he already was, so that's part of why he's the spy, and then when he gets offed, it's by a character we know and care about instead of Random Dude Selected to Kill a Major Bad Guy. As far as the other stuff ... I'm not a big Rose fan, so I'm like, eh, whatever. I mean, she's very nice and all. I just don't click with her.
Ariel: She was so important in the last movie, though!
Sasha: True. But in Episode II, Better Bad Guy and Better Bad Guy's Boss were really big deals, and then in Episode Ai-Yai-Yai, Better Bad Guy wasn't even there, and Better Bad Guy's Boss got de-headed in the first five minutes. So it's not like some rule that characters from second movies need to be a big deal in third movies.
Ariel: Well, it would have been kind of hard for Better Bad Guy to be there since he got de-headed himself in the second movie.
Sasha: I guess ... if these movies weren't pretty jam-packed with dead folks showing back up.
Ariel: Only the Force-powered ones, not shiny-suited mercenaries like Better Bad Guy.
Sasha: Um, there were literally millions of that dude. They couldn't have put one in his cool suit?
Ariel: I think his kid kept it and painted it green. Are we still talking about the same movie, though?
Sasha: Kind of not. We should get back on track.
Ariel: More cooool long-distance face-offs between Sunshine Rey and Helm Solo, who is back to wearing his helmet a lot in this one.
Sasha: Those two. Wow. You pretty much can't go wrong putting them on the screen together, can you?
Ariel: Not that I've noticed!
Sasha: And all that stuff between them at the end ...
Ariel: Let's not go there. My sob-rag is already soaked.
Sasha: How about Big Space Politician AKA the Emperor AKA Zombie Palpatine?
Ariel: Zombietine. Or the Undeadperor. So creepy! I have to say the actor is super versatile too.
Sasha: How so?
Ariel: Well, he can play a nice space politician, or an evil space politician, or an evil space-wizard politician, or an evil space-wizard politician with a messed-up face, or a zombie evil space-wizard politician, all equally well!
Sasha: I liked the fact that in all three third movies, he was an evil space-wizard politician.
Ariel: Nice point! I don't know if I liked Sunshine Rey being his granddaughter, though.
Sasha: I did! It took the message of, doesn't matter if you're from nowhere and added to it to say it doesn't even matter if you're from somewhere that ought to make you bad. You can still be a hero as long as you decide to do the right thing.
Ariel: I was more thinking, who was dating Mister Melty-Face that ended up having his kid? I mean, there must have been a whole lot of swiping left on his profile before someone finally swiped right.
Sasha: I'm sure he used his picture from before Bald Toughie melted his face.
Ariel: Oh, that's right. He's evil, so that's exactly the kind of thing he'd do.
Sasha: Were you glad to see Oldo Lando come back?
Ariel: You mean Really Oldo Lando! Sure, although I still like the actor from Solo better than this guy. Also, since he came back, I was really hoping he'd find a way to fix Elle 3 and get her out of the spaceship computer, but no such luck.
Sasha: That would've been kind of a lot to cram in.
Ariel: True.
Sasha: Speaking of a lot to cram in ... how much more do we have that we want to say about this one?
Ariel: Well ... it's getting pretty late and we've covered a lot already. Maybe just that this was a really good ending to the whole nine movies. We got to say goodbye to all three main characters from the middle trilogy (sniff), and we got to hear the voices of lots of Jedi from the first trilogy, and it was exciting and funny and I laughed a lot and cried a lot, and it was just plain all-around wonderful.
Sasha: I also liked how when Ghost Teen Hottie was talking at the end, he was still all about himself, like, "Hey, Rey, rise up and be awesome, like me!"
Ariel: So true ...
Sasha: Do you think they're going to make any more of these movies? I mean, they've said they're not making any more Skywalker Saga ones, but I sure would hate to never see Sunshine Rey again.
Ariel: Maybe she'll get a Disney Plus show.
Sasha: Well if it's as good as the Mandalorian, that would be fantastic.
Ariel: Oh boy. The Mandalorian ... are we going to write more about that one now that the season is over?
Sasha: Not tonight!
Ariel: Definitely not. Okay, then, everybody out there can dig their way out from under that giant pile of blankets and stuff now.
Sasha: Um, pretty sure if they put on their spoiler bedding megastore, they're not reading anymore to know they can take it off.
Ariel: Yikes! I hope I didn't suffocate any of them!
Sasha: I'm sure they're fine.
Ariel: So it did end up being Episode Fine!
Sasha: Sure, let's go with that.
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight everybody, and may the Force be with you!
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Thursday, December 19, 2019
Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Last Jedi!
Ariel: Okay.
Sasha: Okay.
Ariel: Okay, then.
Sasha: Yes, okay. Are you ready?
Ariel: I hope so!
Sasha:Aannnd ...
Ariel: Please don't hate us, but we liked this movie!
Sasha: It's true. We liked it a lot.
Ariel: And we've heard that not only do some people not like it, they don't like it so much, they're mean to other people when they find out the other people like it.
Sasha: Which I would totally call b.s. on if our source for this information wasn't pretty good.
Ariel: Unimpeachable!
Sasha: Careful. That's another word that apparently heats up the conversation these days.
Ariel: Sigh. Why are people so mean?
Sasha: I'm guessing some of it is the whole "forget the past" business Helm Solo keeps going on about in this film.
Ariel: Haha, "Helm Solo!" Of course, he doesn't wear his helmet much in this one.
Sasha: Just enough so I could use the nickname, and I'm sticking with it.
Ariel: Holy moly, I just realized since we skipped the last movie we have a whole crew of new characters to nickname!
Sasha: Maybe we shouldn't have skipped it, because I just realized Helm Solo's dad could have been called "Han So-Old" in the last movie.
Ariel: Oh wow. We're going to have to go back at some point because that's too much of a lost opportunity.
Sasha: Maybe after we see the new one today.
Ariel: o ... M ... G!!! Do not remind me because I so can't wait!
Sasha: Only you have to.
Ariel: Aaagh!
Sasha: But while we're waiting we can talk about the Last Jedi, right?
Ariel: Or about what a bummer it is people don't like it.
Sasha: Ehh. That's not the bummer, because people don't like every Star Wars movie.
Ariel: True. We weren't big fans of Episode Ai-Yai-Yai.
Sasha: Or Re-Teddy-Bear of the Jedi.
Ariel: But we didn't hate them. Or hate people who like them.
Sasha: The whole hating bit is so weird.
Ariel: It's like, almost every one of these movies has somebody saying, "Look guys, hating is bad. Don't do it." And then these people who say they're giganto fans of the movies are all, "GROWLLL!!! I HATE THIS MOVIE AND THE GUY WHO DIRECTED IT AND I THINK EVERYBODY WHO LIKES IT IS A BONEHEAD!!!"
Sasha: Kind of makes them sound like big babies who don't understand the point of the movies.
Ariel: Right?
Sasha: Only I don't want to lay into them too hard or I'll start sounding just like they do.
Ariel: Except girlier, because they're all dudes.
Sasha: SO totally weird! These guys go around insisting that this movie is terrible on every level, but girl fans don't seem to be nearly as bothered by it.
Ariel: Yeah! And the hater dudes don't notice there aren't any women jumping all over it the same way. You'd think that would clue them in that they are taking an extreme position.
Sasha: Sure, if people taking extreme positions ever got clued in about it. But I'm not sure being able to analyze whether you're being extreme is a quality most extreme people have.
Ariel: True.
Sasha: Yeesh. Okay, let's just talk about the movie, because this stuff is giving me a stomach ache.
Ariel: Oh no! Your poor tum-tums!
Sasha: I think I'll be fine once we get going on what a good movie this was.
Ariel: The best! I mean, maybe not literally the best, because I think Episode Ivy kinda stuck that landing. But very best-like.
Sasha: What did you like about it so much?
Ariel: First off, I know she didn't appear in this one first, but Rey is is so super-awesome in this movie.
Sasha: Not quite as sunshine-y as she was in the last movie.
Ariel: No, but still sunshine-y enough, even on that rainy cloudy island. I mean, so many things happen to her that would just bust most people, but she keeps hold of her sunny attitude anyway.
Sasha: Do you think that's why they called her "Rey"?
Ariel: Ooh! I bet you're right!
Sasha: She pretty much just won't quit.
Ariel: Unlike Farmboy Luke. Although he's not much of a farmboy any more.
Sasha: A little on the old side to be called a boy.
Ariel: He does milk some sea cows though.
Sasha: Maybe we can call him Lactose Luke.
Ariel: Luketose.
Sasha: Yes!
Ariel: He's a downer through a lot of this movie.
Sasha: Dairy-wise, I'd call him sour cream.
Ariel: It was sad at the start to see how he'd given up.
Sasha: Not that big a surprise, though. I mean, he gave up three different times in Re-Teddy Bear of the Jedi. First to the teddy bears, then to Darth Vader, then to Emperor Prunepatine when he throws down his lightsaber at the end.
Ariel: He does do a lot of quitting in those old movies. I mean, on his way to not quitting.
Sasha: That's what makes him so great! He's waaaay less of an optimist than Sunshine Rey, but he always comes round and does the right thing and wins.
Ariel: And in such a BIG way this movie!
Sasha: Yep. He made Helm Solo look like a doof from halfway across the galaxy, he saved everybody, and personally, I think he was helping out when Sunshine Rey was moving all those rocks out of the way.
Ariel: She did look kinda surprised that it worked so well.
Sasha: And even while he's being mister sour cream, bits of Farmboy Luke still float to the top now and then.
Ariel: Like when he sees the Rolling Bleepster the first time!
Sasha: And when he tells Sunshine Rey her homeworld is pretty much nowhere.
Ariel: And when he whacks her with the big blade of grass.
Sasha: Sort of a grasssaber instead of a lightsaber.
Ariel: Haha, yes!
Sasha: Good times.
Ariel: I also looooved all the Force phone call scenes between Sunshine Rey and Helm Solo.
Sasha: "Do you have a cowl or something you could put on?"
Ariel: Haha! And then when they're in the hut and she's trying to make him turn good again ... I was like, "That's not going to work really is it? He's so bad!"
Sasha: Which, you were right. It didn't work.
Ariel: OMG, but the other "That's not going to work really" moment was even better. When he was turning the lightsaber on the arm of Leader Supreme's chair ...
Sasha: I know! I was thinking, "No way. No way would they kill off the big bad guy like that!" But they did!
Ariel: It was awesome. Plus, that guy was terrible.
Sasha: A real jerk.
Ariel: Who put him in charge?
Sasha: Probably he put himself in charge. I think that's how most jerks get in charge.
Ariel: I am thankfully ignorant about most details of how jerks work.
Sasha: Me too. What else do we need to talk about?
Ariel: Porgs!
Sasha: Hahaha, "Squaaawk!"
Ariel: Baby Yoda beats porgs for cuteness, but it's close.
Sasha: Even poor Shower-Buddy Monkey couldn't resist them.
Ariel: Oh! Speaking of Shower-Buddy Monkey, he is awesome in this movie too!
Sasha: I love when Sunshine Rey is trying to figure out what he should tell Effin' Stormtrooper if he sees him, and Shower-Buddy Monkey comes up with the right think to say before she does.
Ariel: Lots of respect for Shower-Buddy Monkey in this movie.
Sasha: For sure. Okay, are we done?
Ariel: Probably not, but if we don't wrap it up, we'll just keep talking and miss the movie tonight!
Sasha: Yeah, we do have a lot of getting ready to do. What are you going as again?
Ariel: It's a secret. "Squaaawk!" Haha! How about you?
Sasha: I still haven't got a costume put together. I may just have to borrow one of the B.F.'s Star Wars t-shirts.
Ariel: He does have a lot of them to spare.
Sasha: Practically half the closet.
Ariel: You'd better start trying to pick one!
Sasha: Okay, off we go.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye everybody!
Sasha: Okay.
Ariel: Okay, then.
Sasha: Yes, okay. Are you ready?
Ariel: I hope so!
Sasha:Aannnd ...
Ariel: Please don't hate us, but we liked this movie!
Sasha: It's true. We liked it a lot.
Ariel: And we've heard that not only do some people not like it, they don't like it so much, they're mean to other people when they find out the other people like it.
Sasha: Which I would totally call b.s. on if our source for this information wasn't pretty good.
Ariel: Unimpeachable!
Sasha: Careful. That's another word that apparently heats up the conversation these days.
Ariel: Sigh. Why are people so mean?
Sasha: I'm guessing some of it is the whole "forget the past" business Helm Solo keeps going on about in this film.
Ariel: Haha, "Helm Solo!" Of course, he doesn't wear his helmet much in this one.
Sasha: Just enough so I could use the nickname, and I'm sticking with it.
Ariel: Holy moly, I just realized since we skipped the last movie we have a whole crew of new characters to nickname!
Sasha: Maybe we shouldn't have skipped it, because I just realized Helm Solo's dad could have been called "Han So-Old" in the last movie.
Ariel: Oh wow. We're going to have to go back at some point because that's too much of a lost opportunity.
Sasha: Maybe after we see the new one today.
Ariel: o ... M ... G!!! Do not remind me because I so can't wait!
Sasha: Only you have to.
Ariel: Aaagh!
Sasha: But while we're waiting we can talk about the Last Jedi, right?
Ariel: Or about what a bummer it is people don't like it.
Sasha: Ehh. That's not the bummer, because people don't like every Star Wars movie.
Ariel: True. We weren't big fans of Episode Ai-Yai-Yai.
Sasha: Or Re-Teddy-Bear of the Jedi.
Ariel: But we didn't hate them. Or hate people who like them.
Sasha: The whole hating bit is so weird.
Ariel: It's like, almost every one of these movies has somebody saying, "Look guys, hating is bad. Don't do it." And then these people who say they're giganto fans of the movies are all, "GROWLLL!!! I HATE THIS MOVIE AND THE GUY WHO DIRECTED IT AND I THINK EVERYBODY WHO LIKES IT IS A BONEHEAD!!!"
Sasha: Kind of makes them sound like big babies who don't understand the point of the movies.
Ariel: Right?
Sasha: Only I don't want to lay into them too hard or I'll start sounding just like they do.
Ariel: Except girlier, because they're all dudes.
Sasha: SO totally weird! These guys go around insisting that this movie is terrible on every level, but girl fans don't seem to be nearly as bothered by it.
Ariel: Yeah! And the hater dudes don't notice there aren't any women jumping all over it the same way. You'd think that would clue them in that they are taking an extreme position.
Sasha: Sure, if people taking extreme positions ever got clued in about it. But I'm not sure being able to analyze whether you're being extreme is a quality most extreme people have.
Ariel: True.
Sasha: Yeesh. Okay, let's just talk about the movie, because this stuff is giving me a stomach ache.
Ariel: Oh no! Your poor tum-tums!
Sasha: I think I'll be fine once we get going on what a good movie this was.
Ariel: The best! I mean, maybe not literally the best, because I think Episode Ivy kinda stuck that landing. But very best-like.
Sasha: What did you like about it so much?
Ariel: First off, I know she didn't appear in this one first, but Rey is is so super-awesome in this movie.
Sasha: Not quite as sunshine-y as she was in the last movie.
Ariel: No, but still sunshine-y enough, even on that rainy cloudy island. I mean, so many things happen to her that would just bust most people, but she keeps hold of her sunny attitude anyway.
Sasha: Do you think that's why they called her "Rey"?
Ariel: Ooh! I bet you're right!
Sasha: She pretty much just won't quit.
Ariel: Unlike Farmboy Luke. Although he's not much of a farmboy any more.
Sasha: A little on the old side to be called a boy.
Ariel: He does milk some sea cows though.
Sasha: Maybe we can call him Lactose Luke.
Ariel: Luketose.
Sasha: Yes!
Ariel: He's a downer through a lot of this movie.
Sasha: Dairy-wise, I'd call him sour cream.
Ariel: It was sad at the start to see how he'd given up.
Sasha: Not that big a surprise, though. I mean, he gave up three different times in Re-Teddy Bear of the Jedi. First to the teddy bears, then to Darth Vader, then to Emperor Prunepatine when he throws down his lightsaber at the end.
Ariel: He does do a lot of quitting in those old movies. I mean, on his way to not quitting.
Sasha: That's what makes him so great! He's waaaay less of an optimist than Sunshine Rey, but he always comes round and does the right thing and wins.
Ariel: And in such a BIG way this movie!
Sasha: Yep. He made Helm Solo look like a doof from halfway across the galaxy, he saved everybody, and personally, I think he was helping out when Sunshine Rey was moving all those rocks out of the way.
Ariel: She did look kinda surprised that it worked so well.
Sasha: And even while he's being mister sour cream, bits of Farmboy Luke still float to the top now and then.
Ariel: Like when he sees the Rolling Bleepster the first time!
Sasha: And when he tells Sunshine Rey her homeworld is pretty much nowhere.
Ariel: And when he whacks her with the big blade of grass.
Sasha: Sort of a grasssaber instead of a lightsaber.
Ariel: Haha, yes!
Sasha: Good times.
Ariel: I also looooved all the Force phone call scenes between Sunshine Rey and Helm Solo.
Sasha: "Do you have a cowl or something you could put on?"
Ariel: Haha! And then when they're in the hut and she's trying to make him turn good again ... I was like, "That's not going to work really is it? He's so bad!"
Sasha: Which, you were right. It didn't work.
Ariel: OMG, but the other "That's not going to work really" moment was even better. When he was turning the lightsaber on the arm of Leader Supreme's chair ...
Sasha: I know! I was thinking, "No way. No way would they kill off the big bad guy like that!" But they did!
Ariel: It was awesome. Plus, that guy was terrible.
Sasha: A real jerk.
Ariel: Who put him in charge?
Sasha: Probably he put himself in charge. I think that's how most jerks get in charge.
Ariel: I am thankfully ignorant about most details of how jerks work.
Sasha: Me too. What else do we need to talk about?
Ariel: Porgs!
Sasha: Hahaha, "Squaaawk!"
Ariel: Baby Yoda beats porgs for cuteness, but it's close.
Sasha: Even poor Shower-Buddy Monkey couldn't resist them.
Ariel: Oh! Speaking of Shower-Buddy Monkey, he is awesome in this movie too!
Sasha: I love when Sunshine Rey is trying to figure out what he should tell Effin' Stormtrooper if he sees him, and Shower-Buddy Monkey comes up with the right think to say before she does.
Ariel: Lots of respect for Shower-Buddy Monkey in this movie.
Sasha: For sure. Okay, are we done?
Ariel: Probably not, but if we don't wrap it up, we'll just keep talking and miss the movie tonight!
Sasha: Yeah, we do have a lot of getting ready to do. What are you going as again?
Ariel: It's a secret. "Squaaawk!" Haha! How about you?
Sasha: I still haven't got a costume put together. I may just have to borrow one of the B.F.'s Star Wars t-shirts.
Ariel: He does have a lot of them to spare.
Sasha: Practically half the closet.
Ariel: You'd better start trying to pick one!
Sasha: Okay, off we go.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye everybody!
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Mandalorian!
Sasha: Hi, everybody! Recently, someone put in a request for us to review The Mandalorian. Obviously, the first thing for us to say is --
Ariel: There's a baby Yoda!
Sasha: Well, I was kind of thinking we ought to give people our standard blanket spoiler warning.
Ariel: Normally I'd agree but if that news spoils something for somebody it's because they never ever ever at all look at the internet, which means they're not actually reading this now, so it didn't actually spoil anything, and also THERE'S A BABY YODA.
Sasha: Okay, okay. Let's go ahead and cut to the chase then and you can tell us how you feel about Baby Yoda.
Ariel: He's a baby! And. He. Looks. Like. YODA.
Sasha: Weren't you just saying last time you have mixed feelings about Yoda? I mean, usually we don't even use his real name.
Ariel: Yes, but no one would understand how cute he was if I called him Baby Wise Old Gnome-Toad.
Sasha: Maybe they would understand because they've already seen his picture a gazillion times in memes all over social media?
Ariel: Sort of, but it would make it way harder for me to express how cute he is. Like, if I called him Baby Wise Old Gnome-Toad, I couldn't make it sound like this: BabyYoda!BabyYoda!BabyYoda!BabyYoda!
Sasha: That's certainly true.
Ariel: Baby Yoda.
Sasha: Um ... I don't know if this is what they meant when they said they were looking forward to us reviewing The Mandalorian.
Ariel: Probably not, but Baby Yoda.
Sasha: It's, you know, a Star Wars show about a bounty hunter ...
Ariel: And a Baby Yoda.
Sasha: ... with lots of action, and really good special effects ...
Ariel: OMG, the Baby Yoda puppet. It is The Best Special Effect Ever.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Sorry. Go ahead.
Sasha: I think pretty much the whole universe agrees that it's obviously being made by people who have a major love of Star Wars --
Ariel: Which should be everybody! I mean, how could you not love something with Baby Yoda in it?
Sasha: I give up. Yes, Baby Yoda is adorable.
Ariel: I know, right???
Sasha: The cutest thing I have ever seen, maybe.
Ariel: Well ... I wouldn't say that.
Sasha: You wouldn't?
Ariel: Of course not, duh! Why would I say "maybe"?
Sasha: Oh. I get it.
Ariel: Baby Yoda is DEFINITELY the cutest thing I have ever seen!
Sasha: I said I got it, didn't I?
Ariel: Yes. Sorry. Am I getting too carried away with this?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I said I was sorry already, didn't I? I can't help it. I'm sorry.
Sasha: All right, thank you.
Ariel: He's just sooooo cute!!!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Sorry! Please, really, go on!
Sasha: (takes a breath)
Ariel: baby yoda
Sasha: We'll see you next time, folks.
Ariel: There's a baby Yoda!
Sasha: Well, I was kind of thinking we ought to give people our standard blanket spoiler warning.
Ariel: Normally I'd agree but if that news spoils something for somebody it's because they never ever ever at all look at the internet, which means they're not actually reading this now, so it didn't actually spoil anything, and also THERE'S A BABY YODA.
Sasha: Okay, okay. Let's go ahead and cut to the chase then and you can tell us how you feel about Baby Yoda.
Ariel: He's a baby! And. He. Looks. Like. YODA.
Sasha: Weren't you just saying last time you have mixed feelings about Yoda? I mean, usually we don't even use his real name.
Ariel: Yes, but no one would understand how cute he was if I called him Baby Wise Old Gnome-Toad.
Sasha: Maybe they would understand because they've already seen his picture a gazillion times in memes all over social media?
Ariel: Sort of, but it would make it way harder for me to express how cute he is. Like, if I called him Baby Wise Old Gnome-Toad, I couldn't make it sound like this: BabyYoda!BabyYoda!BabyYoda!BabyYoda!
Sasha: That's certainly true.
Ariel: Baby Yoda.
Sasha: Um ... I don't know if this is what they meant when they said they were looking forward to us reviewing The Mandalorian.
Ariel: Probably not, but Baby Yoda.
Sasha: It's, you know, a Star Wars show about a bounty hunter ...
Ariel: And a Baby Yoda.
Sasha: ... with lots of action, and really good special effects ...
Ariel: OMG, the Baby Yoda puppet. It is The Best Special Effect Ever.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Sorry. Go ahead.
Sasha: I think pretty much the whole universe agrees that it's obviously being made by people who have a major love of Star Wars --
Ariel: Which should be everybody! I mean, how could you not love something with Baby Yoda in it?
Sasha: I give up. Yes, Baby Yoda is adorable.
Ariel: I know, right???
Sasha: The cutest thing I have ever seen, maybe.
Ariel: Well ... I wouldn't say that.
Sasha: You wouldn't?
Ariel: Of course not, duh! Why would I say "maybe"?
Sasha: Oh. I get it.
Ariel: Baby Yoda is DEFINITELY the cutest thing I have ever seen!
Sasha: I said I got it, didn't I?
Ariel: Yes. Sorry. Am I getting too carried away with this?
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I said I was sorry already, didn't I? I can't help it. I'm sorry.
Sasha: All right, thank you.
Ariel: He's just sooooo cute!!!
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Sorry! Please, really, go on!
Sasha: (takes a breath)
Ariel: baby yoda
Sasha: We'll see you next time, folks.
Saturday, December 7, 2019
Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Finishing Another Star Wars Trilogy!
Sasha: Okay. That's eight movies and two trilogies down, only two more movies to go before we're ready for the new movie later this month!
Ariel: Whew, it's a lot of movies. I'm glad we're not trying to watch all those shows in order first too!
Sasha: So many shows now that we have Disney+!
Ariel: Literally all the shows.
Sasha: All the Star Wars shows, you mean.
Ariel: How was that not obvious?
Sasha: Just checking.
Ariel: You know what else is obvious? We're starting to really pile up a lot of these Star Wars experiences!
Sasha: Yes! I even made a link list over on the right so people could read them in order if they want to.
Ariel: You're amazing. All our three fans will love you for that.
Sasha: Thanks!
Ariel: So what's our take on these last two movies in the "Original Trilogy," as I am told people call it?
Sasha: Liked them, didn't love them.
Ariel: Yeah, kinda me too. Star Wars: Empiresode V - Here Comes More Bad Advice From Wise Old Gnome-Toad was pretty good, but Star Wars: Episode VI - Everybody Goes a Little Stupid had some issues.
Sasha: Lots of good Shiny Butler Bot and Rolling Bleepster in both of them, though.
Ariel: Yes. Those guys rock.
Sasha: Also a pretty good job by this new guy playing Lando. He got the character's way of speaking right on the nose from how he talked in Solo ... at least most of the time.
Ariel: A little smarmier, though.
Sasha: Yeah, I would definitely hop on Solo Lando a lot quicker than I'd go for Oldo Lando.
Ariel: Oldo Lando should have kept the beard.
Sasha: I agree.
Ariel: It was also a way downhill slide for Han Solo. I mean, Solo Solo was awesome and funny, and then Grump Solo from Episode Ivy was still pretty funny --
Sasha: If grumpy.
Ariel: Yeah, and then Always-In-A-Jam Solo from Empiresode V made some good progress back toward Solo Solo. But ... in the last movie, I don't even know what to call him.
Sasha: He was so lame and hammy!
Ariel: Ham Solo.
Sasha: Watch! I'm in a forest trying to sneak up on a guy and oops! I didn't think there might be sticks on the ground!
Ariel: Also, when in charge of an ultra-important sabotage mission, I'm not going to have anybody bring walkie-talkies or anything.
Sasha: Walkie-talkies! Those would have helped so much.
Ariel: Plus, I'm going to not take these little furry guys seriously because they're little, even when they have a freaking spear pointed right in my face.
Sasha: Dumb and also kinda a little racist. I was almost hoping they would poke him.
Ariel: Ham Solo is pretty tough to love. I don't know what Cinnabon-hair Girl sees in him. At least Always-In-A-Jam Solo kept getting them out of jams.
Sasha: And had hand massage skills.
Ariel: Ooh, right! Maybe I should call him Hand-rub Solo in that movie. It's fewer letters and fewer hyphens to type.
Sasha: You're such a lazy girl.
Ariel: If I was a Star Wars character I'd probably be all fat and immobile like Jabba the Hutt.
Sasha: Ew.
Ariel: But on the plus side, I'd have a really long and maneuverable tongue!
Sasha: Still not worth it. The slime on that tongue!
Ariel: You've got a point.
Sasha: Thanks. Now where were we?
Ariel: I don't know. We seem to be kind of free-forming it.
Sasha: Do we want to talk about the Hoodie Bears?
Ariel: Ugh, those bears! I was like, could you please be either a little cuter or a lot bearish-er?
Sasha: I thought they were pretty cute.
Ariel: Sure, but the only thing I really believed they were killing was the suspense in the big final battle.
Sasha: That's true. They didn't show much mercy to the sense of tension there.
Ariel: It was like, "We know there have been eight exciting movies of excitement before this (at least their big action finales were always exciting), and you know what would make the stakes seem really really high right now? Teddy bears!"
Sasha: Although I'm pretty sure they had only made two movies before this one, even though we've watched eight.
Ariel: Well that's even worse, because those last two movies had way less cuteness than this one, especially Empiresode V. I mean, honestly, at least Rabbit-Ear Fart Joke Frog Guy from the first couple movies seemed like he was unusually not-threatening for a frog guy. The Hoodie Bears ... how less threatening could you be?
Sasha: I'm not arguing with you, but let's move on. How did you feel about the Wise Old Gnome-Toad in these ones?
Ariel: My emotions were mixed. Maybe even blended or frappéed. On the Episode One hand, he was much funnier when he came back and harassed Farmboy Luke on Swamp Planet. But on the Episode Two hand, he was not as badass by a long shot. Did he not ever make himself another lightsaber after he lost his old one? "Whoops, Big Space Politician kicked my ass, guess I'll never be needing to swordfight anybody ever again."
Sasha: I wondered about that too. But maybe he forgot to bring any tools with him when he left the world's worst maternity ward at the end of Episode Ai-yai-yai.
Ariel: True. And on the Episode Three hand, he and Oldster Jesus already pretty much proved they weren't the dudes to beat Big Space Politician.
Sasha: Right. Even with all that wisdom, Wise Old Gnome-Toad couldn't figure out that Farmboy Luke had the one thing the old-school Jedi didn't have.
Ariel: The hots for his sister?
Sasha: No, not that. I mean actually caring enough about people that he would break the rules to save them.
Ariel: Pretty sure he was ready to break some rules with Cinnabon-hair Girl in Episode Ivy.
Sasha: It did seem that way.
Ariel: So what else do we need to talk about?
Sasha: "I am a Jedi like my father before me."
Ariel: OMG. Best line in any movie ever.
Sasha: I know! Remember how sad we were after Episode Ai-yai-yai when Teen Hottie turned into Darth Vader?
Ariel: That was the worst.
Sasha: But then in the very end, Farmboy Luke reminds him who he really was, and Teen Hottie comes back just long enough to kill Big Space Politician.
Ariel: Well, more like Pale Scarry appears just in time to kill Big Space Politician.
Sasha: Teen Hottie, Pale Scarry, whatever. Just for a little bit he was back to being our hero from the first three movies.
Ariel: And he made up for everything by taking down his boss!
Sasha: Maybe not everything.
Ariel: I guess not the kid killing part.
Sasha: No, pretty hard to make up for that.
Ariel: Or the helping Big Space Politician win the whole war part.
Sasha: Definitely it would have been better if he'd skipped right to killing Big Space Politician at the end of Episode Ai-yai-yai.
Ariel: Also hard to forgive him for probably ordering Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru to be barbecued.
Sasha: Berubecued. But we don't know he actually told the stormtroopers to do that.
Ariel: Haha, Berubecued! That's a good one. Well ... at least until I think about them both all crispy-cooked. Anyway, he was giving the orders in general, and the orders definitely had a "No witnesses!" bit to them.
Sasha: Yeah, I guess that makes him directly responsible even if he didn't know the details of Owen and Beru being included. What did you think about him being there as one of the angels at the end?
Ariel: That part was great! It was like, "Oh, so happy! Everybody's together again!" But also like, "Ha-ha, you guys screwed me over the whole time I was growing up and got my mom and sort of my wife killed because you didn't want to let me have a mom or a wife, and now I get to spend forever looking young and hot while you two are all old-ified and crusty."
Sasha: Good ending, for sure.
Ariel: Is that all, then? I mean, I guess talking about the ending is a good place to finish off.
Sasha: Sure. The end is as good a place to finish off as any, I guess.
Ariel: "That's what she said!"
Sasha: Ugh. I wish you had never learned that joke.
Ariel: Don't worry. I'm sure that's probably the last Star-Wars-related thing I'll try to make sound naughty. It's not like these movies give you a lot to work with as far as double meanings go.
Sasha: Okay. I guess I won't hold this one against you, then.
Ariel: Haha, "That's what --"
Sasha: DON'T!
Ariel: Whew, it's a lot of movies. I'm glad we're not trying to watch all those shows in order first too!
Sasha: So many shows now that we have Disney+!
Ariel: Literally all the shows.
Sasha: All the Star Wars shows, you mean.
Ariel: How was that not obvious?
Sasha: Just checking.
Ariel: You know what else is obvious? We're starting to really pile up a lot of these Star Wars experiences!
Sasha: Yes! I even made a link list over on the right so people could read them in order if they want to.
Ariel: You're amazing. All our three fans will love you for that.
Sasha: Thanks!
Ariel: So what's our take on these last two movies in the "Original Trilogy," as I am told people call it?
Sasha: Liked them, didn't love them.
Ariel: Yeah, kinda me too. Star Wars: Empiresode V - Here Comes More Bad Advice From Wise Old Gnome-Toad was pretty good, but Star Wars: Episode VI - Everybody Goes a Little Stupid had some issues.
Sasha: Lots of good Shiny Butler Bot and Rolling Bleepster in both of them, though.
Ariel: Yes. Those guys rock.
Sasha: Also a pretty good job by this new guy playing Lando. He got the character's way of speaking right on the nose from how he talked in Solo ... at least most of the time.
Ariel: A little smarmier, though.
Sasha: Yeah, I would definitely hop on Solo Lando a lot quicker than I'd go for Oldo Lando.
Ariel: Oldo Lando should have kept the beard.
Sasha: I agree.
Ariel: It was also a way downhill slide for Han Solo. I mean, Solo Solo was awesome and funny, and then Grump Solo from Episode Ivy was still pretty funny --
Sasha: If grumpy.
Ariel: Yeah, and then Always-In-A-Jam Solo from Empiresode V made some good progress back toward Solo Solo. But ... in the last movie, I don't even know what to call him.
Sasha: He was so lame and hammy!
Ariel: Ham Solo.
Sasha: Watch! I'm in a forest trying to sneak up on a guy and oops! I didn't think there might be sticks on the ground!
Ariel: Also, when in charge of an ultra-important sabotage mission, I'm not going to have anybody bring walkie-talkies or anything.
Sasha: Walkie-talkies! Those would have helped so much.
Ariel: Plus, I'm going to not take these little furry guys seriously because they're little, even when they have a freaking spear pointed right in my face.
Sasha: Dumb and also kinda a little racist. I was almost hoping they would poke him.
Ariel: Ham Solo is pretty tough to love. I don't know what Cinnabon-hair Girl sees in him. At least Always-In-A-Jam Solo kept getting them out of jams.
Sasha: And had hand massage skills.
Ariel: Ooh, right! Maybe I should call him Hand-rub Solo in that movie. It's fewer letters and fewer hyphens to type.
Sasha: You're such a lazy girl.
Ariel: If I was a Star Wars character I'd probably be all fat and immobile like Jabba the Hutt.
Sasha: Ew.
Ariel: But on the plus side, I'd have a really long and maneuverable tongue!
Sasha: Still not worth it. The slime on that tongue!
Ariel: You've got a point.
Sasha: Thanks. Now where were we?
Ariel: I don't know. We seem to be kind of free-forming it.
Sasha: Do we want to talk about the Hoodie Bears?
Ariel: Ugh, those bears! I was like, could you please be either a little cuter or a lot bearish-er?
Sasha: I thought they were pretty cute.
Ariel: Sure, but the only thing I really believed they were killing was the suspense in the big final battle.
Sasha: That's true. They didn't show much mercy to the sense of tension there.
Ariel: It was like, "We know there have been eight exciting movies of excitement before this (at least their big action finales were always exciting), and you know what would make the stakes seem really really high right now? Teddy bears!"
Sasha: Although I'm pretty sure they had only made two movies before this one, even though we've watched eight.
Ariel: Well that's even worse, because those last two movies had way less cuteness than this one, especially Empiresode V. I mean, honestly, at least Rabbit-Ear Fart Joke Frog Guy from the first couple movies seemed like he was unusually not-threatening for a frog guy. The Hoodie Bears ... how less threatening could you be?
Sasha: I'm not arguing with you, but let's move on. How did you feel about the Wise Old Gnome-Toad in these ones?
Ariel: My emotions were mixed. Maybe even blended or frappéed. On the Episode One hand, he was much funnier when he came back and harassed Farmboy Luke on Swamp Planet. But on the Episode Two hand, he was not as badass by a long shot. Did he not ever make himself another lightsaber after he lost his old one? "Whoops, Big Space Politician kicked my ass, guess I'll never be needing to swordfight anybody ever again."
Sasha: I wondered about that too. But maybe he forgot to bring any tools with him when he left the world's worst maternity ward at the end of Episode Ai-yai-yai.
Ariel: True. And on the Episode Three hand, he and Oldster Jesus already pretty much proved they weren't the dudes to beat Big Space Politician.
Sasha: Right. Even with all that wisdom, Wise Old Gnome-Toad couldn't figure out that Farmboy Luke had the one thing the old-school Jedi didn't have.
Ariel: The hots for his sister?
Sasha: No, not that. I mean actually caring enough about people that he would break the rules to save them.
Ariel: Pretty sure he was ready to break some rules with Cinnabon-hair Girl in Episode Ivy.
Sasha: It did seem that way.
Ariel: So what else do we need to talk about?
Sasha: "I am a Jedi like my father before me."
Ariel: OMG. Best line in any movie ever.
Sasha: I know! Remember how sad we were after Episode Ai-yai-yai when Teen Hottie turned into Darth Vader?
Ariel: That was the worst.
Sasha: But then in the very end, Farmboy Luke reminds him who he really was, and Teen Hottie comes back just long enough to kill Big Space Politician.
Ariel: Well, more like Pale Scarry appears just in time to kill Big Space Politician.
Sasha: Teen Hottie, Pale Scarry, whatever. Just for a little bit he was back to being our hero from the first three movies.
Ariel: And he made up for everything by taking down his boss!
Sasha: Maybe not everything.
Ariel: I guess not the kid killing part.
Sasha: No, pretty hard to make up for that.
Ariel: Or the helping Big Space Politician win the whole war part.
Sasha: Definitely it would have been better if he'd skipped right to killing Big Space Politician at the end of Episode Ai-yai-yai.
Ariel: Also hard to forgive him for probably ordering Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru to be barbecued.
Sasha: Berubecued. But we don't know he actually told the stormtroopers to do that.
Ariel: Haha, Berubecued! That's a good one. Well ... at least until I think about them both all crispy-cooked. Anyway, he was giving the orders in general, and the orders definitely had a "No witnesses!" bit to them.
Sasha: Yeah, I guess that makes him directly responsible even if he didn't know the details of Owen and Beru being included. What did you think about him being there as one of the angels at the end?
Ariel: That part was great! It was like, "Oh, so happy! Everybody's together again!" But also like, "Ha-ha, you guys screwed me over the whole time I was growing up and got my mom and sort of my wife killed because you didn't want to let me have a mom or a wife, and now I get to spend forever looking young and hot while you two are all old-ified and crusty."
Sasha: Good ending, for sure.
Ariel: Is that all, then? I mean, I guess talking about the ending is a good place to finish off.
Sasha: Sure. The end is as good a place to finish off as any, I guess.
Ariel: "That's what she said!"
Sasha: Ugh. I wish you had never learned that joke.
Ariel: Don't worry. I'm sure that's probably the last Star-Wars-related thing I'll try to make sound naughty. It's not like these movies give you a lot to work with as far as double meanings go.
Sasha: Okay. I guess I won't hold this one against you, then.
Ariel: Haha, "That's what --"
Sasha: DON'T!
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