Sasha: Hey, what's this?
Ariel: Pretty sure it's new Heroscape, can't you tell?
Sasha: I mean, yeah, but we got new Heroscape and you didn't let me know before you got it out of the box and set it all up?
Ariel: I guess our boyfriend caught onto us and made sure he was around when the package came, so he got to unbox everything and see it first. But who cares? It's right here and all set up, so let's play!
Sasha: Sure ... only for some reason it kind of feels like it won't be as much fun if we aren't sneaking to play with it before he gets a chance to. Also, this set looks really different. What's up with that?
Ariel: It's because it's G.I. Joe Heroscape, and some of these guys are G.I. Joes, which our boyfriend says were really big when he was a kid.
Sasha: I don't know how big they could have been. I mean, I've never heard of them.
Ariel: No, I mean, like, actually big. 12 inches tall or something.
Sasha: Well that's way too big for Heroscape figures.
Ariel: I know, duh, which is obviously why they made them tons smaller. Anyway, there are these G.I. Joe Guys, who are the good guys, and they fight these Cobra guys, who are the baddies.
Sasha: Hang on, there are good guys and bad guys? Heroscape doesn't usually get that specific. It's usually just, guys-who-fight-and-look-mean-and-scary and guys-who-fight-and-look-cool-and-less-scary.
Ariel: Yeah, but before we get too much into that, we've got to do the most important thing.
Sasha: What's that?
Ariel: Come up with something to call the whole thing! I mean, "G.I. Joe Heroscape" is just way to much to say every time we want to talk about it.
Sasha: True. Do you have any ideas so far?
Ariel: Not good ones. I came up with "Geeroscape" and "HeJoescape," but those seem sorta lame.
Sasha: How about "GeeJoescape?"
Ariel: Oh! That's better for sure. I guess we can try it out and see if anything even better pops into our heads.
Sasha: All right. So do we just want to jump right in and get playing?
Ariel: Sure! The map is for this first scenario, "Rumble at the Rift." The book says one of the bad guys is an evil genius and he made this nasty machine that's turned a spot on the map into a giant suck-hole. He's that one there, "Doctor Mindbender."
Sasha: Does he get to control the suck-hole since he made it?
Ariel: No, apparently it wasn't that good of an idea to make it? But he did, so now it's there and it sucks. The goal of the scenario is for us to just wipe each other's guys out. Pretty easy. Only there's three ways to play, Rookie, Seasoned, or Veteran. Rookie uses the boring-o Basic rules, so let's not do that one.
Sasha: Is Seasoned better?
Ariel: Probably better for you.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Cause you're spicy!
Sasha: Haha. So Seasoned uses the Master rules I'm guessing? And then maybe some special rule for the suck-hole?
Ariel: No, just the Master rules. The suck-hole doesn't do anything in the Seasoned version.
Sasha: Then why'd they bother telling us about it?
Ariel: I dunno, just to show the bad guys are bad guys, maybe?
Sasha: What about the Veteran setting.
Ariel: That's where there's rules for the suck-hole. After each dude's turn, the person that took the turn gets to pick a figure and move it one space toward that marker that shows where the suck-hole is. Oh, wait, no. You look at what round it is, and you move one figure that many spaces toward the suck-hole. If they get sucked in, it gobbles them into another world or something.
Sasha: Sheesh, so if the game lasts 7 or 8 rounds, after every turn somebody gets moved 7 or 8 spaces toward that thing?
Ariel: No, because I forgot to tell you at the end of 5 rounds, it's game over and if there are any Cobra guys left, they win because they escape. That's in any of the versions.
Sasha: Let's play the Veteran version then. I feel like after hearing those suck-hole rules the Seasoned version will be pretty bland even if they're calling it "Seasoned." How are we going to decide who gets which set of guys?
Ariel: I want to be the good guys!
Sasha: But what if I want to be the good guys?
Ariel: Then we'll have to roll a die or play the one-two-three game or something to decide and if I lose I'll be all mad because I have to play the bad guys and then maybe I'll decide GeeJoescape is dumb.
Sasha: Fine, I'll be the bad guys. I think they look kind of cooler anyway.
Ariel: I don't think so.
Sasha: Doesn't matter. I do. Do you have your order markers where you want them?
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Me too. Roll initiative!
Ariel: 10.
Sasha: Yuck. 1. All right, which one of your guys goes first?
Ariel: Nobody yet, because I have this special ability on my hot red-head chick Scarlett that lets me look at all the markers on one of your cards, and then I get to move one of my markers from one card to another. So I'm definitely picking that guy you put three markers on!
Sasha: Boo. Anyway, that guy is Doctor Mindbender, and --
Ariel: I think I'll call him Doctor Suck-hole.
Sasha: I don't know if you want to taunt an evil genius like him, but whatever you say. Anyway, he's got my 1, 2, and X markers on him.
Ariel: Okay, then I'm definitely moving this marker here to Scarlett.
Sasha: Who's your number one, then?
Ariel: Snake Eyes! If I had 2 number ones he'd be both of them, but I don't. Anyhow, he's going to run over here behind this wall-a-ma-jig thing. And then the suck-hole is going to move Scarlet one space closer to it.
Sasha: Cool. My number one is Doctor Mindbender --
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha: -- and he has a special power that lets him move any adjacent allies 3 spaces before he takes his turn. So Cobra Commander goes one-two-three and then Storm Shadow goes one-two-three and then Doctor Mindbender actually goes. He's not going far, though, because I want him to end up next to both of my guys again.
Ariel: Dang, that's a cool power. You're smart!
Sasha: Maybe. As for who gets sucked ... I'll move your Cross-Eyes guy toward the suck-hole.
Ariel: Well, that guy is my number 2 guy anyhow, so I'm not worried about him getting sucked in. I was hoping your guys would get a little closer though so I could run up and ninja them. So I'm going to kind of double back and hide behind this wall here. Then she suck-hole moves Scarlett again.
Sasha: All right, Doctor
Ariel: (suck-hole)
Sasha: Mindbender moves his allies 3 spaces ... Cobra Commander is kind of a chicken so he's not getting too close to you. Storm Shadow moves up here ... Then DM moves where he can see Cross-Eyes and shoot at him. Or zap him with this magic want thing or whatever it is he's holding. 3 dice, 2 skulls!
Ariel: Okay, well, Snake Eyes gets 2 extra dice if you shoot at him from far away, so that's 5 dice, and I get 2 shields. Time for my number 3 ... Scarlett! She's going in closer to Doc Suck and hitting him with 3 dice ... plus 2 more because she's got "Knowing is Half the Battle" and she gets an extra die for every order marker that's revealed on your guy. 5 dice again ... 3 skulls!
Sasha: DM has 4 defense and gets 2 shields, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Ha! Now I'm having the suck-hole pull Cobra Commander down from his elevation spot like this. Your turn.
Sasha: My number 3 is Storm Shadow, so he's charging at Cross-eyes. Zoom! And he attacks with 4 attack dice for 2 skulls.
Ariel: Ack! Snake Eyes rolls no shields! Owie!
Sasha: And since you pulled CC down, I'll do the same to Scarlett. End of round 1.
Ariel: Order markers done!
Sasha: That was fast. Okay, me too. I get 11 this time for initiative.
Ariel: 9. Yuck. Uh ... I'm looking at Doc Suck again.
Sasha: He's got the 2 and the X. My number 1 is Storm Shadow, who's going to try taking out Cross-Eyes right here, baby. Woohoo! 4 skulls!
Ariel: Eep! Only one shield means he's dead!
Sasha: Sweet. Now on the end of my turn I'm putting a shadow tile under me so I'll defend better if attacked, and the suck-hole pulls Scarlett right over next to me!
Ariel: Dang, I hate that thing.
Sasha: Oh. Boo. I'm next to this wall and the shadow tile won't fit.
Ariel: Haha, it's your tiny centipede legs all over again! Scarlett's going to circle round your shady guy and attack him. You had to reveal your order marker to go, so I get 4 dice ... 2 skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield, so 1 wound.
Ariel: Yeah, but now I have Lethal to the Bone! I get to move up to 2 spaces and attack again ... 2 more skulls.
Sasha: 1 shield again.
Ariel: Now the suck-hole sucks Doctor Suck 2 spaces toward it into this pit here. Your turn.
Sasha: DM isn't worried. He's going to move to here and attack Scarlett ... pff. No skulls. But he gets to use his Bend Mind power ... on a 13 or better, I'm taking control of Scarlett and getting a turn with her!
Ariel: Uh-oh.
Sasha: Nope. 8. Then I'll suck your guy with the big gun up close to me because hopefully it'll keep him from being as effective with that gun.
Ariel: Scarlett goes again! 4 skulls on ShadyStorm!
Sasha: Glurk, dead. Man, these ninjas fold up real easy, don't they.
Ariel: Seems like it. For her extra deal, Scarlett rushes Doc Suck and whacks him. Boo. Only 1 skull.
Sasha: Safe.
Ariel: Not safe from getting sucked by the suck-hole, though. Here you go!
Sasha: That's not great. All right, Cobra Commander's turn ... he moves here and shoots at Scarlett ... 1 skull.
Ariel: Dang, no shields.
Sasha: Suuuuckkk! Your guy with the gun gets pulled over next to DM.
Ariel: Okay, well, it's his turn and he's going to be brave and risk Doc Suck getting a free whack in on him by moving up here.
Sasha: Score! You take a wound.
Ariel: Bleh. I get to use my Machine Gun special attack now, though, and I can shoot both your guys for 3 dice each. Doc Suck -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: 3 shields. Yawn.
Ariel: Cobra Commander -- 2 skulls!
Sasha: Erk. No shields.
Ariel: Now Doc Suck gets sucked right next to the suck-hole! If I win initiative next round, he's doomed!
Sasha: Yeah, I don't like the looks of this.
Ariel: My markers are ready.
Sasha: Mine too. Where's the initiative die.
Ariel: I've got it! 19! Beat that, Doc Suck!
Sasha: No, that's a 15.
Ariel: My markers are staying where they are, then. Roadblock is first, and he's moving here ... to kablam! at Cobra Commander. 4 dice, 2 skulls.
Sasha: 2 more wounds for the Commander. This is bad.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Bye-bye, Doctor Brainy-brain!
Sasha: And he was my number 1, so it's your turn again.
Ariel: Woohoo! Scarlett! Up in your face, Cobra Commander! Only 1 skull, though.
Sasha: 1 shield, so I'm safe ... ish.
Ariel: Lethal to the Bone! Dang it, only 1 skull again.
Sasha: 2 shields.
Ariel: SUUCCCKKKKK! Down in the hole, CC.
Sasha: I'll climb back up and come hit you with my Cutlassss for 3 dice plus 1 automatic skull. 3 skulls total.
Ariel: That's 2 wounds. Ow.
Sasha: Now I'll suck Roadblock over near the suck-hole.
Ariel: That's okay, Scarlett's killing you now before he can get any closer. 2 skulls ...
Sasha: You called it. No shields. He's dead.
Ariel: I win! GeeJoescape is awesome!
Sasha: We'll see how the next one goes.
Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!
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