Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny!

Ariel: I have been waiting for this movie so long.
Sasha: Really? Because it's only been a few months since we watched those other Indiana Jones movies.
Ariel: Well, sure, but remember how good the first movie was when we watched it?

Sasha: Do you mean the first first movie or the first movie we watched? Since we watched them backwards.
Ariel: The first first one, duh, the one that was the best movie ever in all history.
Sasha: Okay, so obviously I remember that. I just wanted to make sure you weren't talking about Location of the Crystal Skull, because even though I liked that one, I thought it was maybe possible you might think I didn't remember how good I thought it was because of all the crazy quality shenanigans of the other three movies. So that would explain you asking if I remembered how good the movie was.
Ariel: Whoops, sorry. I didn't mean to be so confusing.
Sasha: Well, you're doing an extra good job at it, because I'm still confused about why you say you've been waiting for this movie so long.
Ariel: But that's easy! The first first Indiana Jones movie was SO GOOD that I was obviously waiting my whole life to see it, even though I didn't know it existed. And this movie is the first sequel to that movie that I've had to wait for, since all the other sequels we watched beforehand. And since I was waiting my whole life to see the first first one, obviously I would be dying to see a sequel to it, so really I've been waiting my whole life to see this movie too.
Sasha: Okay ... I think I almost understood that. I'm kind of scared to ask, though ... does that mean you were disappointed in this one? Because I didn't think it was as good as the first first one, which seems like it wouldn't really be enough of a payoff for a movie you've been waiting your whole life for.
Ariel: How could I be disappointed? It was never going to be as good as the first first one, but it was so much better than Thimble of Doom or Hunt for the Jesus Mug. I think it's maybe about the same level of awesome as Location of the Crystal Skull, even though it didn't have any mind-blowing scenes of how unrealistic real history was. But the ENDING of this movie was just the BEST EVER. Maybe even better than the ending of the first first one ... although those words maybe sound almost sacredlicious coming out of my mouth.
Sasha: Sacredli-- um, do you mean sacrilegious?
Ariel: I don't know. Do I? What's sacri...whatchious?
Sasha: Sacrilegious means something is like, a big insult or a super offensive thing to say or do because it's so against some religion.
Ariel: Oh, then yeah, that's what I meant. Actually, it's kind of a relief I had that word wrong because I was really wondering how you could put the word "sacred" together with the word "delicious" and have it be something awful.
Sasha: Maybe if you were wondering that, you could have looked it up in a dictionary ... or asked, I mean, just about anybody here. Like, if I know the right word, it's a total lock that Hettie or MSG or Claire knows it too, along with Elle, probably. Maybe not Akane, since she doesn't even speak English as her first language.
Ariel: No, but she knows a lot of great words for somebody who's still learning English.
Sasha: True. Of course considering you just found out what "sacrilegious" is, you're kinda still learning English too.
Ariel: Whoosh. She's doing a lot quicker job of it than I am, then.
Sasha: Speaking of doing a lot quicker job ...
Ariel: What? Oh! Right, we need to get to talking about the movie. Everybody put your spoiler blankets over your heads!
Sasha: Unless you want parts of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny spoiled for you.
Ariel: Which you totally don't!
Sasha: Darn right, they don't. Now, I totally want to know why you say the ending of this movie might be even better than the ending of the best movie ever made in all of history.
Ariel: Well, I don't know if I'm totally saying that, but the reason I'm thinking about maybe saying it is ... you know how the first first movie ends with Marion and Indy on the steps of that building and Indy is all P.O.ed about the government taking away the Big Box Of Nazi-Melting?
Sasha: Yes. And then it shows they crated it up and stored it in a warehouse somewhere.
Ariel: Only that bit was kind of anti-climactic for me, because we already knew it was going to end up in a warehouse because we saw it in the warehouse at the start of Location of the Crystal Skull.
Sasha: Oh, right, we did!
Ariel: So basically, the first first movie ends with a more or less happy romancy ending for Indy and Marion, because even though he's grumpy about his Nazi-melting box getting taken, she says she's going to buy him a drink or something, and we know she's fun when she dirnks. Only we also know they're not actually going to stick together for very long, so it's not all that happy of an ending. And then, you know, again, the very end ending is just showing us something else we already knew, which is where the Most Dangerous Box Ever got squirreled away.
Sasha: I may be starting to see where you're going with this.
Ariel: Also, the big finale of the action part of the movie was pretty much just our good guys tied to a post keeping their eyes closed while all the Nazis got melt-ified. All of that was really awesome ... but also, you know, it's kind of a bummer that the most heroic thing they could do was squeeze their eyes shut really tight and ignore all the screams and melty-Nazi sounds going on around them.
Sasha: Yeah, it was super dramatic but also pretty creepy. Maybe the least fun part of the movie even though it was also maybe the most meaningful part.
Ariel: Which is why the ending of this movie was so terrific! It wasn't as creepy-shocking-scary-bonkers, but the whole last action part was totally fun in an AMAZING way but also really dramatic because it seemed like Indy might not come back, and then he does, because of a super-funny thing the dynamite chick does, and once he's back ... that scene with Marion!
Sasha: Such a good scene!
Ariel: Like, earlier in the movie when he's telling Dynamite Girl why he and Marion did the splits, and it was soooo heartbreaking, but then here's Marion showing back up and letting us know there was even more to the story than Indy let on, and then the way it all wraps up is even more romantic than them getting married at the end of Location of the Crystal Skull!
Sasha: I agree with all of that except ...
Ariel: Huh? Except what?
Sasha: Except you calling Indy's god-daughter "Dynamite Girl."
Ariel: But we always make up silly names for people. You don't think that's a good name for her?
Sasha: Of course I think it's a good name for her ... but her actual name that Indy calls her is literally WOMBAT. I think if a movie is going to call one of its characters "Wombat," we probably ought to admit that's a sillier and more fun name than whatever we come up with is going to be.
Ariel: Gosh, I forgot about her name being Wombat. You're right. Wombat. Wombat. Yeah, that's really a lot funner.
Sasha: Anything else we want to say about this movie?
Ariel: Hmm. Oh! I remember, there was that one part where they tried to make us wonder if this Archimedes guy's dial was actually the Dial of Destiny from the title, or if it was a totally different kind of dial.
Sasha: What? I don't remember any part like that.
Ariel: Sure, it was when they were in the university building and there was a big fight in the archive room and Wombat escaped onto the roof and Indy escaped out into the building where the bad guys had shot those poor office folks earlier, and he sees that they've been shot, so he goes to call the police, and the phone he uses totally has a dial on it.
Sasha: Uh ...
Ariel: Like, the camera even shows it really big at one point. Maybe half the screen is that phone and the dial that's on it.
Sasha: But ... I think all phones had dials on them back then. And I think the camera was zooming in on it to show the phone had blood all over it because Indy got blood on his hand when he was checking that lady for a pulse and then after that he used the phone. So then it had his bloody fingerprints on it, which is probably why he gets accused of murder later on.
Ariel: So ... you didn't think at all that the blood on the phone seemed kind of ominous and destiny-like? Especially with that big old dial on the front of it?
Sasha: Sorry, no. I kind of just thought it seemed like a phone.
Ariel: Oh. Now I'm a little embarrassed, then, I guess, because I was really thinking, "Indy, maybe you better take that phone with you considering it has a dial on it. That might be the dial you need!"
Sasha: Hm.
Ariel: Like, just as a backup dial.
Sasha: Well, I guess it might have been a very different movie if he'd done that.
Ariel: Sure, because he could have called the police back at any point then and explained things.
Sasha: But ... no, because he would have had to pull the cord loose from the phone or from the wall to take it, and then the phone wouldn't work.
Ariel: There was a cord? What for? Were they worried somebody would steal the phone?
Sasha: I think there's another history of technology lesson here that maybe we can skip and talk about after we're done blogging.
Ariel: Ooh, is it as whackadoo as the whole Atom Bomb technology history we learned about from Location of the Crystal Skull?
Sasha: No, probably much more boring than that.
Ariel: Oh. Well, darn, though, I still want to know what it is!
Sasha: Should we wrap this up then?
Ariel: I mean, only if you think our readers don't want to understand why somebody would put a cord on a phone that you couldn't take loose without breaking the phone once it was done charging.
Sasha: I'm going to say not a whole bunch of them need to hear the explanation. And if they do, they can just Google it.
Ariel: Okay, then.
Sasha and Ariel: Bye, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Book of Boba Fett!

Ariel: Hi, everybody!

Sasha: Sorry we haven't been as experiency lately. We're here now to try to make up for it!

Ariel: That's right!

Sasha: Today we'll be talking about The Book of Boba Fett!

Ariel: Yes! And we're not messing around talking about a bunch of other stuff first like sometimes we do.

Sasha: "We"?

Ariel: (I'm ignoring you so this doesn't turn into another one of those talking about other things conversations and make me end up being a liar about not messing around.) So anybody who doesn't want The Book of Boba Fett spoiled better put your spoiler blankets over your heads right now. Let's go!!!

Sasha: You're really not kidding around today, are you?

Ariel: (Ignored!) The first thing I want to say about this is, if you haven't watched it and you don't mind spoilers, don't get your hopes up about it being a real book.

Sasha: I don't think anyone would do that.

Ariel: They might! Because it's sort of false advertising to call it The Book of Boba Fett and then it's just a TV show.

Sasha: What else would people expect when they turn on their Disney Plus channel and see a thing for The Book of Boba Fett? Obviously it's going to be a TV show.

Ariel: Yes, but it could be a TV show where someone is reading a book about Boba Fett. Sort of like an audiobook except you'd see them reading it.

Sasha: That would be a terrible idea for a show.

Ariel: Well, it's better than if it was just a big fat book sitting on a table that the camera just keeps showing you for 40 minutes and then there are credits.

Sasha: Okay, yes, that would be even worse, but it still doesn't mean somebody would turn on the TV and expect a show that's just a book ... and even if they did, you don't think they'd really be disappointed that it turned out to be an actual show do you?

Ariel: I was just being polite to the people out there who maybe might have thought that.

Sasha: Okay, great. That's very you and you're a nice person for thinking of them even though they don't exist. Can we get on with talking about the show now?

Ariel: I was totally talking about the show! And then you went and got us talking about if somebody would or wouldn't think the show was really a book.

Sasha: ... You know, you're right. I shouldn't have done that. So now can we get on with talking about the show?

Ariel: Well first I want to warn people that they shouldn't get their hopes up that it's a TV show where the characters are trying to find a book about Boba Fett, or write a book about Boba Fett, or anything like that. 

Sasha: So ... now ... ?

Ariel: No, I also feel like people should be warned that even though it says The Book of Boba Fett and they think it is a show about Boba Fett, it's not just about Boba Fett. There are other people in it too.

Sasha: Maybe you also ought to warn people it's not a show about a guy who's writing a recipe book that's just about making boba tea and fettuccine.

Ariel: Wow. I did not think of that one! Listen, people, if you're hoping this is a show about a guy who's writing --

Sasha: Stop. Can we just stop this part and start talking about the show?

Ariel: Wait, what? That one was even your suggestion!

Sasha: For someone whose fiancée is like, the most sarcastic person in the world, sometimes you really don't get sarcasm, do you?

Ariel: Not when I'm focused on being considerate to our audience and on thinking about things to say about the show, I don't.

Sasha: Well, did you think of anything to say about the show yet?

Ariel: Just that a lot of people actually did complain about episodes 5 and 6 not being enough about Boba Fett. So I think that was a good warning to give people even if some of the other ones weren't.

Sasha: Hm. Okay, for once I can't argue with you. A lot of people did complain about that. Did you agree with them?

Ariel: To be honest, I was still waiting for the book to show up and I didn't even notice until later that Boba Fett was mostly missing from those episodes. Which we shouldn't be calling "episodes," by the way! They're "Chapters." It says so at the start of every one. Which it also says at the beginning of every episode of The Mandalorian, but I was letting them slide on that because they didn't call it "The Book of the Mandalorian."

Sasha: Great. But looking back on it, do you agree with the complainers that there should have been more Boba Fett in Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 of a show called "The Book of Boba Fett?"

Ariel: I almost did agree with them, but I was talking to Hettie about it and she said, "You know, Shakespeare wrote a play called 'The Tragedy of Julius Caesar,' and Caesar dies in scene one of act three." 

Sasha: Is it also not really a tragedy like this one is not really a book?

Ariel: Oh, gosh, I didn't even think to ask Het. But anyway, after she said that, I thought, "Well, if Shakespeare could get away with it, I don't know why Star Wars can't." I mean, at least Boba Fett comes back pretty big in Chapter 7.

Sasha: Those are also good points. But I don't think I'm going to use the "What? It's just like Shakespeare" argument if someone starts complaining that way around me.

Ariel: Hopefully they won't. Because I'm usually around you, and I don't want to hear people complaining about this show since I mostly thought it was good. And Chapter 5 was great even though there was no Boba Fett in it at all!

Sasha: I'm kind of with you on that. Although I wasn't a huge fan of some of the stuff in Chapter 7.

Ariel: Like what?

Sasha: Like the way it kept being time for the good guys to have a whole-ass conversation in the middle of a gunfight, and the bad guys for some reason paused all the shooting while the good guys were talking.

Ariel: I noticed that too! But I figured maybe they were just being careful to talk when the bad guys were reloading.

Sasha: Huh. That's actually a pretty good excuse. Still not at all realistic, but nice thinking.

Ariel: Thanks!

Sasha: I also just in general thought the story seemed like when they wrote it they were expecting a bigger budget with tons of extras, and then when a whole town's worth of reinforcements shows up it turns out to be maybe eight guys in a van.

Ariel: In my brain there were a lot of those vans showing up all around town in all the different places where fighting was going on. But it would have been better if it was on the screen. Or at least if they mentioned it, like Boba Fett saying, "Wait, I thought there's supposed to be a whole town of you guys!" And the dude driving the van says, "Well, yeah, but one bunch of us went to fight in the murder-lizard part of the city, and another bunch went to the butt-tooth monkey part, and some other bunches went some other places. This town is a mess!"

Sasha: That would have been a good dodge if they just didn't have the budget for their original plan.

Ariel: I still liked a lot of stuff about it, though, and even more stuff about the other Chapters.

Sasha: Like what?

Ariel: Well, obviously the part where they killed the big sand-pit monster with one of those bombs that goes BRROWWRRRRR!

Sasha: Haha, BRROWWRRRRR!

Ariel: And also the scene where he just murderizes that whole biker gang from the air with his veep!veep!veep!veep!veep! guns on his spaceship.

Sasha: Yeah, that was a cool-ass scene. Those guys had it coming.

Ariel: They had it coming so much, he didn't even bother doing a showdown with them so he could tell them why he's killing them.

Sasha: Nope, straight to the killing. I really liked that chapter.

Ariel: Actually most all of the first four chapters were really good, except for a goofy thing here and a goofy thing there. Then Chapter 5 was totally awesome with that hula-hoop planet and his new spaceship getting built.

Sasha: Both of those were super-cool. Was it in that same chapter where he went to the planet to find Farmboy Luke and Baby Yoda, and the Rolling Bleepster met him when he landed?

Ariel: I don't remember, but I loved how the Bleepster went all bleepity-bleep when he saw that ship. I'm betting he was saying, "Hey! That's an N-1 starfighter! I flew a cute little slave boy around in one of those once, and then later I flew his senator girlfriend in one too."

Sasha: You may be right. I wondered why he bleeped so much. That idea makes that scene even better.

Ariel: I also loved how the builder-bots built the Mandalorian a bench to wait on while he was talking to Rolling Bleepster.

Sasha: Haha, yeah, he was like, "How long am I going to have to wait?" and then he looks down and sees it and he's like, "Hang on ... is this bench for me? Dammit."

Ariel: That was a great part. If it was in Chapter 6 it was maybe the best part of the chapter.

Sasha: You didn't like that chapter?

Ariel: It was a good chapter, but a little weird. Like, all the Baby Yoda space-magic lessons were cool, but REALLY didn't feel like the whole rest of the series. It wasn't just that there was no Boba Fett in those scenes ... they like, didn't even feel like they were taking place in the same galaxy as the Boba Fett stuff.

Sasha: Yeah, Chapter 5 at least seemed pretty Boba Fetty because the Mandalorian looks a lot like Boba Fett and does the kinds of things Boba Fett does, and was buddies with Boba Fett near the end of The Mandalorian season 2. But Farmboy Luke showing Baby Yoda how to do space magic was a whole other kettle of one-eyed frogs.

Ariel: I agree except that I think maybe instead of saying it was Boba Fetty, it would sound better to say Boba Fettish.

Sasha: Ooh, Boba Fetish! I like that!

Ariel: Anyway, I hope they do another season of The Book of Boba Fett, but I guess it doesn't sound too much like they will since a lot of people didn't like it as much as The Mandalorian.

Sasha: We'll just have to wait and see.

Ariel: Well, should we go on and start watching Mandalorian season 3 now?

Sasha: I vote yes!

Ariel: Cool!

Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Dungeons and Dragons!

Sasha: Okay, it was weird typing that post title.
Ariel: How come?
Sasha: Because I only just realized this really was the first time we experienced Dungeons and Dragons! We've played Dungeon Crawl Classics, which is kinda D&D-ish, and we've played Old School Essentials, which is pretty much straight up D&D --
Ariel: So straight-up you made us call you the Dungeon Master and not just the game master or the judge or the referee or whatever.
Sasha: Wait, one of those games calls it the referee?
Ariel: I guess because he's the one who gets to make all the rule decisions. Except in this case it's she's the one, because it was you.
Sasha: Dang, maybe I didn't read those rules as carefully as I should have before we played.
Ariel: That's okay, you did great!
Sasha: Thanks! Anyway, this weekend, we did not play Dungeons and Dragons.
Ariel: Nope, sure didn't. But we did something maybe almost even better, which is go see the Dungeons and Dragons movie! I won't say the subtitle because it's kind of naughty sounding.
Sasha: What? What are you talking about.
Ariel: You know ... psst, psst, psssst, psst, psst.
Sasha: No, Aers, it's "Honor Among Thieves."
Ariel: I just said that, only quieter so it wasn't embarrassing.
Sasha: Honor with an "H," Aers. Not "On Her Among Thieves." You didn't really think that was the title, did you?
Ariel: No, I just wanted you to feel better about not reading those rules carefully, so I pretended I didn't read the title carefully enough. 
Sasha: Really, I didn't feel all that bad about it.
Ariel: Great! My job here is finished!
Sasha: No it's not -- we've got to talk about the movie.
Ariel: That's what I meant. I swear.
Sasha: Sure, okay. So are you ready to tell people to put their spoiler blankets over their heads?
Ariel: People, put your spoiler blankets on over your heads! Unless you don't mind the movie getting spoiled, I mean. Everybody ready? Do you have them on?
Sasha: If they have them on, they can't read what you just typed.
Ariel: I was trying to catch the cheaters.
Sasha: Okay, moving on ... I loved this movie!
Ariel: Yes! Ten stars out of ten! We a hundred percent need to play this game, because it turns out actual D&D is way more funnier than all the kinda-D&Ds we've been playing.
Sasha: Um ...
Ariel: What? I mean, I know some pretty funny things have happened in our games, but not that many things and not nearly as super-funny a bunch of things.
Sasha: Sure, but I don't think being funny comes with the rule set. I think it depends a lot more on the people who are playing.
Ariel: Well that's crazy. If being funny isn't a rule in D&D, why did this movie pretty much do it practically every single minute?
Sasha: I'm thinking they just decided they wanted to make a funny movie.
Ariel: Okay, well wait right here and I'm going to go get one of MSG's rulebooks off the shelves and open it up and I bet one of the very first rules is going to be, "You better be really funny when you're playing this game!"
Sasha: I'll wait.
Sasha: ...
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Ugh. I'm back.
Sasha: So it wasn't in the rules?
Ariel: Worse! There are SO MANY of those books on the shelves! Why does MSG have so many of those books and we've never actually played actual D&D? I couldn't even figure out which one to start with.
Sasha: Probably the Dungeon Master's Guide, right? Because the Dungeon Master is the one who has to be in charge of all the rules.
Ariel: But there wasn't even just one Dungeon Master's Guide! There were two of them, and one of them was super-old and beat all to heck.
Sasha: So you couldn't pick between two books? Or just look in one and then look in the other? I mean, if you're so sure being funny will be one of the first rules ...
Ariel: There was also a box, though, not just the two Dungeon Master's Guides and skadoodles of other books.
Sasha: What did the box say?
Ariel: "Starter Set."
Sasha: And you didn't think that would be the right place to start?
Ariel: What if I started there and it said, "Look, you're going to have to work your way up to being as funny as you need to be to play this game." What would I do then?
Sasha: Oh, I don't know ... maybe come back here and admit you were wrong about the rules being the part that makes the game funny?
Ariel: I think not deciding was better.
Sasha: Why?
Ariel: Because now I still don't have to admit I was wrong. Which I'm not saying I was! Just that if I was, I don't have to admit it because we don't know.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Plus, people are probably really tired of waiting for us to talk about the movie.
Sasha: When has that ever stopped you before?
Ariel: Um ... let me scroll back through the old posts so I can --
Sasha: No! Just say something about the movie already, would you?
Ariel: It was super-funny.
Sasha: I would be annoyed at the fact that you're just saying something you already said, except ... it really was that funny!
Ariel: Wow, was that a funny movie.
Sasha: I don't remember the last time I laughed that much at a movie.
Ariel: What did you think was the funniest part?
Sasha: Definitely the graveyard part.
Ariel: OMG.
Sasha: What did you think was the funniest part?
Ariel: Obviously the graveyard part, duh.
Sasha: Okay, well how about the second funniest?
Ariel: Umm ... I'm trying to remember and every time I do I just keep thinking of the graveyard part. Wait, I think ... no. Just more graveyard part.
Sasha: People are going to think it's the only funny part if we can't come up with anything else.
Ariel: Well ... the trial part at the beginning was very funny too. It was probably funny enough to be the funniest part in a pretty funny movie that just didn't have anything as funny as the graveyard part.
Sasha: Yeah, I'd say so.
Ariel: I think maybe a lot of the other funny parts just sort of wove their way through more serious parts and more actiony parts and just made almost everything funny instead of being whole scenes by themselves that were funny start-to-finish.
Sasha: That's true. It was so funny I don't immediately think about the dramatic parts and the super-whiz-bang action parts.
Ariel: The druid girl escaping that city!
Sasha: Yes!
Ariel: When they smuggled that painting onto that wagon ...
Sasha: That was funny and action-packed at the same time!
Ariel: And of course, a lot of what was funny was the way the characters were, not just the situations or the lines. Like the main two, you know ...
Sasha: The bard and the barbarian?
Ariel: Yes! Team Bardbarian. I loved how she would always say things that weren't helpful, and then he'd get all frustrated ...
Sasha: Oh, you loved that stuff, huh?
Ariel: It was great! Why are you looking at me like that?
Sasha: No reason.
Ariel: The druid and the wizard dude were not as funny, although she was very cool and he was pretty funny, just not as funny as Bardbarian.
Sasha: That paladin guy ruled though. He was super-cool and very funny.
Ariel: Maybe paladins are like that in Dungeons and Dragons.
Sasha: I guess we'll have to play it sometime and see.
Ariel: Uh-huh. OH! I thought of another funny part.
Sasha: Which one?
Ariel: That dragon!
Sasha: Oh yeah, haha! He was funny and kinda scary at the same time.
Ariel: He for sure had me worried at a couple points.
Sasha: So overall, two big thumbs up for this movie, right?
Ariel: Four thumbs up! Because we both need to use both our thumbs for how up it was.
Sasha: I'm down for that.
Ariel: Now I want to go make up D&D characters.
Sasha: Hmm. Pretty good idea, actually. But do you think you can figure out where to start?
Ariel: Yes!
Sasha: Really? Where?
Ariel: Wherever MSG is, so we can make him help us.
Sasha: I like it.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Star Trek: TBG Season Three! No, Really, This Time For Sure!

Ariel: I promise I'm going to be good this time.
Sasha: Let's not even talk about it. Just tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets on and then we can jump right in.
Ariel: Great! Put your spoiler blankets on, everybody, if you don't want all kinds of stuff given away about Star Trek: That Bald Guy Season Three! Or at least about the first three episodes. If you're reading this and there's already more than three episodes out, don't worry about your blanket because we haven't seen any past number three. Sash, since I kinda sorta hogged all the talking last time, I think you should go first now.
Sasha: Cool. Thanks!
Ariel: You're welcome!
Sasha: First, the good things. Okay, your turn!
Ariel: Well, but you didn't say any good things.
Sasha: Exactly.
Ariel: Oh my gosh, come on. It wasn't that bad!
Sasha: Yeah, I know, I was mostly just trying to be funny.
Ariel: Haha, I get it now. But, so, was there something you thought was good?
Sasha: I liked that Captain Pshaw was a big jerk-bag but was basically right about everything he said and did. Except the part where he didn't immediately have Commander Face-Accessory confined to quarters and the part later on where he didn't immediately have Admiral Bald Guy and Captain Smugbeard put in the brig after he rescued them.
Ariel: Well he wasn't right about always calling Commander Face-Accessory by her wrong name instead of her number name.
Sasha: That's true. Especially since if he wanted to be a jerk-bag about what he called her, he could have called her Commander Of Nine.
Ariel: Or even just "Number One" since that would be totally accurate for her position but also kind of jerk-baggy because her real number is seven.
Sasha: Ooh, that would have been good.
Ariel: But seriously, you liked him?
Sasha: I liked that he was treating Admiral Bald Guy and Smugbeard like dumb-asses, because they were being so dumb-assy.
Ariel: There is a lot of dumb-assery in this show for sure.
Sasha: "Hi, Captain Pshaw! We're coming on board to do a surprise inspection of your maiden voyage. Don't mind us, we're not trying to undermine you during your big moment or get in the way or anything. You'll hardly notice we're here. Oh, and could you turn the ship in the exact opposite direction of where you're going on your maiden voyage so we can visit this completely other place for no particular reason?"
Ariel: Like, why were they surprised when he said no about that?
Sasha: Apparently because even though they both hate being made to do things they don't want to do, they figured Pshaw would be fine with it, regardless of Smugbeard warning Bald Guy up front that Pshaw was a jerk-bag.
Ariel: Right? He was all, "Admiral, I know you said Doctor Crushher said, 'No Starfleet,' but since I'm a Starfleet guy and the first thing you did after she told you that was come to me, listen to this plan I've got that involves us getting on a Starfleet ship and making a super-high-profile entrance where every Starfleet person on board will be looking over their shoulders for us because we're supposedly doing a surprise Starfleet inspection. By the way, the Starfleet Captain of this Starfleet ship is a total sack of yark and could be trouble, but probably he won't say no to us and especially won't contact Starfleet and ask, 'Hey, are Bald Guy and Smugbeard really supposed to be inspecting this ship that was just refitted and therefore must have already had a bunch of major inspecting done on it?'"
Sasha: Exactly. And Bald Guy just shrugs and says, "Well, I've got absolutely no other ideas even though I know the galaxy like the back of my hand and have five or six decades worth of contacts who might be able to help us built up from my extremely long career. So sure, let's go with that, Smugbeard."
Ariel: And then the looks on their faces when Pshaw said no!
Sasha: Especially Smugbeard. His eyes got as big as a Starfleet starship saucer section and you could tell he was thinking, "Oh shit, I did not see that coming. Now we're totally fucked!"
Ariel: I have to admit, even though he was a jerk-bag about it, I did think Captain Pshaw was being totally reasonable in saying, "No, I won't do that."
Sasha: Even if he wasn't being reasonable, how could they not be ready with some sort of fallback plan? Because the looks on their faces said they didn't have a fallback plan.
Ariel: I guess maybe their fallback plan was to have their friend Commander Of Nine throw away her career committing mutiny by hijacking the ship to go where they wanted to go once Pshaw hit the sack for the night. And when she had just barely gotten that career back the year before!
Sasha: I honestly don't think it was a fallback plan. I think they just came up with that on the fly.
Ariel: Super-weird that it more or less worked, as long as they didn't mind the whole ruining-our-friend's-career thing.
Sasha: Anyway, long story short, since Captain Pshaw was the only one behaving like he had a lick of sense, obviously by episode three it was time for him to go.
Ariel: I could tell you were upset when that happened.
Sasha: Like I couldn't see it coming, though ... you'd have to be That Bald Guy or Smugbeard to not realize Pshaw was only there to be antagonizing to our legendary heroes, and once the actual bad guys show up, he was just in the way of the real characters being in charge of the ship and able to make their terrible decisions for everybody on board.
Ariel: Gosh. I mean ... I was surprised.
Sasha: Sure, but let's be honest, the main thing you work at predicting during shows is, will your popcorn hold out until it's over.
Ariel: That's true. If I don't pay attention, suddenly the show's only half over and I'm like, "What the -- where's all my popcorn?"
Sasha: Anyhow, I don't have high hopes for episodes four and up now that Pshaw conked his head and broke his leg.
Ariel: And they made sure to show the bone sticking out so we'd go, "Yuck! That's bad! I guess he's not coming back from sickbay anytime soon!"
Sasha: Which of course doesn't make any sense either since they could totally put some kind of "phase induction skeletal integrity" boot on his leg and hit him with some painkillers and he'd be good to go.
Ariel: Maybe they will!
Sasha: I'm not holding my breath. Anyhow ... were there things you liked about the season so far?
Ariel: Well ... I guess I did like Doctor Crushher a little better in this show than that similar character, Doctor Crusher in the Star Trek: That Not-bald Guy series. And she's played by a better actress. That lady from the old series stank.
Sasha: I'm pretty sure it's the same character and the same actress, Aers.
Ariel: Really? But I haven't noticed her doing anything really stupid in most of these episodes like she did in all the old show ones, and the actress actually changes her facial expression sometimes and doesn't talk like she's been sipping too much of sickbay's Nyquil supply.
Sasha: Yes, but she's literally had thirty years to up her acting game. Maybe she took some lessons.
Ariel: Hmm. Now that I know it's the same lady, I feel like I like her less again.
Sasha: Sorry to spoil that for you.
Ariel: Now that I think about it, she did reveal in that one scene that even though she knew That Bald Guy didn't want kids and even though their relationship was on the rocks, she still had sex with him without any kind of protection and got pregnant and then decided to keep the kid and not tell him.
Sasha: Maybe she used protection but it just failed.
Ariel: Well then she's a terrible doctor, isn't she? I mean, she is supposed to know how this stuff works, and in the old show she was like, surprised one time when the captain had a headache because in the future they've totally cured headaches and the common cold. Have they really not figured out how to make the pill any more reliable?
Sasha: It does seem like if she wanted to be sure to not get pregnant because he didn't want kids, then she could make sure she didn't get pregnant.
Ariel: Exactly. With future medicine or something.
Sasha: Or maybe in the future there's a pill that works perfectly and also a pill for dudes that works perfectly, and both of them just assumed that the other one was taking the right pill, only neither of them was taking anything.
Ariel: I think that seems a lot like these two characters, actually. Anyway, I'm still going to call her Doctor Crushher instead of Doctor Crusher just because it's funnier.
Sasha: I honestly thought that was the whole reason you were saying it that way in the first place.
Ariel: I mean, it was a pretty big part of why.
Sasha: I will say, the title of that number three episode was really accurate, though.
Ariel: What do you mean?
Sasha: I mean, in the flashback scene at the start of the episode, Captain Smugbeard is telling Admiral Bald Guy about how there was a scare when his son was being born and it took him seventeen seconds to get to sick bay, and it was the longest seventeen seconds of his life.
Ariel: Right, and then later that same thing happened to Bald Guy when his grown-up son from pill-skipping Doctor Crushher was dying in sick bay. Even I predicted that. (Though I admit I only predicted it after I got seconds on popcorn and my bowl was super-full so I could pay more attention to the show.) But is being predictable the same thing as being accurate?
Sasha: No, what I meant was, pretty much every seventeen seconds watching this show, I was thinking, "Well that was the longest seventeen seconds of my life."
Ariel: Haha! You have to admit, though, seventeen seconds of the TNG show was usually a lot longer feeling than seventeen seconds of TBG.
Sasha: Yeah, some of those TNG scenes you can pretty much hear the accountant saying, "Keep posing! We don't have any budget to do anything else this episode!"
Ariel: I can totally see why people who liked TNG seem to really like TBG.
Sasha: Yeah, they're bringing back all the same characters, but even if the story doesn't make any sense, at least a lot more happens scene to scene than in some of those TNG clunker episodes. It must feel especially action-packed for people who liked that show.
Ariel: Even if the action mostly results from bad decisions by our good guys.
Sasha: I'm definitely happy for all the people who are liking this show, and I'm glad for the people who make the show that there are people liking it. Even if I'm not one of those people.
Ariel: Wait, do you mean the people making the show or the people liking the show?
Sasha: Uh ... what? I'm not either one of them.
Ariel: Okay, I just wanted to make sure I knew which one of them you meant you weren't, and now I know it's both.
Sasha: Didn't you already know that, though?
Ariel: I knew you're not either of them, but I didn't know you meant you weren't either of them.
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: I feel like its feeling like maybe we should wrap this one up.
Sasha: I feel like your feeling is probably right.
Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Star Trek: TBG Season 3!

Sasha: I don't know if this is such a good idea.
Ariel: What do you mean? I thought you said we should get back on our blogging bike.
Sasha: Yes, definitely! It's been way too long since we blogged a good Experience.
Ariel: Waaaay too long. We've been so bad! Except now we're going to make up for it, so what's wrong?
Sasha: Just those last couple of words from what I said a second ago: "a good Experience."
Ariel: That's three words.
Sasha: I wasn't trying to be exact! I just mean, it's been way too long since we blogged a good Experience --
Ariel: What!? That's even farther from being a couple of words than just "a good Experience" was!
Sasha: No, stop. Can we just move on from the whole "couple" thing?
Ariel: You don't want us to be a couple anymore?
Sasha: Agh! Of course I do!
Ariel: I mean, I know technically we're not just a couple because we've got five other yams in our polyam-fam, but ...
Sasha: We're still a couple! Okay? Just you and me together, that's a couple. Two. A pair. Right?
Ariel: Well, I mean, you've got a pair and I've got a pair, so that's actually two pairs.
Sasha: ... 
Ariel: A couple of pairs. And I mean, not to be modest, but they're pretty good pairs, in my experience. So pretty much just by being here we've already got a good experience going.
Sasha: Are you trying to convince me this is a good idea or not? Because you're kind of reminding me of all the crazy pointless arguments we get into when we're blogging like this.
Ariel: But that's the most fun part sometimes! Also, I was setting up an awesome joke, and now it's all off track.
Sasha: *sigh* Fine. Why don't you just say the joke, then?
Ariel: It has to be set up, though, or it won't be funny.
Sasha: Seriously? Are you really going to make me argue with you for twenty minutes setting up a joke?
Ariel: It wasn't going to be twenty minutes! Maybe sixteen or seventeen.
Sasha: Just ... just tell me and everybody what the setup was going to be so you can tell the joke so we can get on with talking about Star Trek: TBG Season 3.
Ariel: Okay, but don't blame me if it's not as funny with me explaining it.
Sasha: Whatever, let's just hear it.
Ariel: So step one was to get you to say "pair" so then I could keep saying "pair" a lot.
Sasha: Uh-huh.
Ariel: And then step two was going to be starting to talk about season three.
Sasha: Thank god talking about the show was somewhere in your plan.
Ariel: Of course it was! Anyhow, then step three was to keep talking and making sure I said "pair" and "season three" a lot, especially the "pair" and "three" parts.
Sasha: Oh no. Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going.
Ariel: It isn't going where you think it's going.
Sasha: Okay because if it was going there, I was going to scream.
Ariel: Um ... you know I don't know where you think it's going, right? I just said it isn't going there because you asked me to please tell you that.
Sasha: So it is going there. Great. Whatever. Finish it up so we can start talking about the show.
Ariel: Err ... are you sure you ... hey, stop looking at me all mean like that!
Sasha: Finish the joke!
Ariel: I mean I guess, but it's totally ruined now. Step four was going to be talking about how aliens in Star Trek always have some kinda ridges on their foreheads.
Sasha: I can't. I just can't. Somehow you're going to put this together into "a part ridge in a pair three," right?
Ariel: I told you it was ruined. You don't have to keep facepalming like that.
Sasha: Deep breaths, Sasha. Deep breaths.
Ariel: Can I tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets on so we can talk about the show without spoiling it for people now?
Sasha: Yes. Please do that.
Ariel: Put your spoiler blankets on, everybody! We're about to totally ruin Star Trek: TBG Season Three if you don't!
Sasha: Well, not totally, since we've only seen the first two episodes.
Ariel: See, that was how I was going to create an excuse to say "pair" again. The first pair of episodes.
Sasha: Can this joke just be over yet?
Ariel: I'm just making sure everyone knows how awesomely it was going to be set up!
Sasha: Yes. Great. It was going to be awesome. Can we please talk about the show now?
Ariel: Sure. What was your favorite part?
Sasha: I'm not sure I have a favorite part. The thing is --
Ariel: See how I just got us to say "part" a couple of times there?
Sasha: Do you see how I'm getting rigid with frustration?
Ariel: What?
Sasha: I'm so frustrated I'm going to have to stop and go get a snack ... from the fridge!
Ariel: Oh, as long as you're going, can you --
Sasha: But first we might want to print something, so I need to change the printer cartridge!
Ariel: Is the ink out?
Sasha: Yes! At least one color, maybe more! I'll have to change a cartridge, or a pair, or three!
Ariel: I don't understand why you're so worked up about the printer all of a sudden.
Sasha: Never mind. Talk about the show. Star Trek. That Bald Guy. Season Three.
Ariel: I think you were about to tell me your favorite part.
Sasha: No. I was not. I was going to say I don't even have a favorite ... thing ... about the show, because it kept being really annoying. Like someone I know.
Ariel: Oh! I just realized what you were doing with that cartridge or pair or three thing! That was really funny!
Sasha: NO IT WASN'T!
Ariel: Geez, you don't have to get all shouty. Just tell us what you thought was so annoying about the show.
Sasha: I -- you know, it suddenly seems like a bunch of very minor stuff, when I put it in perspective.
Ariel: You seem like you need a hug.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: I'm sorry I can be such an annoying girlfriend. Let me give you a hug and help you feel better.
Sasha: Is there some kind of hug pun coming if I do?
Ariel: No, I promise!
Sasha: ... okay. I do kind of need a hug.
Ariel: Here.
Sasha: ...
Ariel: Better?
Sasha: A little.
Ariel: So do you want to talk about the show, or should we come back later?
Sasha: How about later, when we can make a fresh start.
Ariel: Okay ... dang, though.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: All our poor readers have been sweating under their spoiler blankets and now it turns out they didn't need to!
Sasha: I'm sure they'll get over it.
Ariel and Sasha: See you later, readers!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Raiders of the Lost Ark!!!!

Sasha: WHAT.
Ariel: That was ...
Sasha: How did they ...
Ariel: I don't think I'm awake. I think I dreamed that.

Sasha: I didn't dream that -- I don't have a big enough brain to dream that.

Ariel: Oh. No, me neither.

Sasha: People. We just watched the very best movie ever.

Ariel: That's not even a spoiler because nobody who hasn't seen the movie will believe us. It's like, impossible to spoil how good a movie it was.

Sasha: I was not prepared.

Ariel: How could you be prepared? Even watching the other three movies first couldn't prepare you.

Sasha: Watching the other three movies anti-prepared me, in fact. I think.

Ariel: Yeah, like, oh hey, here's this Location of the Crystal Skull movie and it's a crazy good time with lots of cool stuff and also some goofy stuff and that's a really good mixture.

Sasha: And then there was Indiana Jones and the Coffee Cup of Jesus, some okay stuff in it, a kinda who-cares Nazi chick as the love interest, plus let's throw in twenty minutes of kid Indy at the start for not much reason, and also let his dad steal the show from him a lot of the time.

Ariel: Followed by that Thimble of Doom movie ... which, at the time I was like, okay, there's kind of a lot of doom in this movie and there's a temple, so that's an okay title. But now that I've seen this movie, it's definitely only a thimbleful of doom in that one.

Sasha: And people have such weird-ass opinions about those three movies, it was kind of hard to see how all the opinions of Raiders of the Lost Ark being the best one would be right.

Ariel: Well, but they were only partway right, because everybody just always says it's the best Indiana Jones movie and hardly anybody tells you it's THE BEST MOVIE IN ALL OF HISTORY.

Sasha: Like the other three movies all had their ups and downs. Crystal Skull, mostly ups.

Ariel: Thimble of Doom, mostly downs.

Sasha: Def. But one thing they all had in common was, there were times when you're watching them and you're kinda like, "Okay, I'm waiting for the next thing to happen." And this movie isn't like that.

Ariel: Not at all!

Sasha: Everything that happened, I was watching it happen, and it was all that needed to be happening. There wasn't anything to wait for.

Ariel: And last time, we were making fun of Indy for saying the problem with all the other women was, they weren't Marion, when really it seemed like the problem was, they were Nazis or bimbos. Because Crystal Skull Marion was definitely a catch compared to the Thimble Bimbo and Professor Backstabra von NaziLady, but she didn't exactly seem like for sure better than ALL other women.

Sasha: Wow, though, Lost Ark Marion made you understand why he said that.

Ariel: "Look, I'm going to outdrink everybody!"

Sasha: "I will sucker-punch Indy for being a dick when we were younger!"

Ariel: "I will bullshit anyone who tries to take advantage of me! And blow cigarette smoke in Nazis' fat ugly faces!"

Sasha: "I will beat people on the head with firewood during a gunfight!"

Ariel: "I will drink from the bullet-holed beer keg so I'm ready to beat people on the head!"

Sasha: "I will shoot bad guys in the back to save Indy from certain death!"

Ariel: "Do not chase me around a corner or I will take you out with a frying pan!"

Sasha: "You better have lots of Nazis around if you kidnap me or I will drink you under the table and gouge you with a steak knife!"

Ariel: "I will climb into a moving airplane to machine-gun truckloads of Nazis if you give me half a chance!"

Sasha: She was freakin' awesome.

Ariel: And the bad guys!

Sasha: Right? How do you go from a movie with that hat-wearing, suave-a-liciously skeevy French dude and Mr. Evil-Spectacles-and-Chargrilled-Heil-Hitler-Hand Porkface McNazi, plus mega-perfect Marion Ravenwood to a movie with lousy bad guys and Most Useless Love Interest Ever like Thimble of Doom had?

Ariel: It's beyond whackadoo. OH!!!

Sasha: What, did you figure out an answer to that question?

Ariel: No, just out of nowhere I remembered, he finds her in the tent and she's alive instead of exploded in the back of that truck, and he's just about to cut her loose and then he puts the gag back in her mouth and leaves so the bad guys don't get wise to what's up!

Sasha: Ooh, she was sooo pissed!!! That was maybe the best thing ever.

Ariel: The whole movie was full of so many best things ever!

Sasha: Normally I might argue that that doesn't really make sense, but in this case I think you're right.

Ariel: Whew. Okay, well, we should probably stop there, then.

Sasha: That works for me. Wow. What a good movie.

Ariel and Sasha: Goodnight, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Ariel: Okay, I am so confused.
Sasha: Really? I thought this was a pretty straightforward movie.
Ariel: No, I'm so confused that our yams lied to us! They said everybody thinks the Crystal Skull movie is the worst Indiana Jones movie, which, there's no way anybody thinks this Temple of Doom movie is better than that one. I just don't believe it.
Sasha: I didn't believe it either but I looked it up and yeah, tons of people say things like, "There are only three Indiana Jones movies" and they include this one in the three but not that one.
Ariel: But ... literally NOTHING in this movie made any sense! I can't even complain about one particular thing or another being unrealistic, because there wasn't anything at all that was realistic!

Sasha: Yeah, I'm with you. Except I can complain about one thing because it happened early on and I thought, "People don't buy him surviving the atom bomb explosion by hiding in a refrigerator, but they do buy this?"

Ariel: What was it?

Sasha: He gets on a plane to escape the bad guy who poisoned him in the nightclub, right?

Ariel: Right.

Sasha: And it turns out the plane belongs to the bad guy, right?

Ariel: Right.

Sasha: And the pilot and co-pilot work for the bad guy, so they're going to totally kill Indiana Jones, right?

Ariel: Uh-huh.

Sasha: So to do it, they fly all the way across China and then jump out of the plane with parachutes over the mountains between China and India! Like, hours and hours and hours of flying, and they're going to crash their boss's plane, which has got to be expensive, and they're going to parachute down into a mountainous wilderness in a blizzard instead of just, like, shooting him in his sleep?

Ariel: I thought you were going to complain that falling out of the plane in a rubber life raft was just as unrealistic as being thrown through the air in a refrigerator, but you're right. It's way crazier to think a couple of pilots would waste all that time flying just to ditch the plane and risk their lives parachuting into mountains.

Sasha: Plus, the fact that it was a super-unrealistic movie from start to finish wasn't nearly the worst part of it.

Ariel: Not by a long shot. I mean, what was up with that nightclub singer lady being the love interest?

Sasha: What was up with her being a character at all? I like, totally did not respect one single thing about her.

Ariel: She was such a waste of person-ness! Do you think there are people who enjoy watching a just-sort-of-hot chick do nothing but whine and complain and act crazy-greedy about diamonds for two hours?

Sasha: What does Indy even see in her, except that she's sort of hot? And if that's all he sees in her, why are we supposed to have any respect for him?

Ariel: I mean, in the Crystal Skull movie, Indy tells the Marion chick that the problem with all the other women in his life was, they weren't her. And now that I've seen these other two movies, I'm like, "This dude does not know how to pick women." Because he really should have answered Marion by saying, "Yeah, I've had a lot of women since we were together. The only problem with them was, they were all brain-dead vacuum-head bimbos who spent the whole time I knew them screaming at me. Oh, also, some were Nazis."

Sasha: So here's my scorecard. Realisticness: Crystal Skull over Temple of Doom by a hair. Maybe several hairs. Love interest: Crystal Skull over Temple of Doom by a mile. I mean, you could see in every scene that Marion was bonkers for Indy, even when they were arguing.

Ariel: I'm with you on both of those things.

Sasha: Oh, and bad guys. We've got to talk bad guys.

Ariel: Crystal Skull times infinity.

Sasha: I know, right? There was the accent-having Camel Gal, there was that back-stabbing Mac guy.

Ariel: Macstabber.

Sasha: There were those super-rude CIA dudes or FBI guys or whatever they were.

Ariel: G-men, one way or another.

Sasha: And I'd even call that Russian officer guy Indy kept fist-fighting more interesting than the Temple of Doom bad guys.

Ariel: Were there even real bad guys in Temple of Doom? I mean, there was a mostly polite dude in a suit, and then there was a crazy insano priest guy, but what were they even in it for?

Sasha: Plain old evilness, apparently. At first I thought, "Oh, this is interesting. Polite-guy-in-a-suit seems to have a real beef with the British colonizers. Maybe this movie is going to have some interesting history lessons in it that motivate the bad guys."

Ariel: Nope, turns out they were all, "Hi! Don't mind us, we're just here for the EVIL."

Sasha: Honestly, the only thing I liked about this movie was the spunky kid who was played by that dude from Everything Everywhere All at Once.

Ariel: OMG. That kid was that guy? Wow.

Sasha: Yeah, the only problem was, every time I saw him, I was thinking, "Geez, I sure wish I was watching Everything Everywhere All at Once again instead of this movie."

Ariel: I'm glad I didn't recognize him or I would have been thinking the same thing.

Sasha: Whew. Well, I guess all that's left is the very first Indiana Jones movie. I don't have very high hopes for it though, because everybody seems to think it's the best one, and so far this series has not been good about proving everybody right.

Ariel: That's for sure.

Sasha and Ariel: Wish us luck, everybody!

Ariel: No, wait! Don't jinx us that way, everybody! Because so far you haven't been right about anything!