Ariel and Sasha Experience ... StRRAUURRGHr Trek!

Ariel: OMG, what did we just watch?
Sasha: That was so messed up!
Ariel: Do we need to tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets up?
Sasha: Not before we show them this clip. Here, everybody, look at this!
Ariel: Just, like, the first 20 seconds though. The rest is pretty boring.



Sasha: How is this a real part of a Star Trek show?

Ariel: I know, right? It is though!

Sasha: Okay, spoiler blankets now, everybody.

Ariel: Although woooh, we're probably doing you a favor if we spoil this one instead of you watching it yourself!

Sasha: So, like you can see from the episode title on the clip there, this is from the Star Trek: That Not-bald Guy episode, "Lonely Among Us."

Ariel: Biggest spoiler of all here, guys -- NO ONE IS LONELY IN THIS EPISODE!

Sasha: Maybe a little.

Ariel: What? Who?

Sasha: The alien energy thingamajoid. It got torn loose from its electro-spacecloud home and sucked into the Interpretize and felt all alone and scared shitless and confused until it figured things out.

Ariel: I'm feeling like the "scared" and "confused" parts would be a way bigger deal than the "lonely" part, though.

Sasha: Sure, but I don't think they could call an episode "Scared Shitless Among Us" back in those days, and if they called it "Confused Among Us" it wouldn't really be accurate, since they were all confused most of the episode, so there wasn't really an "among" going on.

Ariel: Well, I was among the confused, that's for sure. But even if the "among" didn't fit the episode, they could have just called it "Confused Us" and that would have been way more accurate than "Lonely Among Us."

Sasha: Are you sure you don't just want to start a trend of saying these TNG episodes are all named wrong? You did that with the last one too.

Ariel: Well, but ... I mean ... hey, we watched a lot of episodes in between that one and this one and I didn't complain about their titles.

Sasha: I guess. But how do you know you wouldn't have complained if we had actually done posts for those episodes?

Ariel: Honestly, because I don't remember very much about them.

Sasha: Okay, point to you on that one.

Ariel: I mean, for sure, none of them had a "RRAUURRGH" scene like this one.

Sasha: No, that's definitely true.

Ariel: Maybe they should have called it "RRAUURRGH Among Us."

Sasha: Or "Lonely Among RRAUURRGH" so the RRAUURRGH would catch you by surprise like it did in the episode.

Ariel: I still don't like the "lonely" part.

Sasha: How about "Confused Among RRAUURRGH"? Or just "Confused ... RRAUURRGH"?

Ariel: That one!

Sasha: Do we actually want to talk about the episode, or is the title and the RRAUURRGH bit enough?

Ariel: No! It was way more messed-up than just a bad title and a RRAUURRGH scene! Like, the whole opening is about the ship taking these two sets of diplomats from planets at war to a peace conference. And I'm like, "Oh, interesting! These guys obviously hate each other's guts, and the crew will have to keep them from killing each other before they get to the peace planet, which is a really good concept for an episode!"

Sasha: If only they had made that episode.

Ariel: If only is right! I was all, "How are they going to pull this off? What kind of inspiring message is there going to be in the way they solve this problem?" And the answer was, "Welp, sorry audience, we don't really care. How 'bout if we just keep checking in on them once in a while and there's no progress being made at all and at the end one of them straight-up murders another one and the crew laughs about it?"

Sasha: Yeah, that bit was really effed up. 

Ariel: Security Chief Short-hair was all, "Hey, Commander Squareshoulders, one of the diplomats we're supposed to get safely to Peacetopia Planet got totally diced-to-death!" And Squareshoulders basically tells her, "Not now, Short-hair. Can't you see the captain is tired from being possessed by an energy being and then beamed out into space and then beamed back safe and sound?"

Sasha: And Short-hair goes, "Oh, hey, Captain! Good to see you back. Ha-ha, guess I'll go handle this homicide and diplomatic crisis on my own."

Ariel: They're crazy casual about death in this episode! That engineer dude got whacked too, and at the end the energy being just energy-shrugs and says, "Gee, real sorry about killing your dude before I got the whole communicating-with-body-having-aliens thing down."

Sasha: And the crew's like, "Eh, happens all the time. Don't worry about apologizing, we're good."

Ariel: Mind. Blown.

Sasha: Or how about the doctor being too embarrassed to tell anybody about experiencing a full-on blackout and finding herself on the bridge when last thing she knew, she was examining someone in sickbay?

Ariel: Oh ... I just assumed she's some kind of major alcoholic or something and blackouts like that happen to her all the time.

Sasha: That would explain some of her other bizarro decisions. But in this case, Lieutenant Bumpybrow gets zapped by weird-o energy that Lieutenant Visor-Eyes totally sees, and she knows all this, and she goes from "Let's see what's wrong with Bumpybrow" in sickbay to "I'm suddenly on a whole different deck in totally different surroundings with no memory of how I got here" because she's been energy-being-possessed, and instead of warning anybody that something really freaking weird is going on, she just says, "Whoops, silly me, I should really go do my work in sick bay instead of on the bridge."

Ariel: Just plain nuts.

Sasha: Do we want to get into everyone being amused that Commander Facepaint is imitating Sherlock Holmes while these dueling diplomatic parties are trying to kill each other and people are going into walking blackouts and the Interpretize is also having unexplained ship-wide systems failures?

Ariel: What's the opposite of "indubitably"? Is it "unindubitably" or just "dubitably"? I guess what I'm trying to say is, "No, let's not."

Sasha: Fine by me. Ready to call it a wrap, then?

Ariel: Um ... RRAUURRGH?

Sasha: Sure. 

Ariel and Sasha: RRAUURRGH, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... The Naked Now!

Ariel: Okay, everybody, I'm going to spoil something without putting up the spoiler blanket warning, so don't put your spoiler blanket on yet because you're really going to want to hear this spoiler.
Sasha: You do realize you could have just said the spoiler without going through all that, and then they wouldn't have had a chance to put on their spoiler blankets? Which, now that you warned them, maybe some of them put their blankets on anyway because they hate spoilers so much. Right?
Ariel: Of course I realize that! But if I didn't warn them about it not being time for me to warn them yet, they might have thought I just forgot about warning them, and they would have been mad at me for spoiling something without warning them first.
Sasha: Oh. Hmm. Well, I guess that kind of makes sense. So what is it you're going to spoil for everybody on purpose?

Ariel: No one. Gets. Naked.

Sasha: Maybe before we get into that, we should tell everybody this is a Star Trek episode we're talking about?

Ariel: Sure, yeah, it's an episode of Star Trek: The Nakedless Generation. And it's called "The Naked Now" even though NO ONE GETS NAKED. I didn't get naked, you didn't get naked. No one on the show got naked ... omg, they even made a big deal out of the fact that someone was in a shower and had all their clothes on!

Sasha: Is the part about the shower something you feel like people really need to know before we tell them to put their spoiler blankets on?

Ariel: They shouldn't put them on at all! They should take them off, and take all their clothes off too, so at least SOMEONE will be NAKED!

Sasha: Well, I guess that means we're leaving it to their discretion whether they want to put their spoiler blankets on. But we could always take our clothes off and be naked while we blog this, you and me.

Ariel: I get distracted when you're naked.

Sasha: Let's start talking about the episode, then.

Ariel: Yes, right! So ... this is the first episode after Encounter at Fart Oink, the extremely farty first episode of The Nakedless Generation.

Sasha: Which makes me want to point out, even though the title of this episode is kinda false advertising --

Ariel: KINDA?!?

Sasha: Whatever. Even though the title was totally false advertising, this episode was loads better than Encounter at Fart Oink.

Ariel: True. It was so much better.

Sasha: Fartloads better.

Ariel: For sure.

Sasha: What did you think made it so much better?

Ariel: Maybe the whole, not-being-the-most-boring-do-nothing-episode-of-a-show-ever part?

Sasha: I'll agree with that. It was just as stupid as Encounter at Fart Oink, but not nearly as boring.

Ariel: I actually think it was even stupider and that's part of why it was less boring.

Sasha: So it was good that it was stupid? Explain.

Ariel: Um, well ... let's talk about that shower thing. So, the Interpretize finds this ship, and they call them up and it sounds like the whole crew is drunk. And then there's a loud sound and the scanners say, "Welp, no more life signs on that ship." So they beam over to investigate. And the whole ship is trashed like there's been a frat party to end all frat parties. And Commander Squareshoulders is looking around and finds this part of the ship where it's super-cold and everybody is all iced up and frozed over.

Sasha: Oh no.

Ariel: What, you don't remember that part?

Sasha: I remember ... it's just that, well, Aers, some of those frozen deadies, um, weren't wearing any clothes. So they were, you know, naked.

Ariel: I'm not counting that! They were all covered in ice and frost and stuff! And plus, the episode wasn't called, "The Naked A Few Dead Folks Covered In Frost So You Can't See Anything" -- it was called, "The Naked Now." It's still totally false advertising.

Sasha: Okay, okay ... calm down. Are we getting to the shower part yet?

Ariel: Yes. So Squareshoulders is poking around in this icebox part of the ship and sees this kind of curved closet door or something, trying to automatically close but getting stuck on something and popping back open a little every time. So he goes to check it out, and inside the closet is a totally frozen up chick wearing all her clothes.

Sasha: You're calling it a closet, but I thought this was about a shower?

Ariel: We only find out it's a shower later. There's like, literally nothing in the scene that lets you know it's a shower. Squareshoulders doesn't even say, "Whoa, this person was in the shower in all their clothes!" It just looks like a weird-shaped closet that's apparently only used for storing frozen dead bodies, because there's nothing else in it.

Sasha: Got it.

Ariel: So then when they get back to the Interpretize, Squareshoulders goes to Commander Facepaint and says, "Hey, Facepaint, I need you to look something up in the ship's data banks." And Facepaint is like, "Sure, what?" And, get this, Squareshoulders says, "I need you to find a reference to somebody being in the shower with all their clothes on."

Sasha: I thought you were going to complain about Squareshoulders not just asking the computer to look it up for him, or even just doing a Google search.

Ariel: No, the stupidest part isn't that there's no reason for him to waste Commander Facepaint's time ... it's that Squareshoulders went over to this ship full of dead people, saw it looked like there was a wild party, found a whole bunch of frozen people lying around, and the thing that sticks out to him is, someone was in the shower with their clothes on. He doesn't even ask Facepaint to cross-reference anything! He's not like, "Hey, Facepaint, see if you can get the computer to chase down anything from all of history where there were lots of dead people, a wild party, frozen bodies, dangerous intoxication, and ... what else ... oh, one of the dead bodies was in the shower with all its clothes on." He just says, "Hey, I want to know about other incidents where people took showers with their clothes on."

Sasha: It does seem like Commander Facepaint would come up with a big list of movies and sitcoms and stuff before he got to anything useful.

Ariel: Haha, no, that's the even funnier part! Facepaint acts like it's going to be hard to find examples of people taking showers with their clothes on. He says it's going to take him hours.

Sasha: That did seem pretty dumb. And Squareshoulders obviously didn't think that was an unreasonable amount of time, either. Like, I could go, "Siri, find people taking showers with their clothes on," and in the time it takes her to beep once, Siri will say, "I have located twelve bridal shower clothing stores nearby. Is that what you're looking for?"

Ariel: I know, right? But instead of saying, "What? Why's it going to take so long, Facepaint?" Squareshoulders is like, "I understand. It's going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack." And then Facepaint is confused because even though he's an android with giganto databases of his own in his head, he doesn't understand shit about anything.

Sasha: I think it was supposed to be funny when he said, "Why would anyone look for a needle in a haystack?"

Ariel: Yeah, that was the joke I think they were going for, but then Squareshoulders is like, "Sorry, I should have said like a proverbial needle in a haystack," and Facepaint is suddenly all, "Oh, of course! Human proverbs, so peculiar." HE ALREADY KNEW WHAT A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK MEANT. He just didn't bother to look it up in his data banks when Squareshoulders said it!

Sasha: That probably explains why it was going to take him so long to do a search on "shower with clothes on." The guy's totally clueless about how useful looking shit up is. Apparently he never does it himself without prodding.

Ariel: Bullseye! There were so many stupid and funny things about that scene, and none of them was the joke the writers were trying so hard to make. And the whole episode was that way!

Sasha: True. Like when the doctor lady says, "Captain, Lieutenant Visor-Eyes is acting all weird, so I'm confining him to sickbay," and then as soon as her back is turned, he just gets up and walks right out.

Ariel: I don't think she understands what "confining" means.

Sasha: No, the automatic door opened right up for him, like she couldn't have programmed it to stay shut. Not super bright in the let's-contain-this-weird-phenomenon department, was she?

Ariel: No one was! I mean, the word "quarantine" literally did not appear anywhere in the episode.

Sasha: Which might maybe sort of have been okay if Commander Facepaint didn't find the exact answer to the problem with his searching only, what, fifteen minutes into the episode?

Ariel: At that point, I was thinking, "Oh! Now they know what this thing is, how it spreads, and even what the formula for the cure is. I guess this is going to be a really short episode!"

Sasha: No such luck.

Ariel: I know, right? I was like, "So this is where That Bald Guy gets on the intercom and says, 'Hey, everybody, an incredibly dangerous disease-y kind of thing is on board, so stay in your quarters if you don't have to go out!'"

Sasha: "And don't touch each other!"

Ariel: "And put on gloves in case you accidentally touch each other!"

Sasha: "And if you see someone behaving strangely, have Security confine them to quarters!"

Ariel: "And be sure to remind Security what the word 'confine' means!"

Sasha: "And especially don't have sex with somebody who is obviously out of their gourd!"

Ariel: Any of those would probably have been good announcements to make. But they didn't, which was hilarious.

Sasha: I think even the cast knew they were making maybe the dumbest episode ever.

Ariel: They kinda looked like they were having trouble keeping a straight face a lot of the time.

Sasha: So are we up for watching more episodes of this show?

Ariel: Sure thing, now that I know some of them are stupid-hilarious instead of stupid-boooorrrrring like Encounter at Fart Oink.

Sasha: Me too. Well, are we ready to close this one down?

Ariel: Haha!

Sasha: What?

Ariel: Oh, you weren't joking? I thought you said, "ready to clothes this one down."

Sasha: Dang, that would have been a good one. Does that mean you're over being upset that no one got naked?

Ariel: Ummm ... maybe. But you know how we could make sure?

Sasha: Are you going to say, "By getting naked, now?"

Ariel: Well, you know ... it sure beats the pants off the alternative!

Sasha: Boo!

Ariel and Sasha: See you later, everybody!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Some More of the Marvels, Part Five!

Ariel: Hoo, boy, there are so many of these movies and shows left on our list.
Sasha: Sure, but there were the same number of movies and shows when we started. The only difference is, you had to go and make a complete list in Part Three, so now we know exactly how long it is.

Ariel: Well, we started before the Wicked Horny Bro Show came out. And before we watched Blast from Assassin Gal's Past. And before Shawn Sheesh and the Legend of My Vag. And --

Sasha: Okay, okay, so there are a few more things than when we started. That doesn't really make it any harder, we just have to keep posting about a couple movies or shows here, and a couple more there, and eventually we'll get done.

Ariel: But we won't! I already halfway don't remember some of these movies and shows, and they keep coming out with more and more, and we're only posting about like two or three of them each time.

Sasha: So, what, do you just want to give up?

Ariel: No! I think we just need a plan. Like, how to make sure we post the right amount so we don't keep falling behind and forgetting everything before we get to the post about the movies or shows we want to post about.

Sasha: Fine. Then why don't we just post every day until we catch up. Even if we only post about one movie or show a day, that should work, right? And you post in your journal every day, so I know you're not too lazy for daily posting.

Ariel: ... actually I've been pretty lazy about posting in my journal lately.

Sasha: Dayum, girl, you must have been really lazy if you're actually admitting you were lazy. Usually that's the one thing I can count on you to put some energy into -- arguing that you're not lazy.

Ariel: I put energy into other things than that! 

Sasha: Sheesh, I'm just kidding. Anyway, if you're being lazy, it sounds like I just need to poke you into doing more blogging. Problem solved. Can we talk about some Marvels now?

Ariel: I guess. Which one are we supposed to talk about next?

Sasha: Hey, you're the one in charge of the computer this post. Scroll back and look.

Ariel: Ugh. So much work. All right, all right ... looks like ... Everybody at Once Part 2: So Many Robots!

Sasha: Spoiler blankets up, all you readers out there! 

Ariel: I guess we should have said that, like, before I said what the movie was. Now it's too late and some people already got it spoiled for them that there are so many robots in this movie.

Sasha: It's true, there's lots of them. You could always backspace to before you typed the title and we could put the spoiler warning first.

Ariel: No. Too late. We blew it. Sorry everybody.

Sasha: What are you talking about? Nobody's even read this yet for you to apologize to.

Ariel: But I did apologize, and it made me feel better, and now you want me to backspace over it?

Sasha: Are ... are you just trying to make me call you lazy and get into a big time-wasting argument now?

Ariel: Maybe.

Sasha: Why would you do that?

Ariel: Because I'm having trouble remembering the movie! Like, barely all I can remember is there were so many robots.

Sasha: Okay, so, I'm gonna refer you back to our Mandalorian and More the Mandalorian posts now. Also, our Part Four post from just a couple days ago.

Ariel: What about them?

Sasha: Just go look at them and tell me what they have in common.

Ariel: ...

...

Ariel: Um ... I guess I kinda said the same thing over and over in them?

Sasha: Exactly. So now I'm going to talk about what I remember about this movie, and you can talk about what you remember about the movie. Got it?

Ariel: ... maybe?

Sasha: First up -- there's another redhead in this movie. No shortage of redheads in the MCU I guess. This one is very hexy.

Ariel: Sexy? I didn't think we were supposed to talk about the lady heroes like that.

Sasha: No, hexy. Like, she puts hexes on people.

Ariel: Oh, right.

Sasha: I vote we call her Hexy Redhead. Or maybe Redhexy. What do you think?

Ariel: I think there were so many robots in this movie.

Sasha: There you go. Anyway, Redhexy is in several MCU movies from here on, and also is the big star in LongDivision, so people should pay attention to all the stuff she does in this movie.

Ariel: Like fight lots of robots.

Sasha: Exactly. This movie also introduces her co-star from that show --

Ariel: Also a robot.

Sasha: Basically, except they use the word "android." I assume we should call him "Division" like in the name you made up for the show?

Ariel: I didn't make up a name for the show. Isn't that the name? It sounded like LongDivision to me.

Sasha: Did you not watch the credits for the show even once?

Ariel: I think I was out getting snackies every time.

Sasha: Whatever. Anyway, it's an awesome show, and there's lots in this movie that comes back around in that show, so I really enjoyed it.

Ariel: Additionally, there are robots. But they didn't show up in LongDivision.

Sasha: Correct.

Ariel: If they'd shown up, I would've had to say, "Divisionally, there are robots" instead of "Additionally."

Sasha: Yes. I'm completely sure you would have had to say that.

Ariel: But I didn't, because there weren't any. I think it's because they used up all the robots in this movie. There were. So. Many. Robots.

Sasha: Yeah, pretty much sums it up. Do you want to move on to Shrinkydink Bugbuddy? That's next on our list.

Ariel: I'd say yes, but I'm a little tired.

Sasha: Okay, well, if that's all, then --

Ariel: Get it? I said, "a little tired." Because he shrinks.

Sasha: I got it. I just didn't want to encourage it.

Ariel: You're no fun sometimes. I guess we're done, then.

Ariel and Sasha: Bye, everybody!

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... Some More of the Marvels, Part Four!

Sasha: Okay, let's do this thing!
Ariel: What thing? Hit the "publish" button before we're ready?
Sasha: Are you still mad about that from last time?

Ariel: Maybe.

Sasha: Well, feel free to grab the mouse and click the button to get me back, then.

Ariel: No, I'm going to be the bigger person.

Sasha: Ouch. You don't have to get personal about it. That was very heightist of you.

Ariel: Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way!

Sasha: You didn't, huh? Don't think I don't notice how you're literally always looking down on me when we're blogging.

Ariel: No I'm not!

Sasha: Are so. You're doing it right now, in fact. Look how you're tipping your head down to point your eyes at me!

Ariel: No, I ... I mean, yes, but only because I'm a little taller than you, and --

Sasha: Great, just keep rubbing it in.

Ariel: I'm not! I ... wait a minute, are you teasing me to stop me from being mad?

Sasha: Super. Now you're calling me manipulative too.

Ariel: ...

Sasha: Haha, okay, take two -- let's do this thing!

Ariel: (grumble)

Sasha: If I remember your big list from last time, first up is Hammertime Guy: Lights Out, right?

Ariel: (crosses arms) No. First we tell everybody to put their spoiler blankets over their heads.

Sasha: Sure. Everybody put your spoiler blankets over your heads, 'cause we're about to spoil us some spoilage, big time. Now, after watching this movie, I don't know why our boyfriend says it gets a bad rap from a lot of people.

Ariel: He probably says so because it gets a bad rap from a lot of people. I mean, why would he just make that kind of thing up?

Sasha: No, I mean I don't know why it would get a bad rap from a lot of people. I liked it!

Ariel: Well, sometimes people suck. Maybe you've noticed.

Sasha: Okay, obviously it's time for a tickle break.

Ariel: What? No!

Sasha: Yes, tickle break!!!

Ariel: Stop! Aah! Ahaha -- eeh! Quit it!

...

...

...

Sasha: So ... all better? Are you over being mad at me?

Ariel: Uhh ... I was mad at you? Oh, right ... I guess it's okay now ...

Sasha: Good. Straighten your shirt, girl, or you're going to be distracting me the whole rest of this post.

Ariel: Is this better?

Sasha: Peachy keen! Ready to get back to Hammertime Guy: Lights Out?

Ariel: Yeah ... it was good! I always like watching Senator Wardrobe from Star Wars, and also I liked seeing that hilarious intern chick more. She's hilarious. And it was even better when she came back in LongDivision!

Sasha: Whoa, we've got so many movies to get through before we talk about LongDivision!

Ariel: Sorry, I just really think she's funny.

Sasha: No argument there. What was your fave part of this movie, though?

Ariel: I think the part where they found the space warp thingabob and were dropping stuff in it to watch it fall and disappear and then reappear. I mean, hunky Hammertime Guy wasn't there, but it was a wacky, funny scene anyhow.

Sasha: Definitely. Also, I liked how Wicked Horny Bro was back to being an interesting character again.

Ariel: I know, right? In the first Hammertime Guy movie, he was like, "Look at me! I'm kind of funny and fun and also kind of a dick ... I'm complex that way!" Then in Everybody at Once, he was like, "Maybe I'll just go all dick, all the time. Worth a try, right?" Then in this one, he's like, "Still kind of into my being-a-dick jam, but maybe I'll try some learning-a-lesson-the-hard-way and then some doing-the-right-thing and going-out-big, just for kicks."

Sasha: Way better story choices. Now, how about the next movie, Captain I'm-Extra-Nice: Frigid Friend Zone? And why are we calling it that?

Ariel: Well, we called the first one of these movies Nerdlicious Nazi-Stomper, but there aren't nearly as many Nazis in this one and also he's not nerdy anywhere in this one, so I figured we needed a new name for him.

Sasha: Cool cool.

Ariel: Exactly! That's what the second part of the title is for -- this movie was way cool. Plus, Cap's buddy from the first movie got dropped into ice, and then fought in the whole Cold War thing, and then also there's that nurse who lives across the hall from Steve who he sort of asks out and then she sort of friend-zones him. Oh, plus Eyepatch Badass deliberately makes all his friends think he's dead, which made me go, "Whoa, that's cold" when I found out he wasn't.

Sasha: You really thought about that title a lot, didn't you?

Ariel: Sort of. You know when it came to me?

Sasha: No, when?

Ariel: When I was chillin'.

Sasha: Uh-huh. Back to the movie, then ...

Ariel: What an exciting movie! Captain I'm-Extra-Nice was awesome, Assassin Gal was awesome, Cap's new wingy-dingy friend was awesome, there was an awesome fight in an elevator and several awesome car chases and just generally a lot of awesomeness.

Sasha: I agree. Also in the dialogue, like when Assassin Gal tells him, "You may be in the wrong line of work," and then later he tells her the same thing.

Ariel: Lots of saying the right thing at just the right moment in this movie! "I'm with you to the end of the line."

Sasha: Yeah, good times. What's up next?

Ariel: I am Groot!

Sasha: Okay, no. I see where this is going, and can we just not?

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: What ... what are these? Note cards?

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: You wrote me note cards to translate all your "I am Groots" for us to use through talking about two whole movies?

Ariel: I am Groot!

Sasha: Fine. Whatever. So what did we think about this movie?

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: "Yes, I agree that it was really funny, especially Tree Dude and Sassy Trash Panda." Aers, I don't know if this is going to work. I mean, I do agree with that, but what if I didn't? 

Ariel: I am Groot!

Sasha: No, stop pointing at the cards! Seriously, I want to be able to give my own opinion about the movie.

Ariel: I. Am. Groot.

Sasha: Ugh. Fine, the next card says ... "Yeah, I guess this will all go easier if I just read the cards."

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: "But I don't want to just read the cards, I --" Wait a minute, did you write a whole argument for us to have about reading the cards on the cards?

Ariel: I am Groot?

Sasha: "What do you mean, 'Maybe?' Look at these things, it's just card after card of me saying both sides of a stupid argument! Why would I want to do this?"

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: "Oh my god, do you really think I'm that predictable? It's actually kind of insulting. Here, take these things back."

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: "Come on. What, now you're going to pretend to be all sad?"

Ariel: I ... am Groot ...

Sasha: "Well, it's not going to work. You know why? Because I'm the meanest girlfriend on the planet, and now I'm just going to hit the 'publish' button."

Ariel: I am --

Sasha: "See you next time, folks!" Oh no you don't -- give me that mouse! Get your hand away from the keyboard! You set this whole thing up just to make me look terrible, didn't you?

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: What? There aren't even any more cards! Oh, one more in your pocket, huh? And what if I refuse to read it?

Ariel: I am Groot.

Sasha: Sigh. "Everyone, I am very very sorry for stopping our last post before Ariel was ready. I hope it wasn't too disappointing for all the people who were really looking forward to reading about our experience of those movies and then not getting anything to read but a big list of doofy titles. I promise I'll never do that again." I do not promise that!

Ariel: I know. But at least maybe you'll think twice about it next time.

Sasha: Okay, okay. So are we done for today?

Ariel: Unless you want me to write up some more cards!

Sasha: Absolutely not.

Ariel: We can be done-sies then. Bye, everybody!

Sasha: Bye, everybody ... sheesh.

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Some of the Marvels, Part Three!

Ariel: Okay, I'm just making a list here, not actually starting the post, we'll need to delete this bit when we go to post the post after we're done with the real post. Nobody will care about this part.
Sasha: Wait, now you're worried whether people care about everything we put in a post? You really think whatever we say in the post is going to make more sense or be more interesting than this part?
Ariel: Of course it will, I -- look, can I just write my list?

Sasha: Sure. What's it a list of?

Ariel: All the Marvels we've watched that we haven't blogged about yet. Um ... Hammertime Guy: Lights Out ... Captain I'm-Extra-Nice: Frigid Friend Zone ... GOTG, GOTG ...

Sasha: Why'd you list that one twice?

Ariel: I didn't. I just abbreviated the two movies about those guys.

Sasha: But you abbreviated them exactly the same.

Ariel: No I didn't. The first one was the abbreviation for "Groot of the Groot," and the second one was the abbreviation for "Groot of the Groot."

Sasha: Oh. Great. Now I really can't wait until we get to those ones.

Ariel: Me either! Where was I, though? Okay, I remember ... Everybody at Once Part 2: So Many Robots! ... Shrinkydink Bugbuddy ... Captain I'm-Extra-Nice: Let's Fight, but Polite! ... Blast From Assassin Gal's Past, Mad Accent Panther, Doctor Ow I Broke My Fingers ...

Sasha: Haha, that's a good one.

Ariel: Shh! I'm concentrating! Hammertime Guy: Zeppelin' and Zeppelin' Again, Shrinkydink Bugbuddy Getting Top Billing Why Exactly?,  Everybody at Once: Prune-Chinny-Chin's War, Everybody at Once: The Halftime Show, Long Division, Wingman and Frigid Friend Zone, The Wicked Horny Bro Show, Shawn Sheesh and the Legend of My Vag, The E.T. Ernals, and finally, whew, A Very Hawkward Christmas.

Sasha: And this is seriously a list of all the movies you want us to blog about in one post?

Ariel: And shows. And no, but I keep making lists and every time you decide we're stopping before we get to the end of the list, so this time, I just kept listing and listing and now you don't know which one is actually the one I think we should stop at. This way you won't know when you have to push the "Publish" button to not do all the ones I want to.

Sasha: You're sure about that?

Ariel: Yes! I thought this plan over a lot when I came up with it.

Sasha: Totally sure?

Ariel: Yes ... Hey! Give me that mouse back! Where are you taking that cursor? What --

Sasha and Ariel Experience ... some of Star Trek: Very Disco - Season Four!

Sasha: Are you sure this is what we want to blog about next? Our Arcane post was kinda skimpy. People might want to find out a little more detail on our opinions of that one.
Ariel: I'm still getting over freaking out about the season finale of Arcane. I mean, yeah, our boyfriend pointed out a couple of ways maybe the cliffhanger might not turn out as absolutely terrible as I thought, but who knows if he's right?
Sasha: Okay, but that was such a good show ... I don't think we should just leave it at us saying how shook we were after the finale.
Ariel: Well maybe if you stopped bringing it up and talking about how shook we both were, I wouldn't keep being so shook over it, you know?
Sasha: Fine.
Ariel: Anyway, now that Star Trek: Very Disco is back on, I figure everybody wants to hear more about how we feel about it.
Sasha: Yeah, we've been getting so many comments on this blog where people are pining away because it's been on four episodes now and we haven't blogged about it.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: No, of course not.
Ariel: Oh. Boo, you got my hopes up.
Sasha: Don't worry, eventually we'll be famous bloggers and tons of people will be commenting away right and left on our posts.
Ariel: Really?
Sasha: Yes, because of quality exchanges like the one we're having right now. Who could pass this up?
Ariel: Not me.
Sasha: You don't think so, huh?
Ariel: Because you'd get mad at me for just walking out in the middle of our post.
Sasha: That's ...
Ariel: We should talk about the show now. I don't want to keep delaying the part where we're famous bloggers any more than we have to.
Sasha: Great. Spoiler blankets up, everybody!
Ariel: I think for Star Treks, we need to have our own alert color for the spoiler blanket warning. You know, like "Red Alert!" or "Yellow Alert!" or "Black Alert!" Are there other Star Trek alerts?
Sasha: I mean, there's hundreds of episodes of these shows. Probably they have about every color alert covered by now. Do we really need one?
Ariel: Come on, it'll be fun.
Sasha: Well, how do we make sure we're not repeating some other color of alert from one of the hundreds and hundreds of episodes we haven't watched?
Ariel: Maybe we could move on from colors to some other sensation.
Sasha: Like what?
Ariel: Like ... Warm Alert, because blankets are all toasty.
Sasha: So, "Warm Alert! Spoiler blankets up!"
Ariel: Maybe not. "Warm" sounds kinda cozy, and "Alert" means you should be alert, so they're a little bit opposites. There's a word for that, putting two things together that are opposites. I know I heard Hettie use it a couple weeks back. It's a very insulting word. Like somebody so stupid they ought to get pecked to death by a bird.
Sasha: That doesn't sound very much like something Hettie would say.
Ariel: I didn't think so either! Which is why I interrupted her and Elle to ask what was going on, so she explained it. I'm trying to remember what kind of bird it was.
Sasha: I think we're getting off track from naming our alert, which was already --
Ariel: Albatross.
Sasha: -- off track from --
Ariel: Owl.
Sasha: Ariel ...
Ariel: Or maybe a bird sound, like "Squawk!"
Sasha: Really, babe ...
Ariel: No, wait, that's it! "Auk!" That's the kind of bird.
Sasha: Thank god.
Ariel: Auks-eat-morons. It's when one thing is made up of two things that are opposites.
Sasha: Fine! Auks can eat all the morons they want, as far as I'm concerned, but if you don't like "Warm Alert" can we just move on?
Ariel: "Sweet Alert! Spoiler blankets up!"
Sasha: Ariel!
Ariel: "Sour Alert!" No ...
Sasha: ARIEL!
Ariel: Aha, Salty Alert, because people will get all salty if we spoil things on them.
Sasha: Beautiful. Now let's --
Ariel: Ooh! Also, people used to use salt to keep things from spoiling!
Sasha: Did you like these episodes?
Ariel: Wait ... which episodes?
Sasha: The. Episodes. We. Watched. Of. Star. Trek. Very. Disco. Season. Four. 
Ariel: Oh, sure, mostly.
Sasha: I like the sound of "mostly." It means there's nuance. Go ahead and nuance us, chica. 
Ariel: So the first episode was called, "Kobayashi Maru." Which Claire tells me is a Star Trek thing that means the sitch is a no-win scenario. Which, I'm not sure why they need a different name for it, especially since "Kobayashi Maru" and "no-win scenario" are literally exactly the same number of syllables and the same number of letters. Like, if you're making up a new word, be efficient and have it be shorter. Like "K-Mar" or "Kob-u" or something.
Sasha: Okay, so you didn't like the episode name. Was the episode itself okay? 
Ariel: Pretty okay, with some good spots and some less good spots. I guess the thing I thought was weird about it was, there was never a no-win scenario?
Sasha: What do you mean? 
Ariel: I mean, there's a space station spinning out of control and some weird space distortion fieldy kinda thing that keeps them from transporting and blah-blah-blah. And the crew was like, Okay, let's figure something out. And they figure something out, and some of them go to the station, and then something else bad happens. And they're like, Well, time to figure this new thing out. And every time there's a new thing to figure out, they figure it out. It's hard, I guess, and in the end not everybody gets out alive, and they have to do all this risky stuff that could maybe get the whole ship blown up and all of them ker-splattered all over the galaxy. But the only no-win part was that there's this politician chick on the ship going, "Hey, we're not gonna win, let's split before it gets any worse." Which seems more like a Chicken Little Maru than a Kobayashi Maru.
Sasha: I can't argue with any of that. 
Ariel: Great. Now you do the next one.
Sasha: Okay, the next one was called, "Anomaly." Which I think is a Star Trek word for, "Everybody talks way too much about their feels."
Ariel: I like it when people talk about their feels!
Sasha: Yeah, but you know, it's got to be done right and in some of the big emo convos that went on, they got somewhere to the middle of it and I'm thinking, "Hey, isn't there a giant frickin' Space Anomaly you're supposed to be trying to stop from destroying half the universe?" 
Ariel: That's true. I remember thinking something like that myself, now that you mention it.
Sasha: The next episode did it a lot better, I think. People got all their feels-discussing done during reasonable downtime, and the big problems they were trying to solve in the episode weren't nearly as big and didn't need as many people trying to solve them.
Ariel: You did some nuancing in this episode too, though, I think.
Sasha: Ugh! Yeah, it was those darn ninja nuns from Star Trek: That Bald Guy again. Like, it's been 900 years and these chicks haven't figured out, hey, maybe not every mission needs me to kill somebody during every disagreement, so maybe I should bring along like, some nunchaku or some other non-killy type ninja weapon. 
Ariel: It's even got the word "nun" right there in it.
Sasha: I know! Plus, I mean, yeah, they tried to explain it, but the whole situation could have been avoided if the one nun had just found a way to ask for the dilithium instead of stealing it, or had at least told the boss nuns why she was doing what she was doing. 
Ariel: Oh, no, that part made sense actually.
Sasha: What?
Ariel: Yeah, remember the ninja nuns have that "absolute candor" thing going on, right?
Sasha: Right ...
Ariel: So who's she going to go ask for dilithium that's not going to ask her, "Now why exactly do you need this dilithium?" Cause once they ask that, she's gotta tell them.
Sasha: Hmm.
Ariel: She can't ask the boss nuns -- they can't keep secrets either. She can't ask the Federation or they might say, "Well, where are you taking this dilithium?" And then she's got to give up the location of the people she's trying to help, and maybe some loose-lips Federation dude sinks their ship.
Sasha: You're kinda selling me on this.
Ariel: It works when you think about it. You can do the same thing all over the place. Like how Captain Snazzybraids was all pissy at the end when they handed the murder-nun over to the Vulcans and were like, "Well, she's one of theirs, so they need to hit her up with their own pointy-eared kind of punishment." And she's like, "WTF!!! Are you F****NG KIDDING ME?!?"
Sasha: Captain Snazzybraids. Haha. I did think she overreacted there. I mean, diplomacy, right, and respecting other cultures' ways?
Ariel: Yeah, but remember, she grew up on Vulcan. So it's not just, "Oh, this gal's gonna get some Vulcan justice instead of the Federation kind, maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse." She pretty much knows what sentence Murder Nun would probably get from the Vulcans compared to what she'd get from the Feddies. Apparently she think odds are, the Vulcan judge'll say, "Well, you did murder somebody, but we can see why it was logically hard for you to avoid it, so how about we have you make license plates for a couple years and then you can go back to your nunning and killing."
Sasha: I'm impressed! Did you grow up on Vulcan too, or are the brainy space-elfs just rubbing off on you?
Ariel: I mostly like them. But you'd think maybe they'd have a good sit-down with the ninja nuns and go, "You know, guys, we could totally make you some swords with a 'stun' setting on them. We're smart like that."
Sasha: Yeah, you'd think. Okay, we done with these three episodes?
Ariel: Yes! And there's that fourth one we've still got to watch anyhow.
Sasha: Nice, sounds like a plan.
Ariel and Sasha: Phase you later, turbovators!

Ariel and Sasha Experience ... Arcane (Season One)

Ariel: I'm so broken.
Sasha: I don't know what to do. 

Ariel and Sasha: Somebody help us!!!!!